An interesting topic, how to start a conversation if you come to a party somewhere, to the meeting, to a meeting, etc., and everyone around is strangers. How to start a conversation and what to do? This set of phrases will help you, just remember them, say them and then everything will go like clockwork. The main thing is not to be shy and not to be squeezed, because that’s why you came there, isn’t it?

Article taken from a blog about networking

Here's one of the main problems with networking: how do I just walk up to someone at an event and Shall I speak?

But starting a conversation is easier than it seems. The point is that no one will reject you (most likely 🙂) if you approach with a smile and say, “I’m so-and-so, nice to meet you.” In fact, others will immediately feel better, because they weren’t the ones who had to start the conversation! Ksati, don’t forget about the article.

How to start a conversation. Simple and effective ways

But things will certainly go even better if you have a few proven ways to “melt the ice.” So we've put together a list to run through before your next meeting—some from our experience, some from fellow experts. But the main thing is that all phrases have been tested real life and they work!

Classic

When in doubt about how to start a conversation, go back to the basics: ask what the person does, why they came to this meeting, or simply extend your hand and say hello.

1. “Hi, I don’t know many people here, so I’d like to introduce myself. I’m (name) and I work for (company).” Well, that’s all!

2. “So, what do you do?” Now the interlocutor can talk about himself first, and you can think about how to take the conversation further or how you could cooperate.

3. “What brings you here today?”

4. “How was your day?” This is my “key” to any situation, and it has never let me down. It's simple and always effective, especially if you smile.

Location, location, location

With every person in the room, you have at least something in common (no matter what): at least the event you both attended, the location where it is held, the food and drinks. Take advantage of these resources and start a conversation about your surroundings.

5. If there is food at an event, I often use this to start a conversation, for example: “I can’t stop eating these cutlets. Have you tried it yet?

6. “How did you find out about this event?”

7. “It’s so hot (cold) here.” It doesn’t matter whether this is actually so, the interlocutor will either agree or object, and now you are talking about the weather, the climate in general, and then about business.

8. “I’m a little dumbfounded by the flow of information that has been thrown at us today. Did anything stick out to you that really made sense?”

9. “What a wonderful place. Have you been here before?

News

Another thing that unites you is news. Something happened in the city, in the world. Of course, you shouldn't start a heated political discussion, but mentioning something simpler can help quickly start a conversation.

10. “What do you think about (topic relevant to event or person)?” I may be biased, but the news is a great tool for establishing rapport.

11. “I can’t believe all the headlines this week. Crazy, right?

12. “How did you get here? Was it difficult to get there?” The method of movement from point to point is a hot topic. Surely they will tell you a story.

13. “Did you watch the match yesterday?” It's a classic, but there are reasons why it became a classic.

If you're an introvert, walking into a room full of strangers can be especially challenging. A good tactic in this case is to scan the perimeter of the room and look for anyone who seems a little lonely. Maybe it's a woman sitting alone, hoping someone will come and talk to her. Be that someone and try something from this list:

14. “These networking meetings are crazy sometimes. Can I sit with you, it’s a little quieter here?”

15. “Since we are both here (in the buffet, bar, waiting room), I think I should introduce myself. I am (name) from (company)"

16. “I’m trying to force myself to meet new people, and not talk with my usual victims who already know me. Would you mind if I introduce myself?”

17. “I hate networking.” If you sense a kindred spirit with a misanthrope, go over and start a conversation about something you both dislike.

Fun things

18. “I can’t believe I came to this event looking like this!” A little humor and self-mockery never hurts.

19. Some kind of joke - for example, “I personally came here for these cakes.” Then ask the question - “How did you find out about this event?”

20. “On a scale of 1 to undrinkable, how terrible is this Chardonnay?”

21. “Honestly, the only person I know here is the bartender. We met a couple of minutes ago. May I introduce myself?

Whatever comes to mind (sometimes this is what you need)

If all else fails, try coming from the other side.

22. “Do you happen to know a good sushi place nearby? I don’t know this area well, and I need to organize a dinner after the event.”

23. “Are you by any chance a friend of (the first name that comes up)?” It doesn’t matter whether you really consider them friends, the other person will answer “no” and the conversation will begin.

24. If you notice a group of people deep in a serious conversation, come up and say: “Your place here is clearly much more interesting than the last company I talked to.”

25. “Is there any question I shouldn’t ask because you’re already bored to death by it?”

