Getting laid off is one of the most difficult experiences you can face in your career. As a current coach, I have personally witnessed the shock, grief and anxiety that comes with this. Getting laid off can cause helplessness and self-doubt in the form of a frightening loss of control and the voice of a merciless inner critic - especially if your colleagues have kept their jobs.
Your perception determines how successfully you will move into the next phase of your career and life. Although getting fired is a temporary blow, it won't ruin your career if you understand how to control how you feel about it.
In my work with executives who have been laid off, I have seen some of them pick themselves up, move forward, and finally succeed, while others get stuck in a cycle of anger and self-blame. Destructive thinking patterns keep them in the swamp of failures, making them unable to regain their footing and decide on their future. Below, I offer three ways to quiet your inner critic, increase your resilience to stress, and stay productive after you quit.
Keep a positive attitude. To recover from failure, stop endlessly repeating the same things in your head. This adds to problems rather than helps solve them. Mindset influences recovery after layoffs. Let me give you an example of the stories of two 50-year-old men with whom I worked. Let's call them Owen and Bob.
Owen took the news of his dismissal hard, even though it was the result of a merger and was not based on his performance. He continued to blame himself, wondering, “How could I not see where this was going? I’m not fit for science and I’ll never have another job in my fifties.” Instead of thinking about his future plans, Owen spent his time torturing himself and randomly browsing through job openings, becoming more and more frustrated. When Owen came to see me a few months after his dismissal, he was already struggling to get out of bed in the morning. He could not get rid of self-criticism, constantly blamed himself for losing his job, while some colleagues kept it, and as a result he slipped into depression.
Bob also experienced being fired, but he acted differently. After the initial shock of the news, he updated his resume and LinkedIn page to show that he was looking for work and began to systematically connect with his audience. Despite the stress of being temporarily unemployed, he constantly reminded himself, “I have skills in marketing, and now is the right opportunity to take advantage of it to explore my career opportunities.” Within a few weeks, Bob had identified potential job opportunities. More than thirty of his friends agreed to help him find a job.
The key difference between Owen's and Bob's stories is not that one is doing better than the other after being fired. Initially, both were equally upset about losing their jobs. But, unlike Owen, Bob focused on controlling the situation and did not engage in constant self-criticism.
Don't let negative thoughts take over. It's normal to find yourself in the grip of anger and self-deprecation after you've been fired, and these feelings can linger in your head for a long time. Being aware of the feelings that accompany a layoff is important, but it's also important to pay attention to what you tell yourself and determine whether your feelings are helping or hindering your goals. By questioning your inner critic, you can stop the harmful cycle of self-blame that is holding you back from moving forward.
Here are some common examples negative thoughts in pairs with questions that you can ask yourself to look soberly into the future.
Thought:“I could have done more and prevented the layoff.”
Question:“What reason do you have to believe that I could have prevented the dismissal?”
Thought:“Firing will result in loss of skills or some other disadvantage.”
Question:“Why am I sure that this will lead to a deterioration in my abilities?”
Thought:“I was unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Question:“What could make my job unclaimed?”
Thought:“This is a misfortune from which I will never be able to recover.”
Question:“What career opportunities am I currently available to explore?”
Shift your attention from disadvantages to advantages. Typically, after losing your job, you try to figure out what you did wrong and reflect on all sorts of miscalculations. By focusing on your weaknesses, you are more likely to forget or minimize your strengths.
To replace a demotivating approach with a more positive one, look at your entire career. If you're just starting out, think back to your educational experiences so far. The purpose of this exercise is to find out what professional and personal failures you have already experienced and what problems you have overcome on the way to your current position. Think back to how you suffered through another difficult situation that you eventually overcame.
With this in mind, ask yourself the following questions.
- What strengths have you used to solve your problems?
- What have you learned about yourself in the process of overcoming challenges?
- How can you leverage your strengths at this transitional stage in your career?
In stress resistance training developed by psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania for... American army, participants united and performed difficult combat missions using developed team skills. After you quit, you can use the same approach by looking back at situations in which you persevered in the past.
