Positive reframing of a stressful event. Reframing, rethinking the problem. What is reframing

If your wife cheated on you, be glad that she cheated on you and not on your fatherland.

A. P. Chekhov

Our internal goals - intentions - are internal. And we live in the real world. And he, somehow it happened, was outside. And now we need to connect these very intentions with what is happening in the world. We do this with the help of meaning. That is, an event in the external world is assigned a meaning, which connects the event and the value.
This is why meanings play such a great importance in our lives: external events are connected with our inner world solely by the way of attributing meaning to these very external events.
- She looks at me askance - he doesn’t like me.
- If you are late several times in a row, it means you do not value your work.
- If I swim 5 meters, it means that I have learned to swim.
The process of “comprehension”, that is, attributing meaning to anything, is very subjective, irrational and poorly understood. Especially if you are not the same person who ascribes these very meanings. But I really want to influence this process. So that the meanings are as needed. Us.

• Another name for this process is assessment. That is, evaluation, association with values.

Let me introduce you - reframing. A wonderful model of how you can play with meaning and change your assessment of events.

What is "reframing"

From English reframe you can translate both the replacement of a painting in a frame and the replacement of a painting’s frame.

Considering that the word “frame” in NLP is usually used as a “way of perceiving a situation,” reframing takes on a very deep and important meaning that is lost in translation. One of the more or less decent translations of the word “reframing” into even more Russian is reformation. But this word is a little confusing because it does not give a complete picture of this approach. But it explains something.

Reframing in sales and negotiations

Before this, we talked more about changing attitudes towards a person or his behavior. But quite often you need to change the grade for a subject. This can be especially important in the context of sales and negotiations. When you need to show off your product.

Of course, Volvo is more expensive than Lada, but it is also of better quality!
- If you buy a cheap bag, you won’t mind throwing it away in a month and buying a new one.
- When you buy an expensive leather bag, you understand that it will last you a long time and you won’t have to throw it away in a month.

Here you connect the characteristics of the product (which may cause objections) with the values ​​of the Client. You give them a completely different meaning. Good example. One company, which was second in the market, used this in the slogan: “Because we are second, we cannot be inattentive to customers.” And even when they became the first, they left this slogan.

Let's play. You express dissatisfaction or doubt about the characteristics of a product or service, and I reframe it.

- Your prices are too high.
This is so that we can offer you a good discount.

- The fabric of this shirt contains a lot of synthetics.
This means it is easy to iron and washes well.

- Your salespeople don’t explain anything.
This is so that you can make a completely independent choice.

- It's just a skill of lying!
No, it’s just a skill to see different sides of any event. And the ability to help others see it.

Exercise "Product face"

In pairs. One of you will play the picky Buyer, and the second will play the savvy Seller. The Buyer expresses doubts or complaints about the product, and the Seller makes a reframing.

In short

Meaning (evaluation) is the “connection” of an event in a person’s external world and a value – a person’s internal goal.- Reframing is a way to change the assessment of an event.
You can change the assessment either by offering a different version of the meaning (meaning reframing) or by placing the event in a different context (context reframing).
A necessary condition for reframing to “work” is the presence of rapport.
In order to make a successful reframing, you need to get into the person’s map (map adjustment).
Reframing is used to both adjust and create change.

I want to preface the section on reframing with some anecdotes and a well-known psychological trick that may give you some ideas about what reframing is, although some of these stories may be a little confusing.

• The wife says to her husband: “I have two news - good and bad. First, I’m leaving you.” “Which one is bad?” - asks the husband.
• Once upon a time there lived two twin brothers. One was an incorrigible optimist, and the other a hopeless pessimist. The parents decided to balance their perception of the world: for Christmas they put a luxurious toy horse under the Christmas tree, and for the other they put a pile of manure. And then the morning came. The pessimist finds his horse and says: “Well, it’s not real again...” The optimist: “But mine is alive! She just ran away."
• The game of being an evil and a good policeman, when the first one scares and threatens, and the second one pretends to protect the culprit and takes his side. In contrast, one of them begins to be trusted, because against the backdrop of the “evil one” he no longer seems dangerous, although in another situation any policeman would be perceived as a source of danger.

Now let's get serious.

Reframing is a technique that allows you to change your point of view, and therefore the perception of an event or object. The term itself is derived from the English word /gate(frame), i.e. the technique is initially based on changing the frame, environment, due to which the perception itself changes.

