13 chosen

“It’s impossible to read minds, it only happens in fairy tales and science fiction,”- you say. Well, why, for example, back in the summer I talked about modern developments that make it possible to read brain signals and determine people’s emotions with varying reliability. But human brain– this is a machine stronger than any computer. Of course, we cannot literally read the thoughts of our interlocutor, but we can feel his emotions and distinguish lies from the truth. Moreover, this can be learned. But this requires good observation.

Don't wave your arms!

When communicating, we most often use gestures. Some people tend to do this to a greater extent, others to a lesser extent, but gestures and body position reveal each of us. Let's look at some examples.

The first indicator of the state of the interlocutor is closed and open gestures. In psychology there is such a concept as “locks”: if the interlocutor crosses his arms over his chest or otherwise isolates himself from the interlocutor, it means that he is not very comfortable communicating. Moreover, this may mean either that he does not like the interlocutor, or that he is generally not very comfortable communicating with strangers. And, on the contrary, an “open position” (open arms, turning the body towards the interlocutor, leaning forward) usually means goodwill and a focus on contact.

Some body positions during communication symbolize a peculiar "attempt to escape": if a person turns his face away from his interlocutor or his feet are pointing in the opposite direction, this indicates that he wants to get away from the conversation as quickly as possible, and perhaps physically get away from the interlocutor.

The insincerity of the interlocutor is often expressed by other unconscious gestures: hands on the face. If a person nervously fiddles with his earlobe, touches his nose, or touches his neck during a conversation, there is a high probability that he is not telling the truth. Remember, when children lie, they cover their mouths with their hands. This unconscious reaction of rejection of lies transforms into similar gestures with age. Frequent blinking or speaking too quickly can also indicate insincerity. But you can analyze such behavior only by knowing the usual behavior of this person: if he blinks all the time or speaks too quickly, this does not mean that he is constantly deceiving.

He looks at me wrong somehow

Anyone can express their emotions with their gaze if they wish. But Close observation of the eyes of your interlocutor will help you guess his emotions, even if he doesn't want it himself.

For example, a glance directed at the bridge of the nose indicates a businesslike mood of your interlocutor. Our friends and good acquaintances can watch just below. People who have a completely non-platonic interest in their interlocutor often look even lower, in the chest area. (by the way, why am I telling you girls such obvious things). And one more obvious thing is that a downward glance usually indicates embarrassment of your interlocutor.

A gaze directed upward to the left often indicates that a person is remembering some kind of impression, and downward to the left - that he is trying to create a visual image, a picture, in his head.

People look up to the right when they are trying to remember something, and down when they are thinking about some information and trying to make a decision.

Theory and practice

Of course, it is impossible to interpret all gestures and glances within the framework of one article, therefore, in order to understand more than what is said in words, you need to study the relevant literature. For example, Alan Pease's book "Body language" But theory is not enough to learn how to apply it in practice, you need to practice.

For example, you can conduct unique psychological games in the company of friends. Ask each other any questions, and let someone answer them truthfully, and someone lie. Those around you will have to understand whether the person is speaking honestly and justify their decision by observing his gaze, gestures and facial expressions. Thus, You will simultaneously learn to decipher the gestures and looks of others and monitor your own non-verbal signals in order to no one could guess your thoughts.

Do you feel well the thoughts and emotions of your interlocutors? Have you ever been able to understand something that was not said in words? Tell your stories.

As we know, we receive only 20% of information verbally (verbally), the remaining 80% - from non-verbal sources, using distance during conversation, behavior and even clothing and jewelry. All of the above gives us a reliable picture of reality. That is, we understand that when a person greets us warmly, but with his arms crossed, it means in reality that he is moving away from us and saying: “I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t feel comfortable.” Know that they give us signs on a subconscious level, they are much more truthful than words thought out by the brain, planned.

Psychology - what do gestures mean?

"I got lost in thought"

This gesture is quite easy to decipher. A person who is in his thoughts is usually absent from reality. Therefore, he can hold his hand to his temple, touch his head, scratch the back of his head, lean on his hand. At this time, he is working with his head, and is trying to give you a sign about this.

