The path of love and loneliness Now it is impossible to name the exact date of birth of Xenia, in the stories about her it is indicated that she was born somewhere between 1719 and 1730. Also, nothing is known about how her childhood and adolescence went. But the reason that pushed Xenia to spiritual

Prayer for deliverance from inner "tightness", fears, as well as feelings of loneliness Psalm 103 (preliminary) Bless, my soul, the Lord, my Lord, my God, you have become greatly exalted, you have clothed yourself in confession and in greatness. Dress with light like a garment, stretch

To get rid of loneliness and find happiness in a strong marriage. Prayer to St. John Chrysostom, Archbishop of Constantinople Memorial Day 13/26 November, 30 January / 12 February St. John Chrysostom is revered by the Orthodox Church as one of the three Ecumenical

Catechesis V. The Significance of Man's Original Loneliness 1. In a final reflection, we came to an intermediate conclusion based on the words of Genesis about the creation of man as man and woman. We have come to the words that Jesus refers to when talking about

People tend to live in society: to communicate, interact, make friends, love and hate. Man is social by nature. As a child, we go to kindergarten, then to school, college, to work.

In addition to the pressing problems of life support, a person seeks to find a close soul, someone with whom he will live, create a family, share the joys and sorrows of being. This goal is one of the most important in life. However, some try to argue with themselves and the laws of nature. They choose loneliness consciously and in every possible way strive to close themselves off from everyone. What are the compelling reasons that lead them to do this? What drives them?

Psychological trauma

Sometimes life teaches such cruel lessons that it traumatizes the human psyche. Along with this experience comes pain, frustration, fear, self-pity. These feelings seem to paralyze a person, and he loses the ability and desire to do something, to change. Closing himself in, he lives with his memories, feelings, feeding himself even more with mental pain.

Desperate bachelors and hermits, most likely, when they loved very much, but their sincere feelings were rejected, humiliated and trampled. The earlier a person experienced this, the more difficult it is to get him out of this state.

First, by the time loved ones begin to notice the seclusion of a loved one, years have passed. He gets used to living with thoughts of loneliness.

Secondly, young people still do not know life well, while they expect too much from it, dream, build illusions. They enter life with a pure open mind and expect reciprocity from the world. Frustration is often associated with love experiences, but this is not the only cause of psychological trauma.

Sometimes this behavior can be prompted by the family, parents in particular. Unfortunately, not all families have peace, tranquility and mutual understanding between children and parents. It is also important how closely the child perceives criticism in his address. Parents from early childhood need to look closely at the subtlety of their child's perception of failures, strict words. In adolescents, an unconscious repression of emotional shock may occur. That is, with age, a person will not be able to remember the exact reason that prompted him to be alone.

One can only feel an incomprehensible feeling of pain and grief from a bad experience of communication with people. And the subconscious mind will dictate "do not come, do not communicate, they will betray you." This is how social phobias are formed, for example, anthropophobia, social phobia, gynophobia, etc.

Introversion, finding yourself

Introversion is a character trait in which a person directs thoughts, actions to his inner world, a search for oneself, introspection. This trait during life can be expressed in different ways, then subside, then flare up with renewed vigor. A person is more worried about his inner world, and the outer one is of little interest to him.

Therefore, in self-exploration, an introvert can overtake loneliness, which he quite likes. So no one bothers him to think, look for himself. And everything would be nice if this state could not develop into a permanent one. This is possible if they try to get into his intro-world from the outside. His need for communication is small and active, sociable people can scare and repulse him.

If an introvert encounters this, then he involuntarily seeks to close, to escape from communication. An attitude is formed for a long time about limiting all communication. It is very difficult for an introvert to be in a team. He quickly gets tired of communication, people, and questions on personal topics in general can cause aggression. And it is difficult for colleagues to establish contact with such a person. But an introvert can still accept some people, let them into their world. Let it be a few, but he will choose them on the principle of better less is better. A person who seeks to establish contact with an introvert must show patience, tact and caution in communication, and be able to wait.

The main thing is not to impose or bore you with empty talk. An introvert chooses not a person, but his inner world, looks not at his appearance, but at the wealth of his soul. Such a seemingly lonely person does not need the help of a specialist. He is not afraid of the social environment, he just prefers to communicate only with the elite. There are exceptions when thoughts of inferiority are imposed on the introvert, forcing him to change. Then he can withdraw and completely withdraw into himself. But we are all different. Everyone is different.

Egocentrism and pragmatism

In practice, there are often people who prefer loneliness only because they do not want to adapt to others. This character trait is characteristic of egocentric people who put themselves above everyone else and see each person as a rival, not a friend. They will never tolerate someone's shortcomings and listen to criticism in their address. It is also not in their interests to be responsible for someone.