26. “I'm working on an article about the best and worst ways to start a conversation. Did you hear anything successful today or vice versa?”

Starting a conversation can be difficult if you're not sure where to start, and awkward silences can feel uncomfortable. Even if you feel like you have nothing to talk about with someone, there are many ways to engage in an engaging conversation. Search common topics, which can be discussed, and be an active listener to maintain an interesting conversation. Once you become more comfortable communicating with other people, you will be able to start conversations in any situation!

Steps

Start a conversation

Introduce yourself , if you have not seen this person before. If you want to talk to a stranger, walk up to them, make eye contact and smile. Say hello and tell him your name to make him feel comfortable around you. Offer a handshake to establish a connection with the person and make them want to talk. Ask him his name as a natural introduction to a lengthy conversation.

For example, you could say: “Hi, my name is Anton. Nice to meet you".
You don't have to introduce yourself if you just want to have a casual chat, but it will help to put you on the other side.

Say something positive to engage the person in conversation. Mentioning something negative at the beginning of a conversation will likely discourage the person from opening up and communicating with you. Start a conversation about something pleasant from the environment and smile while communicating. This will increase the likelihood that the other person will open up and talk to you. After you mention something nice, ask the person how they feel about it to engage them in conversation.
- For example, if you're at a party, you could say, “The music is really cool! Do you like it?" - or: “Have you tried the food yet? It is very tasty". Ending a sentence with a question encourages the person to respond and start a conversation.
Do compliment to gently start a conversation. For example, mention about personal qualities person or mark his outfit. Give your compliment sincerely, otherwise the person may sense the falseness and refrain from talking to you. Then ask a question to keep the conversation going, otherwise the other person may not respond.
- You might say something like, “This dress looks wonderful. Where did you buy it? - or: “You have a good sense of style. Where do you find your outfits?
- Whenever possible, use open-ended questions so that the conversation does not end with “yes” or “no.”
Warning: Don't mention a person's appearance in a conversation, as they may feel awkward and may not respond well.

Mark something from your surroundings to start a conversation if you can't think of another introduction. If nothing comes to mind, look around and comment on what you see. It could be about the weather, the location of the event, other people, or the event that is happening. Maintain a positive attitude to appear relatable and make the other person more interested in talking to you.
- For example, you can say: “This is my first time in this cafe. Have you tried anything here?” - or: “I wish the sun would come out today. It wasn’t cloudy last time.”
- Show a sense of humor during the conversation. This will captivate your interlocutor and make communication more enjoyable.
Find topics to talk about
1. Ask the person where they work or study to reference these topics. Reach out to the person you want to chat with and mention their work or school. Ask what his duties are, how long he has worked there, and if anything interesting has happened there in the past. Lately. If he is still a student, ask him what he is studying and what he wants to do after graduation.
  - Be sure to answer all questions if the person in turn asks about your work or your education.
  - Show genuine interest in his work, even if you don't find it particularly exciting. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about the person and the topic.
2. Discuss common interests to get to know the person better. People love to talk about their hobbies, so ask the other person what they like to do outside of work or school, and note any areas that seem interesting to you. Find out what exactly attracts him to this hobby and why he likes it. If he asks about your hobbies, first mention similar things to him to keep the conversation going. If you are attracted to one of his hobbies, ask how you can join him so that you can try it too.
  - For example, you could say something like, “Oh, I've never carved wood. Where is the best place for a beginner to start?
  - Do not interrupt your interlocutor under any circumstances and do not discuss only your interests. Ask questions about what the person likes to create a pleasant mutual dialogue.
3. Discuss movies, TV shows, or books if you want to talk about pop culture. Many people share similar tastes in media, so discuss the latest movies and music you've watched or listened to and gauge the other person's interests. Ask what information resources he has liked lately and why. If you both saw or heard the same thing, discuss it and exchange ideas to keep the conversation going.
  - For example, you could say, “Have you seen the new Star Wars movie? What did you think of the ending? - or: “What kind of music do you prefer? Do you have a favorite artist that you could recommend to me?”
  - Even if you don't agree with his opinion, remain positive and say something like, "Oh, I've never looked at it that way, but I understand what you're saying." This way, the other person won't feel like he's being rebuffed, and he'll still be engaged in the conversation.
  - If you have no idea what the person is talking about, ask for clarification so you can understand it better. It's okay to say, "I don't know," if you're not familiar with the information he's mentioning.
4. Talk about your past experiences if you want to open up to the person. If you feel comfortable with the person you're talking to, it's probably okay to ask about their background or what they want to do in the future. Ask him about funny things that have happened to him, what his family is like, or what goals he has. Share your experiences so you can open up and connect with the other person.
  - For example, you could say something like, “Where are you from? Do you like it there? - or: “What did you want to become as a child?”
  - A stranger may find it strange if you ask too many questions about his personal life right when you first meet him. Only ask deeper questions if you both feel comfortable answering them.
  - Never try to outdo or impress someone, as this may make them feel uncomfortable and want to leave the conversation.
5. Ask a person's opinion on current events to get their attention. Check out current events from the news or social networks and mention them in conversation. Last week there were at least one or two significant events that can be mentioned in conversation. Find out what the person thinks about this and how he feels about this issue. Be prepared to also express your opinion, since perhaps your interlocutor will be interested in it.
  - For example, you could say something like, “Have you heard about the new music app that just came out? I saw a story about it on the news."
  Warning: be careful when lifting hot topics, for example those related to politics or religion, as they may upset a person or discourage him from communicating.
Stay engaged in the conversation
1. Use the phrase:“This reminds me...” - to go to new topic. If the person mentions an aspect that you can relate to, use the phrase, “That reminds me of...” before moving on to your topic. This way, you can easily switch between multiple topics naturally without any awkward interruptions in the conversation. Make sure that the topics are connected in some way so that the transition is smooth and so that it is easier for the other person to follow your train of thought.
  - For example, if he mentions good weather, you could say, “Your words brought back memories of great weather in Krasnodar region when I was there. Have you been there?
  Advice: You can use the phrase “that reminds me of...” (and similar ones) after a pause in conversation if you are noticing something from your environment. For example, if you've already had a conversation with someone and a musician comes on stage, you might say, “Oh, this guy is really good. He reminds me of another musician." Then you can move on to talking about music.
2. Say things that come to mind to keep the conversation exciting. If you think about something during a random pause in the conversation, bring it up and ask the other person's opinion about it. Don't interrupt if you mention something while the person is speaking, as this will be rude. Make sure the person is comfortable discussing the topic, otherwise they may be discouraged from continuing the conversation.
  - For example, you could say: “I just remembered funny story which I read on the Internet. Do you want to hear?
  - Perhaps a person will not be receptive to discussing a random topic if you have not communicated with him before.

