Everyone has to hear a lot of uncomfortable questions in their life. It would be good to be able to walk away from them with honor, showing both in words and with your whole appearance that you will not tolerate strangers trampling in your life in unclean shoes.
And sometimes your loved ones try to “find out” a lot of things that you wouldn’t want to talk about. We must always remember that the personal things we share with people can easily become a way to manipulate us. And if your “secret” turns out to be scandalous enough, then the gossip will spread like hot cakes to all mutual acquaintances, having managed to acquire such a lump of details that when they reach you (and they will certainly reach you), you will find out the story from your own with difficulty and shock. personal! life.
Therefore, you definitely need to be able to “defend” yourself, your loved ones and your “territory of life.”
U different people The line between an ordinary and an inconvenient question varies widely - someone might find it impolite to ask about their salary or the cost of a dress, while others might tell a fellow passenger on the train about all their problems. But most often, questions about relationships, health, appearance and money fall into the category of tactless questions.
There are no exclusively awkward or “normal” questions. Each situation is individual. It all depends on who asks the question, when, in what conversation, what true goal pursues.
“When are you going to get married?”, “Isn’t it time to settle down?”, “What are you waiting for with a child?”, “Did you get a job? What's the salary? - There are many incorrect and inconvenient questions like these. Naturally, you don’t want to answer them, you don’t want to develop the conversation, and sometimes you even need to put a person in his place so that you don’t encounter similar things in the future.
We will try to figure out how to respond to tactlessness, depending on the situation and your desire to continue or not continue communication with those interested.
How much do you earn?
If you answer honestly, a meticulous interlocutor can go into detail, saying, why so little? The question of earnings is the most indecent question, whether you are the head of a large financial corporation or a home-based worker. But the problem of other people's financial well-being has always been of concern to others. So this question will be asked to you more than once!
How to avoid answering? If you don't want to seem unfriendly, use a trade secret as an excuse. Say that you have agreed not to disclose your salary.
How much did it cost you to build a house/renovate an apartment/buy a kitchen unit, etc.?
Even if the interlocutor asks not out of curiosity, but because he plans to build or renovate housing, excessive frankness is still usually not needed. It’s too easy to give rise to morbid curiosity - where did your family get such funds or how did you find such connections? low prices.
How to avoid answering? It is most convenient to say that it is difficult to calculate. This requires detailed calculations, and prices for building materials and work of craftsmen change all the time. Or answer that all the calculations are done by the spouse. The “I don’t know” tactic should help get rid of annoying questions.
Why are you so tired?
You look tired, haven’t had enough sleep or haven’t had time to really get ready, your eyelids are swollen and your eyes are red. Well, this is a reason to assume that you have problems at home. Tactful work colleagues may simply ask if you are feeling well and will not pursue the conversation further. However, there will always be those who, under the guise of sympathy, will seek sensations.
Most often you can hear from them: “What, did you quarrel with your husband?” or “Men are such bastards...”. Think about whether you want to be frank or have quarrelsome conversations? The conflict with your husband will become history, and your stories will remain in the memory of your colleague for a long time.
How to avoid answering? Thank you for your concern and say that today is just a bad day for you. If you want to close the topic completely, you can answer that it was a sleepless night and smile coquettishly, blaming your red eyes on a late movie show or an interesting TV series.
You're kidding, it's annoying
If you can answer any question with humor, it will be difficult for your interlocutor to get under your skin.
How is it on the personal front? On the personal front, everything is fine, the entire personal front is occupied by me personally.
How much did you spend on your vacation? I had to sell my kidney, but I still have one left.
Universal phrases
There are words that can be applied in absolutely any situation and with any interlocutor.
If you are asked about something, “When...?”, answer with a smile, “I’ll tell you first.”
To answer any inappropriate question, feel free to use the common phrase from psychologists: “Do you want to talk about this?”
Another option is to put the person in his place or at least think about what he is saying: “For what purpose are you interested?” or a little more rudely, “This doesn’t concern you.”
You can use the so-called “inadequate” answers from the “Because gladiolus” series.
Pseudo-compliment: “I am amazed at your ability to ask incorrect questions!”, “I have always been amazed at your remarkable ability to put people in an awkward position!”
In the end, you can always say directly “I do not intend to discuss this issue with strangers!”
In order to use these methods in your Everyday life, remember a couple of universal answers to those questions that most often annoy you.