Selfishness and constant search for benefits leads them to understand that it is more convenient to live alone. Even if such people marry, it happens by cold calculation and, as a rule, quickly disintegrates. And self-centered personalities are wary of friendship. These are also unnecessary problems: helping in difficult times, understanding, listening. The character of such people is tough, sometimes even cruel. They always achieve their goals, reach great heights in their careers. Deception, betrayal, meanness are not perceived by them as something terrible. This is their weapon for a place in the sun.

It is almost impossible to re-educate an egoist, especially in adulthood. If you start, then from childhood. Indeed, from an early age, he can show his pragmatic character. The egocentric approaches his choice so consciously that it is difficult to convince him, he will give a whole list of reasons in favor of loneliness. Rather, he will make you doubt your choice.

If people do not learn to build relationships, love and make friends, then perhaps an era of loneliness, an age of chaos and self-deception, hopes and empty illusions will soon begin. People should not be alone, nature itself created us social. We should not be afraid to let new people into our lives, perhaps they will become the closest and dearest to us.

Conscious loneliness. Anabiosis of the mind in a big city

August 8, 2013 - 6 Comments

I want to understand myself ...

It would be nice to live on a desert island, as I often experience acute sweating alone. I understand that this is unlikely. I am the Robinson Crusoe of our time, complete loneliness comes as a dream into my head more and more often. As if I am in life, inside the society of people, but I am more interested in solitude and silence. I feel somehow different from childhood. Although they say that all people are born initially alone and leave alone.

Semolina, Granny Level 80

I've always been a child that no one understands. He loved to sleep for a long time. Was quiet. I didn't want to go to the kindergarten - they pushed me there. Mom brought me toys, which I threw away as unnecessary, they were beyond my years for me, as, incidentally, was the study program in the future.

Grandma excelled herself in artistry when she persuaded me to eat. I still swallowed a piece of porridge, crumpled behind my cheek. I always forgot to eat. In general, my mother says that with me she felt a kind of helplessness. I was unsociable, closed on myself. Kindergarten ... school ... nothing has changed: and now I love solitude more than communication. People seem to me to be empty, for some reason, more often than not, I do not see the point in communication. There are few like me. Basically, people live and do not bother. Sometimes I want that too, but I am not given. Porridge in a plate, porridge in my head, from childhood ... And my hated loneliness in the big city.

The digital world of my reality

The first computer was bought for me in high school. Since then, I am a person for whom there is more life on the Internet than in real life. I read, think, think and read. Alone, locked in a room. It seems that when I read, they should talk to me less - I'm busy. But for some reason, everyone is always interested in how I'm doing. They are surprised that I do not want to talk about it. My transitional age passed under the stamp of "Strange Child". and now that I've matured and started working as an IT professional, nothing has changed. Here, at work, everyone also considers me strange, because I love loneliness and behave accordingly - I shy away from communication.

With headphones in the back seat

I have devoted half my life to the study of various genres of real music. I searched and found bands that no one else listened to or understood. Basically, people know little about music…. I don't even remember when I went outside without headphones. The melody for me is like fuel for life and an accompaniment to my silent loneliness.

Maybe we, programmers, are building some kind of microcircuits in the maternity hospital that only the right music starts? Then how could Mom have missed the lobotomy marks? By the way, such inventions often come to my adult head. As a student, I thought about aliens, other civilizations, the Universe, about Infinity and Eternity ... about anything but girls. Then he entered the institute. For programming. I felt good there. Everyone like me seemed to have been unloaded from one flying saucer.

What is close to me about the loneliness of a person

"Robinsone Crusoe" by Daniel Defoe writes about 28 years of life outside of society. I sometimes imagine myself on that island. I read this book for a long time, as a child. But I remember, as now, that feeling of envy for the main character, which I experienced then. Probably, in comparison with other readers, I was not upset enough by the lack of a choice - to be or not to be alone. Other people would not think so, they would perceive his situation as tragic. But the desire for loneliness torments me constantly. I want to be alone. Why doesn't anyone understand this?

Do you like silence, night, loneliness?

Who are you, so weird?

Well, hello, a man with erogenous ears - a sound vector (number - 5% of humanity). How does this physiological feature of yours affect the features of your mental fulfillment? And in your attitude? Reflected directly.

You have already felt that you are different from the rest - you react sharply to loud voices, you cannot be in a noisy company for a long time, you are constantly drawn to retire somewhere. You often tend to dream of loneliness when there is no way to be alone with your thoughts. But do you understand why this is so? And most importantly - is this normal, and is everything good with you, why does loneliness in a big city hold you in its chains?