"I'm interested"

The person you are interested in will try to act as little as possible during the conversation. For example, as on interesting lesson, when the teacher who interested the guys has dead silence in the classroom. Your interlocutor leans towards you, trying not to miss a single word of yours, does not interrupt you and listens carefully, eye contact is required. The listener does not watch his facial expressions, so his eyes or mouth may be open.

"I respect you"

Psychology of men's gestures. A person who respects you shakes your hand firmly, for as long as possible, with his arm straight and outstretched. In this way, he creates the most comfortable conditions for you to shake hands with him. A man offers his hand to a woman as she exits public transport. This gesture is not only formal in nature, when a man looks at you and tries to catch your hand.

“I tend to have trusting relationships”

The psychology of human gestures and facial expressions notes that the first sign of a close, trusting relationship is a short, insignificant distance between you and your interlocutor. Based on the distance, you can judge how much trust you have and allows you to step on personal space and enter. Such signs also include: uncrossed arms and legs; open palms directed towards the sky; a person’s openness, sincerity, smile, loud and unrestrained laughter; the courage to touch you at the first meeting, and most importantly, the person you like involuntarily copies you, your gestures and habits.

"I'm defending myself"

There are many options for gestures and postures, the psychology of which is aimed at protection, in men, from covering the groin area while standing, to crossing your arms and building a wall between you (deliberately introducing a third person into the conversation). The methods can be all kinds: using a handkerchief, manipulating the nose and ears, hiding ears under a hat or hair, hands in pockets, being careful not to touch the interlocutor, covering your eyes with your hand, always wearing clothes Sunglasses.

The psychology of women's gestures is an amazing thing! Having mastered it, it will be much easier for a girl to gently let a man know that she is inclined towards closer contact.

Manners, etiquette rules business communication

Almost every person has an idea of what good manners are. However, few people seriously study this closely or pay any attention to it at all. Has anyone ever thought about how you can make the most of creative politeness towards other people in order to improve the quality of your life?

Manners refers to the selection of movements with which a person carries out simple everyday actions. Correct manners beautify a person's behavior; incorrect manners spoil it. Society gradually developed an idea of correct manners. First of all, good manners are expressed in posture, gait, poses, gestures, eye contact, and facial expression.

Gait, posture, gesture are the replacement of words with physical movement. Moreover, the origin of gestures is so ancient and invariably passed on from century to century that it is not always possible to explain and justify any specific movement or gesture. Well, why are the military Everyday life walk with a normal gait, but when in formation they must point their toes 35 centimeters from the ground? Why did such a noisy and discordant gesture appear when expressing one’s pleasure, such as applause?

Signs of nonverbal communication, expressed through facial expressions, are somehow inherent in human nature. People frown, smile, clench their teeth, move their eyebrows. Each facial movement corresponds to only one specific reaction. With rare exceptions, which, for example, is the so-called laughter through tears. This is the external, or physical, side of manners, which are an integral part of verbal and non-verbal relationships. There is a second side to demeanor. Let's call it internal, or behavioral.

Good manners also imply that we know and understand other people, so when we touch our interlocutor’s hand during a conversation, we calmly perceive their behavior and thus avoid irritation and bad attitude to them, thereby causing on their part positive reaction to your address. Manners are the ability to get your way by doing something nice for others. Manners are defined as treating people in a polite, courteous manner.

By assessing your principles, habits and instincts, identifying which of them are positive and which are negative, you can get an idea of generally accepted norms, their interpretation and perception.

To understand how communication occurs with people when they are not even aware that they are communicating, you must understand what unconscious actions are within nonverbal relationships. IN Lately a lot is said about how people communicate with each other by touching the interlocutor during a conversation by the hand, facial expressions, glances, gestures, the so-called body language. Whenever we talk to another person, we not only send him a verbal message, but we also express non-verbally our attitude towards him, about how we feel about his message. We have often had to deal with the fact that someone says: “I’m not at all angry” or “I don’t care” - while it is absolutely clear that the situation is completely the opposite.

