Hello, dear friend!
In today's article, I would like to write about how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl or a man. This article will be useful primarily to those who feel that they have communication problems. After reading this information, I am simply sure that your friends and acquaintances will be much more pleasant to communicate with you.
Have you ever had such a situation when you communicate with a person, but something is wrong with him. It seems that the communication is going well, but inside it’s somehow not comfortable, and you want to end the communication with him as soon as possible. Such people make many mistakes when communicating, which I will write about below, and, as a rule, this leads to the fact that they do not have a girlfriend, normal friends, or even a job. They are simply failures in life, primarily due to the fact that they do not know how to communicate correctly.
There are other people with whom, on the contrary, it is very pleasant to talk. It’s as if you’re drawn to them like a magnet; you want to listen to them and just be around them. Such people are often successful in life. As a rule, they have a girlfriend, many friends and a favorite job. Now I will try to write down the basic rules that you need to apply to become an interesting conversationalist.
1) Tell interesting stories.
It is this point that I consider the most important. More than anything else, people love to hear real, interesting stories. And when you tell them, you give your energy to others and do not demand anything from them in return. Learn to simply tell something interesting that happened to you, or something that amazed you. If you learn to tell stories, then your acquaintances, friends, and, of course, beautiful girls will want to be with you all the time.
2) Make jokes.
When you joke, you give your interlocutor a positive mood. Then it will be very easy and pleasant to communicate with you. Look, a person is walking and is sad, and then he meets you, and you cheer him up, and also tell pleasant stories. Do you think this person will want to meet you again? Of course yes. A good joke and a nice story are the magnet that will attract others to you.
3) Give compliments.
It is very important for every person what others think about him. This desire for approval is present within each of us. When we walk down the street, we don't give a damn about the people we meet along the way, but we don't give a damn what those people think about us. We want to be considered smart, beautiful and successful. It was, is and will always be.
If it is so important for the person you are communicating with that you think well of him, then give him a compliment. Find what stands out about him and tell him about it. A compliment is the most pleasant word for each of us, remember this. Even if he doesn’t react to it in any way, then inside he will remember you and your kind words about him for a long time.
4) Listen.
When they tell you a story, know how to listen to it. A person feels when you listen to him and when you just pretend that you are interested. If he understands that you don’t give a fuck about what you’re telling him, then believe me, he won’t want to communicate with you anymore, much less tell you anything. When the person has finished his story, ask him something else, for example: “What happened next?”, “Why did this happen?” This will show that you were interested, and you would be happy to continue listening to it further.
5) Don't interrupt.
Very often there is a situation when a person starts talking about something, and then you remember your story and start telling it. You should never do this, it means that you don’t respect your interlocutor. If you remember a story, that’s very good, but tell it better when your friend stops talking.
6) Don't ask too many questions.
You can ask questions only when there is nothing more to say, or at the end, after a person has finished his story, in order to clarify something with him. In all other cases, questions work poorly. When you ask a question, it’s as if you are drawing the person’s energy. He needs to strain his brain and think to answer you. And if these questions come one after another, then it’s just terrible. Remember, your interlocutor is much more comfortable listening to your interesting story than answering dumb questions.
7) Don't criticize.
If a person has done something wrong, you don’t need to tell him: “You’re stupid,” “You’re bad.” Remember to crave approval. If you criticize your interlocutor in the presence of other people, then not only will he not want to talk to you, he will simply say to himself: “How I hate you.” If you are one of those people who really likes to criticize others, then remember, this is one of the reasons why you have so few friends.
8) Don't boast.
Sometimes it’s very pleasant to communicate with a person, he tells interesting stories, but all these stories boil down to the fact that he wants to praise himself: “I bought a car,” “I bought a house,” “Look how smart I am.” Just me, me, me! From the outside it looks very funny and, to be honest, a little annoying. If you bought yourself a new car, then sooner or later everyone will know about it, but it’s very bad to brag directly.
9) Train your voice.