As a tool, reframing can be applied in several ways, we will look at five of them.

Reframing by context

This reframing option is based on comparing one object with others, due to which its perception changes. The following experiment was performed many times: the experimental group was shown a geometric figure, next to it there was a larger copy of it. The control group saw the same figure, but on a separate sheet of paper. Both groups had to eyeball its size. At the same time, the level of technical readiness in both groups was the same. Most people who viewed the figure next to a larger one rated its size as smaller compared to participants in the control group. Thus, we see that by choosing a certain series for comparison, we can change the perception of the interlocutor.

Let's do a little experiment. Two situations are described below. I ask you to honestly answer the questions that summarize them. Then you can decide for yourself whether this technique works.

Situation 1. Imagine that you were walking down the street and dropped your wallet, which contained $300, a passport, a driver's license, checks from your last business trip for which you had to account for the advance you received, and some small items. Will you be upset? (Here I ask you to give an answer.) After a sleepless night, during which you imagined all the problems: you need to restore documents, you will have to travel by metro, an important business trip may be canceled because you don’t have a passport, etc., you go downstairs up the stairs and in the mailbox you find your wallet with your passport, license, checks (there are still noble people, they took care of you!), but without 300 dollars (noble, but the temptation is great). Will you be happy? (Again, please answer as honestly as possible.) I think you're happy.

Situation 2. Now let's imagine the situation a little differently: you were walking down the street and dropped $300 from your pocket. Will you be upset or happy? I think you'll be upset.

Returning to sales, reframing by context can be appropriate and effective in many situations:

• Comparison not with a “cheaper”, but with a more “expensive” or comparable competitor in terms of pricing. Any other series favorable for comparison is appropriate (there may be quality, service and other characteristics).
• Offering initially more stringent terms or higher prices in order to be able to offer concessions later on that will create an impression of positivity compared to what was before.
• The method of “disadvantages” - the client is named and positioned as a disadvantage to a certain insignificant characteristic of a product or service, after which they are presented with an important advantage, which, against the background of this small defect, “will sparkle with all the colors of the rainbow.”
• When demonstrating a product (you can remember the experiment with figures).

Showing the other side

Most of us are at the mercy of stereotypes that are difficult to fight. As a child, I learned about this game: you need to ask a person to answer questions in one word as quickly as possible. And the questions were: a famous poet, a fruit, a part of a face. So, eight out of ten named such a series (by the way, you can check with what you yourself would answer) - Pushkin, apple, nose. Thus, most people think in stereotypes.

There are also many common stereotypes in business that it is important to be able to destroy with the help of reframing. Before I name some of them and ask you to practice as usual, here are funny examples of this type of reframing:

• Need to wash? - You will be clean and neat / The skin dries.
• Do you dress fashionably? - You make a spectacular impression / The same as everyone else.
• The same as everyone else? - People around you will respond positively to you / You are standard, devoid of individuality.
• Small stature - Comfortable to fit in any aircraft, even the AN-24 / You are hard to see during a public presentation.

And this can continue ad infinitum.

s®- TASK 1

Reframe by showing the other side for the following situations:

• No discounts.
• There is a deferred payment, but the goods are not issued for sale.
• The products are very expensive, there are few buyers in the region.
• There are no recommendations from Russian users (complex equipment, pharmacy).

Reframing using “ZATO”

This is perhaps the simplest method of reframing from a technical point of view: it is similar to weighing or compensating for some disadvantage with a significant advantage. Its standard formulation is “expensive, but high quality.” Advice: when reframing, try to avoid patterns that are no longer perceived normally (this is one of the well-known psychological patterns: from too frequent repetition where necessary and not necessary, words lose their power of persuasiveness and become an “empty sound”). It’s better to carefully think about what advantages we can counter with the disadvantages, and present them using “ZATO”:

• The mobile phone is large (traditionally perceived as a minus), BUT there is a large display and convenient buttons.
• The price is high, BUT the package is complete and you can immediately get everything you need.
• You pay more up front, BUT you save in the end (for example, if you compare a subscription to a newspaper or magazine with a retail purchase).

C3> TASK 2

Reframe using ZATO. You can imagine what might outweigh the disadvantages that are listed here:

• Work on prepayment.
• No additional accessories included.
• The monitor is too small.
• This product is not advertised at all (from the end consumer).
• This product is not advertised at all (from the outside)

• Delivery takes too long.
• Overly complex technology (end user).
• The same (intermediary).
• The product is not “promoted” (intermediary).
• None of my friends have used the product.

