How often do we from the outside give advice to family and friends that this person cannot be trusted, but this one can. But when it comes to ourselves, situations constantly arise when we find ourselves deceived, betrayed and abandoned. It is at this moment that a desire arises to learn to understand the character of people, to understand what they are really pursuing, and whether it is worth continuing communication at all.
Psychology has long unraveled all the secrets of character and offers methods for understanding personality. This is not only the division of people by temperament, but also the ability to unravel the meaning of gestures and reactions to a particular situation.
Personality temperaments
Still, it is worth starting the study of personality psychology with basic knowledge. These include temperaments. There are 4 of them in total, but do not forget that there are also mixed traits that are not discovered immediately, but during long-term communication.
Phlegmatic person. Distinctive features: measured, unhurried, even lethargic. Such people rarely show emotions, they simply do not know how to do it. Finding themselves in a difficult situation, phlegmatic people begin to analyze it. To others, isolation seems like arrogance and arrogance, but this is not entirely true. Often a typical phlegmatic person turns out to be a sweet, sympathetic person who can become a true friend.
Sanguine. The complete opposite of a phlegmatic person. Sanguine people are open and cheerful people who take on any task and agree to adventures. But the problem lies in the fact that they quickly get bored with everything. The mood can change completely suddenly. In addition, they are very superficial even towards their loved ones.
Choleric. This type is distinguished by sharp, explosive character traits. Cholerics are very temperamental, they act under the control of emotions, which they may greatly regret later. But they are more sincere than sanguine people. If you come to terms with certain character traits, the choleric person will become a faithful friend or companion for life.
Melancholic. Such people are very sensitive, they are easy to offend, but also easy to win. Melancholic people are characterized by a sad mood and uncertainty; they are often withdrawn and avoid communication. Due to their nature, they become attached to one person for life and experience breakups painfully. It is difficult to be friends with melancholic people, but you can always tell him about your experiences, and he will understand and support.
There are many tests to determine temperament, but their result will never be certain. A pure personality type does not occur in nature; usually one of them dominates, and the other complements it.
Getting to know a person can already give us enough information to decide whether to continue communication or not. This is not about external data, which can be attractive or vice versa, but a deeper analysis of the characteristics of the interlocutor. There are several patterns of behavior that can tell you a lot.
Imagine the situation that you are on a blind date or a young man or girl has approached you to get acquainted.
During the conversation, pay attention to the following details:
1) The ability to adapt to the situation. For example, you agreed to meet in a cafe. Test his emotional stability by offering to go to the cinema, because there is a film on there that you have long wanted to see. If a newly made acquaintance begins to argue for the illogicality of such a decision, most likely you have come across a personality type with a lack of adaptation skills, that is, the ability to quickly make decisions and switch from situation to situation. Soon the relationship will become a burden for you, because there will be a great many such antics.
2) The ability to listen. This is a very important point, because you either have attentiveness to your interlocutor or you don’t. And there's nothing you can do about it. Being interested in how you are doing, he will never ask why - this behavior trait speaks of false interest.
3) In a conversation with a person, try to find out as much as possible about his environment. Who does he communicate with, what are his family relationships like? If he shares his stories with interest and talks about having real friends, then feel free to continue your acquaintance. It’s worth thinking about when the interlocutor begins to complain about everyone, that he was abandoned and betrayed. Agree, it rarely happens that everyone turns away from a good and selfless person in an instant.
These rules apply not only to the example given, but also to any similar situation. For example, in the business field, when you are going to hire an employee or plan a collaboration.
If you have become more than acquaintances
When you spend a lot of time together at work or while pursuing a common hobby, you have the opportunity to carefully observe a person and study his character traits. Soon you will learn to draw up a psychological portrait and understand how a friend or colleague treats you.
Observe the following character traits:
- Emotional stability. If your friend reacts violently to every situation that happens to him, you will soon feel his emotions on yourself. Many people are looking loved one to pour yours on him negative emotions, thereby freeing yourself from them. If you feel depressed and low on energy after meetings, then you shouldn’t continue.
