Andrey Kurpatov

1 absolutely secret pill because of fear

Yes, the truth is that you won’t find anti-fear pills at the pharmacy. There are pills for turning off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. Therefore, if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place. top level, that is, at the level of the brain.

This book is a mediator. She will teach you to use your mind in moments when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear senses this, it retreats, you can believe me. Fear loves the weak, but it avoids the strong.

So get down to business! I wish you success!

Yours sincerely,

Andrey Kurpatov

Preface

But we use (and every single day!) our psychology, our psyche... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what was what, what was from what and what was behind what?.. There were no such lessons in our lives, “we all learned a little something and somehow.” As a result, the appointment with the psychotherapist is overbooked, and in the personal lives of most of us - “the hall is empty, the candles have gone out.” So, in fact, in order to somehow relieve the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the “Pocket Psychotherapist” series, addressed to each of those few to whom his own life is not indifferent. Half of these books were devoted to how to live “faithfully and truly” with oneself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.

Then, readers of my Pocket Therapist, who realize that the quality of their lives depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, have specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others discovered depression and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc. .), the fourth want to improve their health, which has been weakened due to instability nervous system(to overcome vegetative-vascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), fifths are concerned about the problem of excess weight, sixths do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, seventh want to know how to find mutual language with their child, eighth people decide for themselves the issue of “betrayal” (their own or in relation to themselves), ninth ones have questions from the field of sexology, tenths... In short, questions started pouring in, and I had no choice but to start talking about ways to solve these problems.

Books have appeared in the “Express Consultation” series - on various problems, which we all encounter, but from time to time and in varying degrees gravity. The “means of help” contained in them, as I now know, came in very, very handy for my readers. But it is clear that these “express consultations” could not completely replace the “Pocket Psychotherapist”: in order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least general outline, imagine the entire “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is no less than our life. So the books in the “Pocket Psychotherapist” and “Express Consultation” series gradually merged into one, which, due to its design, was called “Kurpatov. Classic".

To complete this preface, I would like to thank my patients who took part in the creation of these books, as well as the staff of my clinic. Thank you!

Introduction

But, you know, I don’t really trust these numbers. We all understand well that what is important is not how much is counted, but what is important is how to count. For example, I have never come across data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something happens,” “won’t they think something?” such” and “what will it look like” (I’ll tell you a secret that everyone who does this doesn't think, are already sitting in the “yellow houses” scattered in abundance across the expanses of our vast homeland).

If you add up all the fears " normal person"(at least those that he experiences during one day), then we will get the strength of the alarm, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be if the “fearless” are “lodging” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but at least in freedom? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from fear neurosis in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives; they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, for real a good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are completely incompatible things with each other.

Freeing yourself from fear is, by and large, not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I invite you to go out with me “on the hunt” for “gray predators – mature and puppies,” that is, your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into seasoned ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - the legs or, perhaps, some other part of the body; we will finally find against them means.

The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to “calm the nerves,” then the success of our “hunt,” to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we undertake this “expedition”, wanting to free ourselves for happy life, then we won’t return without booty - we’ll defeat everyone. Yes, I need exactly this mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are in vain, and you want to live!

Chapter first

FEAR – WHAT IT IS

First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke those fears. Without these circumstances, we simply would not remember these fears. For example, if I am terrified of cockroaches, I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in a lecture hall.

Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid the corresponding situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in open ocean, then I will not try to get to the corresponding resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski resort.

The previous title of this book - “The Cure for Fear” - slightly frightened some readers. I don’t know why, but it’s a fact. What kind of remedy? What remedy? Why the remedy? But they won't beat you? Here is a sample list of questions. Very disturbing, as you may have noticed. Now the book has successfully migrated to the “Bestseller” series and received a new name - “1 Top Secret Pill for Fear.” Why?..
Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks and anxiety first ask for a “pill for fear.” They ask and don’t even realize that they already have this pill and they carry it on their own shoulders. They wear it, but do not accept.
Yes, the truth is that you won’t find anti-fear pills at the pharmacy. There are pills for turning off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. Therefore, if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.
This book is a mediator. She will teach you to use your mind in moments when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear senses this, it retreats, you can believe me. Fear loves the weak, but it avoids the strong.
So get down to business! I wish you success!
Yours sincerely,
Andrey Kurpatov

