What associations does the word “death” evoke in ordinary person? This is absolute evil, pain, tears, loss... This is why no one can think about death without fear. It's good when this fear is somewhere deep in the soul. A person likes his life, he wants to live happily ever after and, naturally, does not want to die. But there are people who are terrified that something bad will happen to them, they see dangers at every step, and more and more phobias appear every day. The fear of death turns into paranoia and begins to poison life. In this case, you cannot do without consulting a good specialist who can determine the reason that caused a person’s panic fear of death.
The fear of death is worse than death itself
It’s worth starting with the fact that it was precisely on the fear of death that culture arose in its time. Story reasonable people begins from the moment when the first burials appeared. Just when living beings thought about death and began to fear it, they turned into real people.
Trying to escape death, to see something positive in it, people created a religion. Each religion had its own idea of life after death. But the basis has always been that if a person lives with dignity, then after death he will go to a place where he will feel no less good than during life. Thus, people tried to overcome the panic fear of death. Some people succeeded, others didn't.
The fear of dying has haunted people since ancient times to this day. Many theorists, scientists and doctors are trying to study the fear of death in order to understand how to deal with it. Thus, it was found that men are less afraid of death than women, although many experts are inclined to argue that representatives of the stronger sex simply refuse to admit their fears because they do not want to look weak.
As for who is more afraid of death - young or elderly people, the opinions of experts are divided. Some argue that the fear of death does not decrease over the years, so older people are no less afraid of death than young people.
As studies have shown, even terminally ill people begin to fear death much less when they enter specialized institutions where they receive qualified psychological assistance. This once again proves that a normal healthy person should not be terrified of dying, seeing everything as a threat to his life.
What frightens people when they think about death?
Each person is absolutely individual, therefore he understands and imagines death in his own way. What exactly can frighten a person when he thinks about death?
Pain, suffering, loss of self-esteem
Very often people are afraid not even of death itself, but of the circumstances that will accompany it. This is primarily the fear of severe pain, suffering, loss of dignity. Such fears are experienced by terminally ill patients, although some healthy people Those suffering from nosophobia, that is, the fear of getting sick, also feel a similar fear.
Unknown
No matter how much we fear death, no one really knows what it is and what awaits a person after he dies. But people have always tried to understand and comprehend everything in this world. Since death is the unknown, no one returns after death, it is simply impossible to comprehend it, no matter how hard we try. All discussions about death are just fantasies, not supported real facts. Fear of the unknown is very powerful, sometimes so much so that it turns into a serious illness.
- Nothingness
Many people, including believers, experience fear of death, because they are afraid that they will cease to exist. The idea that after death there will be absolutely nothing seems to people not only unfair, but also truly scary.
Eternal Punishment
Thoughts about eternal punishment often bother believers who are afraid of receiving punishment for sins committed throughout their lives. Simply put, a person is terrified of going to hell and suffering after death, atonement for his sins.
Losing control
Every person strives to control their life. Unfortunately, death is beyond our control. Some people who want to take matters into their own hands even want to control death. They're fixated on healthy way life. As a result, in addition to the fear of death, such people also develop a fear of getting sick.
Problems with relatives
Every person has relatives who need to be taken care of. But some fear for their relatives more than for themselves. More often, this fear visits young parents who worry about their children, or adult children who care for elderly parents. A person is afraid not so much of his own death, but of the fact that his loved ones will experience problems and financial difficulties.
Separation from loved ones
Those who have already lost loved ones know how difficult it is. That is why a person is afraid not of death itself, but of the fact that he will have to part with his loved ones.
Long Dying
If sooner or later every person has to come to terms with death, then the fear of having to die for a long time, experiencing pain and humiliation, frightens absolutely everyone. In addition, people are afraid to die alone, in isolation from their loved ones and relatives. First of all, this fear concerns patients who die in intensive care. Many experts are convinced that the presence of loved ones in the last days of life is extremely important for those dying.
Fear of death and how to overcome it
The fear of dying does not always bring trouble. Healthy fears for their lives make people more careful and responsible. But sometimes the fear of death goes beyond all boundaries and turns into thanaphobia. A person begins to panicky fear of everything that is in any way connected with death. In this case, you cannot do without the help of a qualified specialist.
The course of treatment for tanaphobia for each patient is compiled individually, which depends on the severity of the symptoms. A good specialist will be able to find the right approach to any patient in order to understand what reasons caused the fear of death.