- User attitude. We all love when we are praised and given compliments, but often this is not from the heart, although we would like to believe otherwise. If a work colleague or friend, after a short acquaintance, begins to ask you to replace him or to carry out an assignment, then you are being taken advantage of. This is especially noticeable when the requests become significant and come at the expense of your time and personal life.
- Pretense. Take a closer look at how a person behaves with you alone and in company. An honest and decent friend will not change his tactics and pretend to be someone else.
- The desire to be near you. If an acquaintance strives to spend a lot of time in your circle, asks about your interests, takes your opinion into account, then he sincerely wants to become a friend or something more. If he often has urgent matters, he is constantly busy, then do not waste your precious time.
Each of us knows these seemingly simple rules. But during the period of communication with a person who is attractive, they are forgotten. Therefore, maintain your common sense and evaluate people not by their external qualities, but by their attitude towards you.
Most often, the reason why we want to learn to understand people is the reluctance to remain deceived. Therefore, you should remember a few gestures and habits that will help you understand whether a person is lying or telling the truth.
They communicate with you sincerely if:
- eyes look into your eyes;
- the interlocutor has a free posture, arms and legs are relaxed and in a natural position;
- speech is connected, voice is even;
- the person answers your questions quickly and without hesitation;
- smiles sincerely - along with the lips, this emotion is also expressed by the eyes.
You are being deceived if:
- when talking, the gaze often moves from one side to the other;
- arms and legs are crossed, movements are sharp. Often the deceiver cannot find a place for himself;
- the voice changes intonation. If a person is lying, then he unconsciously tries to speak more quietly;
- the speech may be incoherent, the interlocutor is confused about the facts, takes long pauses;
- he smiles without raising the corners of his mouth. This facial expression is more like a grin.
The more points tilt you in one direction or another, the more accurate your guesses will be. But still, it is worth taking into account some irritating factors, for example, an unfamiliar environment, noise, or poor health of the interlocutor. Therefore, conclusions should be drawn carefully.
To accurately learn to see through people and guess their intentions, experts in personality psychology advise developing useful skills. They will help not only in relationships with people, but also in any life situation.
What you need to do to be able to understand people:
- Develop intuition. Your subconscious knows a lot more than you think. It stores all the impressions, good or bad, received from communicating with people. Therefore, sometimes you seem to feel your inner voice telling you whether to trust a person or not. Learn to hear it, and you will be able to intuitively guess the catch.
- Apply knowledge through experience. You can read as much literature as you like, but if you don’t practice, your knowledge will remain useless. At first it will be difficult to remember the subtleties of psychology, but soon it will become a habit.
- Learn to analyze. A person can seem like a true friend for a very long time and behave with dignity, but someday the deception will be revealed. This will be indicated by seemingly insignificant details. Therefore, learn to pay attention to the nuances of behavior and habits of the people around you, because a person cannot pretend all the time.
Once you start observing those around you, you will see how much falseness and insincerity there is in them. But don't let this shock you. After all good people They will always be nearby, and you will feel calm and confident with them, without thinking about betrayal and lies.
Video: how to understand people
Each person has his own strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes it is almost impossible to notice them at first glance. Thanks to the advice and recommendations of psychics, you will learn to understand people and understand which of your friends is better to stop communicating with.
We often give advice to our family and friends about which people we should communicate with and which we shouldn’t. Why do some people dislike us at first sight? In fact, it is not so difficult to understand what kind of person is in front of us. Of course, first of all we pay attention to human behavior. Sometimes we have to be surrounded by arrogant and arrogant people who immediately alienate others. However, only for these negative qualities It is impossible to create a complete psychological portrait of a person. It will take time and effort to learn to understand people, and the advice of experienced psychics will help you with this.
Basic types of people
You don’t need to have psychic abilities to find out a person’s character—it’s enough to follow the advice of psychics. With their help, you will learn to understand people, and you will also be able to understand what goals they are pursuing and what they want to hide from others.
Emotional person. The easiest way to recognize an emotional person. Such people never hide what they feel. They are impressionable and sometimes unbalanced. They express their attitude towards life and the people around them only through thoughts and emotions and never hide their hostility or sympathy. Psychics claim that it is very easy to find an approach to such people, but interaction with them is not without potential dangers. Communication with overly emotional people usually depletes the energy reserves of the interlocutor. In addition, an emotional person is unlikely to listen to your problems and experiences, but he can talk about his troubles for a very long time.
