It seems to me that Bok Ja is not smart, she is cunning in everyday life, she knows how to tame a man and squeeze all the money and fortune out of him, but how to manage it wisely is not given to her. No what you wrote about Ah Jin
After all, you could learn a lot for this money, but Bok Ja didn’t understand this. She saw only her ideal - Ah Jin, but could not copy it on her own.
I always think that if Bok Ja and Ah Jin were combined in one image, what kind of woman would they turn out to be! The intelligence, charm and dignity of Ah Jin and the mercantile aspirations of Bok Ja and the search for love and family. And I thought - this will be the image of a classic adventurer, wandering in American films. No, the coconuts turned out to be much more interesting and deeper.
The long-awaited ending to this simply extraordinary drama. Two amazing actresses made this drama unforgettable. Now I have two favorite roles of Kim Sun Ah - in this drama and the unforgettable Kim Sam Soon. Kim Hee Sun simply blossomed as Ah Jin. Sheer grace, dignity and sound mind.
but when embarking on such an adventure, she had to be smarter in communicating in the family and in society. Is a simple maid capable of this? I think yes, I should have intuitively understood this. But she did not have enough patience and kindness (although what am I talking about when the idea was to rob the old man), or basic everyday cunning to establish relationships with the servants of the house, the children of this large family, with family members. Win as many people as possible over to your side. And the most fertile ground for this would be the children of the family. After all, she herself lived a difficult childhood, she should know how important at a young age well-being, tranquility and prosperity. After all, you need to get an education (and it’s not cheap) and a start in adult life. You don’t have your own children, so put all your warmth into, although not your own, but actually grandchildren. I'm happy for Ah Jin - she simply revels in freedom, happiness with her daughter and her loved one. She is proud of her importance in society, her ability to support her family and her success in business.
"Everyone dreams of being happy. Everyone desires to have what they don't have. They think that's how they will be happy. But happiness brings light into your life when you actually let go of those desires." As Ah Jin always said, “I never wanted what didn’t belong to me.” To be happy, you need to balance your desires with your abilities and everyday circumstances. And then it will come. No, you need to dream, strive for a higher goal, but still not forget about the present and be more practical.
“His heart rate is clearly too high,” “You don’t value yourself, you deserve much more,” you can hear out of the corner of your ear or directly addressed to you. What kind of CSD is this? Self-esteem, which shows how much a person respects, values and loves himself. It also determines the level of aspirations, and indeed activity in life, its very content and success. Self-esteem can be inadequate (overestimated or underestimated) and adequate, but it cannot but exist.
Self-esteem (SSD) is significantly associated with. But this is not the only component and not its synonym. ChSD – a complex system interdependent. In addition to self-esteem, self-perception and other products of the self also contribute: self-esteem, self-awareness. Roughly speaking, self-esteem is the result of a person’s assessment of his own importance and worth.
Accordingly, this comes out of self-knowledge, healthy. But what is self-knowledge? Getting a person to know himself (with all his strengths and weaknesses, innate characteristics) and identifying interests, forming his own worldview. However, is this based solely on self-esteem and self-analysis? No. From birth, the child perceives himself as adults see him, which they readily express through: “what a good boy”, “you are bad, unhearing”, “you can’t do anything”, “you can’t be relied on”, “you are my support in life”. life." Using these phrases as an example, which of them do you think will form adequate self-esteem and an adequate heart rate, and which will form an underestimated one?
Low self-esteem is based on inadequate criticism and demands, humiliation, insults, coercion from the environment, smoothly turning into elements. As for the inflated FSN, its roots are the god complex, permissiveness, and the “idol of the family.”
A sense of personal dignity consists not only of a sense of one’s own value, but also of the value of everything that is directly related to the individual:
- family;
- partner in a relationship;
- Job;
- hobbies;
- Friends;
- hobby;
- interests.
Some elements depend on us, this is directly our choice, and some do not. For example, by humiliating his partner, a person humiliates himself, because being in a relationship with this person is his choice. But no one chooses the family into which to be born. Therefore, it is wrong to humiliate yourself because of your parents’ unworthy lifestyle.
Risks of inadequate heart rate
First of all, among the risks, it is worth talking about humiliation. With a low sense of self-esteem, a person allows himself to be humiliated, and with an overestimated sense of self-esteem, he humiliates other people. Naturally, this deteriorates relationships with others. In addition, with an overestimated heart rate, a person suffers from disappointments. If it is underestimated, it occupies money, suffers from self-flagellation, failure and unhappiness in life.