Communication with strangers is a lifeline for anyone who dreams of getting out of the clutches of depression. Don't believe me? And we will prove it!

An ideal world for an introvert would look like this: ordered food to be taken home, threw the garbage into a special bin (without leaving the house, of course) and pulled out a decent fee from it (for services to the Motherland). But no. For some reason, you definitely need to communicate. And even when working via the Internet, you cannot always live in the usual solitude. And then the moment comes when you have to go out into the world. And the main thing here is not to look like Stirlitz behind enemy lines, but to communicate with people and make contact. Calm down, dear readers: when you find out how much benefit there is, you will no longer be afraid of an enclosure with sociable predators.

Talking to strangers improves your mental well-being

And that's a fact. But we are used to being friends according to the principle “rarely, but accurately.” In the sense of “few, but strong.” Well, in general, we look away on public transport or try to stick to “our people” at parties, and only because we are afraid to talk to someone else. " Good morning“, heard behind one’s back, is perceived as a threat and gives rise to an attempt to escape.

Talking to a stranger is very awkward. At such moments you don’t know where to put your eyes, hands and yourself. If they try to start a conversation with us, we begin to convince ourselves that this conversation will bring nothing but disappointment to us or to him. Psychologists call this the phenomenon of multiple ignorance. That is, you see that no one is talking, and you conclude that people do not want to talk, when in fact everyone is much more inclined to talk than they think.

People mistakenly assume that people's behavior depends on what they say, when in fact it is based on social norms. And this is a huge barrier that prevents us from communicating with our own kind. We choose solitude, even though this choice makes us feel depressed (subconsciously, of course). According to research by British scientists, communication with strangers causes a charge of positive emotions that can overcome apathy.

Researchers have studied in more detail the emotional state of people in in public places. Some were given instructions to start a dialogue with a stranger, others were instructed to behave in the same way as they were used to in ordinary life. By observing the experiment, scientists found that the first group of people experienced more positive emotions than those who had to remain silent. Moreover, the results showed that both those who start the conversation and those with whom they speak experience a positive charge.

