Poems about bitterness and pain of loss. Bitterness of loss: what to do when a loved one dies How to help a loved one survive grief

The greatest grief for people is the death of a loved one. Everyone is probably wondering how to survive the death of a loved one? In Christianity there is such a concept - humility. For a person this is a necessary experience for further development. Everything that happens in life has meaning. You need to try to think about why such a test was prepared.

Researchers believe that death is not accidental, but is prepared by a person’s entire life. And a person leaves when he is ready for it. Maybe these thoughts will help in such a difficult question - how to survive death, because death is something that cannot be changed. We need to accept this. However, accepting and stopping worrying are not the same thing. These two things must go together. To worry means to allow one to splash out one’s emotions. There is no need to suppress them within yourself.

Often people consider themselves to blame for what happened. In fact, this is just a manifestation of the desire to control everything around. And the stronger this desire, the stronger the feeling of guilt.

Relatives and friends should support during such a difficult period for a person. This period lasts differently for everyone – from two months to two years. And this period is divided into stages.

The initial stage is shock. The person cannot believe what happened and denies it. In such a state, you cannot leave a person alone; you need to give him a sedative. There is no need to rush the funeral process or take the person away from the coffin, because this is the last opportunity to look at your loved one. The next stage is response. A person is overcome with rage and anger. He doesn't understand why this is happening to him. At this stage, a person asks the question: how to survive the death of a loved one? But gradually everything calms down and the third stage begins - withdrawal. Everything gradually becomes a thing of the past. And the person returns to a new life.

You should not judge a person who does not shed tears at a funeral or in the first days after a loss. This is an individual reaction. And not everyone realizes it right away. Everyone has the right to experience death in their own way.

Some people simply need the help of a psychologist, and loved ones should take care of this. IN modern society people try to avoid a person who has lost a loved one, because they do not know how to console, what to talk about, so as not to further traumatize them, so the help of a specialist is simply necessary. He will answer the question: how to survive death?

Grieving is a little easier if you were prepared for death, for example, the deceased was very ill before, and the outcome of the illness was known. The hardest thing to cope with is unexpected deaths. The passing of older people is a little easier to experience, but the death of children is very difficult.

The most difficult thing is probably how to tell a child about the death of his parents. The main thing is to tell the truth and do it on time. The child already understands that grief has happened, but they don’t tell him, and hope still glimmers. If you tell the child too late about this, then all stages of grief pass later, while all relatives have already gone through them. Moreover, the child may also develop a resentment against his relatives for deceiving him. If a child encounters death for the first time, he will ask questions about how to survive death and about the funeral ritual. And it is necessary to respond to his questions and answer honestly.

For many, there is also the following question: how to survive the death of a pet? Some owners go through all stages of grief. The death of an animal is especially painful if the owners themselves have decided that it should be euthanized. You need to perceive this in such a way that such a decision was made to save the animal from suffering.

Misfortune with a newborn child

For every woman, nine months of pregnancy is a time full of tenderness and happiness, so the thought that the baby can be lost is unbearable.

The condition of a woman who has experienced a miscarriage cannot be described in a few words. She is experiencing great grief. I don’t want to do anything: neither eat nor sleep. One feels only detachment from real world. The woman is overwhelmed with guilt. It seems that you will never recover from this grief.

How to survive a miscarriage?

Recovering from such an event is a very difficult task. You will need to learn to live again. In the first hours after the incident, a woman may be in a daze, not react to anyone, or, conversely, be hysterical. During such a period, it is worth limiting your social life, especially communicating with happy mothers as little as possible. Then a woman can be overcome by depression and a feeling of guilt. During this period, almost everyone experiences loss of appetite, insomnia, exhaustion, and weakness. This is all a normal reaction, no matter how strange it may sound. During such a period, it is important to talk about your grief to as many people as possible who are ready to listen. It is important not to be shy to show your emotions. There is no need to reject help from people other than relatives. Let them be colleagues, friends. They try to help survive the miscarriage. The best help can be provided by those who have encountered such a situation. You can ask them for advice on how to cope with a miscarriage. Hear how they dealt with their grief.

Often a woman asks herself why she is experiencing this grief, whether it is a punishment. Bad things happen to everyone. No one is immune from this. Therefore, a woman should under no circumstances blame herself for what happened. What happened happened.

