When did you start teaching your children to apologize? Do you remind them several times a day that this is necessary? You may know that simply saying "I'm sorry" is often not enough. The phrase quickly becomes so familiar and hackneyed that it turns into just words, rather than an expression of regret and recognition of responsibility.
We tell our children to ask for forgiveness when they run into another child at the park, or if they take another child's toys without permission, or at home when they quarrel with their siblings over something small.
We make them say “I’m sorry” over and over again. They repeat our words, but do they feel regret?
Why "I'm sorry" doesn't work on its own
I see several problems with the phrase "forgive me." When reminding a child to say “I’m sorry,” we often miss main meaning this word.1. Does the child know what he should regret? It's funny that we so often force him to apologize, but at the same time we forget to show what exactly he did wrong. Ask a child! Perhaps he doesn't know what he did wrong.
2. Words are not equal to feelings. Did the child put himself in the other person's shoes to understand why his behavior was intolerable?
3. It's okay to feel. There may be times when your child is upset or angry. These feelings force him to do something unpleasant for others.
Acknowledge his emotions. We just have to help him learn how to express them correctly.
4. Is there a small action that can help a child realize the mistake? If words are backed up by action, this will give him strength and confidence that he has not done something irreparable and can change the situation.
5.
Does your child feel loved? Children often take comments made much more sharply than we mean. We must make it clear that we are condemning the action, not the child itself.
I want my children to understand what they regret and not just say "I'm sorry." I want them to think about how to avoid this situation happening again in the future.
Here are the rules according to which we usually ask for forgiveness:
I'm sorry - for what?
Now, when a child says “sorry,” I clarify: “What are you asking for forgiveness for?” This addition forces the child to think about his actions, become aware of them and take responsibility for them.
Sometimes the child answers: “I don’t know.” This indicates that the situation needs to be clarified. The child simply does not understand that he acted badly, or does not know how differently he should have behaved in this situation.
We're talking about this. We discuss the situation and come up with an action plan for next time.
Game plan
At the top of my list of parental disappointments is how quickly after a punishment a child receives it again for a similar act... That is why immediately after “I’m sorry” and the subsequent explanation of “why”, my children have to talk about their plan of action or reaction next time .If they need help, we strategize together for next time.
"My sister took my toy and didn't give it back, so I hit her." "What will you do differently next time? Try talking to her first. Ask for your toy. Then offer to trade. If that doesn't work, talk to mom."
Feelings are normal
If yours, then this is probably the result of strong feelings that he experiences. What are these feelings? I am amazed at how effective just acknowledging these feelings can help a child calm down. Children NEED to understand how they feel. We can then talk about how to cope with these strong feelings."Are you angry because someone took your toy? It's natural. I'd be upset too if someone took my things. The problem isn't that you're angry. Everyone gets angry, but we have to treat ours right." anger. We might hit someone because we're angry. But a better place to start is by talking to that person. If that doesn't work, talk to Mom or Dad."
Action plan - get it right
Did the action for which the child is apologizing cause harm to someone? Is anyone in pain? Is there anything he can do to improve the situation? If this is the case, he has an obligation to do what he can to solve the problem.
The phrase “I’m sorry” will not replace the glass in your neighbor’s window broken by a ball. And if you took something, it must be returned. If you break something, you can try to repair it or earn money to cover the damage. If you have hurt someone, you can calm that person down and try to make things right.
Children who take action to improve the situation are encouraged to look for other non-violent solutions to their problems. This encourages them to show greater respect for other people's property and strengthens personal responsibility.
Condemn the action, not the child
Children constantly learn to control their strong feelings and emotions. It's difficult and they make a lot of mistakes along the way. We need to remind them that we love them.We may not like their actions, but we love the children themselves. We believe in them. They can try again. They can correct their behavior. They can be stronger and learn to handle difficult situations with grace and courage. It's a process and we are willing to be with them while they learn. Talk to your child about this.
Disputes will occur as children grow and develop. However, instead of a forced “sorry”, which means nothing to anyone, our children can fully discuss any trouble. They can express their feelings. They can talk about it. They can realize their ability to solve problems rather than just react mindlessly.
Translation by Marina Polskaya especially for "Mamsila"
Is it true that only weak-willed people apologize? What happens when you apologize a quick fix", or "patch"?
It's clear that since no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, sooner or later you - or your loved one - are bound to do something wrong. You - or he - will be offended, angry, sulky, perhaps decide to do something to spite him, or won’t talk to him for three days. This is if some everyday trifle happened, let’s say.