Unfortunately, we underestimate the importance of social contacts, believing that isolation is more pleasant than human interaction. But the positive effect is much stronger from talking with people, familiar or not.

Communication with unfamiliar people is also useful. These include the saleswoman in your favorite supermarket, your neighbors next door, or people you constantly meet on public transport on your way to work. Regular interaction with these people promotes social and emotional well-being. Such relationships are characterized by less private contact, reduced emotional dependence and limited intimacy. But such sincere communication of a minimal level helps a person satisfy his basic needs to belong to society. Talking to an outsider will give you the feeling of being recognized. It creates a sense of community that enhances your commonality with all people.

It's good for the brain

According to psychologists, even brief communication being with someone unfamiliar increases the executive functions of the brain. These are the mental processes that allow you to concentrate, plan, seek goals, set priorities and organize your own life.

The subjects taking part in this experiment were divided into three groups. Some were asked to carry on a friendly conversation for 10 minutes, others were forced to argue with a stranger, and others were forced to remain silent, like partisans. Of course, the first group of people showed the best results.

Every day we have many opportunities to start a dialogue with strangers: in transport, in a store, at work, in a cafe, at business meetings or private parties. Try to make it a habit. Don't be afraid to start a conversation, be yourself and make connections. We wish you rapid success in communicating with people. Good luck, and don't forget to press the buttons and

So, technically. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Until you have the skill, it’s usually a little scary at first. I'm afraid of awkwardness and tension. Because the person and the details of his life are, in general, alien to you, you actually don’t have a lively active interest in him. And it seems that you are trying to force something out of yourself in a rusty voice, the person will look at you like you are a louse, it’s strange: why are you so scared that you are interested in me?! – and there will be a painful, awkward pause.

But no!

When a person starts telling something about himself in response to your questions, it quickly becomes really interesting to you! When the interlocutor gets carried away and talks about what is important to himself, this usually causes emotional contagion. At your place))

Main! People LIKE to talk about themselves. This is true luxury. Few people are interested in us, even less often do they listen to us attentively with interest (active listening technique, yeah!) Therefore, with minimal (absolutely!) rules in place, you start asking questions - and suddenly everything goes on unexpectedly easily. But because you fell into his need: to talk about yourself.

There is always a first moment of wariness, yes. The interlocutor most often, when answering the very first question, tenses up a little and carefully “scans”, checks: did you blurt it out, or are you really interested? That is, he needs to understand at this point: after all, the correct answer to a purely formal, ritual question is completely formal, also ritual. “Only a bore who, when asked how you are, will actually tell you how you are.” – But if this is not a ritual interest, but there is AT LEAST A DROP of living, human, respectful curiosity (you don’t need more at first!!) – most likely he will talk. They say! Serious, head over heels busy bosses at business meetings, they say! With difficulty they agreed to a meeting for 10-15 minutes, - and in response to this drop of lively, respectful curiosity (plus the rules of small talk and active listening!) - for an hour and a half they tell you their whole life; and you fall in love with them, and they with you...

How to behave at this moment.

a) You look into the eyes, into both pupils at the same time, “as if dissolving and falling.” You find something that you really, really like in a person (look, skin, build, something in character, the way he works - it’s not for nothing that he ended up in this place, assertiveness/cockiness, softness, clothing style ... whatever). And, looking into the eyes and asking, you completely focus your attention on this, what you like. Yes, such a look, and focusing attention, and the instant search for “what you like” are trainable skills. They are developed quickly, and are worth it: they create in the interlocutor a feeling of your WARMTH.

b) If the interlocutor answers the first question in monosyllables, everything is in order, this is just a test: it’s a ritual or warm curiosity from you. And - you nod slightly, continue to look, as in point a), repeat his monosyllabic answer with interest and respect and with the same interested intonation, either reformulate the same question again, or ask the next one based on his answer. Of course, all the questions are open. That is, the rules of small talk and active listening are simple, but we strictly follow them.

For example, the interlocutor is a realtor. And you ask: “Nikolai, why exactly did you decide to get into real estate?” (or, if the question is clear from the context: “Nikolai, why real estate?”) In some cases, a fascinating story will begin, how it all started with the exchange of your apartment, about ruin, about ups, etc. In the part - “Like...” (boo!) Normal! “I like it... And what?” - Here! This is the place where you show: “Kol, I’m really curious, tell me!” Let’s say, “Communication...” - “So for you, communication is the most important thing in this work?” (active listening) Here it’s either “Yes...”, or – in half the cases – it’s already beginning to explain, to open up. If “Yes...” - “Why is such communication interesting for you?”, or “What is in such communication for you?”, or quite directly, a puppy’s direct (well, or human direct) curiosity: “So there is a lot of communication... Why exactly in real estate, what exactly is so interesting?”