With the right mindset and proactive questioning, being fired is more likely to be an opportunity to succeed than to end in failure. The ability to set your course in life, choose the angle from which you view a situation, and develop a mindful attitude toward your strengths are just a few of the unexpected benefits that await you after you deal with the baggage of anger and frustration. As a former client of mine said when starting a new job: “If only I had known if I was unemployed, I would be so happy a year later.”
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Dismissal can be compared to the stress that a person receives after a divorce or death loved one. One gives up, life becomes meaningless, the future does not exist.
At first, it is difficult to objectively assess the situation, much less see the benefits of this situation. The idea that everything that is not done is done for the better does not even arise. What good can come from someone taking away a source of income? Some stranger decided that it’s time for you to tie your belt tighter, and that you are worth nothing in this life. The first desire comes to take revenge, to screw things up in the end and to do everything so that the authorities bite their elbows from such a decision.
You need to leave with dignity. After all, his future life will largely depend on how the fired person behaves.
You can go into a steep dive and not get out of it. Or you can pull off a great trick and emerge victorious. No one is immune from anything, especially from losing a job. Any loss entails a decrease in self-esteem. If your husband left you, it means you are unlucky and ugly. Kicked out of work means she is stupid and unreliable. Self-esteem slides down with furious force, and resentment gains momentum.
- Why were you fired?
- Am I the worst employee?
- They always decide everything for me.
- I am a nonentity, a loser and unlucky.
When such thoughts come to mind, you immediately need to rebuff them.
The opinion of one person, even the boss, means absolutely nothing. Does not reflect the true reasons and attitude towards you.
Perhaps the boss’s godfather or matchmaker should simply take your place. Or maybe you are too sexy, and the boss's wife didn't like it. You never know! Often you have nothing to do with it, or something to do with it, but indirectly.
Life did not begin with work, and it will not end with work. In any situation, you should always look for positive experiences.
Don’t complain about the injustice of life, but ask the question: “What did life want to show by this?” If you find the answer, you will rise one step higher in your development.
Practice shows that most often two groups of people lose their jobs:
- Inert;
- workaholics.
These are the two opposites.
- The first ones live by inertia, work because they have to, without moral or material satisfaction. He doesn’t quit on his own, because he’s given up on everything a long time ago, he’s not doing what he likes, he’s not developing, but he’s simply serving his sentence, like in prison. And when such a person is fired, then life simply communicates through someone else’s lips and actions that the person has stopped living, but simply exists, like a plant.
- The second (workaholics) replaced their whole lives with work. Work for them is mother, wife, and children. At this time, the Ego weakens, the person tries to be comfortable and better, completely forgetting about his true desires. Life does not know how to joke and endure for long, and by being fired it shows a person that work is not the whole of life. This is a frontal attack to make a person come to his senses. Why is such an employee fired? And what kind of boss wants to hear someone’s rapid breathing in his back? We have no irreplaceable people, therefore, those who strive to take a higher place are removed.
So what should you do if you are fired?
No hysteria
Resist the temptation to throw a scandal and throw a tantrum to show off your ill-wishers. You should swallow the offensive words, “put on” a smile and “march” the last exit.
There is no need to try to steal, erase, corrupt information on a computer, steal clients and frame your boss, for example in court, by selling confidential information. All such actions will sooner or later come back to haunt you:
- The market segments are actually very narrow and potential employers will soon know about your antics.
- If you expect your former boss to truly regret firing you in the future, you should take exactly the opposite steps.
Pull yourself together, and on the last day of work say a warm goodbye, say that you worked with pleasure, and this experience will be very useful to you. Of course, they may not call you back, but they will definitely give you a good reference.
People are greeted by their clothes, and make sure that you are greeted by your intelligence, and not by hysteria.
Sobriety, balance, composure and taciturnity are the main qualities of professionals. Therefore, even if you were fired for biased reasons, do not indulge in righteous anger. Conflict will not lead to anything good, but will ruin your reputation. “Hot heads” will always lose to “cold minds.”
Maintain your dignity, leave proudly and even affably. The time will come and you will be proud of yourself.
Leave correctly
Leaving a job is not leaving your wife or husband. Leave all these attacks of pride, they say, I don’t need anything from you, take everything for yourself. You need to work for two weeks according to the law - do it. You need to get pay slips and go around the offices with a walk-through sheet - do it.
Dismissal is not a dead end, it is a new step.