What if the conflict that happened was related to something more serious? For example, with something that is extremely important for you, with something that you consider valuable or principled.
Such troubles happen not only in personal or family relationships, but also in work and friendship relationships. In any case, the approach to asking for forgiveness will still be the same.
Do I need to ask for forgiveness?
The answer will always be the same - of course yes!
One may come across the opinion that apologies are for weaklings, that apologies are not compatible with the paradigm of success and the desire to constantly win that is widespread today. Because asking for forgiveness means admitting your weaknesses and mistakes. What a horror, isn't it? :)
With inflated self-esteem and perfectionism, it is also very difficult to imagine that you are asking for forgiveness.
But in fact, asking for forgiveness requires a lot of moral strength. True forgiveness is the deepest asset of civilized man. Forgiveness is possible fix the relationship between two people, between groups of people, between nations and so on.
Forgiveness can cure pain damage to self-esteem and reduce harm, caused by humiliation. But despite the importance of forgiveness, we do not know how to apologize. And we don’t teach this to our children. Therefore, it would be good for every person to learn correctly ask for forgiveness, because the “never apologize for anything” attitude will sooner or later lead to a breakdown in the relationship and, possibly, to isolation.
“Quick” or “patchy” apologies
I would immediately like to warn against false, formal apologies, as well as “hurried” apologies. Let's call them all " patches". Also in this group you can add requests for forgiveness that were expressed, but were not accepted, and those that remained at the level of intentions and were never expressed.
It seems to us that if we quickly patch up the damage we caused to another person, then this will be enough, he will forgive, and everything will be as before. But in fact, if all you do is try to superficially patch up a hole in your relationship, that's exactly what you will end up with - a superficially patched hole.
Maybe someday it will “overgrow” itself properly, but, firstly, there are no guarantees, and secondly, it is not known when this will happen. And even worse - failed and untenable apologies can worsen relationships, can create conditions for resentment to “bloom” for life, and even conditions for revenge.
So, it's not worth the risk. If you’re going to ask for forgiveness, then do it in a normal way, without trying to quickly patch up all this nonsense.
Reasons for asking for forgiveness: Damaging the other person's self-esteem
The most common and most powerful reason for asking for forgiveness is, without a doubt, personal offense. Ignoring, underestimation, unfair accusation, betrayal, public humiliation - these and other things can cause serious damage to another person's self-concept. Self-concept is a psychological term that denotes a wide range of a person’s ideas about himself, about what he is, what he would like to be, how he would like to look in the eyes of others, how he would like to develop in the future, and so on.
Regardless of the relationship in which the “wound” is inflicted—personal, friendly, or work—in each specific case, the damage to the self-concept will depend on several features:
- what personal significance this event has for this person;
- what is the relationship between the offender and the offended at the moment;
- how strong is the tendency of the offended person to take everything to heart.
Therefore, all people can react differently to the same “reasons for offense”: some will react painfully, while others will forget everything in 5 minutes.
How to ask for forgiveness: right and wrong
In practice, asking for forgiveness is not easy. A request for forgiveness has several components, or components, without which the request most likely will not work or will look like a “patch.” Here are the components we are talking about:
- You must clearly understand what exactly did you do wrong: You violated some moral norm or damaged the relationship in some way. You are completely accept responsibility for that. Your request for forgiveness should be specific, without any general words like “I'm sorry, I did something wrong.” Your request for forgiveness also makes it clear that you have hurt the other person. This component allows both participants to feel that they have common moral values.
- The second important component of a successful request for forgiveness is an explanation of why you did this. The point of this component is to show the other person that this action does not characterize you as a whole, this action was simply a mistake. You can say that you were tired, inattentive, in love, under the influence of alcohol, in the end - and it’s worth emphasizing that you won’t do that again. Speaking of this, no need to humiliate yourself: Every person has the right to make a mistake, and every person has the right to sincerely regret what they did.
- The third important component is to let the person know that your action was not aimed at his personality. You probably didn't want to actually hurt him personally. This will make him feel safe interacting with you in the future. Well, if you really wanted to hurt him personally, well, that means you will have to accept responsibility for this action of yours.
- The fourth component - you must be it's unpleasant to apologize. You may feel guilt, shame, regret, or anxiety about the relationship - and that's normal. If you don't show these emotions, your apology will be perceived as a formal "fix".