Sometimes on the Internet you can read the following phrase: “It doesn’t matter what you say, it’s how you say it that matters.” And indeed, when speaking, your words mean little; your voice, gaze, facial expressions and gestures are very important. Your voice needs to be trained and there are a lot of different exercises on the Internet that will help you improve your speech. This is what I'm talking about.
10) Communicate.
This is a very important point. When you communicate with new people, you will get practice. Believe me, you will never learn to communicate well around a computer, even if you read 100 books. Yes, you will gain knowledge, but this knowledge means nothing if it is not put into practice. Therefore, try to use at least some of the rules from this article in practice today, this is very important.
Are you sometimes called a bore or a person behind the times? You don't know how to make the situation more interesting? If this sounds like you, then you just need to work on yourself to be a more pleasant person, be able to laugh at yourself and be ready for the next adventure. This will transform you from being a bore to being the life of the party.
Steps
Part 1
Be cheerful-
Relax. People like to feel safe and comfortable with their friends and are always ready to have fun. So relax and have fun with everyone.
- Give someone a compliment to let them know that you are paying attention to them and are thinking about them.
- Laugh more. Show everyone your openness and ease.
- Try to relax (as much as possible). If you are tense, this state will be passed on to your friends.
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Pay attention to your friends. Look at them, put away your phone and make them feel like the center of attention. If you're confused (as if you're trying to figure out how to solve multiple problems at once), it'll be hard for people to have fun with you.
- Treat people with approval. Don't talk down to them or judge them, otherwise people won't be honest with you.
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Cause lots of jokes. If you're not afraid to look stupid or funny, people will have fun with you. Here are some ways to do this:
- Parody (good or bad) someone you know, such as a teacher or colleague.
- Dance like a clown, pretending that you are the best dancer in the world.
- Hum your favorite and not quite decent song.
- Wear funny clothes.
- Don't be afraid to say corny jokes.
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Get ready for adventure. If you have never done something, do it now! Be spontaneous and do something new for yourself. If you are a person who comes up with fun activities, your friends will think you are fun and interesting.
- Say “yes” more often. This way you will be ready to do something new for you.
- Read last section this article to learn about fun things you can do with your friends.
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Keep a positive attitude. Everyone has bad days, but you need to focus on talking about the positive events in your life (don't show your friends and people around you that you're upset). This will create a positive atmosphere and people will be attracted to you.
- If you catch yourself saying something negative, say two positive things.
- If people around you are feeling down, encourage them instead of stooping to their level.
- If you're having a hard day, don't put on a fake smile. However, it is necessary to make an effort to maintain a positive attitude (don't show your irritation or think that the problems bothering you are not that important).
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Bring people together. When you're with friends, try to make sure everyone stays on good terms or gets to know each other better. Bring people together so they become closer to each other.
- Be subtle about this. If you are in a group of people who feel like they have nothing in common, make them feel mutually interested, which will lead to a connection between them.
- If you have two friends who don't get along, say something positive about each of them; This way you will increase the chance that their relationship will normalize.
- Strengthen relationships between people by offering to do something fun that each person will enjoy (like bowling). The more fun the activity you offer, the better.
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Dance, even if you're bad at it. It doesn't matter whether you're dancing alone, or with a partner, or on the dance floor with friends - just dance and enjoy it.
- Throw your hair back, sing a few lines from your favorite song and move your arms and legs to cheer up the people around you.
- Encourage people to dance with you. Get your friends who don't like to dance to get on the dance floor with you and show them how much fun it is.
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Conquer your fears. If you are afraid of heights, clowns, dogs or anything else, take the time and energy to work on yourself and overcome your fears. You will be surprised at what you are capable of.
- Agree with almost all proposals to do something new. If your artist friend or avid hiker asks you to paint something or go on a hike, be sure to agree, since it is new to you.
- Next time at a party or social gathering, find someone who has little in common with you. Be sure to get to know this person to learn something new from him.
- If a show host or artist calls for a volunteer, don't be afraid to raise your hand. Sing and dance at your favorite artist's concert. Wear breathtaking outfits that cheer you up. Sing your favorite song at karaoke, even if you have no ear for music. Throw a fun themed party. In a word - have fun!