Preface

After I wrote “Happy by My Own Desire,” a whole series of books, “Pocket Psychotherapist,” somehow appeared by itself. In them I tried to talk about those things that, in my opinion, it would be nice for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily lives we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the grocery store checkout), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, “read with a dictionary,” so it is not by chance that Russian language lessons are included in the “mandatory educational standard.” Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we had not studied literature at school; at least, we definitely wouldn’t have turned out to be cultured people. All this is natural.
But we use (and every single day!) our psychology, our psyche... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what was what, what was from what and what was behind what?.. There were no such lessons in our lives, “we all learned a little something and somehow.” As a result, the appointment with the psychotherapist is overbooked, and in the personal lives of most of us - “the hall is empty, the candles have gone out.” So, in fact, in order to somehow relieve the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the “Pocket Psychotherapist” series, addressed to each of those few to whom his own life is not indifferent. Half of these books were devoted to how to live “faithfully and truly” with oneself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Then, readers of my Pocket Therapist, who realize that the quality of their lives depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, have specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others discovered depression and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc. .), the fourth want to improve their health, which has been shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to overcome vegetative-vascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, sevenths want to know how to find a common language with their child, eighths are deciding for themselves the issue of “betrayal” (their own or in relation to themselves), ninths have questions from the field of sexology, tenths... In short, questions started pouring in, and I had no choice but to start talking about ways to solve these problems.
Books have appeared in the “Express Consultation” series - on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and to varying degrees of severity. The “means of help” contained in them, as I now know, came in very, very handy for my readers. But it is clear that these “express consultations” could not completely replace the “Pocket Psychotherapist”: in order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the whole the “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is no less than our life. So the books in the “Pocket Psychotherapist” and “Express Consultation” series gradually merged into one, which, due to its design, was called “Kurpatov. Classic".
To complete this preface, I would like to thank my patients who took part in the creation of these books, as well as the staff of my clinic. Thank you!

Introduction

If you believe the statistics, then neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated what kind of fears there are - how many people are afraid of flying on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time “incurable” disease, how many people are afraid of “open space”, how many are afraid of “closed”, etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in our own column.
But, you know, I don’t really trust these numbers. We all understand well that what is important is not how much is counted, but what is important is how to count. For example, I have never come across data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something happens,” “won’t they think something?” such” and “what will it look like” (I’ll tell you a secret that everyone who does this doesn't think, are already sitting in the “yellow houses” scattered in abundance across the expanses of our vast homeland).
If we add up all the fears of a “normal person” (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the strength of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be if the “fearless” are “lodging” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but at least in freedom? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from fear neurosis in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives; they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are completely incompatible things with each other.
Freeing yourself from fear is, by and large, not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I invite you to go out with me “on the hunt” for “gray predators – mature and puppies,” that is, your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into seasoned ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - the legs or, perhaps, some other part of the body; we will finally find against them means.
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to “calm the nerves,” then the success of our “hunt,” to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we launch this “expedition”, wanting to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without booty - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need exactly this mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are in vain, and you want to live!

Chapter first
FEAR – WHAT IT IS

When I ask in my classes and lectures: “Who has fears?”, only a few people answer “yes” at first. Then I have to talk about what kind of fears there are in general, and the number of people answering “yes” among those present approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke those fears. Without these circumstances, we simply would not remember these fears. For example, if I am terrified of cockroaches, I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in a lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid the corresponding situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the corresponding resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski resort.
But even if, as they say, I don’t remember my fear offhand, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him, and I will immediately confess. But do I need to remind you? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in essence, appears to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, we will become disabled people - people with disabilities“, because our fears do not allow us to do a lot, sometimes a lot...
So let’s take a look “without fear or reproach” at what kind of fears there are.