And you also know that you are not like everyone else. You feel that you are special, that you have some unusual problem in your life that you need to solve. One problem is that there are no conditions of the problem, no understanding of its essence, only continuous thoughts. You really want to understand. What is this task, what is your purpose in human society, and you cannot.

What could be wrong in your life?

You are an introvert, you are distinguished by selective contact and focus on yourself, your states, a thinker. A person must have the same worldview, a tendency to study the mind, so that you can communicate with him.

Loneliness is a normal need for you, but the extent to which you strive for it is an indicator of the level of fulfillment, the fulfillment of your life with exactly what you, as a sound engineer, need.

The so-called existential crisis - a feeling of hopeless psychological discomfort when thinking about the meaning of one's existence - is a state that any person with a sound vector experiences. It is especially acute in adolescence, if the properties of the psyche were not sufficiently developed: literature, appropriate circles, music education, physics and other disciplines where concentration and abstract thinking are trained and developed.

People with a sound vector (there are 8 vectors in total, for an urban person - 3-4 on average) tend to feel the so-called existential loneliness, considered in philosophical literature. In system-vector psychology, this state is for the first time defined as a state of unfulfilled desires of the sound vector. Each of the 8 vectors has its own set of innate desires. In seven, all properties are associated with filling in the material world, and only in sound this is not so. Abstract sound intelligence requires knowledge of the meaning of everything that happens, metaphysics, spiritual search and self-development.

A sound person needs concentration. His desire is to "give birth" to a thought, an idea, to reveal the answers to his inner philosophical questions. Once upon a time, sound scientists created the Internet, social networks as a way to unite the minds of people in different parts of the planet, engineering discoveries, all kinds of technologies. Any sound engineer is potentially capable of a lot if he understands his characteristics and the tasks corresponding to them. Otherwise - deep depression and.

What's stopping you?

You say to yourself and others, "I love being alone." You return "to the people", and again you are pulled back, again the feeling of your uniqueness and difference from the rest, "narrow-minded", as it seems to you, people interferes with you. As a result, you sit in yourself for a long time and carefully choose your social circle in the hope that everything will be different.

It seems that you live and you like your job, but something is wrong, something is missing?

Each vector has its own erogenous zone, a channel for receiving information from the outside world. Skin, muscular skeleton, eyes, mouth, ears, etc. The special sensitivity of these zones in the human body forms the characteristics of his psyche. That is, bodily we all correspond to our mental content.

People with a visual vector, for example, have the highest emotional amplitude, imaginative thinking, and other features. It was they who once created culture, elevating human life to the rank of the highest value. They once created clothes, first as a way to limit sexual attraction, and then as a way of self-expression through fashion, and all the material and spiritual wealth of a person's cultural heritage.

Likewise, the feeling of loneliness should be exploited - in solitude and focusing on his thoughts, the sound person should contribute to the good of society.

Requires new thinking, don't offer old versions

Reading books, learning new and amazing things about a person as a special creature endowed with intelligence, what do you do next with this knowledge? What is the effectiveness of your so-called loneliness of the soul, your searches, self-development, self-examination in complete disconnection from external stimuli?

“I don’t need anyone, I’m fine as it is. Yes, me and nobody bothers me. I love being alone. " - can often be heard from the sound engineer. The natural, especially for a sound engineer, the feeling of being separate has a downside. A person is able to enjoy life only if the realization of his properties is directed outward - at people, and not at himself. Do you know of cases when man was really able to deceive nature? There are no such cases. It will be scary when there comes a sudden understanding of the meaninglessness of all treatises, spiritual practices and searches, if their whole task was only one thing - to pamper your mind, raise your pride, without giving anything to the world.

Is there a technique that can direct your unique search outward, while simultaneously relieving you of feelings of depression and a sense of the meaninglessness of everything that happens? Able to turn you to people, eliminating the need to run away from contact with people? Yes. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan most accurately responds to the internal request of sound search, gives a clear picture of the development of mankind: how we have become more complex from the primitive flock to the present moment, where and why we are going.

System-vector psychology allows us to understand one simple thing: all problems are in our heads, all negative social phenomena are due to our vector underdevelopment, the erroneousness of our thoughts, which can be corrected.

Progress is impossible where we do not understand ourselves. It is enough to look at the news feed to understand how dissatisfied and unhappy the intelligent Homo sapiens are, that they are ready to go to any lengths to satisfy their needs for themselves. As far as they got out of the control of nature, they found imaginary freedom in the limitless possibilities of using the benefits of civilization. And what a deep crisis they are in.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan is a logical and timely discovery. It is possible to forget about loneliness, filled with searching without answers and dead-end thoughts.