- Be honest and keep your promises. This will build a reputation for trustworthiness and make it easier for people to be open with you.
- Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
- If you are one of those people who finds it difficult to carry on a conversation, make a list of topics that you can discuss with your interlocutor, and when there is a moment of awkward silence, start discussing this topic. You can always find an interesting topic for conversation.
- Always strive for knowledge. Thanks to a good store of knowledge, you can become wittier.
- Avoid gossip or spreading rumors. This will not help you, but will rather spoil your reputation as a reliable and cheerful man. It will be difficult for people to relax in your presence if they know that you are spreading rumors behind their backs.
- Laugh with your friends and other people, not at them.
- Determine your limits. Sit alone for a while to catch your breath and regain your strength. Also, let others know that you have boundaries that should not be crossed.
- Smile a lot and love the people around you. Don't judge others because you don't know what they've been through.
Warnings
- Take care of your relationships with your friends because they are the best thing you have.
- Don't laugh at people. Laugh with them. You can laugh at yourself. Despite mistakes and failures, be happy.
- Sometimes there is no need for fun. Everything has its time. If your friend needs support and is going through a difficult period, you should be ready to help. Also show your parents that you deserve more freedom and they can trust you. Show yourself as a responsible and reliable person.
- If you have a close relationship with someone, you may be more open. But if you've just met someone, be polite.
- Your jokes should be appropriate and should not harm anyone, including you.
- Do not try force people think that you are a funny and interesting person. It won't show you well.
1. Smile. After all, any communication that begins with a smile already attracts a person to you. With a smile, you show that you are sincere and open to productive dialogue. It is worth mentioning that even when talking on the phone you can feel a smile.
2. There is something to talk about with anyone. It is necessary to determine what interests a person and start a conversation on this topic. There are very few people who are not interested in anything. In any case, we can talk about this man himself. Show attention to him, show sincere interest, and you will subsequently find many topics for conversation.
3. If they don’t understand you, it means you didn’t express yourself correctly and clearly enough. Construct your speech in such a way that everything is very clear to your interlocutor. Then you will stop getting annoyed and angry at the person who did not understand you or misunderstood you.
4. Give compliments. Feel free to show yourself as a positive person and encourage those around you. Remember that compliments should come from the heart. Blatant flattery will only push people away from you. However, don't be afraid to praise someone who did a great job. Thank those who have a good joke. Compliment someone who is stylishly dressed. But we must not forget that everything should be in moderation.
5. Active listening technique. In this way you will show that you hear your interlocutor and understand what is being said in the conversation. Look at the person you are talking to, nod your head, comment on his story, but do not interrupt. Can you help me find necessary words and phrases when the interlocutor stumbles, ask questions, continue the thought. This will make it clear that you are interested in the person. And this will make them want to continue communicating with you.
6. Try to call the person you are talking to by name more often. As psychologists have proven, sound own name- the most pleasant and sweet sound for the human ear. After all, a person is given a name at birth and he carries it throughout his long life.
7. Speak clearly and simply. Even if both you and your interlocutor have several higher education, do not use complex scientific terms and phrases in conversation. There is no need to try to give yourself some kind of dubious status through abstruse conversation. Any smart person will still understand how smart or stupid you are.
8. Do not interrupt your interlocutor and do not give advice that you are not asked for. Listen to the person until the end, and then comment on his words. This will show that you are interested in talking to him. By interrupting, you show your bad manners. If you feel the urge to give unsolicited advice, suppress this urge. Otherwise, the person will think that you consider yourself smarter than him, and this is an obstacle to successful communication.
9. The conversation should be interesting for you. If you have to carry on a conversation about something that is not interesting to you, try to understand the topic of conversation. Otherwise, the person, not feeling the feedback, will stop the conversation.
10. Remove the pronoun “I” from the conversation. Everyone knows that all people are selfish by nature. And, as a rule, everyone wants to hear mainly about themselves. But this approach to communication is wrong. Try to use other shades of statements instead of combinations with the pronoun “I”. For example, instead of “I want”, say: “I would like” or “I would like.” This will slightly change the way you speak to you.