How does this happen? There's just a different way of communication at work here, which is more obvious than words. In other words, he conveyed a double message - the verbal touching of the interlocutor's hand during a conversation message that he was peaceful, and the non-verbal touching the interlocutor's hand during a conversation message that he was angry. If you misunderstand this dual message (verbal and physical), you may misjudge the real meaning of what is happening. Therefore, it is necessary to know just as well what the physical signals given during speech mean, as well as what your interlocutor is saying. The response of touching your interlocutor's hand during a conversation to non-verbal communication is very important and should not be neglected if you want your communication to be pleasant and useful. Carefully observe the words and non-verbal expressions that touch your interlocutor during a conversation, conduct communication through two channels of communication.

You need to know that nonverbal communication exists and learn to accept signals transmitted through its channels. Of course, it should be clear to you that your interlocutor is bored if you see that he is looking at his watch or making efforts to keep his eyes closed, instead of leaning forward, touching his interlocutor with his eyes and hands during a conversation. with interest on his face. This is too obvious, you say. How can you interpret crossed legs, crossed arms, head movements, touching the other person's hand during a conversation, and other signs that we call body language? Of course, everything needs to be considered in context. Generalizations are always dangerous. Nonverbal messages should only be considered as clues and not as absolute truth. In addition, if a person knows these theories, then he can lie even non-verbally.

Psychologists have conducted research and observations that suggest that the so-called “body language” is an unconscious expression of what a person really thinks and feels. There are many different gestures that can mean something, that can be a message or part of a message, that may or may not be the same as words. Here it is appropriate to mention again John Chester, who quite clearly defined and recorded a number of non-verbal communicative gestures. Here are the most typical ones.

§ 68. “25 non-verbal communication gestures”:

The interlocutor drums his fingers. This may mean that he is impatient or nervous.
The interlocutor shrugs. He is not interested in what you say or doesn't care.
Clenched hands mean touching your interlocutor's hand during a conversation—despair, a feeling of hopelessness.
Clenched fists are evidence of aggressiveness. Trying to control your anger.
Relaxed hands turned in front of you, palms up, mean difficulty, surprise, puzzlement.
If the interlocutor unbuttons his jacket, it means that he is preparing for active actions.
Hands crossed on the chest mean challenge or condemnation.
If a person walks quickly, his hands are free, his chin is raised, therefore, he demonstrates self-confidence and determination.
If a person walks, dragging his feet, hands in his pockets, head down, it means he has lost heart, is in despair, depressed, depressed.
The palm of the hand placed on the cheek or propped up with a fist means interest on the verge of surprise.
If the interlocutor hits himself on the chin, then some kind of guess has dawned on him, he is preoccupied.
If a person touches or rubs his nose, it means he is reflecting, thinking about something.
The hands-on-sides pose is a demonstration of superiority or a challenge.
If the palms are folded, this may mean that the interlocutor is thinking.
If the interlocutor tilts his head to the side, it means he is being ironic or prone to ridicule.
Glasses lowered to the tip, touching the interlocutor during a conversation by the hand of the nose and looking over the frame - a demand for more, especially facts.
If a person is pacing back and forth, he is probably preoccupied or nervous.
Squeezing and rubbing the bridge of the nose is a sign of fatigue.
If a person sits on the edge of his chair, it means he is waiting and showing interest.
If a person sits cross-legged, slightly swinging his leg, he is most likely bored.
A characteristic gesture by the interlocutor during a conversation with the index finger is the desire to emphasize his point of view.
If a person demonstratively stretches his crossed legs forward, and even more so, puts them on the next chair or somewhere else, it means that the person wants to impress others with his bad manners.
If a person leans back and supports his head with crossed hands, it means that he is trying to relax and also make an impression.
If during a conversation the interlocutor covers his mouth with his hands, then he does not want to be understood.
If a person puts his hand behind his back and clenches it into a fist, and the other holds his wrist, then he is closed and tense.

When acting, you must always remember the basis interpersonal relationships- about the correctness of the action and the positive response. Confident to touch and authoritative appearance promotes confident and authoritative actions, and therefore appropriate perception by the partner. Thus, the interlocutor’s appearance and behavior are used in order to achieve their goals. Actions not only add details to the appearance, but also confirm or refute the first impression. Speech is an equally important and significant addition to the image of touching the interlocutor’s hand during a conversation.

