Understanding is the main key to success in relationships between people. If a marriage breaks up, conflicts occur at work, communication with friends or relatives stops, we usually say that there is a loss of understanding. This means that for some reason two people have moved away from each other or hostility has arisen between them. How to avoid this and learn to understand your loved ones?
What does it mean to understand a person?
How to understand another person
To learn to understand other people, make it a rule not to perceive events and phenomena only through the prism of your own views and beliefs. Sometimes this can be very difficult; if you are still able to understand one person, then the other is a complete mystery to you due to differences in opinions.
How to understand that a person is lying
It is quite difficult to immediately understand whether a person is telling the truth or not. He can lie selflessly and quite convincingly, but his gestures, facial expressions and manner of speech will sooner or later give him away. Knowing about some psychological techniques and methods, you can easily expose a liar.
- Take a close look at the interlocutor; his eyes can tell about his sincerity. Psychologists believe that if a person looks up while talking to you, it means he is remembering something, that is, he is turning to visual memory. But moving the gaze to the right and down indicates an internal monologue and careful selection of words. Body language is very important here, twitching a shoulder or leg, taking a step back, lifting your chin - all this is also an alarming signal.
- It is possible to expose a deceiver by observing him. A person can tell something with interest and gesticulate, trying to captivate you, and at the same time shake his head from side to side, as if disagreeing with himself. Other signs of lying include regularly touching the lips, neck and nose, clasping one's fingers, or stroking one hand with the other (a gesture of self-soothing).
- Trying to mislead, the interlocutor often deviates from the main topic and talks about all sorts of nonsense, stretching out time and wondering whether to tell the truth. Ask him a direct question, most likely he will become confused and admit to deception.
- To find out the information you need, do not warn the person that the conversation will take place. Go beyond the standard script, ask the same unexpected questions, change their wording periodically.
- Never post everything you know at once, use leading questions; when there is enough information, you can compare it with the information you know.
LET'S CHECK OURSELVES
1. What kind of person can you call good friend? Why?
2. What interferes with friendship? Give examples from life about how different guys are friends: how they play together, work, how they help each other, why they quarrel, how they make peace.
3. What human qualities Do you consider the most important for friendship: help, kindness, the ability to forgive insults, the ability to listen, the desire to give gifts, share things, the ability to stand up for a friend, share joy or sorrow?
IN THE CLASSROOM AND AT HOME
1*. Describe an incident from your life or an action literary hero, which would speak of true camaraderie.
2. Think about your relationships with your classmates. What do you like and what offends and upsets you? How do you feel about your desk neighbor? to the guys who study well? to girls classmates? to boys classmates?
I really enjoy communicating with my classmates. Only one thing can offend me - an insult. My desk neighbor is very friendly, always ready to help if I don’t understand something. I am drawn to guys who study well, because in the future I want to go to university. I treat girls very well, I think that they should be respected and loved. You need to maintain good relationships with the boys so that there is someone to help you in difficult times.
3. Little Katya is very happy - her dad recovered. He was ill for more than a year, was in the hospital, and underwent three operations. Mom and Katya were grieving. More than once, Katya would wake up at night and hear: her mother was quietly crying. And today my father is already at work. Healthy and cheerful.
The girl met two of her classmates, Petya and Grisha, in the yard and shared her joy:
- Our dad has recovered!
The boys looked at Katya in surprise, shrugged their shoulders and, without saying anything, ran to chase the ball. Katya approached the girls playing hopscotch.
“Our dad has recovered,” she said. One of the girls, Nina, asked in surprise:
- So what?
Katya felt a heavy lump roll into her throat and it became difficult for her to breathe. She went to a lonely tree and began to cry.
Why do you think Katya cried? Did Katya's classmates want to offend her? What did Katya want to hear from the guys? What would you do in the place of Katya's classmate? What does this story teach?
4. Take a closer look at which of your classmates can calmly justify their opinions and calmly listen to others. What helps you understand others and be understood?
Broadness of thought helps to understand others and to be understood. In general, if you don’t understand, then you should clarify, otherwise there is a chance of inadvertently offending a person.
5. All students in the class play this game. Each row is a team. Assignment to the teams: take turns singing or reciting a verse of any famous song about friendship. The team that misses its turn loses.
“What helps us better understand another (a representative of a different nationality, religion, other worldview)? ”
Introductory part.
1) Relevance of the topic.
This topic is relevant because:
firstly, working on this topic will help me develop my abilities and skills for this type of project;
secondly, for the last 2 years I have been thinking about a topic of this kind, and when the chance arose to work on such a topic, I decided not to miss this opportunity.
2) The problem is in my topic.
This topic takes the scope of humanity and the whole world. I believe that any conflicts, wars, disagreements, etc. occur due to a lack of understanding of each other, and towards each other. People do not know how and do not want to understand other people. For this, I think we should consider the reasons for our misunderstanding towards each other, and only then think about what can help us with this .
Main part.
1) Determination of the purpose and objectives of the study.
The purpose of this study is to obtain the correct answer and solution to the question posed: “What helps us better understand another (a representative of a different nationality, religion, other ideological positions)?”