- The fifth component, oddly enough, is called "compensation". Quite often it happens that words alone may not be enough. “Is there anything I can do for you now?”- here is an open offer of “damage compensation”. Pay for a broken vase, invite a friend to a movie that you promised to watch together and forgot, apologize to a colleague whom you offended with a careless word at a meeting. This rule applies even to long-term personal relationships. I would like to immediately warn you: do not underestimate the “reimbursement”. In theory, how much you “destroyed” is how much you “must compensate.” However, as in business negotiations, there may be an unspoken agreement between the parties about some other “compensation”. Typically, both parties understand what “compensation” will be sufficient. It's subtle but important process communication between two people.
- And one last thing. Be honest. If you say you won't do it again, make every effort to make it happen. If you promised to do something as “repayment,” do it without delay.
Nobody likes asking for forgiveness. This is no fun at all. Even adults say “I’m sorry, please” as if this apology had been pulled out of them with pincers for three hours, or, conversely, blushing and turning pale, they shyly whisper it, with their eyes buried in the floor. Nobody likes to be wrong, because it follows that I bad person. And we do everything in our power to avoid this feeling.
After all, we are good people, right? Caring, loving. We listen to the voice of conscience, do not offend the little ones, stand up for the weak, take care of environment and donate to charity. We are good people! A good people there is nothing to ask for forgiveness for.
And then suddenly it turns out that there is.
Gradually getting used to the idea that I, too, may be wrong is an important part of growing up.
Failure to ask for forgiveness often causes more harm than the bad transgression itself. We argue, we distort. We force the person we have offended to prove over and over again that he has the right to be offended, and in the end we still deny him this right.
We begin to perceive him as an enemy, and now we are the offended party. We demand an apology for making us feel worse than we think we are. And we don't learn anything.
It takes many years to come to terms with the need to ask for forgiveness. And this gradual getting used to the idea that I, too, can be wrong and offend someone, that I need to ask for forgiveness for this, is an important part of growing up.
So, here are five tips to help you master this adult skill.
1. Forget about “I know how you feel”
In fact, it is impossible to imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel what the other is experiencing. We experience and experience the world differently. We can guess and assume what is going on in the soul of our interlocutor, but we don’t know for sure. Moreover, we don’t need to be able to feel someone else’s pain as our own in order to believe in its sincerity. Just because this particular situation seems normal to us doesn't mean it does to others too. “I wouldn’t be offended by that,” we tell ourselves. So what? It's not about us at all.
2. Ask for forgiveness for the action.
Forget about the “I'm sorry that hurt you”, forget about the “I'm sorry, I didn't think you would take it that way.” An apology looks like this: “I did ________, which is why you ______. I'm sorry. Sorry." If you don't understand exactly how you offended the person, either make more effort to understand, or honestly admit that you don't care.
And if you don't care, just admit it. Say it out loud. It happens that we offend people and feel guilty. Sometimes we don’t feel the slightest remorse about this. In any case, we are responsible for our actions. Moreover, even if we don't feel guilty, the person who was hurt by our actions still has the right to feel offended.
3. If you feel guilty, think about how to fix the situation or how to prevent it from happening again.
Communicate your desire to the person you offended (if they want to listen to you). An apology is worthless if after a couple of minutes you have already forgotten what you did.
The person we hurt is absolutely not obligated to help us improve the situation.
An adult's apology suggests that he wants to compensate for the consequences of his actions or at least learn from his offense a lesson for the future. It is also important to take into account that the person we have offended is not obligated to help us in any way to correct the situation. This is our personal matter, and if suddenly he still meets us halfway, we should be grateful for that.
4. No “buts”
“I’m sorry, but...” - after such a beginning of a phrase, it is better to stop and douse yourself in ice water to come to your senses. This is not how they ask for forgiveness. That's how they argue. If we ask for forgiveness, we are talking only about our action and about the feelings of the person who was offended by this action. Our thoughts and experiences at this moment have nothing to do with the matter.
“But he also offended me!..” So be it. Put that aside for a second. Apologize. Allow the person to accept the apology. And only then, at the right moment, talk to him about your offended feelings. And if the interlocutor does not want to ask for forgiveness in return, well, that’s his business. This does not give us the right to take back our apology. We are responsible adults.
5. No one is obligated to forgive us.
The person we offended does not owe us anything. He has the right not to listen to apologies. He has the right not to accept them. He has the right not to love us. He has the right to respond by saying: “To hell with your apologies. You're a terrible person."