V. Semenov

Prepared by: Yulia Sergeevna Shvetsova, group 512-sk.

CHINESE EXAMINATION LITERATURE

AND GESTURES

Let me touch you.

Sign language is purely national. The Chinese will not say anything to such usual gestures as twirling a finger at the temple, meaningfully tapping the forehead or thoughtfully scratching the back of the head. On the other hand, much in the behavior and gestures of the Chinese is unusual and incomprehensible to us, and sometimes simply unpleasant. Some people in China think it's normal to reach out to shake hands. left hand. Having shaken your hand, a Chinese man who is well disposed towards you often does not let go of it for a long time, sometimes he begins to swing it, pat it on top with the other hand, and slightly pull it down.

Many Chinese have the habit of touching their interlocutor's elbow or shoulder during a conversation, stroking or fiddling with the sleeve, thereby expressing a friendly attitude towards him. The fact is that traditionally physical contact in public in China is limited by the strict morals prevailing in society. Apparently, this is why touch, in the perception of the heirs of traditional culture, immediately reveals a different quality of personal relationships, giving them warmth and trust, symbolizing attention and care.

Europeans are often perplexed by the picture that can often be observed, say, on a university campus: two or three male students walking along an alley, holding hands or intimately placing their hands on each other's shoulders. This means that they have a friendly relationship. In old Chinese films, “he squeezes her palms in his and looks into her eyes in love,” such a scene for the Chinese was the height of screen eroticism. Previously expressed in in public places your feelings were indeed considered bad manners. It was impossible to even see a young man and a girl holding hands on the streets. However, the policy of reform and openness brought with it a emancipation of consciousness: “sidewalk sex” literally burst into life Chinese city, and kissing couples can be seen under almost every lamppost.

You can also insult with your index finger.

Sometimes you can see a girl playfully pointing her index finger at a young man’s forehead: they say, you’re such a fool... When talking about himself, a Chinese man will point his finger at his own nose. In general, the index finger should be used very carefully when you are among the Chinese. Representatives Western culture They have a habit of overusing pointing gestures during their expansive speech. For a Chinese, an index finger extended in his direction is, if not an insult, then at least an expression of dissatisfaction or a sign of bad upbringing. Is it because American politicians and diplomats often cannot find the key to touch their interlocutor during a conversation with their obstinate Chinese partners by the hand because they do not watch their hands enough?

If you yourself ever have to express your displeasure to a Chinese person, you may come across a reaction that seems inadequate for such a case - a smile on his face, the more “radiant” the more noise you make. A smile in this case is an expression of fear, fear of “losing face.” However, admitting a mistake, the Chinese can be polite. To do this, they have a gesture reminiscent of our trumping - the right palm facing you rises somewhere at ear level. It often happens that a second ago the taxi driver who cut off your car, smiling, “salons” you in the rearview mirror: “Sorry, I’m in a hurry...”

Of course, fingers can not only be used to insult; they can also be useful for good purposes.

"Morse code"

You can also count on your fingers. All people on earth do this. The Chinese have a very specific system of “finger counting”. The back of the hand should be facing the interlocutor. The raised index finger corresponds to the number “one”, the index and middle finger correspond to “two”. To indicate the number “three” the middle, ring and little fingers are used, “four” is all fingers except the thumb, “five” is an open palm. When calling the number “six”, you should clench your hand into a fist and stick out two fingers - the thumb and little finger. The number “seven” is shown with the thumb, middle and index fingers folded into a pinch, the number “eight” is shown with the thumb and index fingers spread wide apart. “Nine” is the index finger raised up and bent. To indicate “ten,” the straight index fingers of both hands should be crossed.

The Chinese gesture of approval is the same as, perhaps, throughout the world - the index finger of the thumb pointed upward. But when talking about something unworthy, insignificant or unpleasant, the Chinese use a specific gesture - they apply the pad of their thumb to the upper phalanx of the little finger of the same hand. The thumbs of both hands placed together hint at someone's amorous relationship. Stroking the cheek with the index finger betrays a desire to shame the recipient of this gesture, who must have “too thick skin on his face.”