Remember that you were fired, not thrown out, your paths diverged, and not you were betrayed.
Don't look down at your feet, as if apologizing for the fact that your spirit did not immediately dissipate in the office.
Don't hang your nose
Fired? Wonderful! Now there is time to think and make childhood dreams come true. Perhaps you are far from being an ordinary accountant, but an artist. A positive attitude is half the battle on the path to happiness.
No hopeless situations, even from the very best, as a rule, there are four exits.
Even if you lost in a corporate war and lost your income for a while, this is not a reason to doubt your own intelligence, strength and luck. There will be a holiday on your street, especially since now you have time to organize this holiday yourself. Get rid of depression and despondency.
Remember that sometimes a great flight begins with a kick in the butt. Take a running start and move forward to new achievements.
Choose your job carefully
If you were fired from your position as financial director, you should not immediately go to the bakery as a cook. Bake pies at home for your loved ones. If your former boss fired you, this does not mean that you are a bad employee or not a professional in your field.
Don’t waste your time on trifles, don’t settle for crumbs when a whole golden loaf is waiting for you.
Think about it: is the area in which you worked really to your liking? Maybe it's time to radically change your life?
Take a rest
Consider that you were not fired, but that you took a vacation at your own expense. And vacation is a good thing. So be on vacation, and not behind the scenes. Read, take courses, go to a seaside you haven’t been to recent years ten. Do some handicrafts, build a bathhouse, or at least clear out the pantry, and make yourself a workshop there.
Don't let the blues steal yours free time and write into your character the symptoms of a loser. There will be a lot of free time in your life, and these voids need to be filled with something really worthwhile.
In psychological practice similar situation is a nutritional component for the manifestation of neurological diseases, if, of course, you let stress, fears for the future and low self-esteem come close to your heart. A person can get into a vicious circle: falling into depression due to lack of work, he cannot find one.
If this mental state lasts for a long time, then depression can give way to physical illness.
This effect is often observed in laid-off and retired people. For example, a pensioner immediately after retirement begins to age rapidly; it is as if he allows himself to get sick, because now he has time for it.
Cut ties
Nobody forbids maintaining “casual” acquaintances. Let it be superficial sometimes. In this case, the former team acts as a handkerchief during a runny nose.
Each time you wipe your tears, you will recharge the old infection. You were hurt during your dismissal, and it will hurt just the same every time you live the life of the previous team.
There is no need to find out who came to your place, how things are going at the company, where the boss went on vacation, etc. And in the future, having settled in better job, do not rush to immediately drag one of the former employees.
Don't take it with you to new life old lesions. Of course, it happens that a true friend can be found in the old team, but this rarely happens.
You may be head over heels in love at first sight. Or your feelings grew over time. One thing is for sure: you have what everyone is looking for, but rarely finds - a favorite job. And you are about to leave it.
How can this be?
You have a great job at a great company. It's not about her, it's about you. And this is not a momentary temptation. You've been thinking about leaving for quite some time. Even if you regret it, you must leave. The time has come.
“In the end, it’s better to leave on your own,” you repeat to yourself. As long as you have options. You are too young to take comfort and friendliness for granted, and you have seen what happens to those who relax. One day they are unceremoniously thrown out in favor of a new talented employee. Or their love gradually turns into complacency, and they begin to work for show. No, you will not allow something like this to happen and destroy the memory of great love.
This is love, admit it to yourself. 100 years ago, Sigmund Freud said that to live a full life you need to love and work. Looks like we should love to work today. Respect, security and money are no longer enough for us. We want to experience passion, fulfillment, surprise. In a word, we need romance.
Organizations take this desire seriously and do everything they can to win us over. They no longer attract talent solely through financial rewards. Their job advertisements promise that we will find meaning in life. We will grow up. We will be part of the community and help change the world. If we're lucky, we'll even have a good salary. How can you not love it?
Scientists have been studying how organizations win us over for decades. This is called identification. We fall in love with companies that not only reward our efforts with good benefits packages, but also make us better people.
When we identify with an organization, we become what we do. Our thoughts about ourselves include the values of the organization. If I work for a company that is open, thoughtful and entrepreneurial, then I should be one too. When my organization is in the glory, it seems to me that this is my glory. When she goes through hard times, it's hard for me too. Like other types of romantic relationships, this kind of work is the healthiest and most sensible addiction.