Reframing using connotations [evaluative components of a word]

From school years, I would like to believe, we remember that words contain meaning and evaluation, that is, one name can have different emotional connotations. A classic example is “our” intelligence officer and “their” spy. If we conduct a focus group and interview a hundred people on the street, asking them to name associations with the words “scout” and “spy,” then we will most likely receive diametrically opposed answers: the scout will turn out to be a valiant hero, he will be “ours,” but the spy will turn out to be vile, sneaky, cunning and hostile. This is how a different attitude to the fact is formed, although, having opened the explanatory dictionary, you will see that both a “scout” and a “spy” are a person who collects secret information about his enemy, perhaps behind the lines of this very enemy. Thus, we see how a word can shape perception and attitude towards the phenomenon or fact itself.

Case Study

The client purchased a technical device (for example, a mobile phone, computer, or something similar). During operation, the device broke down. The customer, rightly indignant, comes to the store where he made the purchase to make a claim. In response to the complaint, the seller states that the client will have to obtain a conclusion from the service center, after which he will be able to change his purchase or return the money.

With& TASK 3

There are only three options (as many as three options!) to choose from: commitment and agreement/you will have to and you can/the problem and the issue that we can discuss. Thus, always try to choose wording that allows us to form the perception of the client that is most beneficial to us.

Working in contrast when using an alternative question (OR)

Here I would like to once again recall an episode from the old Soviet film “Foundling”, in which the heroine Faina Ranevskaya utters the phrase that has become a classic: “Mulya, don’t irritate me!” This heroine, wanting to convince a lost girl to go with them to the dacha, frames the question like this: “Girl, what do you want - to go to the dacha with us or to have your head torn off here?” In other words, a trip to the dacha itself may not be so attractive, but compared to a severed head, perhaps it’s still worth thinking about...

Thus, the last reframing option we offer is working on contrast, a technique that allows you to emphasize exactly what the client should pay attention to first of all.

se- TASK 4

• Do you prefer to overpay for advertising or pay the real price?
• -

We looked at several options for using such an effective technique as reframing in negotiations and sales. All you have to do is look at the answers to the tasks at the end of the chapter. And now a few words regarding the socio-philosophical aspect, which, as you noticed, is not typical for this pragmatic book.

Reframing allows you to improve your internal psychological comfort and the atmosphere around you, as well as improve the quality of your life, for example:

• A not very pleasant event happened in my life. How can I benefit from this in the future? What are two or three advantages to this situation?
• When I meet a new person, I try to find two or three things that I like about him.
• It is also important to try to look at stereotypes from a new angle.

Reframing is useful not only as an effective technique for answering doubts and objections, but also as a successful method of preventing them. Therefore, try to create for yourself as many reframing options as possible that will help you avoid wasting time when dealing with doubts. Although you can look at this from a different point of view (again with the help of reframing): more doubts - more training - more confidence in your own abilities and qualifications.

T Answers to tasks

EXERCISE 1. Reframe by showing the other side for the following situations:

The “high price” objection from the end consumer.

A prestigious price that confirms the level of the product.

The same, but from the side of the intermediary.

This product will give you the opportunity to attract more affluent buyers and earn more.

No discounts.

The price is lower than that of competitors / We do not force clients to bargain / We give you the opportunity to get optimal conditions from the very beginning.

There is a deferred payment, but the goods are not issued for sale.

The product has a confirmed sales history, so you do not need to play it safe.

The products are expensive and there are few buyers in the region.

This is an elite product that will help you, on the one hand, attract the most solvent clients, and on the other hand, it will eliminate the need for large labor costs for your sellers, which are inevitable when working with mass buyers.

The products are cheap and not prestigious.

This product will allow you to attract customers without any extra effort.

The product has a short shelf life.

We take the quality of the product seriously, so we put an expiration date on the packaging, during which the product retains all its properties as much as possible.

More expensive than products from another manufacturer (but longer service life).

You can save by repurchasing later.

More expensive than a competitive product, but by using this product you can save on another.

You save on... (business specifics). Agree, the savings as a whole are important, not just the price of a unit of goods.

Therefore, we came to exactly the one who can authoritatively give such recommendations, because everyone listens to your opinion.