Surely you are familiar with this assessment system: “This is beneath my dignity” / “I am not worthy of this.” However, both of these statements can be either adequate or inadequate. It all depends on the context. But the situation is further aggravated by the difference in interpretation of who a “worthy person” is. There is no single measure of human dignity. Therefore, you should focus on the beliefs and values of a particular society, reference group and your own internal attitudes. Some people define dignity by social status, others by socially useful deeds, and others take into account all three components or name a fourth criterion.
Self-esteem also comes with responsibility. Namely, the responsibility for maintaining one’s dignity and avoiding actions that deprive one of self-respect. The border of the affected CSD is . A blow to self-esteem and shame from what happened is a common reason for victims to remain silent about rape and beatings. Some people are especially vulnerable; even everyday troubles can hurt their dignity. The result is the same - shame, humiliation, isolation. And if the values that determine self-esteem differ from person to person, from culture to culture and from society to society, then the shame of loss of dignity is inevitable for everyone.
How to raise CHSD
The development of self-esteem and self-awareness, and therefore a sense of significance, depends on the nature of the child’s relationship with his mother. With good mutual understanding (understanding the child’s needs, attention and communication, providing independence in choosing actions and privacy), healthy self-esteem is formed. The development of self-awareness and self-esteem depends on respect for the child’s personal space (everyone needs this from birth; the child must be alone in front of the mother’s eyes, under her control).
Due to the mother's anxiety about losing control over the child and the need to regularly receive love from the child, sometimes the baby is completely deprived of free time and the opportunity to realize himself. With anxious mothers and in overprotective families, children grow up passive, uninitiative, and dependent.
So, self-esteem stems from the relationship between the child and mother in early childhood. The following scenarios are popular:
- When a child is given personal space in the presence of his mother (another significant adult), he develops the attitude: “I have the right to mind my own affairs. I can be myself even in the company of other people. I don’t have to constantly interact with someone and I don’t have to impose.”
- With overprotection, the child receives the instruction: “Everything must be strictly under control. Independence and spontaneity are not allowed. It is my responsibility to continually demonstrate my care and love for others.”
- In a situation where the mother expresses her dissatisfaction and the inability to deal with personal affairs, forced communication with the child, he develops the attitude: “I need to be grateful that someone even wants to communicate with me and spend time. Someday I'll be left alone. I always bother others."
- When a mother indulges her child and treats her as an idol, the attitude is formed: “Everyone owes me for spending time with them. I can get whatever I want for the very fact of my existence.”
In the first case, self-esteem is developed adequately, in the second and third cases - a low sense of self-esteem. In the fourth case - an inflated sense of self-esteem. Accordingly, self-esteem is adequate, underestimated and overestimated (in the same order).
A child’s self-rejection at an early stage of development causes a deficit of self-esteem in the future. Accordingly, self-acceptance builds healthy self-esteem.
Restoration and preservation of heart rate
Adequate self-esteem is essential for human survival and... However, even correct self-love and self-respect are perceived by some people as boasting and arrogance.
As we found out, self-esteem begins to form in childhood. In psychotherapy, as a rule, it turns out that for the first time a person heard an assessment of his own worthlessness in childhood from a significant adult, and a little later he subconsciously accepted this as his own opinion.
Identification with the aggressor - in which the victim “whitens” the image of the aggressor. In this case, we are talking about primary independent self-humiliation and self-condemnation, unpleasant statements addressed to oneself by the victim before the aggressor does it (or would do it in the victim’s mind).
How to understand own feeling dignity? First of all, answer two questions:
- What am I proud of about myself?
- What aspects of my personality and life would I like to hide?
Additionally, you can note what values and guidelines prevail in society and a certain group. How do they relate to the previous answers? Sometimes it turns out that both a reason for pride and a subject of mystery are one and the same. How is this possible? When the development situation does not correspond to the realities and characteristics of the individual, it infringes on it.
The work of preserving and restoring self-esteem involves sorting out the “mess” in your head into conscious and subconscious, distinguishing between your own judgments and those of others from the outside. But only a professional psychoanalyst can carry out such work. The fact is that if there are obvious problems in self-esteem and signs, then independent “flashes” of rationality and clear perception of the situation will not be stable.
The goal of work to restore and maintain self-esteem is to receive and accept the real Self, separating it from all imposed and fictitious images:
- The feeling that I exist. You need to realize your self, the very fact of the existence of a unique person with his own actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings.
- Awareness of who I am. Working with self-esteem involves realizing and searching for what kind of person he is and how he lives. The importance of personality already follows from this.
- Self-esteem is the value I place on my personality. If self-esteem is adequate, then I positively characterize my image. With low self-esteem, self-image is negative character, cause self-deprecation and feelings of inferiority. The roots of self-esteem are always anchored in the subconscious.