The objective of this study is to collect as much information as possible, both theoretically and practically.
2) Theoretical part.
"
What helps us better understand another (a representative of a different nationality, religion, other ideological positions)?"? I think that this question is asked by those people who think about the present and the future of people (well, in extreme cases, about their own). Tell me, that I’m exaggerating everything too much, and that there’s no need to globalize everything like that, but I’ll tell you: “no,” because I approach this issue, this topic, in my own way.
So, before asking the question: “What helps us better understand another...?”, I think we need to ask the question: “Do we even need to understand another...?” I think this is necessary. Necessary, because .To. if you have no understanding for another person, therefore, you have a misunderstanding for him. If you have a misunderstanding for a person, then there will be a quarrel between you, then disagreement, then conflict, then enmity, and ultimately war. I think it’s clear what am I thinking... Again, not everyone asks this question. Why? I think it’s because people in the world are becoming indifferent to everything and everyone.
It seems to me that I am alonethe reasons for the misunderstanding between different people is their indifference to others, which also leads to selfish preferences. The second reason I would say is that people always pay attention to such “little things” as faith, nationality, race, etc. On the one hand, these are important things, because .k are a component of a person, but it is not an object due to which people would not understand each other. As I already told people, it is necessary to understand each other, but for this you need to make certain steps (concessions), perhaps, for some, difficult steps. I believe that these concessions are: showing respect for the other, the ability to listen to the other, and in the end imagining oneself in the place of another person, and all this leads to correct communication.
I would like to know if there are any individuals, figures, etc. who have at least somehow touched upon this topic?
“Understanding is the beginning of agreement” (Benedict Spinoza) ( https://shkolazhizni.ru/psychology/articles/61503/) Perhaps most of all, many people lack tolerance and the ability to understand another person. If the interlocutor has views or intentions different from ours, then automatically, unconsciously, we become aggressive towards him. We probably all know how it happens when you suddenly find yourself in the middle of an angry argument, even if the topic is not serious and the opponent is a stranger. It is very important not to immediately dismiss views that differ from yours. After all, how many people there are, so many opinions. And it is difficult to say that any of them is more correct than the other. Just try to understand the other person. Why does he think so, why does he disagree with your point of view. Think about how to show him your point of view, explain to him why you adhere to it. Tell the person this directly. Talk about it. After all, often during a conversation people say one thing, but they feel and think something completely different.
.
Practical part .
I decided to conduct a small survey (https://www.testograf.ru/ru/oprosi/aktualnie/4c0431ef74015a543.html) , which would help me consider the point of view of different people (different nationalities, religions, worldviews) using social networks such as Facebook, Instagram, VKontakte regarding the main issue of my project.
Here's what happened:
Based on the data presented above, we can say that the majority believes that it is important to understand other people, but there are still those who disagree with this statement.
Conclusion.
Looking at the practical part of my work, we can say that people want to understand different people, perhaps they know the reasons for misunderstanding among themselves, and they know what would help them understand others, but at the same time people take into account those very “little things” (above said). You know, we are all different. This survey was “not live”, and therefore we cannot find out whether people answered sincerely or not. But I would like to believe that they did so sincerely. Even if these were sincere answers, the question is asked: “And do you use all this in your life?". In my opinion, perhaps only a few...
For this purpose, in the “Theoretical Part” of my work, I expressed my point of view on this issue. Perhaps this will be useful for someone.
Summing up my work, I would like to say again, or rather make a call for people to understand each other, because this is one of the important components in our lives.
Sources:
The main source of all information is personal archive and life experience.
With long-term communication, people gradually get to know each other better and begin to understand their partner more deeply and objectively. What helps you understand your interlocutor? Experience, knowledge... What else?
It is easier to know people in general than one person in particular.
F La Rochefoucauld
Experience is the son of difficult mistakes...
With long-term communication, people gradually get to know each other better and begin to understand their partner more deeply and objectively. And although the influence is so strong that it continues to operate even when people communicate for quite a long time, it gradually weakens.
We receive a lot of information about a person, his experiences and states, not only and not so much from verbal (verbal) sources. At the same time, we do not always understand how we managed to extract this or that information.
Many believe that experience helps in communication. But is it?
Many people have lived to see gray hairs and have never learned to understand what is happening to their interlocutor. Meanwhile, there are young people who seem to intuitively feel who they are communicating with. And children probably have the thinnest “antennas”: they not only correctly pick up the signals that adults send them, but also immediately adapt to them.
Experience often “substitutes” us, pulling outdated attitudes, dogmas and subjective assumptions from the subconscious.
It turns out that experience is not always the best assistant during communication. What helps then?
Does knowledge always help?
Psychological research shows: information about a person’s emotional states, attitude towards others, as well as attitude towards oneself is carried by almost all details of external appearance. Gestures, facial expressions, and general style of behavior are important. manner of dressing, gait, habitual postures, spatial orientation in relation to partners...
The main source of information about a person is face. It’s not for nothing that they say: “it’s written all over the face.”