Negative person. Most heavy type of people. Most often they are overwhelmed with negative emotions, and because of this they are embittered at the whole world and at the people around them. They conflict not only with unfamiliar people, but also with loved ones, and sometimes relatives get much worse from them. Negative people have low self-esteem, they scold themselves for any mistake and are always unhappy with the result of their efforts. Communication with them is very difficult, because they do not like to open their souls even to close friends. Psychics believe that it is possible to find an approach to such people. To do this, you must show more attention to them and be interested in their experiences. However, do not try to get close to negative person, otherwise you will become a personal psychologist for him, and not a friend.
A man without emotions. As you already understand, identifying an emotional person is not difficult. But people without emotions rarely give themselves away. Sometimes they are so calm and unnoticeable that in a noisy company you won’t even pay attention to them. Only after talking with such a person will you be able to understand that this is a true alextimic. They rarely show their emotions, they do not care about the lives of other people, and it is almost impossible to impress them. They believe only in what they can see or touch, which means that talking about something higher and spiritual will not arouse their interest.
Energy vampires. If after communicating with a person you feel weak and apathetic, it means you had to deal with an energy vampire. They take joy in the suffering and torment of other people. They do not know how to rejoice for the victories of their colleagues or those around them; on the contrary, at such moments they only experience negative feelings. It is very easy to recognize them. During communication, they are overly curious and try to touch you. They themselves do not share information about themselves, and if the conversation does come up about them, they immediately try to change the subject. Psychics strongly recommend avoiding communication with energy vampires, as it will have a detrimental effect not only on your energy, but also on your health in general.
Manipulator. From the point of view of psychics, a manipulator is one of the most complex types. At first glance you won't even recognize it. He looks discreet, and he is not the most interesting person to talk to, but despite this, he skillfully ingratiates himself into trust. Why does he need this? In order to manipulate others and take advantage of their trust for their own purposes. Manipulative people seek help more often than others. They borrow money, borrow your things and don't return them, but most importantly, they promise that this is the last time they ask you for help. Communication with such people seems harmless only at first, but soon you will realize that you are simply being used.
The advice of psychics has helped us more than once in difficult life situations. Sometimes we create problems for ourselves, especially if at the time of communication we do not monitor what and to whom we say. Do not forget that not all people are able to rejoice at your successes and sympathize with your grief. Psychics compiled
The better you understand people, the fewer disappointments you will encounter along the way. Being enchanted, we endow a person with qualities that are unusual for him, and we are surprised by unexpected actions and words. Learn to see people in their true light.
Sometimes we hear people say: “I know you well!” - "How so? - we are surprised. “Someone claims that they see right through me, but I don’t really know myself.” I thought I was brave, but yesterday I was a coward. I thought I was calm, but today.”
How to understand both yourself and people
Radical option
Vladimir Vysotsky in “Song about a Friend” advised doing this:
“If a friend suddenly turns out to be
And not a friend, and not an enemy, but so,
If you don't understand right away
Is he good or bad?
Pull the guy to the mountains, take a risk,
Don't leave him alone
Let him be in a relationship with you,
There you will understand who he is."
And if he “immediately went limp and down, stepped onto the glacier and wilted, stumbled - and screamed, ... don’t scold him - drive him away.” “And when you fell from the rocks, he groaned, but held on... so, just like yourself, rely on him.”
A good way to get to know your friends better, but too extreme. The same as “go on reconnaissance together.”
An option that takes time but does not guarantee results
According to the saying, in order to get to know a person well, you need to “eat a pound of salt” with him, that is, at least 16 kilograms. According to physiologists, on average, each person eats 5 kg of salt per year. This means that it will take them almost 2 years to get to know each other better.
Option three: rely on first impressions
People say: “the most true thing”, “The first thought is from God, the second is from the devil.” " The Iron Lady“Noted: “It takes me 10 seconds to form my impression of a person, and in the future it very rarely changes.”
However, not all people think like Thatcher, and in the same way as her. Therefore, along with the statement that the first impression is the most correct, there is another: “The first impression is deceiving.”