And that's okay. You may have actually behaved horribly. Nobody is obliged to be friends with us. No one is obliged to forgive us. And even if you repent every day, and they tell you again: “Nope, you’re not forgiven,” that’s also normal. This doesn't mean you have to repent for the rest of your life, but refusing to accept an apology shouldn't offend you. You did wrong. So the person you treated badly has every right to despise you. And this does not mean that you should not ask for forgiveness.
Whatever one may say, even if saying “sorry” is painful and unpleasant, it is still better than blushing and hiding our eyes when we meet the person we have offended.
About why we don’t like to apologize and how to teach a child to ask for forgiveness (and is it necessary?)...
How often do we apologize during the day?
- They said something rude to a loved one because bad mood;
- accidentally stepped on a neighbor’s foot in the subway;
- they wanted to clarify the route from a passerby - and conciliatoryly began the phrase with “I beg your pardon.”
Austrian linguist R. Rathmayr notes:
“An apology serves to present the speaker as a polite person who recognizes social norms.”
It would seem, why add “sorry” when we address someone on the street?
In order not to automatically classify apologies as verbal garbage, it should be recognized that even in such a banal everyday situation we invade the personal sphere and distract the person.
Yes, neutral politeness is a good helper in establishing communication in any case..
Reitmar also believes that “an apology is a procedure for restoring order and, therefore, it is at the same time a sign of a violation of the norm”. But which of us likes to admit that we were wrong?
There is an opinion that if we ask for forgiveness from the person we offended, we will feel better. However, research by social psychologist Tyler G Okimoto refutes this point of view.
Turns out, we feel much better when we don't apologize, even if we were really at fault. Such rebellion brings us much greater satisfaction, strengthens the feeling self-esteem and, so to speak, gives control over your life: We ourselves determine the line of our behavior, and not the other person or the norms of politeness.
This can be understood: I apologize to you - accordingly, I realize that I am wrong, therefore, you have the power to either forgive me or condemn me. I'm waiting for your decision and I'm not free.By apologizing, I am doomed to feel guilty, regardless of the outcome.
Although many people do not like to ask for forgiveness, we recognize that apologizing is a constructive practice. Apologizing means preventing a possible conflict:I was offended, but they apologized, and I have no reason to be offended.
An apology on an individual level can restore lost harmony and even lower blood pressure levels.
In a more global context public apology is still a powerful tool of diplomacy.
It must be remembered that apologies are difficult for people with weak self-esteem, sothe ability to ask for forgiveness is an indicator of personality maturity.
Jennifer Robbennolt, a professor of law and psychology at the University of Illinois, says common sense tells us that a defendant's apology before the investigation is completed can be harmful because it amounts to an admission of guilt. At the same time, an apology can play a positive role in the outcome of the case.
Robbennolt studied the behavior of more than 500 people during conflict resolution negotiations, from which the professor concluded that the apology helped reach an agreement and reduce the amount of financial compensation.
But it is important not only that you asked for forgiveness in principle, but also that how did you do that.
Showing compassion but abdicating responsibility in an “I’m sorry you’re feeling bad” way is not the best way to go: as Robbennolt points out, it will only further the trauma and escalate the conflict.
Do children want to apologize?
When we teach a child to apologize and assure him that this will make him happier, we are being disingenuous: it will become easier not for him, but for the one he offended. And if voluntary admission of mistakes brings us at least some profit, then Forcing an apology has nothing to do with relief: children feel vulnerable and are reluctant to apologize on command.
But a kind of blackmail works: if every time a child does something unseemly, he is forced to ask for forgiveness, the next time he will think about whether to pinch his desk neighbor or take away toys from his younger brother. Almost reflexive self-control is developed:If you don’t want an attack on your freedom, behave decently.
But is it worth resorting to such a remedy?
Research shows that children as young as four years old are able to understand the emotional consequences of an apology. They understand that by asking for forgiveness for a wrongdoing, they will lift the spirits of someone who is upset.
In addition, they themselves prefer to interact with those who are willing to admit their mistakes rather than with unrepentant bullies.
This is illustrated by a simple experiment, in which two groups of children took part, each with 4 first-graders.
In both groups, the child did not share toys with others; only in one group did he apologize for his greed, but in the other he did not.
In the group where the apology was made, the children rated the offender as a more pleasant person and felt better psychologically.
Or here's another experiment: V kindergarten six-year-old children built a tower, which was then destroyed by one of the pupils.
Well, apologizing may not take away our sadness, but it does allow us to view the apologizer positively.And if he also tries to correct the situation, we can even count on regaining the lost calm.
But does this mean we should teach children to apologize?
Apology: “secular hypocrisy” or the practice of humanity?
