Independence and the desire to be yourself. These topics worried me throughout my youth and throughout my subsequent life... Freedom?!? Where are you? When will I be free and happy?
I fought for everything I could: for the freedom to have my own opinion, for freedom from restrictions and rules, while creating new rules and frameworks for myself... I fought... With whom? With what? I was essentially fighting against windmills that I had invented with myself... With my desire to live, to desire, to love, to be here on Earth, just to live...
I fought for freedom, not realizing my true freedom, limiting myself in this freedom, constantly focusing on illusory lack of freedom... Such discord occurs when we refuse to admit responsibility for our lives and do not want to honestly look inside ourselves.
Living with my mind, like Don Quixote, I fought against the mills, thinking that freedom is in external conditions and in order to be happy it is important to change these conditions and then the long-awaited feeling of freedom and joy will come... And so, in my zeal and resistance, I reached until the very edge, when my mind became quiet and inner devastation set in...
There is a state of surrender and a desire to feel compassion and love for yourself.
Self-love... This was the beginning of my freedom... Freedom came from love, not from struggle. And it was for me to open up to a new feeling of love, love for myself, love for life, love for my manifestations and desires, for my body and all my choices... And this became the shortest path to realizing freedom within myself!
I finally opened mine new freedom. There was no need to fight for her anymore! It turned out that she was always inside me. I happily began to dive into myself and discover inner treasures and diamonds! It became easier and easier, and a feeling of inner freedom settled in my heart forever, or rather, I simply remembered what it was to be free, revealing many images and getting to know everything in life again in immersions in TOT.
What is freedom now for me?
- Freedom to choose what thoughts, feelings, states to live as your experience.
- Freedom to accept other people's freedom of choice.
- Freedom to be yourself. Show your individuality and charisma, allowing other people to express their uniqueness and originality.
- Freedom to be honest with yourself and other people.
- Freedom to realize responsibility for your life and the realization of all your desires.
- Freedom to live from the heart! Be spontaneous and flexible and accept life as it comes!
- Freedom to love yourself. Respect and recognize yourself as different.
- Freedom to live in the present. Let go of your past, taking the benefit and value of all your past actions with gratitude.
“This is all wonderful,” you say, “but what to do if you are up to your neck in the lack of freedom and restrictions of the mind and society, where to start now?”
5 steps to inner freedom from anywhere in life
- 1. Any experience we live begins with the decision to live this experience, with a choice, even an unconscious one, but a personal choice. Therefore the first thing is decide to live free and happy life ! Allow yourself to do this at the level of feelings. With help you can do this comfortably and easily.
- 2. Reflect on how honest I am with myself in various matters. Honesty is a powerful tool for all your transformations and improvements.
- 3. Freedom = responsibility for your life. Responsibility is the wings of freedom and joy in our life. Start taking more and more responsibility for your life every day and give yourself time. It's a process. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
The usual way of thinking will sometimes return and here it is important to smile, accept your feelings without getting stuck in them and switch to choose new thoughts that inspire you. I know from myself, when you feel free, you understand that you can move mountains! After all, by taking responsibility for a particular situation, you automatically recognize your power to change it!
- 4. Reflect on your energetic unity with the world and see the relationship between your internal state and what you have and receive from life. Everything always comes from the inside out.
It is not easy to admit that if a neighbor swears at you or the key breaks off in the keyhole, this is a continuation of your internal state and dissatisfaction... However, honestly admitting that it is you who create everything in your universe, you turn your attention inward and begin to consciously choose thoughts and feelings, like the building blocks of your life. You are the builder of everything around!
- 5. Only out of self-love, take all new actions and all choices that will allow you to anchor your results and intentions in the physical world.
Play sports, dance, enjoy sex, read inspiring books, take part in trainings and communicate with people interesting to you, and just live, living through each of your experiences, realizing the freedom of your choices in all manifestations of life!
Remember, you are the most important person in your life.