It's no wonder that we can't stop thinking about our work and sometimes get overwhelmed by it. Everything is like in love. She is demanding. She can absorb. But when it's happy love, we feel like we're living. We live until these feelings fade away.
I often encounter people who have fallen out of love with a job or organization that they used to love. They go to executive courses the same way couples go to counseling to sort out their mixed feelings. I understand them because sometimes I feel the same way. I am familiar with doubts, slight feelings of guilt, and fear. Maybe I'm not patient enough? Can I handle it? Can I find something better or at least no worse? And who will I become if I leave?
Sometimes these questions indicate destructive feelings about work. Sometimes - that fading love turns into mature love. Often both occur, but it is important to separate the signs. You need to understand why you are leaving before you can start thinking about how to leave with dignity.
“Don't quit your job before you find a new one,” we've heard this mantra a million times. Are you tired? Are you sick? Do you need a break? These are all excuses, whispers an inner voice (which sounds suspiciously like the voice of a colleague, a friend, or one of the young people at the next table whose conversation you accidentally overheard). If you leave now, you will lose. Don't quit your job. Don't make a mistake.
What can you answer to this voice? At a minimum, this is this: the option that seems safe to us is not always the most reasonable. Being in severe stress, we switch to survival mode. And in this mode, we are not inclined to think soberly and thoroughly. We are afraid of risk. We think about only one thing: relax and forget.
In addition, in such a state, the chances of finding something better tend to zero. Trying to break out of one captivity, we easily fall into another if we cannot adequately weigh all the pros and cons. It happens that a person simply does not have the strength to fight for better conditions. He is exhausted, his fighting spirit has disappeared - only a sluggish, lifeless body remains. Can you hope to impress the next personnel officer in such a state?
Before deciding whether to stay in a stressful or unpleasant job, take stock of your situation. Perhaps you just need a break to recover. Here are some points worth taking a closer look at.
You don't feel safe
Your safety comes first. If you don't feel safe at work, you should quit, even if your finances aren't in the best shape. Some workplaces can be real places of increased danger - such as disadvantaged areas of the city, zones of radioactive contamination and military operations.
If you are being harassed or threatened at work, tell management. If you remain silent, no one will defend you. If attempts to defend your rights lead nowhere or after a “lull” the pressure on you resumes with new strength- leave boldly and as soon as possible.
Work is taking a toll on your health.
Remember: your health is always more important. The word “stability,” so beloved by many, acts like a slow poison. We become passive, not ready for action - even when our previous life brings only suffering. Is your job killing you - physically or in any other sense? Then you should quit as soon as possible, while you still have some strength left. In some places people work in fear all the time. How can you go to an interview in such a state and expect to be appreciated?
You feel unsure of yourself
Over time, the hatred of work can become so strong that in search of salvation you will be ready to clutch at any straw.
It could be a simple “hack job”, work under the wing of a friend, the advantages of which boil down to the fact that it brings in a little money and allows you to escape from the hell of your former life. But often such respites drag on, and your determination to look for your dream job quietly evaporates.
You need a break
“I was fed up with my job,” says Alexander, “But I was simply not ready to take on a new one right away. I didn't have enough time and inner space to understand what I wanted. I was in a terrible state. I had to leave before I could think about anything else."
Alexander quit, despite the fact that his colleagues considered his action to be madness. But he himself admits that he felt relief: “My blood pressure probably dropped by half the minute I left the building.” He decided to take a three-week internship at a new company and got the job a week after graduating.
“This job was completely unrelated to my previous career, I was paid less, but so what? - says Alexander. - I work, I help people. Now I see meaning in what I do. And I can calmly plan my next steps.”
You don't have time for yourself
“I’ve never quit a job without knowing where to go,” says Barbara. - But now I had to do it. My previous job consumed all my energy. While I was there, I couldn't imagine my life outside the office. I felt stuck and couldn't move. Now I can concentrate and understand what I really want.”
If, returning from work, you feel completely overwhelmed and squeezed like a lemon, you will simply not be able to search new job. It may end up being just as unsatisfying in your new job. Listen to your body - it won't deceive you.