Option four: folk wisdom
A young man once asked a wise old man: “How to learn to understand people: who should be afraid of and who should be afraid of?” “First I’ll tell you who to fear,” said the old man. - Most of all, fear the meekest, the most pious and humble, the one who flatters you, embraces you and swears fidelity. He will be the first to betray you." “Whom to trust then?” the young man asked in surprise. “Trust the one who says, no matter what it is. He will be the first to come to your aid,” answered the old man.
Option five: learn from the classics
German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard developed a classification of characters, which he described in the first part of the monograph “Accented Personalities.” There are demonstrative personalities here, excitable ones, anxious ones, pedantic ones, and many others. The most accurate conclusions about personality type, wrote Karl Leonhard, are made on the basis of observation and interview.
In the second part of the monograph, which is called “Personality in fiction", he analyzes the characters of the heroes of the works of classics of world literature: Dostoevsky, Honore de Balzac, Leo Tolstoy, etc.
Doctor of Psychology Arkady Egides also gives his advice on how to understand people in the book “How to understand people, or Psychological drawing of a personality.”
“Why is this necessary?” he asks. And he himself answers: “To know what to expect from them, in order to interact with them correctly, as well as on them. By describing in detail different psychotypes, the author gives us the opportunity to understand them so that we can see in people, protect ourselves from and manage the situation.
One example: if a person of a hysterical type screams how much he hates you and leaves “forever,” know that he will certainly return as soon as you show increased attention to him. If the epileptoid silently collects his things and leaves, this could really be forever.
“How to understand people?” - this question usually begins to worry us only after we make a big mistake about someone. We thought that next to us was a reliable person, but he Hard time disappeared. And vice versa - someone we didn’t even hope for offered his help. “After all, there are probably some signals and signs by which we can recognize what kind of person is in front of us,” we think. Yes, they exist, but we don’t notice them and continue to step on the same rake.
1. Body language and facial expressions
First of all pay attention to , gestures and facial expressions our interlocutor. The Australian writer, also known as “Mr. Body Language,” talks in detail about how to read the thoughts of others by their gestures in his book “Body Language.” From it you can find out what clasped fingers, arms crossed on the chest, stroking the chin, rubbing the eyelids and much more mean. And if we are an attentive reader, a good student and an observant person, we can easily guess the true intentions of our interlocutor.
2. Next, we determine temperament
Who is in front of us? Sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic? (Of course, people with one or the other in a pure form are very rare; usually they are mixed types with a predominance of one.)
Our friend - ? He is disorganized, but active and cheerful. ? Let's not reproach him for pessimism and drag him into noisy companies. ? Let's ask him to help resolve it conflict situation, because phlegmatic people are peacemakers. ? No wonder he likes to give orders.
Emotionally stable sanguine people get along well with emotionally unstable melancholic people, and emotionally stable phlegmatic people complement unstable choleric people.
3. Rely on intuition
It is called intuition, sixth sense, inner voice, premonition. We say that we sense danger in our hearts and feel trouble with our skin. Sometimes we brush this feeling aside, but later we most often regret it.
The person has charmed us, and we stubbornly refuse to notice the signals being given. This may be restlessness, anxiety, a feeling of goosebumps running down the back, discomfort. Something worries us, but we ignore our inner voice. But in vain, because he rarely makes mistakes.
True, not everyone has developed intuition. But this can be easily corrected by reading “Development of Intuition. How to make the right decisions without doubt and stress” by English psychologist Guy Claxton.
4. Dropping the masks
“We were such good friends, we were inseparable, but then we went to the seaside together and it turned out that she had a disgusting character. She’s petty, grumpy, always dissatisfied with everything,” one friend complains to another. “I could hardly stand it and I don’t want to see her anymore!” “It’s simply impossible!” the second one is offended.
What happened? The girls left their comfort zone, found themselves in an unusual situation, and had to deviate from their usual behavioral patterns. Essentially, they dropped their masks and showed their real selves, namely: selfish, intolerant, unable to build relationships and get out of them without moral losses.