The simplest classification

In my book “Through Life with Neurosis,” I talked about what the human self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is an instinctive command to escape. An animal, some runaway hare, is not capable of thinking the way we think. It cannot assess the situation with the help of reason and make a meaningful decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the animal itself, without counting on its IQ. So in the animal kingdom, fear essentially functions as common sense.
However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function as a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least that’s what we want to believe). We are able to assess a given situation using our knowledge and logic, calculate options and understand what we should do to achieve what we want. And here the first difficulty arises: it turns out that two subjects are responsible for the same function in our psyche – fear and common sense.
And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It’s good if they agree on a particular situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says: “Run! Run away! Save yourself! - and at the same moment common sense reassures: “It’s okay! Do not worry it's okay! You are in no danger!” And what do you order to do in such a situation?! You will inevitably remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because here there are real swan, crayfish and pike, and in our personal performance! A constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.
Now - difficulty number two. What does the mentioned hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived know? most own life? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let’s think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, how much benefit does this have for our mental apparatus?
Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation deems important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (and this is precisely what our instinct of self-preservation occupies) will be identified by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now attract us. What has caused us displeasure, on the contrary, will subsequently frighten us.
And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And won't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to achieve this? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble awaits you. Yes, it was not for nothing that King Solomon said: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”
Any animal, compared to us, has no problems at all - a few questions, but it doesn’t know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. We, being intelligent and mindful creatures, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want it, and it hurts, and my mother doesn’t tell me...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I have to fly there, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare doesn’t need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want those around me to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always little, always insufficient), and therefore the fear arises that someday I will be left completely alone - without help and approval. Would such stupidity even occur to a hare?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable man” is difficult.
Finally, the third difficulty. As I already said in the book “With Neurosis in Life,” our instinct of self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct of self-preservation of life, the instinct of self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct of self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our lives in our own offspring.
Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that one can limit oneself to physical survival, but you go explain to our subconscious... He has these three “Arkharovites” operating there and conflicting with each other in the most merciless way!
Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other, threatens to result in conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it’s scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer’s honor bit me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this “contentment”. In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!
But I promised the simplest classification of fears. So: our fears are divided into those that fall under the “department” of the instinct of self-preservation of life; those that arise in the system of our social relations(here the hierarchical instinct dominates), and, finally, we have fears associated with the sphere of sexual relations, that is, with the sexual instinct. Since friction constantly arises between consciousness and subconsciousness, I am guaranteed fears for each of these points - for life, for social life and for sexual life.

CLASSIFICATION OF OUR FEARS

Dead language lessons
The variety of our fears is outstanding! But they cannot be left unnamed, and so scientific minds began to “inventory” human fears. Since international medical language Latin was adopted, and accordingly our fears received proud Latin names, however, ancient Greek ones are also found. Now anyone can call their neurosis not just a neurosis of fear, but pompously, in a dead language. Here are a few of these “titles”.
Agoraphobia(from other - Greek. agora– a square where public meetings take place) – fear of the so-called “open space”. What exactly people suffering from agoraphobia are afraid of, they themselves don’t really know. Often they can't even explain what they call "open space." They are afraid to go out into the street, and even more so to a square or embankment, sometimes to cross the road, to find themselves in an unknown place, etc. Trying to explain their fear, they say that “something could happen,” “something might happen.” What exactly? Or with health, or God knows what.
Claustrophobia(from lat. сlaudo- lock, close) - fear, the opposite of agoraphobia, fear of “closed space”. However, despite the apparent differences, they usually “go hand in hand.” What is a person afraid of in this case and what does he consider a “closed space”? This is a mystery for a spy. Apparently, there is some fear that, “if something happens,” you won’t be able to get help behind closed doors. What's about to happen? There is a need for invention here - the fear of suffocation, the fear of a heart attack, the fear of epilepsy, etc., etc. In short, you will need an explanation, we will find it!
Oxyphobia(aichmophobia) – fear of sharp objects. It seems to the owner of this fear that the sharp object has its own life and plans to injure him (this object) - either this person himself, or someone else, but with the help of this person. The basis of this fear is the fear of losing control over one’s actions, and the most remarkable thing about all this is that those who suffer from this fear are those who have excessive control over themselves and their actions more than anyone else.
Gypsophobia(acrophobia) – fear of heights. The latter comes in two forms: one resembles the previous one - it’s scary to lose control over yourself and jump from a height in this state (“What if I go crazy and jump from the balcony?!”); the second resembles agoraphobia (“What if I feel bad, I won’t keep my balance and fall down the stairs, or, in extreme cases, I’ll just slip”). People susceptible to this fear are often afraid of the escalator in the subway.
Dysmorphophobia– fear of physical deformity, unattractiveness. As a rule, people suffer from it without any reason, especially girls from the modeling business and young bodybuilders. They talk about some of their “extreme shortcomings”, even “ugliness”, which can be noticed by others. Moreover, if they do not tell the doctor what exactly they consider “deformity,” then he himself is unlikely to guess. However, to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, it is not at all necessary to be a “supermodel” or “Mr. Universe”; depression, which likes to evoke such thoughts, or a deeper feeling of self-doubt is enough.
Nosophobia– fear of getting a serious illness. There are a lot of terms for special use here: syphilophobia(fear of getting syphilis), speedophobia(fear of getting HIV), cancerophobia(fear of getting cancer) lysophobia(fear of getting rabies) cardiophobia(fear of a heart attack), well, further down the list - open a medical reference book and “spank” the terms.
However, this, of course, is not the end of our possible fears. Here are more examples: thanatophobia– this is the fear of death; peniaphobia– fear of poverty; hematophobia– fear of blood; necrophobia– fear of a corpse; ergasiophobia– fear of surgical operations; pharmacophobia– fear of medications; hypnophobia– fear of sleep; hodophobia– fear of travel; siderodromophobia– fear of traveling on a train; tachophobia– fear of speed; aerophobia– fear of flying on airplanes; gephyrophobia– fear of walking across the bridge; hydrophobia– fear of water; achluophobia– fear of the dark; monophobia– fear of loneliness; erotophobia– fear of sexual relations; pettophobia– fear of society; anthropophobia(ochlophobia) – fear of crowds; social phobia– fear of new acquaintances, social contacts or speaking in front of an audience; catagelophobia– fear of ridicule; xenophobia– fear of strangers; homophobia– fear of homosexuals; lalophobia– fear of speaking (in people suffering from neurotic stuttering); kenophobia– fear of empty rooms; misophobia– fear of pollution; zoophobia– fear of animals (especially small ones); arachnophobia– fear of spiders; ophidiophobia– fear of snakes; cynophobia– fear of dogs; taphephobia– fear of being buried alive; sitophobia– fear of eating; triskaidekaphobia– fear of the 13th, etc., etc.
There are, however, completely unique fears - these are phobophobia And pantophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of fear, or more precisely, the fear of repetition of fear, and pantophobia is the fear of everything, when everything is scary.
In short, if you have fear, don’t be afraid, it has a name!