A person who is interested in a variety of areas of life, from fashion and style to hunting and fishing, can become a good conversationalist. If there is no thirst for new knowledge, curiosity, interest in life in all its brightest manifestations, then becoming a good conversationalist is quite difficult. After all, only by showing interest in your interlocutor, maintaining a conversation on any topic, showing your disposition towards him, you thereby form interest and an excellent attitude towards yourself.
“The strawberries and cream principle”: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That’s why when I go fishing, I don’t think about what I love, but about what the fish love.”
(Dale Carnegie)
If you want to interest someone in you, talk about what interests him (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple and well known to everyone - but how to implement it in practice?
But in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interests of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.
Usually 2-3 topics out of these 6 are a person’s favorite topics - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why talk about this? it doesn’t matter!”
To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type individually.
The cat caught the mouse:
- Do you want to live?
- And with whom?
- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!
Favorite question: “Who?” People are important to him: who he communicates with, who surrounds him.
Such a person chooses a job based on what team he will join and with whom he will have to interact.
When talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he vacationed and whom he met.
If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?” He will ask because it is most important to him.
At the headquarters of the missile forces:
- Today we received an order to reduce staff by 10%. Is everyone clear?
- Yes…
- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama...
Favorite question: “Where?” It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or a favorite place at the table, which he tries not to let anyone into.
When choosing a job, the most important factor will be the location of the office and how much he likes his workspace.
When talking about his vacation, he will describe the places he visited and what sights his route passed through.
It will be meticulous to ask about “where the party will be held.” At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.
One Frenchman is asked:
-What do you like best? Wine or women?
To which he replies:
- It depends on the year of manufacture.
Favorite question: “When?” For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.
He selects a new job based on criteria such as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the length of vacation.
He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.
Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? What time will it end? When does the last bus leave?
"Values"
- Doctor, will I live?
- What's the point?
Favorite question: “Why?” It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about his values and beliefs.
Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant to him, in the middle of nowhere, spending a lot of his time on the road, if he believes that by working here he brings benefit to people, or some benefit to himself.
He will talk not about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “I improved my health, spent at least a little time with my family, made useful acquaintances.”
Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this be useful to me?”, because the party itself is not of particular value to him.
"Process"
A big lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:
- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, along the pipe to the roof...
At this moment, the pipe underneath him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.
Cat (indignantly):
- Didn't understand!..
Favorite question: “How?” It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that need to be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.
The most important thing for him in work is that the process itself gives him pleasure.
Talking about a vacation: he will describe the sequence of events, day after day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.... The next day we went on an excursion, after that...”
He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? And after we dance? And after we drink tea?
A customs officer looking into a passenger's suitcase from an arriving flight:
- So, dear, let's decide where your things are and where are mine.
Favorite question: “What?”. Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.
When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room... It is important that he likes it.
He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during his vacation: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator...”
He will definitely ask “What will happen at the party?” If it is important for a person of the process type to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea,” then for a person of the “Things” type it is important to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”
Now the question is “What should I talk to him about?” The solution is quite simple: after listening to the person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk to him, trying to fall into the sphere of his interests. If these are “people,” then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell him where you yourself are going to go...
To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically “outline” the person’s interests. He tells you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you ask him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “When was that?” The person’s reaction will immediately tell you that it’s better not to do this (except for cases when you need to quickly interrupt the conversation)
To test yourself how well you now navigate this “typology of interests,” try answering the questions in the following tests.