TASK 2. Reframe using ZATO. You can fantasize what might outweigh the disadvantages that are listed here:

• Work on prepayment- But you save working capital and earn more.
• No additional accessories included- But you buy only what you have chosen yourself and what you really need.
• Monitor is too small- But higher image clarity and space saving.
• This product is not advertised at all (from the end consumer)- But you don’t overpay for advertising.
• This product is not advertised at all (by the reseller)- But the market share...
• Delivery takes too long- But you get exactly the equipment that you need.
• Overly complex technology (end user)- But there are many opportunities.

Same (intermediary)- But the consumer perceives it as the most modern and advanced.

• The product is not “promoted” (intermediary)- But you can be the first and not waste money on competition.
• None of my friends have used- But you can make a decision on your own and surprise them.

TASK 3. Reframe the “call” for a trip to the service center so that it sounds positive.

You will have the opportunity to quickly resolve the issue and receive qualified service from the manufacturer’s certified service center. You will be able to choose either a qualified repair or a refund based on an official conclusion.

TASK 4. Determine what idea this reframing option allows you to optimally convey to the client:

Tell me, is the price of the product as such or how much you can earn on it (for the intermediary) important to you?

Profit is more important, a high price with good demand is only an advantage.

Would you prefer that I give a short deadline or a real one that will actually be respected (by both the end consumer and the intermediary)?

Is it worth insisting on conditions that are not realistically feasible?

Would you like to get real savings or just the appearance of them (both the end consumer and the intermediary)?

Makes you think about the real benefits compared to imaginary advertising gimmicks.

Allows you to convince the buyer to purchase a product that was not intensively advertised.

You would like your purchase to be relevant for you for a long time (fashionable, prestigious, practical - depending on the product) or so that you will soon have to spend money on an advanced product again?

It suggests that you should buy a more expensive option now rather than think about buying again soon (this is not true for all products, but for those that quickly become obsolete or go out of fashion).

Would you like to be able to grow with the market without additional investment or compete at higher costs (for the intermediary)?

Makes you think about the feasibility of entering the market with a new product.

Would you like to get higher gross margins from new prestigious brands or work with popular mass brands with minimal margins (for the intermediary)?

See previous answer plus exclusive for argument.

Would you like to receive a product at the lowest price or also a reliable partnership that gives you confidence for the future (for the intermediary)?

It makes you think about receiving a large package of services and guarantees, but you will have to work with an expensive product.

Is it only the price that is important to you, or also the satisfaction (loyalty) of your customers (for the intermediary)?

Makes you think that you should take into account the level of not only prices, but also quality.

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Any event that happens in life is viewed through a certain perception. In psychology and NLP they say “frame” or “frame”. If you look at life with curiosity, even any problem or difficulty will arouse interest and not. And vice versa: when a person wants to notice only the bad, he will definitely see it.

With the help of cognitive reframing, you will learn to see the world the way you want. This will change negative emotions and sensations to positive ones, which means improving your mood and relieving stress.

This approach allows you to adhere to the ancient wisdom: you cannot always control what happens to you, no matter how unpleasant the situation turns out to be.

Cognitive behavioral therapy offers two very practical and easy to implement exercises when it comes to managing thoughts and interpreting events:

• Emotional Accounting: Turning Specific Negative Thoughts into Positive Thoughts
• Cognitive reframing: turning the perception of specific negative events into a more positive one.

Today we will talk about the second one.

Three Goals You Can Achieve with Cognitive Reframing

The negative stories you tell yourself after an unpleasant event has happened are often based on irrational beliefs, which leads to unproductive thoughts, emotions and actions.

This is the so-called cognitive triad:

1. Negative view of yourself.
2. Negative view of the world.
3. Negative outlook on the future.

The main point of cognitive reframing is to find a more positive interpretation of adverse events.

There are three main goals to achieve:

• Describe the situation as accurately as possible: negative thinking likes to see reality in black terms. Make sure to be as objective as possible and notice both the positive and the negative.
• Realize your personal power. Negative thinking paints us as weak and infirm. Soberly assess your abilities.
• Swipe to find alternative points of view.

If you can achieve all three goals through cognitive reframing, your ability to cope will instantly improve and negative effects such as intense anger, depression, or hopelessness will decrease dramatically.

Consequently, you will be able to think, feel and act more rationally.

Use the ABCDE technique

It's good to have a professional therapist guide you through cognitive reframing. But you can do this yourself. The following technique will help with this.