And the quality and content of your biographical novel depends only on you! Feeling inner freedom is your natural state, which you can simply remember as the truth within yourself.
New streams will start very soon in 2017. These powerful courses have already led hundreds of people to their inner freedom and a new standard of living! We start on January 10th! Join the happy participants and join your life!
Inner freedom is a state when, under any circumstances, we choose what is good and suitable for us. And the mirror of our freedom is relationships with other people. How to free your soul from negative, limiting inner freedom, and learn to be happy? Let's talk about this today with Angela Kharitonova, a practical psychologist.
I am a serious person, I work, I have a wife and son. In a day I manage to redo so much, change my mind, worry so much that I come home squeezed like a lemon. And here I need to check my son’s lessons, watch the news, I’m worried about everything that’s going on in our country and in the world, prepare for the next working day - my thoughts don’t let me go for a minute. Nowadays, many people talk about inner freedom, joy from life, about hobbies, travel... How can you flutter carelessly and enjoy life in our time, when you literally live according to a schedule, and only allocate 6 hours for sleep? What kind of freedom are we talking about?!
Peter, 43 years old, Tula.
We probably cannot be 100% independent of circumstances, living in society, having a job and a family, but our internal freedom can approach this figure. The question is how much a person needs this freedom. Many people enjoy being dependent on someone, on various circumstances, because then you don’t have to take responsibility for your life, you can complain, suffer, suffer - and life will seem full. But in this case it is filled negative emotions, stereotypes and dogmas, as if a person is carrying a huge backpack with bricks and is afraid to throw them away because he considers it necessary. What kind of ease and freedom can we talk about here? Inner freedom is when we discard the beliefs that we created 10-20 years ago and live according to the call of our hearts. When we consciously choose emotions and states, do not judge ourselves or others, do not divide people and events into good and bad, when we stop thinking only about ourselves. Many live in a constant desire to “be”, “appear”, “fit in”, which makes them terribly unfree.
Why do we need freedom?
Many people associate freedom with permissiveness. Freedom is not needed for this, but to live your own (not someone else’s!) life, experience inspiration and live creatively, joyfully, in order to be happy and share happiness with others. Imagine the world as single organism, where each person is a cell that receives nutrition from this large organism and serves it. The world cannot be ideal, but the world, like man, is fairly and correctly structured. If we are free, we can live in unison with this “organism”, take the energy of inspiration from it and do the right things. And feel satisfaction and happiness from this.
How to get rid of negative states
We should not assume that our reaction to events is predetermined and that we have no choice. For example, they tell us something unpleasant - we feel offended or angry, if we lose something - we inevitably worry. And few people know that we can choose our emotions and states, we can give up resentment, anger, etc. These reactions are just a habit. But you can get rid of any habit and form a new one. First, first find for yourself a few life beliefs that will help you relate to people and events differently. Any life events are always necessary for something, always reasonable, we just don’t immediately understand their meaning. Therefore, we should not be disappointed if something did not happen the way we wanted: the plans of the Universe are always wiser than ours. Second, just make a choice in any situation how to react. Even if you have already begun to experience negativity, you have the opportunity to change everything at any second. And when you learn to control your emotions, you will have a special taste for life. You will automatically choose joy, happiness, harmony, gratitude, love and will no longer be able to choose negativity. You will be free from a huge heavy burden.
How to get rid of obsessive thoughts
Thoughts negative character they immediately drag you along negative emotions. If you thought something bad, your emotions automatically turned on. To prevent this from happening, learn not to take all thoughts seriously. There are important thoughts, there are empty ones, about everything and nothing, and there are harmful ones. Harmful ones usually arise when we put some labels on ourselves, people and events, divide everything into black and white and become unfree in our behavior. Try to be different, expand your range of behavior. Learn not to judge people. No way! It's none of our business, really. Treat events the same way. Any good thing can lead to something bad, and vice versa. Accept life as it comes. Life speaks to us in the language of events, and each one is needed for something. Observe events, study them, learn from them, but don’t judge. By learning to accept everything as it is, you will become even freer.