You need to believe that grief has an end. You need to try to cope with your experiences. If a woman has a question - how to live further? - means that she accepts new life. And you need to help yourself with this.

Psychologist Bob Date advises writing approximately the following statements on several pieces of paper: my grief will end, I’m doing everything well, etc. One piece of paper should be attached to the mirror in the bathroom, another to the refrigerator, the third should be placed on the nightstand near the bed, the fourth should be in your purse. Every time your gaze falls on these pieces of paper, you need to read what you wrote out loud until you remember it.

The next step is taking care of your health. You need to remember what your condition was before the miscarriage. If necessary, visit specialists, get tested, and then follow the doctor’s orders. Sometimes the main reason for the loss of a child is the woman’s inability to bear the baby. Therefore, consultation with a doctor is mandatory. You should also watch your diet. It is necessary that the food be of high quality and varied. Be sure to set a time for eating. You need to drink more fluids to avoid dehydration. It is also necessary to monitor your weight. If there are sudden changes, you should immediately consult a doctor. Under no circumstances should you abuse coffee and alcohol. It is better to take multivitamin complexes.

The daily routine should be normal. Even if you don’t want to sleep, you need to go to bed at your usual time. Sleeping pills should not be taken in large quantities.

You can start keeping a diary where you can write down important events that happened during the day; changes in your condition; plans, etc.

Almost all women who have suffered loss become mothers of wonderful babies. It just takes time.

7 years ago I lost my brother.
Often remembering this, only now I realized that simple words - “I love you” - are so significant.
How much has not been said to my brother. That I love him, that he is dear to me. I couldn't imagine that he wouldn't be there...
when on December 31, the doctor said that he had a few hours left to live, I DIDN’T BELIEVE it!
I didn’t believe that there would be no more fun and noisy birthdays; his friends at our house. That my brother's room will be mine. But he won’t be.
That New Year, he was in intensive care under a drip. And we set the table, put a plate for him and put clean linen in his bed - we sat in silence. But we knew that HE was with us.
In the New Year he lived only a little over 3 hours. At 3 hours 50 minutes his life was cut short... There was a sea of ​​tears.
Time has passed. During these 7 years that he has not been with us. I often saw him in my dreams. That he got married, bought a car and had a son. I probably would really like this, but... Now I tell my parents more often that I love them. After all, even though we (the children) have already grown up, for our parents we are still children, no matter how old we get.
Here's another weird thing:
When I was 6 years old. Playing in the yard with my friends in the summer. I found a new, unburnt candle. In the form of a dragon figure, red. And it was the red dragon (2000 is the year of the red, fiery dragon) who took his brother. Analyzing this, I think it’s just a coincidence. Or maybe not? Maybe candles and wax have some kind of power? Don't know. I don't believe in all this. But the fact is the fact. It's a shame there's nothing that can be fixed. And my brother won’t come back, and childhood won’t come. I blame myself for this. But who knew that this would happen 13 years later. I still love him, even though he's gone. After all, they say: “A man lives as long as he is remembered.” This means that BROTHER will live as long as I am alive. Because he will always be in my memory.

Tell your family and friends more often that you love them and that they are dear to you. Especially older people. They want this so much - to be needed. Once again, call your friends who have their own families and worries. After all, there is a lot that I want to say and I need to do it on time.
It’s not for nothing that there are words: “We don’t value what we have, but when we lose it, we cry.” After all, often, upon learning that a person has passed away... We immediately say how significant and good he was. It's better to do this while we're here. On the ground.
God bless you all!

Reviews

Lena, how familiar all this is to me! I lost, first, my dad, then two sisters, one after the other, went into another world, very young, but recently I buried my mother...
It happens... Well, you can blame yourself for not doing something for them. He could have, but he didn’t. Or for doing something wrong.
I'm familiar with this. I probably gave them little love too...
So it seems to me now. And I will regret this until the end of my days.
Yes, you need to love and give love free of charge. To your loved ones, family...
To my children...
Everything will come back a hundredfold.
What about the wax candle? Just a coincidence. There is no such thing as mysticism. Everything is understandable.
With warmth, Tatyana
:)))

It’s very difficult when you lose loved ones, especially your parents. Take heart. Strength and health to you, Tatyana.
Thank you for reassuring me about the candles. It tormented me.
All the best. Lena

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Man, unfortunately, is not eternal - and even the best, most beloved people sooner or later leave us... It’s difficult to survive, the bitterness of loss temporarily overshadows everything in the world for us– but, one way or another, life goes on and we need to find the strength to move on.
How to do this - let's talk...
No matter how bad and painful we feel, The process of mourning is necessary for us as a special work of the soul– the work of purifying, growing up and accepting this world as it is.