POINT ONE: “Attention, life is in danger!”

In essence, if we are truly afraid of something, it is for our own lives. We just need to find a convenient reason so that this fear of ours has somewhere to roam. After all, you must admit that it is difficult to be afraid simply for life (although there are “masters” here too), fear simply of death is a rarity, it is inconvenient to be afraid if the threat is not determined by the senses. Therefore, we need to come up with an appropriate reason, so as not to let our instinct of self-preservation languish in inaction!
The general formula: “Don’t come closer, he’ll kill you!” In particular, we are afraid that either “something will happen to our health - and hello”, or that “something will happen to us in general.” Further, this whole matter is divided as follows: according to health - either some kind of illness (“cancer has crept up unnoticed”), or infection (“AIDS does not sleep”); for an external reason - either an accident (“a brick on my head”), or intent (“enemies burned down my home”). In short, whatever we fear will find itself in the overall scheme.

FEARS FOR YOUR OWN LIFE: HEALTH AND SAFETY

Unhealthy fear for health

What else, pray tell, should you be afraid of, if not for your own health? Of course, the most “beautiful” fears are that “the heart broke” and “the cancer quietly burned out like a candle.” Since these fears are just fears, and not the diseases themselves, then, of course, the doctors do not find anything, and therefore you are left to think that you are sick with some incurable disease.
We manage to be afraid of the most interesting things. For example, many people are afraid of heartbeats. This is funny, because “reasonably” one should be afraid of their absence. But we think that the heart will either burst (if not the heart, then some kind of vessel), or stop, “having exhausted its resource.” Of course, it is very difficult for the heart to rupture - after all, it is a muscle, and muscles are elastic and strong (if a rupture occurs, it is in the ligaments, but this has nothing to do with the heart). And the heart does not have any “limited resource”; on the contrary, it has its own “reserve” power plant that can support its work, if anything happens. But what do we need this common sense! We think it can, which means it can!
The fear of a heart attack is accompanied by the fear of suffocation, that, supposedly, you won’t have enough air somewhere, that, apparently, they will take away your air and, with this oxygen deficiency, you will give up your soul to God. Accordingly, closed spaces - subways, elevators and simply closed rooms - are “deadly dangerous places.” There is also the fear that you won’t be able to call for help, that they won’t have time to take you out of your confined space, that you won’t be able to reach the phone, that you won’t be able to open the ambulance door...
Fearing cancer has recently become somewhat unfashionable, although there are those among us who adhere to the “classic style”. Cancer, according to universal belief, is incurable and burns a person instantly, so that he does not even have time to notice it. The fact that this is not so and doctors have been treating cancer for a long time does not, of course, count. The fact that cancer in the vast majority of cases is diagnosed on time (doctors know all the places where it can appear, and from their student days they train themselves in the so-called “oncological alertness”), this also does not count. If you have “heredity” (and, by the way, we all have such heredity), if your stomach ache, then it means cancer, there can be no doubt. This is how a “classical” neurotic thinks and suffers from his own reasoning in the most malignant way!
However, when doctors, having examined us from head to toe, report that there is nothing to be afraid of, we, following some very strange logic, begin to think that we are suffering from some kind of incurable disease. Now I remember one young patient who, in her reasoning of this kind, reached a remarkable discovery. At some point, it began to seem to her that her life would end with some creature crawling out of her, or rather, “from a leg - a hand.” At the first moment after she confessed this to me, I couldn’t understand what she was talking about... I’ve watched enough, unfortunate thing, of “Aliens – I, II, III”, and here’s the effect!