Ivanna Under
Based on materials from lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Loneliness scares many. It's terrible when no one is waiting for a person. Nobody calls him, nobody is interested in his affairs. But there are a lot of lonely people in the world. And some of them consciously choose this way of life. What are the psychological motives behind this?

The main reason a person chooses a lonely lifestyle is severe mental trauma. He was deceived by someone, and he was cruelly deceived. After that, the light became disgraceful. A bad experience of sincere and naive falling in love can act as a deception. A high emotional impulse stumbled upon cruelty, betrayal and cynical pragmatism. This usually happens in adolescence. An inexperienced youth is prone to illusions and knows the world around him too badly.

But not all people are subject to harsh mental tragedies. Only subtle and emotional natures go through this. If a person belongs to the cohort of "thick-skinned", then he has no predisposition to internal throwing and disappointment. Rather, he himself becomes their source.

The consciousness of an emotional person who has received a severe psychological trauma tries to displace all negativity as quickly as possible and does not have time to survive it. As a result, the psyche is blocked, and personal development in this area stops. If you do not take any measures, then such a person can very quickly replenish the cohort of single people.

Therefore, it is necessary to offer the person who is disappointed in everything to experience the psychological tragedy again. A person needs to live everything in a new way from beginning to end. But this can only be done with the help of an experienced psychologist. Thus, it is quite possible for people who have suffered a fiasco to return to their usual life activities.

However, it should be borne in mind that the termination of development in one area can stimulate development in other areas. Offended by the whole world, loners sometimes completely focus on work and become high-class, well-paid professionals.

It is very difficult to establish good friendships with such people. It is best to observe certain boundaries when communicating with them. Then they will become a reliable support in any work. It should also be noted that while experiencing self-respect, a loner also begins to feel respect for his mental trauma. This is encouraging, so the problem can be resolved over time.

But mental trauma is not always the cause of loneliness. There are other factors as well. A few words about introverts can be said here. These are those who experience their inner thrusts in themselves. They do not need external stimuli, since their inner world is very rich. The natural need of such people for communication is minimized. Too many contacts with your own kind are annoying and cause fatigue. That is, here we can talk about the desire for conscious loneliness, since it is due to the characteristics of the organism and psyche.

A sign of introversion is that the person subject to it very quickly begins to get tired of numerous conversations "about nothing." Such a person is sickened by an increased interest in his person. He does not want to tell anyone about his personal life, his views, principles and guidelines. The introvert is only interested in certain representatives of the human race, who themselves are spiritually rich and intelligent.

This runs counter to modern attitudes towards sociability and energetic activity. But an introvert simply cannot remake himself. He is able to pretend to be energetic, active and sociable. But such a game requires a lot of mental effort.

In their personal lives, introverts are always loyal and devoted partners. But if they do not find a suitable pair for themselves, then they live alone. There is one principle at work here: "It is better to live alone than with just anyone." A lonely lifestyle for them is not at all a burden at the expense of a rich inner world.

There is another cohort of people who have doomed themselves to voluntary loneliness. They are egoists and pragmatists. Their logic is very simple: why live a life together with someone, endure the shortcomings of this person, take responsibility for him, if this will bring nothing but problems. Why are children needed? Very often they pay their parents with black ingratitude and indifference. In other words, selfish people avoid any responsibility. They strive to live only for themselves. Personal benefit is always at the forefront.

Quite successful individuals are very often found among egoists. They make good careers and have a high social status. You cannot understand them with a banal phrase about a glass of water, which there will be no one to serve in old age. For such a case, they have a special bank account. These individuals are convinced of the undivided power of money, and they consider human attachments to be an empty phrase.

An egoist will not come to the aid of a partner in an extreme situation. It will be much wiser for him to replace such a partner than to lend a helping hand and create problems for himself. The position is not very beautiful, but it is based on a certain life experience and upbringing. And examples of ungrateful children, deceived husbands or wives in the surrounding world are huge. Thanks to these realities, certain life values ​​are formed.

It is impossible to re-educate an egoist, because only the grave can correct a hunchback. It should also be emphasized that this type of people chooses loneliness quite consciously, based on logical inferences. The same cannot be said for the first and second types of singles that we have considered.

The first type is fenced off from the outside world so as not to experience mental anguish again. The second type strives for inner comfort, while others, on the contrary, create discomfort. The egoist is the bearer of a certain philosophical concept. It should be noted that she has more and more followers.

Some experts argue that the 21st century will go down in the history of human civilization as a century of singles. People lose the opportunity to build literate and spiritual relationships with each other. Everyone hears only himself and is guided only by his desires and addictions. And yet I want to believe in the best and follow the covenant of Christ, who once remarked: "It is not good when a person lives alone."