Describe the situation accurately

An event that bothers you and leads to automatic dysfunctional thinking is called an activating event. As a first step, try to describe what happened as accurately as possible.

Explore your beliefs behind the event

Try to identify your core beliefs around the event. Ask yourself the following three questions:

• What caused this situation?
• What does this event say about me?
• What is going to happen?

Study the consequences

The consequences of what happened are interpreted through beliefs and lead to certain ways of thinking, feeling and acting. Here are three more questions:

• What automatic negative thoughts are running through your head? Write them down and identify cognitive distortions.
• How do you feel about this event? Identify all negative emotions (on a scale from 0 to 100%).
• What is your automatic action? Describe your reaction to the situation.

All this will help form an opinion about the situation and how you reacted. Now, in fact, the time has come for cognitive reframing.

Challenge

Challenge your thoughts and beliefs to see reality more accurately. It's about finding a better frame that will allow you to neutralize situational emotions and act more rationally.

There will be many more questions here:

• If the same thing happened to your best friend, what would be your interpretation of the event?
• How would (*insert name of person you admire*) react to this situation?
• What are other potential explanations for what happened?
• What was under your control, what could you have done better, and what was completely out of your control?
• What are your arguments against?
• What's the worst thing that could actually happen and how bad is it?
• What impact will this event have on your life a year from now? And in ten years?
• Are you sure that you are completely powerless in this situation? List all the positive actions you can take.
• Is your current thinking really helpful?
• What is the most positive interpretation of this event?

Describe the result

Describe the result on paper. This should be a more accurate view of the situation, because you have done serious work on yourself, your beliefs and found several ways out of the situation.

Write down:

• What new thoughts did you have?
• What are your feelings now regarding this event?
• Action plan.

The essence of cognitive reframing is to find a new and better frame (angle, filter, or story) for how you look at a particular event.

But remember that the new interpretation must be based largely on truth. You can embellish here and there to get rid of negative thoughts and feel more confident, but you shouldn’t wear rose-colored glasses.

We wish you good luck!

Reframing is a method that is very often used in NLP. Its essence is to change the interlocutor’s attitude to the subject of conversation simply by rearranging the accents and changing the context. How necessary is this when interacting with clients, isn’t it?

Therefore, reframing can be successfully used during negotiations. For example, to:

• Convince the client to accept your point of view.
• Respond to the client's objection.
• Show the client the benefits of your offer.

How it works? What makes a client change his point of view? This is done by competently and timely applied techniques. Reframing is both a very simple method and a very complex one. The reframing techniques themselves are simple and effective. But applying them and fitting them into the conversation naturally can be difficult, especially for beginners. It is important here to master non-verbal communication, methods of adjusting to the client and have a sense of timing (what and when to say). However, everything comes with experience.

And here are the techniques themselves.

Technique 1. See from the other side

Most people think in stereotypes, and so do most clients. Accordingly, the objections that we most often hear are stereotypical. This is “expensive”, “competitors have better products”, etc.

Technique 3: Change the context

The client often sees the product in only one light, in one context. But what happens if you change the context to a more appropriate one? The client changes his attitude towards the product. And if you are convincing enough and know what you are talking about, he may completely forget about his initial objections, appreciating the benefits of the picture that you are unfolding in front of him.

Example:

– In this apartment, all the windows face north, the sun doesn’t get inside at all.
– Just imagine, when everyone is sweltering from the heat in the summer, you will enjoy the pleasant coolness.

Technique 4. Alternative question

This technique, quite common in sales, also refers to the reframing technique. It is convenient because it can be used both to clarify needs and at the stage of transition to a transaction.

Instead of a question to which the client could express his agreement or disagreement, you invite him to choose from two proposed options that would suit both you and him. Most often, the client does just that - chooses one of them.

Example:

– Will it be convenient for you to pick up your order from the warehouse yourself or do you want us to deliver it to your home?

Technique 5. Connotations

Connotation is an additional semantic or emotional connotation of a word or statement. For example, the connotation of the word “dear” is “valuable”. When you use this technique in a conversation with a client, you usually respond with a positive connotation to the client's negative statement. This helps change his point of view to the opposite.

Example:

– This suit looks too boring.
– I would say, not boring, but strict. Just what you need for a formal event.

And finally, another example of the use of reframing (namely, the “Connotations” technique) from the cartoon “The Simpsons”.