All in your hands!

If you are tired of constant suffering and dream of being free from VSD (panic attacks, anxiety, phobias, obsessive thinking and other experiences), you are tired of endlessly visiting doctors in search of miracle drugs or methods, you want to enjoy every moment of your life, forgetting about endless fears, ready to look at the world in a new way - with the eyes...

Read completely

All in your hands!
Practical advice from Andrey Kurpatov on how to get rid of VSD forever and forget about panic attacks and neuroses.
The diagnosis of “vegetative-vascular dystonia” is the “main disease” of every fifth person seeking medical care! However, few know that you can get rid of this disease, completely and forever. Strange as it may seem, panic attacks, palpitations, pain in the heart area, fluctuations in blood pressure, a feeling of lack of air, weakness and other symptoms of VSD must be combated with means that can use the internal resources of your body.
If you are tired of constant suffering and dream of being free from VSD (panic attacks, anxiety, phobias, obsessive thinking and other experiences), you are tired of endlessly visiting doctors in search of miracle drugs or methods, you want to enjoy every moment of your life, forgetting about endless fears, are ready to look at the world in a new way - through the eyes of a healthy and happy person - then you can finally stop and breathe easy.
In this book you will find complete information about what is happening to you, and most importantly, you will understand what to do about it. You will receive everything you need to solve problems with VSD and return to a full, healthy life.
Vegetovascular dystonia is curable! And Dr. Kurpatov will prove this to you in his book.

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Andrey Vladimirovich Kurpatov

Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks and anxiety first ask for a “pill for fear.” They ask and don’t even realize that they already have this pill and they carry it on their own shoulders. They wear it, but don’t accept it. Yes, the truth is that you won’t find anti-fear pills at the pharmacy. There are pills for turning off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. Therefore, if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.

So get down to business! I wish you success!

Sincerely yours, Andrey Kurpatov

PREFACE

But we use (and every single day!) our psychology, our psyche... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what’s what, what’s from what and what’s behind what?... There were no such lessons in our lives, “we all learned a little something and somehow.” As a result, the appointment with the psychotherapist is overbooked, and in the personal lives of most of us - “the hall is empty, the candles have gone out.” So, in fact, in order to somehow relieve the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the “Pocket Psychotherapist” series. And they are addressed to each of those few to whom his own life is not indifferent. Half of these books are devoted to how to live “faithfully and truly” with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.

Now, the readers of my “Pocket Psychotherapist”, who realize that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, have specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others discovered depression and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc. .), the fourth want to improve their health, which has been shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to overcome vegetative-vascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, sevenths want to know how to find a common language with their child, eighths are deciding for themselves the issue of “betrayal” (their own or in relation to themselves), ninths have questions from the field of sexology, tenths... In short, questions started pouring in, and I have no choice but to talk about ways to solve these problems.

So get down to business! I wish you success!

Yours sincerely,

Andrey Kurpatov

Preface

Half of these books were devoted to how to live “faithfully and truly” with oneself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.

Then, readers of my Pocket Therapist, who realize that the quality of their lives depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, have specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others discovered depression and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc. .), the fourth want to improve their health, which has been shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to overcome vegetative-vascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, sevenths want to know how to find a common language with their child, eighths are deciding for themselves the issue of “betrayal” (their own or in relation to themselves), ninths have questions from the field of sexology, tenths... In short, questions started pouring in, and I had no choice but to start talking about ways to solve these problems.