Moody, funny, spiritual, enlightened... All emotions are primarily reflected on the face. There are seven basic emotions: happiness, interest, surprise, suffering, anger, disgust (or contempt), fear. We read them very quickly and accurately.
The direction of gaze plays an important role when reading information from the face. It is unpleasant to communicate with someone who often looks away and does not look at the interlocutor. What is a person hiding from us? But looking too closely cannot be called comfortable: you feel like you’re under investigation.
What does the direction of gaze express?
Foreign psychologists believe that gaze is directly related to the process of forming a statement. When a person first formulates a thought, he often looks to the side (“into space”). If the thought has already been formulated, the person looks at the interlocutor. When talking about difficult things, they look at the interlocutor less, but as soon as the difficulty is overcome, the duration of eye contact increases.
Usually the one who speaks looks less at the partner: he looks only to check the reaction and interest of the interlocutor. The listening side looks more towards the speaker and “sends” feedback signals to him.
But there are situations when the face becomes not very informative: when a person controls his facial expressions. For example, during observance of rituals, rules of etiquette, when we consciously try not to show our interlocutor our true feelings.
Then the main source of information becomes body. It is more difficult to control, and it becomes a “place of information leakage” about true mental states.
For example, gait. It is recognizable, individual and reveals an emotional state. A “heavy” gait, as a rule, betrays anger. The greatest stride length is when a person is proud. In suffering, a person hardly swings his arms; they “hang.” In a state of happiness, a person seems to be “flying”: his steps are light and frequent.
But, again, although knowledge of non-verbal language helps, it can fail at the right moment. What won't let you down?
By the way, you can learn more about nonverbal human behavior here:
Empathy is a helper
Can help you deeply understand a person empathy- a special attitude towards the partner, a special focus on him. No matter how wise we are in experience and knowledge, to understand a person, we need to really want it.
It is important to want to understand why a person is worried, what he is thinking about, his point of view and way of thinking.
Have you noticed? In relationships with loved ones and friends, everything seems to happen by itself, without much effort or effort. This is because we really want to understand the other, we are afraid of offending or doing something wrong.
Empathy is based on the desire and ability to put oneself in the place of another, to look at everything through his eyes, to feel his condition, and to take all this into account in one’s behavior. You can read more about empathy here:
P.S. What, in your opinion, helps most to understand the interlocutor? What can make communication successful?
PHOTO Getty Images
“I can’t imagine why he did this”... “I don’t understand your feelings!” Many of us, even if we did not say these words out loud, have felt something similar. Sometimes we really lack the ability to read other people's thoughts and feelings. Some are lucky - and they are gifted with empathy almost from birth. What about the rest? Are they doomed to remain ignorant? Not at all.
The ability to understand other people can be developed. Two simple and fun exercises will help with this. Both are variations on a basic technique called "Doubling" in psychodrama. When there is a desire or need to better understand a person’s condition, you take on the role of an interlocutor for a while, try to think with his head, feel with his body, and pronounce his condition.
Method 1. With strangers
For example, on public transport you can choose one of the passengers to train. Now mentally imagine that you are him. Become one. What do you think about when you are him? How do you feel? What emotions are you experiencing? Be careful to speak in the first person (not “he rejoices,” but “I rejoice”), as if putting yourself in his place.
It is not a fact that you will guess the parameters of the passenger’s condition. And even if you guess right, it’s not always possible to check. But the task here is different - to get used to entering the role of another person, to try on his state on yourself. You can also train in the park or in a cafe. At the end of the exercise, do not forget to “come to your senses,” that is, remind yourself who you are.
Method 2. With friends
Play a guessing game with a friend.
1. Invite a friend to participate in the experiment.
2. Place a chair next to his chair so that you are facing the same direction. A bench or sofa will also work.
3. Ask a friend to sit quietly for a while (15–20 seconds is enough).
4. Imagine that you are him. You can reproduce his pose and try to synchronize the rhythm of your breathing.
5. Now, as if from his role, pronounce the state in the first person. For example: “I’m calm and I like this game” or “I’m feeling a little irritated because you pestered me with this game and I didn’t finish my coffee.”
6. The task of the person being duplicated is to repeat only that part of the message that was guessed. You can’t say “no” or “wrong”. If not a single word of the “understudy” is suitable, then his interlocutor simply describes his condition in his own words.
The dialogue might look like this:
Understudy (D): I'm a little tired, so much work has accumulated.
Subject (I): I'm tired because I didn't get enough sleep today.
D: If I got more sleep, I would feel more alert.
AND: I would feel more energetic if this exhausting renovation was over.
D: I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension.
AND: I don’t like it when something is unfinished, it creates constant tension
The exercise lasts on average 2-3 minutes. If you wish, you can switch roles.
How to use
In its pure form, technology is not used in communication. But if you practice it regularly, you will be able to come much closer to understanding the feelings and thoughts of other people than before. This will help you build good relationships and resolve conflicts more easily.
Anton Vorobyov is a clinical psychologist, business coach, psychodrama specialist. On June 10 and 11 he conducts master classes “Work for joy or play at work” and “Guitar Light” at the Moscow Psychodrama Conference. For details, see the website http://pd-conf.ru/.