Another example. In a small work team, one of the employees lost a brand new smartphone. She insisted that she had it with her this morning, which means it was stolen by one of her colleagues. Before our eyes, the sweet, friendly girl turned into an angry fury, who had complaints against everyone. The next day she apologized because the ill-fated smartphone was found at home, she simply forgot it. But, as the joke says, “the spoons were found, but the sediment remained.”
If we want to get to know a person better, then the more extraordinary the situation in which we find ourselves with him, the less he is prepared for it, the greater the chance that he will open up and show his inner essence.
How to learn to understand people? How can you learn to understand what kind of person is in front of you, why does he behave this way or that way? What is the secret to successfully communicating with different people?
One of the ways to understand the diversity of human worlds is to study the characters of people, the study of different personality types. Psychological Science I have accumulated a huge amount of information on this topic. Leaving aside the widespread “achievements” and “discoveries” of astrology, physiognomy, palmistry and other pseudo-scientific areas of human studies, we still find ourselves faced with the difficult task of understanding numerous typologies that in some ways coincide and in some ways contradict each other.
Psychological practice offers entire batteries of tests, with the help of which you can, it seems, determine anything about a person, but the person himself, alive and unique, just doesn’t want to fit into Procrustean bed test, there is always some part that does not correspond to it, does not fit in... Moreover, many psychologists do not recognize typologization at all as methodological approach, considering it fundamentally incorrect. Nevertheless, typologies really provide great help, both in psychotherapeutic work and in management activities, because they help to bring some certainty to the endless diversity of human individuality and find guidelines for understanding the characteristics of a given person.
This is how poetically, but at the same time clearly and accurately, Mark Evgenievich Burno, a Moscow psychiatrist, writes about the relationship between individuality and character:
“Just as there are unique birch leaves, and linden leaves, and aspen leaves and others, united by common properties (birch, linden, aspen), so there are certain characters that unite unique people By general properties into some kind of group-character. Thus, a person with a sanguine character is unique, inimitable among other sanguine people, but they are all united by common sanguine properties that make up the sanguine character in general.”
In this article we will introduce readers to some typologies of temperament, character, and personality. As a rule, we will not provide descriptions of types (which would require a separate article for each typology). The purpose of our article is to help readers navigate the variety of typologies, learn theoretical basis their construction, to understand the reasons for the similarities and differences between “competing” systems. The reader can choose a typology that is close to him in spirit and study it in more detail with the help of psychological literature.
A typology of temperaments proposed by the ancient Greek physician Hippocrates. Hippocrates believed that there are four types of fluid in the human body: blood (sanguis), lymph (phlegma), bile (chole) and black bile (melan chole). The predominant type of liquid determines the type of person’s temperament: sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, melancholic.
The concept of four temperaments received scientific confirmation in the works of the Russian physiologist I.P. Pavlova, despite the fact that medical knowledge has, of course, changed significantly since the time of Hippocrates.
I.P. Pavlov established that the basis of temperament are such properties nervous system, How:
* the strength of excitation and inhibition processes;
mobility (rate of change of excitation and inhibition);
balance (correspondence between the strength of excitation and the force of inhibition).
Combinations of these properties give four types of higher nervous activity, which correspond to four types of temperament:
* Strong, balanced, agile. Corresponds to the sanguine temperament.
Strong, balanced, inert. Phlegmatic temperament.
Strong unbalanced. Choleric temperament.
Weak. Melancholic temperament.
Properties of the nervous system that I.P. spoke about. Pavlov, are hereditary and almost impossible to change, and since temperament is based on the properties of the nervous system, it can be considered the biological “foundation” of personality.
Psychologists emphasize that neither temperaments nor types of higher nervous activity are divided into “good” and “bad.” Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and the latter can even play a positive role under the right conditions. A sensitive melancholic person, for example, is a wonderful friend, and it is he, the “weak” type, who is capable of a sacrificial heroic act.
Let's move from temperament to character. In psychology, the concept of character (Greek charakter - “seal”, “minting”) means stable individual characteristics of a person, which are manifested in activity and communication, and include what gives a person’s behavior a specific, characteristic shade for him. Character is an established, specific style of action, a pattern of behavior.