Have you often encountered incorrect questions addressed to you? In my opinion, an ignorant person must definitely be put in his place so that he doesn’t get into the habit of being curious about someone else’s life!
It showed the widest range of tricks that people resort to if they do not want to directly answer some “uncomfortable” question, as it seems to them. In this sense, all these 300-odd comments can be studied as a kind of textbook.
In principle, the tricks are standard; I will try to classify them, and for simplicity I will replace the question of trusting the Bible with something more innocent. For example, the question “Do you do exercises in the morning?” Here, too, difficulties may arise for a simple LJist: to say “yes” - it seems like there is some reluctance to lie; to say “no” is like publicly admitting the weakness of your will, which is also not good. And then the man begins to wag:
1) An attempt to question the very right of the questioner to ask any questions. “Who are you anyway? Why, exactly, should I answer you? What right do you have to invade my personal life?”
2) An attempt, in the words of E. Bern, to “attach from above,” that is, to take a protective parental position. “You don’t know a lot, young man, and I’m an old athlete. I was doing exercises back when you were walking under the table! An in-depth study of the basics of exercises and physical culture is my long-time passion. I’m surprised that you’re even talking about me “You ask, our knowledge about the subject is so incomparable.”
3) An attempt to get into the jungle of terminological disputes. “In general, what is “exercise”? Don’t you know how ambiguous this concept is? You see, it can be “exercise”, or it can be “physical exercise”. What are you asking about? If about physical exercise, then it’s necessary also keep in mind that, in addition to the physical, everyone has a certain mental component, an immanent spiritual effort. Are you asking about the mental component of my being? Well, this is an extremely difficult question..."
4) Leaving through the separation of “us” and “them”. "My dear, people who do exercises, at least THINK about their physical perfection - this is a separate community. Exercise is not just that; it is IMMERSION, immersion in a new reality, spiritual, first of all, practice. People who comprehend physical perfection - they are DIFFERENT; they understand the words familiar to you, neophytes, completely differently. Therefore - how can I answer you like this, simply - am I doing exercises? WILL YOU UNDERSTAND my answer?"
5) An attempt to overwhelm with erudition. “Eh, brother! You say “exercise.” Do you know that, generally speaking, this is practically a science? That people specifically STUDY in order to teach physical culture?! Yes, yes, there is such an Institute of Physical Education. Did you finish it? Do you have a diploma? Have you studied human anatomy and physiology, young man? Just go and study and come back in 5 years with a diploma. Then I’ll be happy to answer you whether I do exercises in the morning.”
6) Care through moral attacks. “How can you ask a person so point-blank whether he’s doing exercises or not? You seem to be a psychologist. How is that possible?! You’re causing stress in a person! Is this professional? You’re turning people against yourself with such questions ! Yes, it’s clear what kind of psychologist you are... Sorry, I had a better opinion of you... Sorry, I won’t answer - it somehow became disgusting"
7) Of course - an attempt to change the topic “on the fly”. "Charging? But what kind of charging... There are more interest Ask: Do you eat tomatoes at night? Answer, this is very important! Don’t you know about the dangers of tomatoes?! Here's the link! And here is the drawing! And here is the diagram! What, you don’t understand this either?! Excuse me, but if you can’t even tell me anything really about tomatoes, why should I talk to you about exercise?!”
8) Substitution of the question - from personal to “general”. "Exercise? Are you asking about exercise? But excuse me - what, is everyone OBLIGATED to do exercise? Is this the law we have, or what? I haven’t heard of such a law. In my opinion, in our country this is a voluntary matter - if you want , do exercises, if you want, don’t... What? Does this mean that I don’t do them? Well, why - I didn’t say that. Why do you attribute to me something that I didn’t say? Why is this petty cheating?!"
9) Assurances that the question in principle (sic!) cannot be answered unambiguously. "Well, how can you say - I do it or not? What, ALWAYS, or what, do I do? Under any circumstances? Well, this is funny. Do you want to say that even with a temperature of 40 I will do exercises?! At me, you think , my wife dies, my son hangs himself - and so I’ll go do exercises?! Right above the coffin?? Or, for example, I’ll find myself on the New York-Moscow plane in the morning. Am I going to stand in the aisle and do squats and push-ups? do? Well? But he seems like a smart person... He looks... And you ask such stupid questions... I didn’t expect from you..."
10. Replacing the question of action with a question of evaluation. “Why do you think that doing exercises in the morning is bad? Where does such hatred towards people who care about their health come from? What, everyone should read books from morning to evening, right? If someone feels good from exercise, let them do it! Why do you get attached to such people, WHY?? Eh, I had a better opinion of you..."