A group of American social psychologists decided to conduct a study that was supposed to clarify why parents teach or, on the contrary, do not teach children to ask for forgiveness.
For this purpose, 483 parents with children aged 3 to 10 years were selected, with the majority of the subjects being women.
The study authors asked How important is it for parents that their children who have offended another person apologize to him, Moreover, this question was proposed in different contextual variations.
So:
- 96% of parents believe it is important for their children to ask for forgiveness if they intentionally upset someone. Moreover, many are ready to remind the child that he should apologize, because, in their opinion, this helps instill responsibility, increases empathy and allows him to successfully cope with a difficult situation.
- 88% of parents agreed that it is important to apologize even when the offense was not intentionally caused. In this case, parents subconsciously want to save their children from the shadow that an, albeit random, but nevertheless unpleasant act casts on them.
- 5% of parents are sure that apologies are nothing more than empty words.
The last result is especially interesting: the same topic is discussed in the article “Why we shouldn’t force a child to apologize” Sarah Ockwell-Smith psychologist and author of books on natural parenting.
She sees an apology as a consequence of empathy: By asking for forgiveness, we seem to share the pain of the person we offended.
In children younger age As a rule, empathy is poorly developed. It turns out that they are asking for forgiveness for something that they cannot yet understand; “I’m sorry” is nothing more than an indulgence for them, freeing them from parental anger or the censure of others.
It turns out that an apology trades true empathy for a liberating lie.
“Do you want your child to learn to lie?”- Ockwell-Smith asks provocatively.
Instead of being forced to say “sorry,” the psychologist suggests teaching children by example: let parents who notice that their child has pushed another apologize to the offended person. And then, when they are alone with their child, they will discuss the situation in a calm tone.
But, if we start from Ockwell-Smith’s thought, it turns out that Are all the norms of politeness sheer hypocrisy? Is it when we say hello that we wish for health? And when we leave the routine “goodbye”, do we always dream of the next meeting?
Yes, perhaps these are “empty words,” but they help start a conversation and demonstrate a friendly attitude towards the interlocutor.
If we do not greet a person, it means that by refusing a greeting, we are signaling to him about our offense / contempt / reckless disregard for the conventions of etiquette.
You can break the rules, but to do this you need to know them.
So, instead of blindly teaching in what situations to ask for forgiveness, wouldn’t it be easier to create a safe atmosphere in which the child would feel confident enough to offer a sincere apology if he offended someone?
Admitting your mistakes is the practice of humanity. It is an acknowledgment that we are not perfect machines, programmed to do what is right, and are not immune to error.
It's not easy, but if you want to learn how to apologize sincerely, Denise D. Cummins in the book "Seven Powerful Ideas That Shape the Way We Think"advises:
First, realize that an apology is a message for the injured party.
It means not only that you are a living person with the right to make mistakes, but also that you do not deny another the right to attention and support, because he is a person just like you.
Secondly, remember: people who demand an apology from you do not need it, but your submission.
Submitting and needing support are two different things.published . If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the experts and readers of our project .
A fun guide to types of apologies in Japan:
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
“We must make the choice to liberate ourselves
and forgive everyone without exception, especially ourselves.
Even though we don’t know how to forgive, we have to really want it.”
Louise Hay
Everyone ever in your life were offended. And many of you are familiar with the reluctance to forgive a person who has caused harm.
You carry this burden with you day after day, nursing your hurt feelings, feeling sorry for yourself.
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But how does this benefit you? Remembering the offense, you again and again plunge into the events of the past, poisoning the present.
How to let go of this pain? What is real forgiveness? What means be able to forgive and how to achieve this?
If you have these questions, then you are on the path to true forgiveness.
Learn how to move from self-pity to liberation, strength and inner harmony.
What is forgiveness
How do you feel when you are offended?
Everything inside is compressed, you seem to be shackled, your consciousness narrows. You look at the world through the prism of your feelings and do not see the whole picture.
When you are offended by someone, you devote all your energy to fueling this resentment.
In this state your heart is closed, you are not capable of giving love. You cannot love yourself, your loved ones.
What is forgiveness?
There is an opinion that forgiveness is an act of mercy. By forgiving out of nobility, you fall into a trap. The resentment remains, but on a deeper level.
Your ego, increased from showing generosity towards the offender, seeks to hide your true feelings.
You are still offended, but now you are forced to hide it from yourself and from everyone.
Society also believes that giving in and forgiving is weakness and lack of will. But in reality this is show of force.