Character and temperament are closely related. But if temperament, as we have seen, has a biological basis and is basically constant during the life of an individual, then the formation of character to a large extent occurs in the world of people, thanks to the influence of various social groups(family, school, work collective), especially those that are reference for a person.
It is interesting that the topic of characters and their typologies has attracted researchers from a variety of schools and areas. A great contribution to the study of character was made by psychiatrists - German: E. Kretschmer, K. Leonhard and Russian: A. E. Lichko and M. E. Stormy.
In 1921, Ernst Kretschmer published his work “Body Structure and Character,” in which he proposed building a typology of character based on the structure of the human body. Karl Leonhard developed a typology of character accentuations that is widely known and used by practitioners. Character accentuation is the strengthening of individual traits, in which a person’s behavior does not go beyond the norm. One of the most famous typologies of character accentuations belongs to A.E. Lichko. The peculiarity of his typology is that it is built on the basis of observations of adolescents. According to A.E. Lichko, character accentuations, as temporary mental states, are most often observed in adolescence and early adolescence, which became the subject of his research. At the beginning of the article we quoted Moscow psychiatrist Mark Evgenievich Burno. He developed an entire method of psychotherapeutic assistance - creative self-expression therapy, based on a characterological approach.
"Character this person- writes M.E. Stormy - this is his spiritual human nature in its peculiarity and uniqueness, his mental-physical individuality. Often unhappy is the one who, not only in youth, but also in adulthood, tries to jump out of the boundaries of his character, envying people with a different type and not paying serious attention to his own personal wealth, not really knowing about them, or even despising them "
M.E. Vigorously identifies and examines such a “garland” of characterological types:
* Sanguine or syntonic character (cycloid)
Anxious and doubtful (psychasthenic)
Shy-irritable (asthenic)
Pedantic (anankast)
Withdrawn or autistic (schizoid)
Demonstrative (hysterical)
Unstable
Mixed (mosaic) characters: “roughish”, “endocrine”,
Polyphonic
Note that typologies built on the basis of observations of psychiatrists provoke criticism from many psychologists who consider it wrong to draw conclusions about mental healthy people, looking at them through the “psychiatric window”.
If character traits reflect how a person acts, then personality traits reflect what he acts for. In other words, if a character description is the answer to the question “how?” how?”, then the description of the personality answers the question “what? for what?" A person finds answers to these questions, of course, in society, in its culture.
The followers of S. Freud made a great contribution to the development of the doctrine of personality types. When getting acquainted with their systems, it is necessary to take into account that they proceeded from the corresponding theoretical premises - orthodox psychoanalysis and neo-Freudianism. Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung collaborated with S. Freud, but later created his own version of psychoanalytic teaching - analytical psychology. Based on her positions, C. Jung created a personality typology, first published in the famous work “Psychological Types,” in which he identified two main types: extroverts and introverts. Jung deals exclusively with the descriptive part of these types, without touching on their genesis.
K.G. Jung was convinced of "an inseparable gap between the psychic and physical phenomena”, and for him psychological types are “structural elements of the psyche”. Thus, we see not just different typologies, but different initial premises for their construction.
An extrovert and an introvert embody two ways of relating to the world, two ways of organizing experience. At the first installation, the interests of the person are directed towards external world, to what is in it, with the second - directed towards the subjective world, turned towards oneself.
An extrovert lives based on the outside world around him. His attention is concentrated on the people and things that surround him. An extrovert strives to respond to the immediate immediate demands of the environment and refrains from any innovations that go beyond external expectations. An extrovert makes decisions, large and small, based on the norms and requirements of the society around him.
An introvert isolates himself from the outside world and builds an artificial subjective world. He is more or less afraid of new people and things, and experiences discomfort from encountering the outside world. An introvert loses energy interacting with society and replenishes it in solitude.
Jung argued that there are four basic psychological functions: thinking, feeling, sensation and intuition. Each person possesses all four functions to varying degrees, but one becomes predominant.
Thinking types view any situation in a cold, abstract, rational manner. His senses are relatively undeveloped, as it prevents logical thinking. In the feeling type, on the contrary, thinking plays a subordinate role.
Sensation is considered by Jung as the perception of immediate reality, and intuition is aimed at discerning the future.