How to get rid of limiting beliefs
Often limiting beliefs begin with the words “I (shouldn’t)”, “I never/I always”, “I can’t/can’t”, “right/wrong”. Watch your thoughts. Perhaps some of your beliefs are no longer relevant to you for a long time, but you still follow them. Write down your beliefs on paper and analyze them. Replace the word “should” with the word “want”; if that doesn’t work, then it’s time to change your belief! Ask yourself questions: “Is this really true?”, “Always?”, “Could it have been different?”, “When did I have this belief?”, “Is it relevant now?” Re-evaluate your beliefs. And the more beliefs you soften or completely abandon them, the better. This does not mean that you will become irresponsible, just that you will be able to act appropriately to the circumstances. Let me give you an example. A frequently ill child, for whom his parents were worried, hung the label “I have poor health” on himself. And now he is 40 years old, except for acute respiratory infections and flu, he has not suffered from anything, but he is still convinced of his poor health and panics at the slightest runny nose. Or - a guy in adolescence formed the belief “girls don’t like me.” The “guy” is already 35, he is a courageous handsome man, he has good job, but my personal life has not worked out yet - low self-esteem and distrust of women played a role.
If you refuse negative thoughts and emotions and limiting beliefs - you are free! And, believe me, they will definitely be replaced by joy, happiness, inspiration, and love of life.
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Good day, dear readers of my blog! Breathe deeply, realize your desires and realize them. Make decisions without being influenced by others and allow yourself to be yourself while remaining committed to your identity and belonging. The ability to make choices and be responsible for them, without blaming or punishing yourself for mistakes and imperfections - this is what human inner freedom means.
How do restrictions appear?
Opinions of others
Have you noticed how much energy little children have? With what excitement and interest do they live every day? And the whole point is that they are spontaneous and do not stop themselves in their desires. Until they grow up, because caring parents and strangers begin to teach them norms of behavior. Often, according to my observations, it looks like this: “Don’t do that, otherwise everyone will laugh at you.” And a child who hears catchy music at a bus stop has to stop dancing to the beat, because it’s embarrassing and those around him will look at him and even laugh.
And then, as an adult, he will stop doing a whole bunch of things that, in his opinion, will attract attention to him, after which he will definitely be very ashamed. For example, offer your idea at a meeting on how to increase sales in order to have a chance to advance in your career, or approach the girl you like... A lot of things, because the fear of condemnation and devaluation will live inside.
This process is called introjection. This is the most basic enemy due to which lack of freedom arises. That is, beliefs, norms of behavior, priorities, etc., which we did not come to on our own, but by adopting from other people who are significant to us, even whom we hate. After all, then their image sits deep inside, and we are accustomed to using it in any life circumstances. Signs can also be classified as introjects.
For example, a woman during pregnancy does not take care of herself, that is, does not do makeup, does not dye her hair, etc., because there is a sign prohibiting this process. And then a very wonderful time, when, in theory, a woman blossoms, carrying a child under her heart, becomes unbearable for her and not as beautiful as it seemed. She hates her reflection in the mirror, and is waiting for the moment when she finally gives birth and can feel attractive again.
Bad experience
It also arises due to some bad experience that is deposited in the subconscious. In moments similar to the previous situation, a feeling of fear and confusion arises. After living a traumatic experience, a person can completely close himself off, not risking expressing himself and trying to block emotions so as not to feel pain. In this case, some part of the personality is blocked and becomes unfree. For example, after violence, a woman is afraid to express her femininity and sexuality; she experiences tension in the presence of men, and sometimes even aggression. What kind of internal freedom can we talk about then, when there are such significant restrictions?