In general, honest puppy curiosity is a good image. Accurate. You see a certificate, a diploma, a diploma on the wall: “Oh! Inga, I see you studied there. How do you like this study?..” That is, we pose the question broadly, and if they ask you to clarify, yes, please: “Why did you decide to go there?”, or “How useful was this study for practice?”

Two auxiliary "chips"

1) You can explain your interest with a little self-disclosure, for example: “It is sometimes important for me to understand that I took the bottom line from studying to work...”, or “I also try to study from time to time...”

2) It’s very good to insert language that directly allows the interlocutor not to answer! It’s very relaxing and relieves tension: “...if it’s not a secret...”, “...if it’s not a trade secret...”, “.. just don’t tell me if it’s not convenient...”, “.. I have a stupid question...”, “... I thought how appropriate it was to ask such a question. If this is inconvenient, please do not answer!..”

During a small conversation, it is good to “turn on” some of your real facets that correspond to the topic. That is, when you ask about his cat, remember to yourself about your cat - then your interest turns out to be more lively, full. Well, in the process you can say, as an element of self-disclosure, that, well, you have a cat. Or a hamster. Or a Rottweiler)) In this case, you call each other not as cat people, but as people who keep animals)

Or - “Sergey, how did you meet your wife?” - at this moment you remember to yourself how you met your girlfriend... or wife... or ex-wife))... And at this moment you are on the wave of “we are romantics, with a smile inside and generally real men”

Where does the wife theme come from when you are talking to a stranger? – And as soon as he mentioned family. That is, let’s say you were talking about business, and he suddenly mentioned family - that’s it! This is free information, remember the small talk technique? – This is what our question should be about! Free information “pops up” because a person is interested – himself – right now! – otherwise she wouldn’t have jumped out.

What is the first question of the “small conversation” about, where does its topic come from?

The three themes in the comments above are completely universal.

Something that brought you together. Are you taking a salsa class? – Why salsa? How did he come to her? What do these classes give him? Are you in training? – How is this training for him? How did he end up here (Why the hell did he end up here! – literary forms of questions are not at all necessary, everything depends on the context) Are you in his office? – Why exactly this profession? How did he start working here? What does he like here?

Something you see in his home, office. We saw the cups - oh, yours?! – How is it now?.. – Why karate?..

Any free information that is dropped in a business conversation or in an exchange of formalities. - Hello! - Hello! - Sorry for being late. I took my son to a tutor. - To a tutor? Are you planning to enroll somewhere?.. (in this case, this is interpretation, the fourth technique of the active listening technique; with the exception of active listening, we try not to ask closed questions at all).

Free information from your interlocutor in response to your compliment (this is also why you need to learn to give a lot of compliments, “automatically”, casually: I thought - I said it right away!). “Your place is very cozy, light and joyful!” - “Yes, the entire design was made according to my drawings!” - “That is, you put something from your soul here. What did you want when you created this design, what was important in the first place?..”

It is important that there is some reserve of the most general formulations of open questions, because closed questions usually pop into your head, but the conversation collapses on them.

Examples of such wording:

What do you think?..

What is it connected with?..

How do you like (that)?..

What do you think?..

And for what? What the hell? What for?..

Why?.. Why do YOU need this?..

What are you expecting?..

What would you like?..

What do you like?..

How do you do this?..

What is your impression?..

What wishes?..

Describe...

Tell us about...

What else?..

What is important to you in (at)?..

What first?..

What does this depend on?..

What plan?..

What about (something)?..

Well, practice, practice, practice. It’s clear that if I’ve been doing this professionally for 18 years, then I succeed consistently simply due to large quantity experience of unsuccessful and successful attempts.

You can pay the coach. But here you need a coach: there are a lot of excellent psychologists who simply work in other formats. My client and I literally go out into the street and we stop everyone. First I talk, then the client with my participation, then only the client himself, with feedback from me. This is not an advertisement - however, they do not come to me through social networks, the point is that there is such a way to learn in general. Simply find such a specialist and you will learn faster; if you do it yourself, it will take a little longer. All the technology is in this post and comments))