The sensing type, weak in intuition, quickly and accurately perceives the external world with the help of the senses, and the intuitive type, whose sense functions are less developed, has the ability to foresee possible options development of the situation.
In men, according to Jung, thinking and feeling are usually dominant, while in women, feeling and intuition are dominant.
In addition to the typologies of Jung, Horney and other researchers, eight types of character orientation are accepted in modern psychoanalytic practice:
* Schizoid
Narcissistic
Paranoid
Obsessive-compulsive
Hysterical
Psychopathic
Manic-depressive
Masochistic
If we accept that each person has qualities and traits characteristic of a certain type (temperament, character, personality), then we can, based on these psychological guidelines, try to better and more accurately understand and feel our loved ones, colleagues or patients.
But not in order to diagnose them all, but in order to learn to understand how their inner world, discern their special qualities, skills and capabilities, know what to expect and how to communicate with different people.
Psychological knowledge about typologies will help us ourselves in finding our own meaning in life, in choosing those affairs and roads that correspond to our nature, our individuality.
Trying to learn to understand people, to determine their character traits according to any typology, sooner or later you come to a dead end. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone’s manipulation. Or the person we are communicating with suddenly says or does something that was not at all expected from him. And now we don’t know what to do; we feel resentment, bewilderment, and anxiety. I wish I could find out some simple rules to find an approach to people and not make mistakes in them...
- How can I understand whether a person sincerely wishes me well, is interested in communication, and treats me well? Or does he want to use me, deceive me, assert himself at my expense? so as not to become a victim of your own gullibility or ignorance?
As sad as it is, it happens that, considering a person to be friendly and sincere, we are deceived in him. Sometimes we even become the subject of someone’s manipulation. Or the person we are communicating with suddenly says or does something that was not at all expected from him. And now we don’t know what to do; we feel resentment, bewilderment, and anxiety. It’s not clear why he behaves this way, what’s wrong with him?
I wish I could learn some simple rules so as not to make mistakes in them.
Person's character
For questions about communicating with people, we turn to psychology. And there are many articles and books designed to understand another person, understand his character and develop behavioral tactics. One way or another, they usually try to divide people according to some criteria. For example, we all know the typology of temperament: sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholic. Or by personality type: introvert, extrovert, ambivert. According to the perception of information: visual, auditory, kinesthetic, digital, etc. And what does this give us? How does it help to learn to understand people?
Trying to learn to understand people, to determine their character traits according to any typology, sooner or later you come to a dead end. There is no complete picture. Something does not fit together, contradicts one another. The same person behaves one way in some situations, and in others - completely differently. Or some properties of the characteristic accurately describe the interlocutor, but others have absolutely nothing to do with him. And I really want to get something practical guide on communication and recognition of others.
We are looking for an approach: about the rules of communicating with people systematically
An accurate method of understanding the psyche is “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. It examines the differences in the human psyche according to vectors - sets of innate properties, abilities and desires that determine his thinking, life values and aspirations. There are eight such vectors. A person can be the owner of from one to eight, more often - three or four vectors.
Difficulties in communication
It’s not easy if you become an object on which negative emotions are poured out. A representative of the visual vector can throw a hysteria if he is in a bad mental state, namely fears: from literal fear for his life to numerous ones. Accusations of lack of attention and indifference, emotional blackmail and manipulation are used. A person in visual fears unconsciously demands: "Love me! I feel bad, I’m afraid - protect me!”
Such a person vitally needs emotional connections with other people. Potentially, the owners of the visual vector are kind, sympathetic, and sensitive. They are able to realize all their sensory resources in art, raising children, and caring for those in need. But when a person with a visual vector is not able to build emotional intimacy, does not reveal his sensuality with others, then he himself becomes a victim of his unspent emotions.
Difficulties in communication
During communication, it is difficult to get rid of the feeling that the interlocutor does not care about you: he looks somewhere through you, or, rather, inside himself, speaks quietly, sometimes understated, as if he had already thought it up for himself, and sees no point in explaining it to you. It is unpleasant to feel like an empty place when communicating with such egocentrics. They may easily not answer at all if the subject of the conversation does not seem worth their attention to them. Or even show hostility and arrogance.