Often we stop ourselves for fear of ruining relationships. The difference between a free and an unfree person is one thing: the first one does conscious choice. For example, without telling your boss your opinion about him, because he understands what consequences this will entail. But the second one is from good manners, seniors in rank are not rude, and in general, because it is unsettling to tell a person the truth to a person’s face, and then he will endure injustice, allow himself to be taken advantage of, without making attempts to look for a more decent job with adequate management.
Self-acceptance
A serious problem that is very constraining in presenting oneself to the world is failure to accept oneself as one is. Some qualities, body parts, personal characteristics, life history... As a result, low self-esteem appears. Against this background, there will be a constant unconscious comparison of oneself with others, and not at all with positive conclusions. Once in the company of more successful people, a person who has many internal limitations will not feel comfortable. He will try to keep a low profile and seem unnoticeable.
Many women do not accept their body as it is. Dreaming of losing weight, changing, and having the idea that the outer shell plays the most main role in life, and that after these changes everything will work out and become different. But, having lost weight, they rarely feel the expected happiness, because inside they remain the same. What kind of woman will attract male attention more, who is beautiful, but very constrained, repressed, avoids communication and is too tense? Or who, for example, is overweight, but at the same time energetic, free and enjoying life?
Fear of the unknown
Some people have a fear of the unknown, when it is uncomfortable, if something does not go according to plan, when there is a need to adapt. Therefore, such individuals control, or at least try to control, not only the lives of loved ones, but also circumstances. And this, as you know, is impossible. And not only they suffer from this, but also those they control.
For example, the completely natural fear of losing a child turns into torture. When a mother gives up her personal life, taking care of her son, not giving him freedom and checking every step. She suffers from both anxiety and the inability to live, receiving pleasure, satiation and fulfilling her needs. The son will also suffer, who feels in a vice, not having the opportunity to live as he wants and gain experience through trial and error.
Finding freedom first of all begins with the realization that you are responsible not only for your life, but also for its quality. Therefore, you should not try to be “good” and please everyone, sacrificing your interests, or wait for a “good wizard” who will appear and change everything. Therefore, if something happens that makes you unhappy, think about whether you should endure it further, or take a risk and try something different.
You can take a leaf and divide it into two columns. In one, write down the disadvantages and consequences if you leave everything as it is, for example, without getting a divorce or quitting. What it is fraught with and what it will lead to over time. And in the second column, write risks, fears and fantasies about how everything will change and what will happen if you take the risk of changing something in life that you are not happy with. And if you decide to leave everything as is, this will be your conscious choice.
For example, I stay with my alcoholic husband because I value those moments when he is sober, and this is my choice. Then I won’t look like a victim and wonder how to find happiness, then I will be a free person who knows what he is doing and why.
2.Dependencies
Addiction partially deprives us of the right to choose, limiting our actions and, in general, opportunities. On the path of self-development, this is a significant obstacle that will not allow you to breathe deeply and boldly declare that you are a free, conscious person. I recommend reading several articles that I devoted specifically to this topic: “” , And
3.Installation
So, the X's raised their children, instilling the value of getting an education, and in their era this really was the key to a successful life, until perestroika struck. And if this introject worked before, now it’s possible to earn a million without getting a diploma. The main thing is to believe in yourself and not stop in front of obstacles. But, in order to please their parents, many unknowingly enter universities, doing something completely different from what they want and wasting whole years before they find themselves.
By the way, examples of such people are described in the article . Therefore, also explore the extent to which other people's opinions influence you. Thinking about why you or for whom you are making some decisions that concern your life specifically.
4.Real me
To increase your level of inner freedom, you need to take a realistic look at yourself. You know that there are no ideal people, just like there are no completely insignificant people. We are good at some things, but others are better at others. And you should understand your pros and cons, not by scolding, ashamed and punishing, but by accepting such different things. I don’t know how to repair cars, so I don’t bother taking them apart. But I am well versed in computers, so I even help my friends with them.
And exactly the same with appearance, qualities, etc. The main thing is our attitude towards something. If I don’t demand too much from myself, being able to enjoy what I have and use it correctly, then I can safely say that I am a free person.