How to independently adjust the heart rate? First of all, realize that you really need it. Without. With its help, regain self-love and unconditional respect, and then find something for which you can be proud of yourself. Don't try to please all people. Choose your criteria for a worthy person and listen to the opinions of significant others.
Self-esteem is not given at birth. This is a product of socialization, education, teaching, suggestion, copying models, self-education, and so on.
Thus, in order to correct and maintain self-esteem, you need to work with self-esteem, self-confidence, independence, success, inner peace and harmony. Self-esteem is an individual’s self-respect, a sense of value and significance. Under what conditions will you be valuable and meaningful to yourself? What do you value in people?
A man who is confident own strength A person who is aware of his self-worth looks significant in the eyes of others. An elusive energy emanates from him, he is attractive and attracts others like a magnet. Why is this happening? It's very simple: such a person has self-esteem and unshakable faith in his capabilities.
The term “self-esteem and healthy self-concept” is often put on the same level with the concept of “self-esteem,” but there is a difference between them. Self-esteem refers to a person's inner feelings. The presence of self-esteem shows that not only the individual himself is aware of his importance, but also the people around him. Let's take a closer look at the signs of a person with self-esteem:
- He commands respect from them and behaves with dignity. Making high demands on others, he demands the same behavior from himself. A person with self-esteem is distinguished by neatness in clothing, calmness, absence of dishonest actions, good upbringing and manners, and a sense of freedom. He clearly knows his personal boundaries and does not allow anyone to violate them.
- This is not about pride or selfishness. Pride is a feeling of superiority over others when others are nothing compared to the proud person. A person with self-esteem does not assert himself at anyone’s expense. He is aware of his dignity and feels a sense of satisfaction from having something - individual qualities, achievements, successes, skills and abilities. Full acceptance of oneself, plus awareness of the value of one’s own personality without infringing on the rights of other people - all this implies the concept of dignity.
- This feeling can also be characterized as awareness of one’s importance, revealed, for example, in self-respect. A worthy person does not compare himself to anyone else, but only to himself. He understands that he is not perfect and strives to achieve success, capable of self-development and personal growth. Such a person is determined to achieve excellent results in any business he undertakes.
- A worthy person has inner world. He is collected, reliable and decisive. You can rely on him. He is distinguished by his ability to keep his word and be obligatory in business. Next to him, other people feel calm and confident. He does not humiliate those who are weaker and does not curry favor with strongmen of the world this.
- A person can worry inside, but remain calm outwardly, and knows how to restrain himself under any unforeseen circumstances. His thoughts do not “dance”, they are structured, his actions are thought out and his behavior is decisive.
- A valuable and confident person does not worry about trifles. He does not compete with anyone, does not strive to be the best and first in everything. He knows how to say “no”, does not follow the crowd, does not explain or justify his own actions.
- He is independent from others. He himself knows what to do and is responsible for his choice. Everything comes from his own views. He is self-sufficient and does not try to please others.
- Such an internal position also causes corresponding behavior: a person knows firmly how he can and should behave himself, and how people around him and in relation to him should behave. Unacceptable behavior is immediately stopped, and ties with those who allow it in relation to him are systematically interrupted.
Why is it important to have a sense of dignity?
I will list the main reasons why it is important to have self-esteem:
- A person full of self-confidence evokes similar feelings in others. He is reliable, knows how to navigate in any situation, you want to listen to him, you want to follow him. Those around him respect him and do not tolerate unworthy behavior towards him.
- If the sense of self-worth is reduced, a “victim” complex arises. An insecure and timid person realizes that he is pathetic and worthless. Those around him begin to treat him the same way. Development and achievements in such a situation are difficult.
- Those who do not love themselves and feel unworthy are haunted by failure. Each time he becomes convinced of his own inadequacy and does not notice his successes. He simply doesn't see them. The entire focus of attention is focused only on problems. Such a person is not aware of his rights. The situation may get worse. A person who is not confident in his own importance experiences a feeling of despondency, he bends under the weight of problems. A depressed state can lead to disorders nervous system, psychosomatic manifestations and prolonged depression.
- You pay for your lack of self-esteem with a lack of love and respect from others. Isn't the price too high?
Is it possible to change the situation? No one is born already possessing a sense of dignity. A person gains self-worth and self-respect through education. If from early childhood he received a lot of love and attention, felt needed and valuable, he will remain so for the rest of his life. If not, then there is a high chance of having low self-esteem, which leads to a lack of self-esteem.
How to develop a sense of dignity?