Ignoring questions is one of the most commonly used techniques. It allows you to save face in an uncomfortable situation and direct attention to the person asking the question. If you have paid attention to politicians and their speeches, they often avoid direct questions, just like all people [almost all] who have a high status in society. Professional psychologists work with them, who know that every extra word is a reason for attacks from others. And then the answer to the question is manipulation; the more specifically and truthfully you answer the question posed to you, the more power your interlocutor gains over you. During any communication, people ask each other a lot of different questions, in fact, any communication is based on this, communication is an exchange of information, and questions are a clarifying factor or provocative. There are absolutely harmless questions, which are not at all difficult for you to answer, but after such simple questions, your conversation with your interlocutor smoothly flows into a heart-to-heart conversation, and then the questions become more specific, one might say, intimate, which are aimed at extracting valuable information from interlocutor. They either begin to ask you, or you ask them, penetrating with the help of these questions inner world person.
A question often imposes a role on the person being asked, and when you answer it, you assume that role. For example, you are asked the question: “What time will we meet tomorrow - at five o’clock in the evening, or at seven?” Here, as you can see, there is no question, here it is proposed to make a choice, while allegedly asking the person about his choice. Needless to say, political elections are structured in a similar way, no one asks anyone anything, there is a banal imposition of a role. If, for example, you were asked a question: “Are you a fool?” Do you think this is a question or a statement? There are a lot of such questions, you are not obliged to answer them, but in order not to seem disrespectful and indifferent, you need to properly avoid questions, while remaining very a good man in the eyes of others. Ignoring questions - this technique is especially appropriate if you are asked a lot of questions, you simply choose the most harmless one and process it in full, analyzing it in detail and expressing yourself emotionally. The remaining issues should be less important for you, and you simply simply forget about them. Indifference to the issue - this technique should be used when aggression or provocation is manifested towards you.
Sometimes you may be teased with some question, and even if it is the most provocative, try to remove all emotions from your face by answering briefly and clearly with a general phrase, or simply remaining silent, the main thing is to avoid specifics. This will make the person asking you this question look like a complete idiot, and even if he laughs at you, or impulsively says something, you know, he feels like a complete bummer. After all, he expected a different effect from you, and you showed complete indifference to him, that is, you do not take him seriously. Answer the questions you would like to hear; this technique has its advantages and disadvantages. This way, of course, you can get away from a lot of questions that are inconvenient for you; your answer is like your line, which you bend no matter what. But this can often irritate others if you are too straightforward, and you may look like an idiot who does not understand what they want from him. Although if the question is long enough, you can tear out the necessary pieces from it and answer them in a form that suits you. At the same time, you can always make the person asking you this question look like an idiot, it all depends on your acting skills, make sure that the interlocutor thinks that it is not you who do not understand his questions, but he is asking them incorrectly.
Another technique for avoiding answering questions is answering a question with a question. This is a fairly common form of protection and can be used in the most different situations when you are provoked, when uncomfortable questions are asked, and in general in the most ordinary case, you can simply learn more about the interlocutor by labeling him as a responder. Because this technique is too common, it also often causes irritation, or a feeling of rejection and danger. Therefore, if your interlocutor is important to you, it is better not to send him your question as an answer; it is better to answer his question as conveniently as possible, and then ask your own. Leading your interlocutor to the question you need is a higher aerobatics, here you are already manipulating the person to the fullest, and for this you don’t even need to ask him questions, just bring him to the topic you need, constantly focusing attention on it, and linking it with every word of his. The most important thing here is to choose the right topic for conversation; you can answer several questions from your interlocutor in order to win him over. Then you can continue the dialogue on the topic you need, and when he goes deeper into it with you, both the questions and your answers to them will be what you need.
Say what people want to hear from you. If you need to enlist someone's support, or you want to convince other people of something, or perhaps reassure them, answer their questions the way they would like you to answer them. You can lie, and sometimes you even need to do this, because it is not you who deceive people, but they themselves want to be deceived. You just give them what they want, you give them an illusion that makes it easier for them to live with. You don't avoid answering, but you answer in a way that benefits you. In some cases, it is not difficult to understand what kind of person is waiting for an answer from you; the question itself can be posed in such a way that only a certain answer arises and no more. You simply determine for yourself whether you need to respond this way or not, what it will give you. In this way, you can avoid various questions that can be used against you as a means of manipulation.