Conclusion
That's all for today, dear readers! I wish you the revelation of your personal potential, inspiration and strength on the path to yourself and self-knowledge. Don't forget to subscribe to the blog to stay up to date with new interesting information which will help in self-development. Good luck and achievements to you!
Despite the fact that the topic of freedom seems so attractive, most people prefer to run away from it like hell (this is a famous phenomenon described by Erich Fromm in his book “Flight from Freedom”). At the same time, some sincerely lie to themselves that they are actually free, that they can do whatever they want, without noticing or not wanting to notice that the scope of their freedom is reliably and strictly limited by the norms of education, bourgeois or intellectual morality, parental attitudes, and behavioral stereotypes.
As Goethe said on this matter, " greatest slavery- not having freedom, consider yourself free"(“Selective Affinity”). In this they resemble alcoholics who, drinking a “chekushka” every evening, sincerely believe that they are not slaves to alcohol, but are just “cultured drinkers.”
The first step to freedom
As with any illness, where the path to recovery begins with the recognition of the very fact that you, friend, are sick, the path to gaining inner freedom begins with the realization that you are, in fact, a slave. First of all, a slave of the ways of thinking “installed” into your unconscious during education and socialization, worldviews, rules of behavior, decision-making criteria, etc., etc., that are inadequate to reality.
As a result, many things that a person would like or could do and that would bring him new opportunities, new resources, pleasure in life, happiness, comfort and mental well-being, he does not do, because “it is indecent”, “shameful”, "So normal people they don’t” and other “stoppers”. As a result, he lives a relatively well-fed and safe life, deceiving himself every single day that everything is, in general, not bad for him, that he lives, in principle, no worse than others.
"The unfortunate fate of many people is the result of the choice they did not make. They are neither alive nor dead. Life turns out to be a burden, a pointless pursuit, and deeds are only a means of protection from the torment of existence in the kingdom of shadows."
Erich Fromm.
Recognizing oneself as a slave is unpleasant, uncomfortable, painful for pride, but without this one cannot gain inner freedom. You can lay clean, fresh parquet on a holey, rotten floor, and for a while everything will be fine, for a while the illusion of “repair” will work. But one day the floor will collapse along with the parquet and the unlucky poor fellow who laid it.
Methodically squeeze out the slave drop by drop
Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, in a letter to his colleague Alexei Suvorin, advised:
“Write a story about how a young man, the son of a serf, a former shopkeeper, a choirboy, a high school student and a student, brought up on honoring rank, kissing priests’ hands, worshiping other people’s thoughts, thanked for every piece of bread, was flogged many times, went to class without Galosh, who fought, tormented animals, loved to dine with rich relatives, was a hypocrite to both God and people without any need, only out of consciousness of his insignificance - write how this young man squeezes out a slave drop by drop, and how he, waking up one fine morning, feels that it is no longer slave blood flowing in his veins, but real human blood...”
Suvorin did not write the story, but the phrase became a catchphrase.
It is precisely squeezing slaves out of oneself drop by drop that is the only possible, reliable and effective strategy for gaining inner freedom. This process is not very pleasant, painful, since you have to tear out from the flesh of your consciousness the slavish attitudes and ideas about life that have firmly sprouted there. A comfortable walk around seashore(as many people imagine the process of personal growth) it certainly is not.
Well, it’s generally clear what exactly to do. And now, please, how exactly to “squeeze the slave out of yourself,” how to increase the level of inner freedom in yourself? Perhaps this is the question that interests the reader most of all. And perhaps I will disappoint him by saying that how - this, in fact, is the whole process of methodical and consistent (but unlike technical instructions) personal growth, regular work on squeezing out of your psyche various kinds blocking. Yes, there are special techniques for this, but it’s not about the techniques, it’s about intention and self-discipline. What good is a pistol if at the right moment there is no internal readiness to pull the trigger to shoot?