In order to complete this work, we need to go through all the stages of grief to the end, accept it completely and drink this cup to the bottom. If we fail to follow this path correctly, if we get stuck at some points along the way, the grieving process becomes pathological, and sometimes it is no longer possible to do without the help of a psychotherapist.

Where does this path begin?

Our first reaction to the death of a loved one is shock and numbness.
“It can’t be” is the first thing that comes to almost everyone’s mind: we don’t want and even physically “cannot” believe in what happened.
Sometimes a person is in so much pain that all his reactions seem to be dulled, and outwardly it may even look like indifference: “I didn’t shed a tear.” However, usually this is simply protecting our psyche from too much strong emotions, which she is not ready to deal with. Alas, some do not cope, they do not manage to go further, and they psychologically “petrify” forever, especially in the case of the loss of dearly loved people - children, spouses, parents, the emotional attachment to whom was extremely strong.

The search stage replaces numbness: a person accepts the fact that the deceased is no longer around, but he cannot believe that this is forever.
The deceased seems to be haunting the grieving person: on the street it seemed that he passed by, then someone laughed in the same way, in his room something creaked and on the back of a chair was his sweater... The feeling that the one who died is constantly haunting. in fact it is somewhere very close.

Sometimes a person begins to feel like he is going crazy (and sometimes, alas, this actually happens), especially if the grief in his life is very strong or simply the first, that is, he has never experienced anything like this before. This phase lasts from 9 to 40 days: believers believe that the soul of the deceased is on earth at this time and says goodbye to everything that was dear.

Eventually the person realizes the reality of the loss, and the stage of acute grief begins, when despair literally “covers” the head and many frightening feelings and thoughts appear: about the meaninglessness of life, about one’s own guilt before the deceased, which now cannot be redeemed; about those words that are not spoken, and about those promises that are not fulfilled and can never be fulfilled...

The deceased seems to us better than we thought about him during life: everything good is remembered, everything bad is forced out of memory - the saying “It’s either good or nothing about the dead” was not invented in vain...

Sometimes at this stage, a grieving person almost completely withdraws into himself, withdraws, moves away from loved ones, and sometimes identifies himself in some way with the deceased: he adopts his habits, gait, and gestures. Symptoms of diseases that the deceased suffered from may even appear: signs of radiculitis, hypertension or migraine in a previously completely healthy person.

Unfortunately, not everyone comes out of this phase, remaining mentally forever closer to the deceased than to those living nearby. It’s hard to go through all this, but it’s important: At the end of this stage, old emotional ties with the deceased are broken and new ones are formed..

Sooner or later, but life gradually returns to its usual rut, and the loss dear person ceases to be the most important event in life. Grief is no longer painfully acute and persistent, but seems to roll in like a wave in connection with certain events: the first one is coming New Year without the deceased; now his first birthday has passed - without him; a document addressed to him came in the mail, or an old acquaintance from those who knew nothing about death called...

Tears roll down and a lump rises in our throats, but we are already coming to terms with the fact that what happened is a given, and that we must move on.

The anniversary of death usually marks the end of this cycle.

The final stage is constructive, it adapts us to reality and reconciles us with it. Grief is reborn into remembrance, into light sadness and sadness for the departed. The person who left us no longer lives in our minds, but his image remains. This stage is extremely important: after all, you can survive all the previous ones, but block the memories and not let the image of the deceased into your current life - then the work of grief will not be completed to the end and relief will never come.

So often in a family where a child has died, parents seem to “cross out” this terrible episode from life, forbidding themselves, relatives, and other children to return to those difficult events. This is the path to self-destruction for all members of such a family, since allowing the images of the departed to be nearby is very important. How important it is to preserve the memory of everyone who was part of our lives, and the joy of the fact that these people WERE in our lives...


“Do not fear God - fear yourself. You yourself are the creator of your own blessings and the cause of your own disasters. Hell and heaven are in your own soul.” Pierre Morechal

PRAYER will help you survive grief.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!