By forgiving, you become vulnerable, but at the same time, you gain strength and stop depending on the feelings that destroy you.
To hold a grudge against a person, no matter how much pain he causes you, means to be in a state of victimhood.
To forgive sincerely, accepting the situation, means free yourself.
By letting go of the past, you remove the dam built of claims, aggression, anger and resentment.
Energy begins to pour out from the heart, washing away painful emotions. At this moment, a transformation happens to you, you step into a new round of your spiritual evolution.
Look at the state of resentment from different angles to understand how this feeling can be used for your development.
What grudges are the hardest to let go of?
The deepest grievances are grievances against loved ones: parents, spouses.
It all starts with parents. You feel complaints for not loving, abandoning, not supporting, reproaching, criticizing, not believing in you, etc.
The child places a lot of expectations on his parents. And often they cannot cope with such volume.
Growing up, we understand that our parents loved as best they could, but the resentment still remains in our hearts. She goes into the unconscious.
And then it is projected onto life partners.
We transfer everything that we did not receive from our parents to our spouses, who, in turn, give us a reason to be offended, have complaints, etc.
But do not forget that we choose our parents ourselves long before birth. And they fulfill all the conditions and requirements of the contract concluded on the subtle plane.
Parents are the most powerful catalysts for our changes in ourselves. Important lessons and realizations are hidden in the most bitter grievances.
If for some reason we have not learned them with our parents, we transfer them to our partners: husbands, wives.
Take a closer look at your life, analyze the chain of key events, starting from childhood, and you will definitely find this truth, for which you actually came here to earth, in this incarnation.
Ask yourself, what lesson did you choose to learn through your parents?
This article will help you find out what your parents taught you.
Why do you need to forgive?
“As soon as a person gets sick,
he needs to search in his heart who needs to be forgiven.”
Louise Hay
Who needs forgiveness more, the offender or you?
Not everyone who hurt you knows about it. And not everyone feels guilty.
And you walk around with your resentment or feeling of betrayal all the time.
You replay this traumatic situation over and over again, destroying myself from the inside.
This pain is with you all the time. You cling to it with a death grip. The longer you hold a grudge, the harder it is to let go.
When you are energetically depleted, you do not live to your full potential, you do not feel happy, you are not able to love, because your heart is closed.
It's no longer a secret that thoughts supported by emotions are material. What we send into the Universe comes back to us in multiplied form.
By resisting forgiveness, you put yourself in great danger.
On the etheric plane, clots of energy are formed, which subsequently turn into real physical diseases.
See below what diseases cause unforgiven grievances:
“Don't think about what your forgiveness means for your opponents, those who have wronged you in the past. Enjoy what forgiveness does for you. Learn to forgive, and it will become easier for you to go towards your dreams, unencumbered by the baggage of the past.”
Nick Vujicic
To move from resentment to forgiveness means to move from the state of a victim to the state of a creator.
First of all, you need want to forgive.
If you are grieving, it may not even occur to you that forgiveness is the best way to resolve the situation.
Instead, you digest the options of what you would say or how you would act in that situation, how you should behave further with this person and how to punish him.
All offenders are our teachers.
We subconsciously we want to be offended and therefore we attract such people into our lives. Why are we doing this? Everyone has their own answer.
There is not a single offense inflicted on us just for the sake of suffering. They all contain a treasure that, when discovered, makes us wiser.
Allow yourself to look at the situation from this perspective, and you will see what is really hidden behind the resentment.
The more painful the injury, the more valuable the experience it contains.
When you realize the hidden value of betrayal, you will realize that there's nothing to forgive you for. And you will experience a feeling of gratitude and unconditional love for the offender.
If situations constantly occur in your life when you are betrayed or humiliated, this indicates that you stubbornly do not want to see something important, necessary for your spiritual development.
Understand that the soul does not derive pleasure from inflicting pain.
On a subconscious level, a person suffers when he is forced to behave in this way. Part of him doesn't understand why he does this.
By forgiving, you free both yourself and him from fulfilling this contract. You give the person the opportunity to show their true feelings for you.
10 steps from resentment to forgiveness
We have created an infographic especially for you, which describes the main steps to help you achieve forgiveness:
Taking the path of forgiveness is not easy.
It takes courage to look at betrayal as a problem of your own making. But it is difficult to take just the first step.
Once you realize the true role of the offender in your life, you are able to truly forgive him by accepting your feelings.
This way you make room for love, compassion in your heart, change your life and become wiser.
Good luck to you on this path. And let it be easy!