On the way to freedom
The main obstacle on the path to freedom is not outside, but inside. This concentrated expression of all the restrictions imposed by society on an individual can be called an internal controller or supervisor. You can consider it a “program”, an aspect, a subpersonality, an inner voice, a Freudian Super-Ego - the name is not important. It is important to understand its function. And it is very simple - not to let you go beyond what is permitted by the prevailing system of ideas about life in society (morality, culture, historical and ideological mythologies, etc.).
The overseer points out what to think about and what not to do, because it is “indecent”, “shameful”, “shameful”, “inconvenient”, “not good”, “wrong”, “bad” and so on and so forth. . Since you are not aware of the fact that your behavior is controlled by an overseer, it seems that it is all you think and do, that it is your choice. But that's not true.
Path to freedom- this is the way to weaken the overseer. It is impossible to defeat him, and it is not necessary, since such a victory means a final break with society, and therefore a refusal of self-realization, because self-realization assumes active work in society, promoting its change and development. The desire for absolute freedom, in essence, is a fiction, unattainable within the framework of an individual human life.
And in order to weaken the taskmaster, you need to be strong. Strong in your spirit. Become aware of and control your aspirations, desires and other motivations. This is again the path of working on oneself, the path of serious, adult personal growth.
Surrounded by slaves
Many researchers have noticed that, despite all the progress in social relations, people did not become freer because of it. The reason here is that freedom also has a downside - you have to be responsible for it. Before yourself. Since all your decisions have consequences, and the consequences tend to affect you most directly, before you take any serious step, you need to think carefully and weigh the risks. It’s easier for a person who is not free - others make decisions for him. And even though he still feels the consequences on his own skin, the responsibility for this can always be shifted onto others - they say, “it’s their fault.” This makes your soul feel more comfortable.
Therefore, most people are internally slaves. This makes it easier and simpler for them. These slaves, like dogs tamed by humans, can be different. Well-fed slaves, hungry and dissatisfied slaves, well-groomed slaves, well-fed slaves, idle slaves, chain slaves, pitiful slaves in their insignificance, slaves in the “grain place”, retired slaves and so on. But one cannot despise them for this; only weak and vile people mock the unfortunate.
Therefore, we need the understanding that everyone around us is slaves, first of all, to understand one simple, but seemingly terrifying thought (from the point of view of the internal “overseer”). This idea is as follows: the opinion of others is always the opinion of slaves, and the value of the opinion of slaves is equivalent to the value of a dog barking at a passing caravan. In other words, the quality of an internally free person is a complete disregard for the opinions of others. Agree, the idea is seditious. But there is no other way.
Inner freedom is the basis of successful self-realization
Obviously, the fewer boundaries within a person, the more successful he is in his actions, since he is able to do such things and solve the tasks in such ways as a common person he is not even able to think, since they are beyond his slave worldview.
For example, it did not occur to people with a slavish worldview that medicine could be extracted from mold (the invention of penicillin by Fleming), because mold is “poop”, delving into it is “indecent”, it is somehow inconvenient when asked by others - “what are you doing?” ?" - answer “I’m digging in the mold.” It's not solid somehow.
If we imagine this as a metaphor, then a free person climbs a tree (that is, engages in personal growth) and from there surveys life in all its breadth and splendor, understands what’s what, where, where and why. While an internally unfree person with a slave morality tramples around, because climbing up is scary and requires effort, if only without any difficulty! And immediately at the top. And the unfree one sees only bushes, trunks, windbreaks and the darkness of the forest. And so he lives his life in ignorance and according to other people’s rules, without realizing his potential. Sorry for him.
Therefore, for those who want to build their life themselves, according to their own canons, according to their own, developed, suffered, based on real facts worldview. Who wants to live their life happily, fully, doing what they want, to realize their life purpose , building his relationship with the world in a way that suits him. For such people, the question of gaining inner freedom is a matter of a breath of oxygen. Without any "either-or".