Books have appeared in the “Express Consultation” series - on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and to varying degrees of severity. The “means of help” contained in them, as I now know, came in very, very handy for my readers. But it is clear that these “express consultations” could not completely replace the “Pocket Psychotherapist”: in order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the whole the “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is no less than our life. So the books in the “Pocket Psychotherapist” and “Express Consultation” series gradually merged into one, which, due to its design, was called “Kurpatov. Classic".

To complete this preface, I would like to thank my patients who took part in the creation of these books, as well as the staff of my clinic. Thank you!

Introduction

If we add up all the fears of a “normal person” (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the strength of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be if the “fearless” are “lodging” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but at least in freedom? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from fear neurosis in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives; they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are completely incompatible things with each other.

The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to “calm the nerves,” then the success of our “hunt,” to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we launch this “expedition”, wanting to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without booty - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need exactly this mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are in vain, and you want to live!

Chapter first
FEAR – WHAT IT IS

Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid the corresponding situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the corresponding resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski resort.

But even if, as they say, I don’t remember my fear offhand, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him, and I will immediately confess. But do I need to remind you? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in essence, appears to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.

If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we don’t get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled – people with “disabilities”, because our fears do not allow us to do a lot, sometimes a lot...

So let’s take a look “without fear or reproach” at what kind of fears there are.

The simplest classification

However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function as a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least that’s what we want to believe). We are able to assess a given situation using our knowledge and logic, calculate options and understand what we should do to achieve what we want. And here the first difficulty arises: it turns out that two subjects are responsible for the same function in our psyche – fear and common sense.

And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It’s good if they agree on a particular situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says: “Run! Run away! Save yourself! - and at the same moment common sense reassures: “It’s okay! Do not worry it's okay! You are in no danger!” And what do you order to do in such a situation?! You will inevitably remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because here there are real swan, crayfish and pike, and in our personal performance! A constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.

Now - difficulty number two. What does the mentioned hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived most of his life know? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let’s think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, how much benefit does this have for our mental apparatus?

Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation deems important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (and this is precisely what our instinct of self-preservation occupies) will be identified by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now attract us. What has caused us displeasure, on the contrary, will subsequently frighten us.

And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And won't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to achieve this? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble awaits you. Yes, it was not for nothing that King Solomon said: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”

Any animal, compared to us, has no problems at all - a few questions, but it doesn’t know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. We, being intelligent and mindful creatures, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want it, and it hurts, and my mother doesn’t tell me...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I have to fly there, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare doesn’t need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want those around me to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always little, always insufficient), and therefore the fear arises that someday I will be left completely alone - without help and approval. Would such stupidity even occur to a hare?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable man” is difficult.

Finally, the third difficulty. As I already said in the book “With Neurosis in Life,” our instinct of self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct of self-preservation of life, the instinct of self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct of self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our lives in our own offspring.

Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that one can limit oneself to physical survival, but you go explain to our subconscious... He has these three “Arkharovites” operating there and conflicting with each other in the most merciless way!

Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other, threatens to result in conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it’s scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer’s honor bit me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this “contentment”. In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!

But I promised the simplest classification of fears. So: our fears are divided into those that fall under the “department” of the instinct of self-preservation of life; those that arise in the system of our social relations (here the hierarchical instinct dominates), and, finally, we have fears associated with the sphere of sexual relations, that is, with the sexual instinct. Since friction constantly arises between consciousness and subconsciousness, I am guaranteed fears for each of these points - for life, for social life and for sexual life.

CLASSIFICATION OF OUR FEARS

Dead language lessons

The variety of our fears is outstanding! But they cannot be left unnamed, and so scientific minds began to “inventory” human fears. Since Latin was adopted as the international medical language, our fears accordingly received proud Latin names, however, there are also ancient Greek names. Now anyone can call their neurosis not just a neurosis of fear, but pompously, in a dead language. Here are a few of these “titles”.

Agoraphobia(from other - Greek. agora– a square where public meetings take place) – fear of the so-called “open space”. What exactly people suffering from agoraphobia are afraid of, they themselves don’t really know. Often they can't even explain what they call "open space." They are afraid to go out into the street, and even more so to a square or embankment, sometimes to cross the road, to find themselves in an unknown place, etc. Trying to explain their fear, they say that “something could happen,” “something might happen.” What exactly? Or with health, or God knows what.