In general, my advice to you is to take a closer look at people who ask too many questions, or the entire conversation with them always goes towards the question they asked. If you are forced to constantly answer questions, it means that there is a certain aggression towards you, you are being manipulated, they want to get something from you, and you definitely do not need it. Be careful with such people and stay away from them if possible. From my own experience, I know that a person who asks too many questions can pose a certain threat to you, it is rarely just curiosity, since any information can always be used for the most selfish purposes. How fewer people they know about you, so much the better.
A person’s life is a series of “white” and “black” stripes, which are not without awkward moments. Unpleasant situations are created by attackers trying to demonstrate to society the shortcomings of their opponent. Excessive curiosity of friends or the intrusiveness of a boss who is interested in your fate - provocative questions accompany a person throughout the entire “path”. To assess the extent of your interlocutors’ lack of education or desire to do harm, you need to familiarize yourself with the traditional set of phrases that confuse people.
When will you be asked to get married? Why did you divorce? How much do you earn? How are you feeling? Are you planning to have children soon? Where did you study? How much did you spend on your vacation? How did you earn money for a premium car? At such moments, a single thought hovers in a person’s mind: “How to avoid answering an unpleasant question?”
If you do not care about the feelings and emotions of the interlocutor, then it is recommended to directly inform him of your lack of desire to continue the conversation
How not to offend a person with your answer?
Often awkward questions are asked by work partners or older people you respect. What to do in such a situation? Showing aggression, voicing or avoiding an answer is an inappropriate solution, because you will show disrespect for your interlocutor. Psychologists advise following three rules that help change the course of events without revealing your own dissatisfaction with what is happening:
- Change the topic of conversation without attaching importance to the question asked.
— I think I saw you at a restaurant this weekend. You said you'd be busy, didn't you?
— I have such a standard type of appearance that people constantly confuse me with someone else. What kind of restaurant was this? Tell me, please. It's interesting to know which establishments I prefer to visit.
- Answer generally so that the interlocutor does not notice the catch.
—You don’t know anything about the abolition of serfdom in Rus'?
- Why do you think so? The scale of history Russian Federation capture the imagination of foreigners. Is it possible that a native resident might not know about such an event? I just have no desire to remember the difficult times for the state, sorry.
- Imagine the situation they are trying to put you in from a different perspective.
— Do you always spend so much time completing a simple task?
— Work should be assessed not by the number of minutes, but by the quality of the result!
By following simple rules, you can correctly and constructively answer a question of interest to your interlocutor, without offending him. This format of communication will not harm your reputation, because you participate in the dialogue, independently choosing the vector of the conversation.
Visually showing dissatisfaction with a question is not a practical solution. The interlocutor will only increase the pressure put on you by adding 2-3 more caustic phrases to the words spoken.
Methods for avoiding answering incorrect questions
Dialogue is the art of building communication with a person, where one awkward phrase can destroy self-confidence. Without taking into account, it is recommended to treat the spoken words with full responsibility. Careless expression becomes the reason conflict situation, and timely delivery is an effective prerequisite for friendly relations. To avoid unpleasant situations by correctly avoiding impolite questions, be guided in conversations by the following rules:
- “Cut off” the interlocutor’s statement, letting him realize that you do not want to continue the conversation on such topics.
- Ask a counter question to divert the “opponent’s” attention from your personality, taking extra time to understand the answer.
- Pretend to be filled with confidence that you did not hear the phrase spoken to you, leaving it unattended.
- Parry an unpleasant question with wit and humor, enlisting the audience's support for your joke.
- If you have the gift of eloquence, then do not hesitate to answer the question. Just start the story with the phrase: “In my childhood...”, preparing the interlocutor for a detailed story.
- Pour the “water” without avoiding participation in the conversation, which takes on a completely different format.
- To a specific question addressed to you, ask a lot of counter, clarifying phrases, confusing your interlocutor.
- Ask an interested person about the prerequisites for the emergence of such a formulation. Ask about his intentions, distracting him from the unpleasant dialogue.
- Focus on the vocabulary present in the question, ask the “opponent” about the reason for his use of such speech patterns.
- If you are not deprived of acting talent, then play a depressed hero from the dramatic works of William Shakespeare. To be or not to be?
- Ignore the person whose question makes you uncomfortable.