Gesture – a person slapping the back of his hand right hand about the open palm of the left, spreading his arms wide, means that he is in bewilderment, confusion or difficulty.

Some gestures have ancient origins. For example, the custom of greeting by folding both hands in front of the chest was mentioned in Confucius’ Discourses and Conversations. This gesture was once adopted in the circles of adepts of martial arts, who imposed their own symbolism on it. It was believed, for example, that the open palm of one hand and the clenched fist clasped around it with the other symbolize the two opposite principles of Chinese natural philosophy - yin and yang. Others say that this hand position, showing reluctance to throw the first punch, is a tribute to the opponent - similar to how boxers in the ring hit each other with their gloves before starting a fight. Be that as it may, at present this gesture is an established element of the greeting with which a participant in a Wushu sports competition addresses judges and spectators. It should also be noted that this form of greeting continues to live in everyday life today. By folding their hands in this way, the Chinese congratulate their relatives and friends on the onset of the Spring Festival, happy birthday, promotion, moving to a new place, touching the interlocutor’s hand during a conversation, apartment, etc.

You may be misunderstood.

For a person traveling to the Celestial Empire for the first time, there are enough topics to study without these intricacies of non-verbal communication. Still, you need to know at least something about Chinese gestures. Otherwise, a street scene with young men hugging and passers-by pawing the cheeks of other people’s babies may seem something surreal, and the opening scientific conference when pundits begin to pull each other by the sleeves, letting them pass forward and seating them in more honorable places on the podium, it is easy to mistake it for a theater of the absurd.

And finally... when they wave their hand at you, you will not see the usual pendulum-like movement of the hand from side to side: this gesture still means “no!” in China. In this situation, the Chinese hand tends to make short thrusts with the palm forward: “goodbye!”

And, of course, don’t even think about exchanging a three-time Russian kiss with a Chinese: you may be misunderstood...

Sign language and facial expressions or the psychology of lies

Psychology of facial expressions, language of facial expressions

Scientists say that the more often a person lies, the more difficult it is to see! But, despite this, there is a special language of gestures and facial expressions that you need to know about.

The person talking to you, when conveying false information, he experiences excitement, pay attention to his gaze, movements and voice. You will see how his speech, behavior and movements change. When learning the language of facial expressions, Special attention It is worth paying attention to the tempo and timbre of a person’s voice and speech parameters.

When a person utters false information, his intonation immediately changes, there is a noticeable slowdown or acceleration, and there is a stretching of speech. The timbre of the voice changes, high notes appear or, on the contrary, sudden hoarseness. The person’s voice trembles, some even stutter.

Sight

A person has a shifting gaze - the person in front of you is insincere, this is how this possible sign is interpreted by the psychology of facial expressions. Sometimes this is a sign of confusion, shyness, uncertainty, but definitely, this is a sign that the reliability of this information is questionable and it is worth checking. A person always hides and averts his eyes when he experiences embarrassment and shame from his lies. Although be careful when looking closely, the interlocutor can also lie. When looking closely at the interlocutor, in facial expressions, it is a fact that the speaker is observing the reaction of the person he is listening to. Does a person telling a lie control how his incorrect information is perceived, does he doubt it, or does he still believe it?

Smile

In order to learn using the psychology of facial expressions, to see a person’s insincerity, it is very important to pay attention to his smile! Many people who lie are revealed by a slight smile on their face. This does not apply to people who are always cheerful and cheerful, they have such a communication style. Precisely, a smile that is inappropriate in a conversation should alarm you. Often, laughing, this is how a person tries to hide his inner experience when he uses a lie.

In order to recognize a lie by facial expressions, you need to look carefully at the interlocutor. You will see how the liar's facial muscles are slightly tense, this is a characteristic phenomenon. This facial expression lasts for a few seconds, although it happens throughout the entire conversation. American researchers claim that immediate tension in the facial muscles is the surest sign of your interlocutor’s insincerity.