The bottom line is that the owner of the sound vector is of little interest in everyday topics. His mind is focused on uncovering global abstract issues: “What is the meaning of life?”, “Who am I and what is my purpose?”, “Where did we come from and where are we going?”. In the course of his eternal search, these questions are modified and take on a particular form, which is manifested, for example, in the study of exact sciences, inventive research, writing, philosophical or religious research. IN modern world The main interests of sound engineers are Internet technologies and psychology.
Such a person needs concentration and silence. Therefore, he appears aloof, indifferent and silent. An endless stream of thoughts in search of the meaning of existence removes him from petty, pressing conversations. His dislike of noise and loud voices is due to his particularly sensitive hearing. Remember: sometimes he needs to be alone with his ideas.
The rules for communicating with people of this type include limiting conversations “about nothing.” Get to the heart of the issue that needs to be resolved without being distracted by empty talk.
Touchy but fair people
We often come across people like this: they speak and do everything slowly, thoroughly, efficiently, even pedantically, and are very erudite. They like to talk about the past: “Where is the world going? Nowadays..." Also frequent topics of conversation are family, home, making something with your own hands, justice. In general, they give the impression of honest, decent, open people, maybe a little simple-minded, but endearing. All these are qualities characteristic of.
Difficulties in communication
Owners of the anal vector are stubborn debaters, straightforward, ready to cut the truth without caring about the feelings of their opponent. Some may harass you with lectures or criticism. And if they are offended, they are unlikely to forget about it: they will not fail to remind you on occasion or even take revenge.
Owners of this vector gravitate towards justice and equality - everything should be smooth for them. And in relationships it’s like this: good things will be repaid, bad things will not be tolerated. If they themselves treat someone unfairly, they will feel guilty. When they were not treated as they should be, they feel it.
If such a person is offended by you, apologize, apologize - he will forgive, because in this case his internal balance will be restored. During a conversation, you should not rush him or interrupt him - it is useless, otherwise he will start again. If you want to please him, ask for his advice and competent opinion.
The ability to understand a person with an anal vector should not be superficial. It is also necessary to distinguish his condition - this can change everything. Who is in front of you: the best husband and father or a potential sadist? All the subtleties of the anal vector can be learned at the free online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.
Secretive people
There must be a lot of people around you who are of a different type: they speak briefly, succinctly, and generally don’t like to be frank about themselves - they would prefer to get information from you. The subject of their conversations is, one way or another, profit, benefit, their ambitions. For them, time is money. They can be very resourceful and adapt to changing conditions. These are representatives.
Difficulties in communication
If the owner of the skin vector is psychologically developed and is not in under stress, then he is organized, collected, and gives the impression of a real manager. Otherwise, not having sufficient self-discipline, but not losing the desire to limit others, he may throw in inadequate prohibitions: “No! You can’t!”, and when you encounter resistance, you can even make a row. He is no longer distinguished by composure and precision, but by flickering. The natural desire to save and optimize when the properties of the vector are underdeveloped or unrealized manifests itself in greed and pettiness, the pursuit of discounts and freebies.
If you were a victim of someone's deception or fraud, then the offender was most likely a representative of the skin vector in poor conditions. However, these same people are potentially born legislators and servants of order.
When communicating with owners of this vector, you should not go into details: they value their time. Suitable topics for conversation include career, financial well-being, healthy image life, sports, technical innovations and more. Learning to understand people of this type will not be such a difficult task if you systematically know what motivates them.
Communication at a new level
The reason we suffer when communicating with people is a lack of understanding of their nature. The behavior of others will cease to be an annoying mystery, you just have to understand their mental properties, aspirations and problems.
By understanding the psyche, you will begin to feel more sympathy for others. And hostility towards others will no longer poison your life. Communication with people will be a joy. They will no longer exert pressure on you negative influence manifestations of the interlocutor:
excessive emotionality and mood swings,
indifference and aloofness,
arrogance,
touchiness,
stubbornness,
pretense,
inadequate demands and others.
Does it seem surprising that you can find an approach to people with any character? Yuri Burlan's training confirms this:
Find out more about the properties and characteristics of human behavior on.
Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»