Test No. 1
Read the statements 6 different people, about your vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.
|
Person no. |
Statement |
Type of interests |
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“...Is this really a vacation? Only 12 days. And then: 36 hours to get there, and the same amount back. The only joy is the sea 5 minutes away..." |
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“...The room had everything you needed: shower, TV, refrigerator, kettle...” |
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“...I met Irina Vasilievna there. The most amazing person! She has 12 children. The youngest one is called Anyuta...” |
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“...I was on vacation in the New World, this is the southern coast of Crimea, 10 km west of Sudak. By the way, we lived 200 meters from the sea...” |
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“...As soon as we arrived at the railway station, we were immediately taken to a sanatorium, fed there, and then settled into rooms...” |
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“...I improved my health, and this is the most important thing. The doctors at the sanatorium were good. So, if you want to get treatment, this is the best option...” |
Test #2:
Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.
|
Statement |
Suitable for people like… |
|
|
“...Listen, there will definitely be Lena, Katya, Misha, Sergey. Igor is going to drive up with two of his friends. Good company is gathering! Only you are missing..." |
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"…Come! We have an excellent program: first we’ll have dinner, then we’ll look at photographs, then we’ll dance, and at the end we’ll discuss plans for the future...” |
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“...You just need to rest. In addition, you will be able to make useful contacts. And in general, friendly ties need to be maintained..." |
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“...You only have 40 minutes to get to me! And in the evening we’ll finish early, at about 11 you’ll be heading back. We haven't seen each other for 2 months!!! When will we meet again?..." |
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“...After all, we are gathering not just anywhere, but at my home! Let's go to the lake, it's nearby. We'll sit you on your favorite easy chair..." |
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“...You haven’t seen my apartment after renovation: new wallpaper, paintings on the walls, an aquarium in the corner, a stereo system...” |
Test No. 3
You came to your boss to ask him for a salary increase. Different bosses need to make different arguments. For each phrase, determine what type of boss it will have the best effect on.
|
Statement |
It will work better on bosses with the type of interests... |
|
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“...I have all the equipment: computers, faxes, phones, printers, scanners, consumables. And the amount of all this goodness is increasing and increasing..." |
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“... I have to travel all over the country, now to Arkhangelsk, now to Yekaterinburg, now to St. Petersburg... I already know these cities better than my own home...” |
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“...Now I have to work a lot with VIP clients: with Elena Vladimirovna, with Arkady Petrovich, with Ivan Vasilyevich... They are complex people, you know it yourself...” |
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“...I come at 9 am, leave at 8 pm... I often have to work on weekends... if I have a vacation, then it’s for no more than a week...” |
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“... First I find clients, then I persuade them to buy, then I sign the contract, fuss with the papers, then I organize transportation, then I resolve warranty issues... the process is complex, God forbid, where you make a mistake...” |
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“... the principle is simple: you pay more, I work harder and better... as a result of the results of my work, you again get more money...” |
Right answers:
|
Values |
|||
|
Values |
Values |
If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!
All that remains is to wish: use the acquired knowledge in practice more often. And then you will be an ideal interlocutor, able to find the key to any person.
There is plenty of general advice on this topic. So general that each point requires instructions. For example:
- find her common topics for conversation;
- listen to her, ask questions;
- be confident;
- be original;
But it comes down to specifics: you have a date with a girl. And it’s not clear how to prepare for this date? Maybe read something, watch something, remember something? Where to start communication? What to do if suddenly there is an awkward pause in the conversation?
We men love it when there is a plan of action. We plan the working day, keep a calendar of meetings, write out abstracts if there is an important presentation or negotiations coming up. But for some reason the approach to dating is different. We just buy a bouquet of flowers, take the lady to an expensive restaurant and... the result is zero. But it would be worth spending half an hour to think about what to talk about in this restaurant. The effect of such preparation is much greater.
What should I talk to her about? First I'll tell you How you have to communicate. Need to:
a) Tell interesting stories...
b) ... periodically asking her questions ...
c) ... in order to involve her in dialogue ...
d) ... and then simply manage your conversation.
This is the formula for success. This is how you easily fill painful pauses interesting stories, turn your attention to her, asking questions, and move the conversation to the topics you need.
So, the first skill for successful communication is the ability to tell stories. Your preparation for a date will begin with preparation. those for these stories. Let's do a little exercise. Take paper and pencil. Write:
- 3 books that have most impressed you recently and why;
- 3 movies you liked the most Last year and why;
- 3 places in the world that you remember most and why;
- 3 interesting cases from your life over the past month (can be situations that you observed).