An involuntary reaction of the skin and other parts of the face that a person cannot control is also an indicator of lying. Such as continuous blinking of the eyes, the color of the skin changes - the interlocutor turns pale or red, lips may tremble, pupils are very dilated. Also pay attention to the various other individual emotions displayed that accompany deception.

TO How to recognize a deceptive smile using body language and facial expressions? The lips seem to be pulled slightly back from the upper and lower teeth, an elongated lip line is formed, and as a result, the smile is shallow, it is insincere and not beautiful. A smile that is sincere suits every person, it decorates and with it a person is rich and successful!

Eyes

Here is an example of how the eyes can tell about deception. If a person is sincere with you, two thirds of the time you communicate, he will look you in the eyes throughout the entire conversation. If a person is lying, he will meet your eyes for only one third of the time you communicate. When a man lies, he examines the floor, a woman admires the ceiling.

Inconsistency in the work of the facial muscles is also a sign of the interlocutor’s lying. Everyone knows that on the left side of the face and the right, our feelings are displayed, on one side they are expressed weaker, and on the other stronger.

Psychology of gesture V

Many people can subconsciously convey their lies through body language; you will never catch a professional swindler, politician, or competent leader in a lie by watching them, because these people know them very well, work and constantly control their facial expressions and gestures. You will need this in everyday life, when communicating with colleagues at work or in other places where you spend your time.

Scratching his nose

A person who is trying to deceive you, while talking, scratches and rubs his earlobes, scratches his nose, but remember that the nose can often itch.

Unnatural smile

The interlocutor is trying to smile unnaturally, such a smile is common, the person is forcibly trying to smile.

Holds on to something, puts himself in order

When talking, a person constantly touches his hair, holds on to something standing nearby, for example, a chair, a table.

For no apparent reason, a person begins to put things in order, put everything in order, sort it, move it to other places; behind these actions, he tries to hide a lie.

Covers mouth, avoids

The interlocutor tries to cover his mouth, or holds his hand to his throat or mouth. This gesture is a signal that the person is lying. The person’s torso goes backwards, evades suddenly, as if it swayed while riding in a vehicle. Also, if a person bites his nails or lips, think about the veracity of the stories you heard!

Shiver

The interlocutor has a strange, incomprehensible trembling, he tries to restrain it, but it still doesn’t stop. Today, very often, you can see how a person, while talking, adjusts his collar or laces. Sometimes, the hand, of course, unconsciously by the person, ends up near the groin area. Posture changes frequently talking man, it seems that he cannot sit comfortably on a chair or sofa.

Frequent cough and wheezing

Frequent coughing of a speaking person is also a sign of untruthfulness, as if someone does not allow him to speak, interferes and dissuades him from lying.

A person who smokes takes puffs very often, and it turns out that cigarettes can tell a lot about a person.

Closed poses

A person hides and hides his hands wherever possible; this is also a gesture of lying. He takes small steps or moves from one leg to the other, it seems as if he is cold and does not know how to warm up.

Fencing off from you, the interlocutor crosses his arms and legs, this makes it easier for him to deceive you.

Tilts his head down or back - this is a great desire to hide and close himself off from you.

Holding your breath

Men tend to hold their breath when cheating. The interlocutor may sit with his eyes half-closed or closed - he experiences a very great feeling of guilt. But don’t confuse this with a state of fatigue when a person wants to sleep and can barely look at you.

First quiet, then loud

A person who is not telling the truth first speaks quietly, as if he were whispering, and then, surprising everyone present, he speaks too loudly.

Beads of sweat

Beads of sweat may appear on the face of a person who is lying. Also, this gesture is used if a person is upset or angry, he tries to cool down his ardor by moving his collar.

Read body language and facial expressions carefully

Gestures of lies, according to experts, are invisible and light, and cannot be compared with those that we use every day, scratching our ears or nose.

Women tend to disguise their gestures, sometimes it looks like flirting or adjusting makeup, therefore, it is much easier for women to mislead men.

Sometimes, though gestures and facial expressions can claim different meanings, not everyone reads them correctly, be very careful when a person scratches his nose or looks away, not always, this is a lie.

If you have known a person for a long time and well, then it will not be difficult to recognize a lie.