Claustrophobia(from lat. сlaudo- lock, close) - fear, the opposite of agoraphobia, fear of “closed space”. However, despite the apparent differences, they usually “go hand in hand.” What is a person afraid of in this case and what does he consider a “closed space”? This is a mystery for a spy. Apparently, there is some fear that, “if something happens,” you won’t be able to get help behind closed doors. What's about to happen? There is a need for invention here - the fear of suffocation, the fear of a heart attack, the fear of epilepsy, etc., etc. In short, you will need an explanation, we will find it!

Oxyphobia(aichmophobia) – fear of sharp objects. It seems to the owner of this fear that the sharp object has its own life and plans to injure him (this object) - either this person himself, or someone else, but with the help of this person. The basis of this fear is the fear of losing control over one’s actions, and the most remarkable thing about all this is that those who suffer from this fear are those who have excessive control over themselves and their actions more than anyone else.

Gypsophobia(acrophobia) – fear of heights. The latter comes in two forms: one resembles the previous one - it’s scary to lose control over yourself and jump from a height in this state (“What if I go crazy and jump from the balcony?!”); the second resembles agoraphobia (“What if I feel bad, I won’t keep my balance and fall down the stairs, or, in extreme cases, I’ll just slip”). People susceptible to this fear are often afraid of the escalator in the subway.

Dysmorphophobia– fear of physical deformity, unattractiveness. As a rule, people suffer from it without any reason, especially girls from the modeling business and young bodybuilders. They talk about some of their “extreme shortcomings”, even “ugliness”, which can be noticed by others. Moreover, if they do not tell the doctor what exactly they consider “deformity,” then he himself is unlikely to guess. However, to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, it is not at all necessary to be a “supermodel” or “Mr. Universe”; depression, which likes to evoke such thoughts, or a deeper feeling of self-doubt is enough.

Nosophobia– fear of getting a serious illness. There are a lot of terms for special use here: syphilophobia(fear of getting syphilis), speedophobia(fear of getting HIV), cancerophobia(fear of getting cancer) lysophobia(fear of getting rabies) cardiophobia(fear of a heart attack), well, further down the list - open a medical reference book and “spank” the terms.

However, this, of course, is not the end of our possible fears. Here are more examples: thanatophobia– this is the fear of death; peniaphobia– fear of poverty; hematophobia– fear of blood; necrophobia– fear of a corpse; ergasiophobia– fear of surgical operations; pharmacophobia– fear of medications; hypnophobia– fear of sleep; hodophobia– fear of travel; siderodromophobia– fear of traveling on a train; tachophobia– fear of speed; aerophobia– fear of flying on airplanes; gephyrophobia– fear of walking across the bridge; hydrophobia– fear of water; achluophobia– fear of the dark; monophobia– fear of loneliness; erotophobia– fear of sexual relations; pettophobia– fear of society; anthropophobia(ochlophobia) – fear of crowds; social phobia– fear of new acquaintances, social contacts or speaking in front of an audience; catagelophobia– fear of ridicule; xenophobia– fear of strangers; homophobia– fear of homosexuals; lalophobia– fear of speaking (in people suffering from neurotic stuttering); kenophobia– fear of empty rooms; misophobia– fear of pollution; zoophobia– fear of animals (especially small ones); arachnophobia– fear of spiders; ophidiophobia– fear of snakes; cynophobia– fear of dogs; taphephobia– fear of being buried alive; sitophobia– fear of eating; triskaidekaphobia– fear of the 13th, etc., etc.

There are, however, completely unique fears - these are phobophobia And pantophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of fear, or more precisely, the fear of repetition of fear, and pantophobia is the fear of everything, when everything is scary.

In short, if you have fear, don’t be afraid, it has a name!

POINT ONE: “Attention, life is in danger!”

The general formula: “Don’t come closer, he’ll kill you!” In particular, we are afraid that either “something will happen to our health - and hello”, or that “something will happen to us in general.” Further, this whole matter is divided as follows: according to health - either some kind of illness (“cancer has crept up unnoticed”), or infection (“AIDS does not sleep”); for an external reason - either an accident (“a brick on my head”), or intent (“enemies burned down my home”). In short, whatever we fear will find itself in the overall scheme.