Write in exactly this order. If you don’t have favorite books, movies, places and nothing interesting happens to you... Uh... buddy, sorry, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. Why does she need such a bore? What should she do with you?
Ok, we warmed up, and at the end we got a list of topics for stories. Now you need to prepare the story itself. To do this, let's go back to 7th grade and remember how to write an essay. Before you write it, you should make a plan, highlight introduction,the main part, climax And denouement.
A good story contains all four of these parts. Plus it’s full of details and emotions. Now take any topic from your list and make 4 signs:
Introduction
Main part
Climax
Denouement
Now fill out all these four tablets briefly so that you have a summary for the story. Boring? Lazy? I know. That is why men get off with a bouquet of flowers and an expensive restaurant. So that dinner and a “broom” will brighten up an unbearably boring evening for a girl.
After you have written the story in this format, try to tell it. Then the second, the third... you will be surprised, but if you do this regularly, then very soon you will always have 5-10 excellent stories in stock that are appropriate in any company. And on a date too.
Stories are stories, but you need to take into account a couple more important points that will help not only make the conversation interesting, but also remove tension in communication (which is no less important than the communication itself).
That's why…
Let her open up to you!
Many people are afraid to openly talk about what happened to them. Some are ashamed, while others are simply afraid that their story will not be as interesting as they would like.
Therefore, when you are on a first date, the girl may be as shy about you as you are about her. Moreover, her upbringing will not allow her to entertain you more than you entertain her. So you have to take the rap for two, trying to somehow get her to talk. :)
But you can relieve her of this tension by allowing her to open up to you and begin to communicate more actively (she will thank you for this later).
A good way to liberate a girl is to start talking about something first. If you share a story from your life with her, then it will be easier for her to answer you in kind (the principle of “repaying good with good” will apply here).
Finally, when she begins to tell you something, it is advisable to ask clarifying questions that will help her tell you more details.
And sometimes you can simply ask emotionally: “Yes, okay?”, “Seriously?”, showing strong interest in her story.
Continue to use the tit-for-tat approach by sharing your stories with her. This way she will be more willing to say something in response.
Take her to another reality
Sometimes you can dream! Why not?
You just need to dream correctly, involving the girl in an alternative reality.
How to do it?
It’s enough just to ask her any question from the topic around which you will build your joint alternative reality. For example: " Are you jealous? Imagine if some girls called me all the time. Would that make you angry?».
And after her answer, continue: “ Imagine, we are at home in the evening, and someone is constantly texting me. I'm saying don't worry, they're just groupies, but you're still nervous. Then you go into the kitchen and start breaking dishes. Then we make up and make love on the remains of this dish. Then we break the dishes together and make peace again right on these dishes...».
You can use a less explicit alternative reality: " Would you like to live on a desert island?" And after her answer: “ Imagine how you and I would run along the beach, get food, drink rum. I would climb palm trees for coconuts and hunt birds. And you would roast these birds on the fire...».
When you dream with her like this, then it bonds you more than if you went on 10 mediocre dates.
A couple of tips for good communication
When you communicate with her and tell any stories, do not look at her scared and uncertain. Your look should radiate confidence as if your story is the best in the world.
If you are afraid that she will not appreciate what you are telling, then this will be visible in your reaction- you will look at her fearfully, as if afraid that she will not begin to carry on the conversation. Try to hide these manifestations of your behavior.
It is equally important that you sit to the side of her, and not opposite her. Firstly, when you sit opposite, there is a strong barrier between you in the form of a table. Secondly, communicating with a girl implies at least some kind of touching, which can only be done while sitting on the side of her.
Try to speak confidently. Especially when you take her to an alternative reality. You're going to say it anyway - so why not say it confidently right away? If you start to mumble or your voice trembles, she will immediately feel that all your words are unnatural for you.
All these rules are simple and, at the same time, very effective. Especially try to pay attention to the first point of this article. After doing this at least 5 times, you will learn to communicate emotionally automatically, without even thinking about what exactly you are saying.