If you need to quit your job first just to look at yourself in the mirror and figure out who you are and what you want, do it without delay!
About the expert: Liz Ryan is the founder of the consulting company Human Workspace.
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Suddenly leaving the workplace, and even against one's own will, can cause stress for anyone. In fact, you should not treat the situation as a tragedy and the end of life. We have collected the best ways that will tell you how to survive being fired from your job, find peace and harmony with yourself.
For some, leaving work even at their own request seems biggest problem, others think that they were fired from their jobs so that they could finally realize their dreams. Avid workaholics should understand that hundreds of vacancies open every day, and they only need one! Days on end in the office, and a lot of instructions from management do not give the opportunity to think about development, so dismissal has its benefits.
Look at the problem from a different angle
Constantly telling yourself that life is over after being fired only brings harm. It is not at all necessary to bring everything to apathy and depression.
It’s hardly worth driving yourself into stress that only a psychologist can get you out of.
Forced idleness can easily be turned to your advantage. There are many ways, the main thing is to choose something you like. You can devote time to your needs or immediately rush to look for a new vacancy.
Time to look for a job
Finding your dream job is quite possible. This will not happen right away, however, with the right approach, you can plan your time so that you can get everything done before starting a new job. Rate right time and make a budget for this period. Plan all your activities and don't forget about rest and entertainment.
Vacation heals
When apathy towards everything sets in, tourism or a yoga seminar would be an excellent solution. Contact with nature and spiritual practices will help you find harmony. Running in the morning or other physical activity will help. All it takes is a little desire and a wardrobe update. Just a couple of weeks in this mode, and you won’t want to return to a stuffy office.
Start an active job search
After have a nice rest You can begin to search for such a desired job with special zeal. To do this, you need to create a thoughtful resume describing your capabilities and knowledge. You should check the labor market situation daily. If possible, you should definitely call employers and find out the details. You will have to go to interviews for some time, as if you were going to a job, and choose the best among the best.
30-minute daily walk
After quitting your job, you should take care of your health. Not everyone is a fan of running, but hardly anyone will object to a regular half-hour walk in the fresh air in the morning. It will distract you from heavy thoughts and allow you to contemplate nature. In the morning the air is as clean as possible due to the small number of cars. After a new job appears, there is hardly time for such a ritual.
Don't forget about physical activity
Physical activity is good for both the body and the brain. Constantly sitting on the couch and sleeping for a long time contributes to the deterioration of mood and health. You don’t have to go to expensive fitness clubs and gyms; home workouts are enough. Morning exercises will help you cheer up and fill you with energy.
Make time for healthy eating
If fate has given you a break, then you need to use it to maximum advantage. Office work involves irregular meals and a lot of coffee. It's time to correct the situation and learn to cook healthy dishes. Simple recipes with familiar ingredients are not only delicious, but also help save both time and money.
You should think about a part-time job
Dismissal can be unexpected and may happen at the wrong time. There is no such thing as too much money, so alternative income is a good idea. This will increase self-confidence and help you relax when you are away from your main job. In any case, you don’t have to worry about not having enough money for the most necessary things.
Don't deny yourself some fun
Psychologists advise communicating more with loved ones and friends, having fun together, visiting or meeting with interesting people. It’s a good idea to find out what’s on in cinemas and theaters. Friends can give good advice, which will help you find a new job.
Deal with things
It is difficult to deal with your problems when work worries you almost 24 hours a day. Dismissal provides an opportunity to finish renovations, fix a faucet, or assemble a shelf that was purchased a couple of months (or years) ago. Any household chores will help take your mind off the fear of being out of work.
Online studies
It’s worth deciding and purchasing a training course in your specialty, self-development or psychology. Knowledge will not be superfluous and will help you stand out from other candidates in pursuit of your dream job. You can master a completely new professional niche if you have been interested in it for a long time.
Think about changing your profession
A temporary break from work is the best time to think about your own interests. After all, it happens that a person has long been tired of working in the office, but is simply afraid to admit it. What else would you like to do? It is useful to ask yourself such questions not only to change professions, but also before training.
Problems are only such if a person has a negative attitude towards the situation. It is worth looking at dismissal in a new way and using the gift of fate to the fullest.