In an unpleasant dialogue, there are faithful “helpers” who confuse the enemy. Don't let your interlocutor be convinced of your competence. Do not show your fears by preventing attacks from a person who is determined to put you in an awkward situation. Social memory is a long-lasting phenomenon, which means it will be extremely difficult to change existing stereotypes about you. It is more rational to prevent such a development of events by following the above recommendations.
If the interlocutor, in response to a counter question, expresses a desire to continue the discussion, then say without any doubt that you are not interested in the development of events. A direct answer of this kind will put a person trying to convict you of something into a stupor.
Universal answer options
Situations in life are different, so people should have universal answers to unpleasant questions prepared. Phrases like these will help maintain the feeling self-esteem, without questioning the society's impeccable reputation. Dealing with stress in exciting moments will become easier, because you will always have 2-3 well-thought-out answers for unfriendly interlocutors:
- You are an amazing person personal qualities whom I admire endlessly! Is the ability to ask rhetorical questions your innate talent?
- For what purposes are you interested?
- You really know how to ask a question that confuses your interlocutor! How to learn this art of dialogue? Would you mind sharing?
- I already have an answer to the question you are interested in, but first I want to be curious: Why do you need this information?
- Do you insist on this format of conversation? I have no desire to discuss such topics.
- I'm sure you know the answer to this question.
When building a dialogue with a person who wants to put you in an awkward situation, prefer to remain calm and decisive. The interlocutor, who has not noticed the opponent’s fear, will slow down, abandoning the strategy of passive aggression. Remember that only the ability to maintain self-esteem, supported by charisma, allows you to achieve social recognition, withstanding attacks from competitors.
To prevent impolite or unpleasant questions from knocking you out of your usual “rut,” strive for mental balance. Inner harmony- a guarantee of decent behavior in stressful situations. It is not surprising that balanced and confident own strength Attackers contact people with incorrect questions much less often.
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“Why aren’t you married?”, “how much do you earn?”, “who will you vote for?” - these and other similar tactless questions make many of us shudder. What to do if your interlocutor asks a question, but you don’t want to or simply can’t answer it?
website will tell you about 9 ways to gracefully avoid answering. And the bonus at the end of the article will tell you what to do if you come across an annoying interlocutor for whom these tricks do not work.
1. Ask clarifying questions
To pull the rug out from under your interlocutor’s feet, ask him clarifying questions, and the more there are, the better. When answering them, he will get confused and lose the thread of the conversation. The main thing is to ask questions with a serious expression on your face so that your interlocutor does not feel there is a trick. By the way, if you are talking with someone who is not very close to you, you can refuse to answer questions about salary or work in general, citing trade secrets.
2. Give a compliment
Compliments related to the question you were asked will look simpler and more natural. For example, if you were asked about children, praise the interlocutor’s child or grandchild. And add some general answer - “everything has its time,” “as soon as possible,” “it’s not up to me,” and so on. People like compliments and at the same time they are a little embarrassed. Therefore, the interlocutor is unlikely to develop the topic further. The main thing is that the praise corresponds to the true state of affairs, otherwise your compliment will be perceived as sarcasm.
3. Clarify the reason for the question
Ask your interlocutor what prompted him to ask the question, and after answering, continue to develop this topic. For example, suggest one reason or another for the question. Thus, the conversation will change direction, and the uncomfortable question will remain unanswered.
4. Answer with a joke
You can laugh off an inappropriate question in cases where when there is confidence that the joke will be understood and appreciated. This method works best in a large group, because the more people there are, the higher the likelihood that someone will laugh and tell another joke in response, thereby saving you from having to answer the question.
5. Start pouring water
This method is often used by politicians and various public figures. As a result, the interlocutor seems to receive an answer to his question, but he will not be able to say exactly what exactly was answered. The method is ideal for people whose strong point is eloquence.
6. Answer a question with a question
Another favorite technique of politicians and other persons with high social status. This method is used quite often, which is why it often causes irritation. Therefore, it is better to use it only in exceptional cases.
7. Show off your intelligence
The method is useful if knowledge allows you to develop a deep discussion on the topic you set. A large number of really interesting facts can distract even the most annoying interlocutor from the question asked.
8. Reframe the question
Bonus: what to do if the interlocutor does not calm down
All of the above methods work if uncomfortable questions for the person asking them are the exception rather than the rule. But if tactless questions are the calling card of your interlocutor, you have the right to refuse to answer them without any justification to your counterpart or yourself. A simple “I don’t want to answer” will save you a lot of problems.
What other methods of dealing with annoying interlocutors do you know?