Self-esteem can be cultivated within yourself. To do this, it is important to understand that any person has personal rights and he:
- is not obliged to justify one’s own actions and words to anyone;
- can put his own interests first without infringing on the rights of others;
- may be weak, upset and count on help if he needs it;
- does not have to be perfect in everything he does;
- has every right to be alone;
- has the right to make a mistake and should not feel guilty when he makes one;
- has the right to his own opinion;
- worthy of love and respect, good attitude towards oneself;
- should not maintain relationships that destroy him;
- has the right to choose his own friends;
- can count on support and good attitude to oneself from others;
- may be imperfect;
- does not have to be an expert in all areas of knowledge;
- has every right to end relationships that do not bring him joy;
- should not be liked by everyone all the time;
- may be weak and depressed at times.
Psychologists say that cultivating a sense of dignity and worth is quite achievable. You need to focus on achievements, learn to notice them and believe that if something worked out, then it will work out in the future. Believe that a person is good as he is, accept himself with all his weaknesses and shortcomings. Everyone deserves the best by birthright.
Ways to increase self-worth:
- Positive statements (affirmations) help to develop self-esteem. Someone who is trying to develop self-worth may argue that he deserves to be treated well, loved and respected, to have his own home and other things that increase his level of comfort.
- An effective method of increasing self-esteem can be to write down your own achievements for the day and read this list to remind yourself.
- The method of asking yourself questions helps a lot. They are built on the principle: “I am worthy of respect because... (I have the right to this, I am smart and good man and so on)".
- Reading books and attending trainings to develop confidence and improve self-esteem can also develop self-esteem. Such trainings involve teaching confident and dignified behavior. You can start by reading the article on how to increase your self-esteem.
- Coaching is one of the development tools. This type of self-development is valuable because the mentor does not decide anything for the client, but tries to lead him to acceptance. independent decision. This is how the importance of the individual rises. A person learns to notice his desires, develop and behave with dignity. His personality can change dramatically thanks to his own efforts.
Thus, we can say that self-esteem is an indispensable foundation for the development, happiness, realization of a person, his personal growth. Of course, lucky is the one who was taught to be worthy from childhood. But if you are not one of them, there is no need to despair and give up, complain about fate, or blame everyone around for your troubles.
Feeling Dignified (video)
From the video you will learn a few more facts about self-esteem.
You can learn to be a worthy person and develop a sense of confidence in yourself. To do this, it is enough to make an effort, strive to become what you want. You need to work on yourself and change your own personality, your attitudes.
A person's merits cannot be judged by his good qualities, but by how he uses them.
F. La Rochefoucauld
Psychotherapist Linda Sanford, who coined the term “self-esteem,” has done a lot of work to help her patients improve their self-esteem.
Here's what she writes: “As a child, I had a low opinion of myself, and perhaps the most important thing we learned while working on our book was the understanding that self-esteem is not something innate, given from God, it needs to be developed in oneself.”
Feel how wonderful these words are! Do you understand what this means?
Even if at the moment you only give yourself a “C”, this does not mean that it will remain that way forever!
You will be able to develop your self-esteem, you will be able to increase your self-esteem. The time will come, and soon enough, when you will be able to give yourself an “A”! And I really hope that this book will help you with this. The most important thing is not to be lazy.
In order to solve a problem, you need to set a goal for yourself - that is, scientifically speaking, to create a dominant. In your case, the dominant is the formation of adequate self-esteem.
Self-esteem should not be overestimated (then they will laugh at you) or underestimated (then everyone who cares will wipe their feet on you, and you will not respect yourself).
Know that in interpersonal relationships with guys (and then with men) you need to be equal partners!
The problem with many girls is that they do not know how to demonstrate their obvious advantages.
And, of course, each has its merits! There are no people made up of only shortcomings, just as there are no people made up of only advantages. Every person has both good and bad.
You should not show bad qualities to anyone and try to overcome them, but you should be able to emphasize good ones.
Who came up with this stupid thesis: modesty adorns a girl? Maybe it decorates if there are no other advantages. In the last century, modesty may have been valued. Times are different now. Nowadays individuality is valued.
Modesty adorns... another girl.
The most important qualities in a representative of the fair sex, which are the key to her happy destiny, are self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.
For normal self-esteem, you need to treat yourself soberly and objectively. There are girls and women next to you who are superior to you in some way - more beautiful, more charming, more intelligent, more successful, more intelligent, more educated. So what? It is impossible to be the best, just as it is impossible to absorb everything positive traits. There are no ideal people and there is no need to strive for the ideal. You are who you are, and love yourself as you are!
A person who does not love himself cannot inspire self-love.
There are probably girls around you who are inferior to you in some way. Compare yourself with them, analyze how they behave - do they also have complexes or accept themselves as they are?
You are no worse than others, you are different from other people, you are an individual.
Not having a single advantage is just as impossible as not having a single disadvantage.