Of course, whether to see a doctor or not, everyone decides for themselves. To begin with, you can try to overcome your fears on your own. This is not easy to do, but it is possible. To overcome the fear of death, like any other fear, you first need to acknowledge it. Be alone with your thoughts and try to understand what caused the fear. Learn to relax. This is the only way you can control your thoughts and fears.
And most importantly, appreciate every moment of your life, enjoy the little things that exist here and now. People often think about the distant future, are afraid of the unknown, forgetting about the present, which carries real value.
If you are overcome by the fear of death, and thoughts of the inevitable end poison your present, try to change your attitude towards the future and adjust your own behavior.
Fullness of life
Those people who live to the fullest are not afraid of death. It is important to enjoy every day and even moment you live, realize your own abilities and talents, achieve what you want and be with the people you love and whom you value.
Otherwise, you will join the group of those people who do not live, but exist. They vegetate and waste their lives on trifles. Such individuals rush from one entertainment or pleasure to another, abandon the path to their dreams at the slightest obstacle and do not dare to claim more than what they already have.
Expand your horizons, don't be afraid to live and feel. And then you will not have the feeling that life is passing by, and the world has not revealed to you the best that it has. Understand that it is the feeling of wasted time that leads to fear.
And those who do everything possible to take everything from life are more philosophical about the future end of life.
Death is like a dream
Some people are not afraid of death because they understand: when death comes, they will no longer exist, but they are afraid of what is not there senselessly. This is a fairly simple and logical statement, and if you delve into it, the fear of death recedes. When a person falls into eternal sleep and no longer feels pain, fear, or anxiety.
Treat death as endless peace and stop being afraid of it.
Continuation of the family line
There are people who take death more calmly when they have children and then grandchildren. They see in their offspring an extension of themselves and understand that with the onset of death, parts of their personality and soul will continue to live in their descendants.
Children and grandchildren take a lot from their mothers, fathers, and grandparents. Appearance, character, intelligence - all this is a combination of ancestral genes. Therefore, a person who has successors can overcome the fear of death.
No fear
Finally, there are people who do not experience fear at all. They are not afraid of heights, darkness, illness, or even death. On the contrary, these individuals feel the need to constantly be in extreme situations. Such people lack adrenaline in life and are not aware of fear at all.
— Thanatophobia: obsessive phobia of death
— Main factors of fear of death
— Symptoms of fear of the end of life
— Reasons for fear of death
— Recommendations for reducing anxiety
— Additional techniques that will help you stop being afraid of eternal peace
— 4 tips on how to get rid of the panic of death
- Conclusion
Thanatophobia, a generalized fear of death, occupies a separate niche in the group of anxiety disorders. This pathological, uncontrollable, obsessive and inexplicable fear is one of the most common in modern world, and it is a relatively difficult phobia to treat.
There are very few people who are free from the fear of death. First of all, this can be explained by the fact that a person is not destined to know what death is.
The paradox of the pathological fear of death is that a person suffering from thanatophobia is constantly afraid, even without a source of danger to existence. Although the semantic direction of anxiety is anticipation of the fact of his own death, the patient does not specifically know what provokes and is the object of his anxiety. Some are afraid of the unknown that awaits after death, others are afraid of the painful process of dying, in their opinion.
Like other human fears, thanatophobia also has positive intentions. Pathological fear of death is a unique basis for self-improvement, allowing you to symbolically end a false, meaningless life and acquire a new, authentic “I”.
Confirmation of this is the desire of the majority of thanatophobes: when applying for medical care, they still don’t know what to do to get rid of the anxiety that dominates their minds and how to live on, but they realize that it is impossible to lead the existence that was before.
When diagnosing the disorder, it is necessary to take into account that a pathological fear of death is characteristic of patients in whom the presence of an obsessive delusional idea is associated with an underlying mental illness. In any case, to confirm the diagnosis of thanatophobia, consultation with a specialist is necessary. In the case of thanatophobia, self-medication is categorically undesirable!
— Main factors of fear of death
1) Fear of illness or serious death.
Many people are afraid of this. Their phobia is based on bodily sensations. Such patients are afraid of pain and agony. These fantasies may be reinforced by some kind of illness or certain negative experiences that the person has experienced in the past.
2) Pointless care.
Most patients fear dying without leaving a trace. That is, not doing anything significant in life. Such people are always late. They are chasing luck. They want to achieve something significant to be appreciated. The fear of leaving without a successfully completed task is worse than bodily pain for them.
3) Loss of contacts.
This phobic disorder affects people suffering from loneliness. At the same time, they are afraid to die, left alone with themselves. Such patients cannot be alone for a long time. Here the cause is reduced self-esteem and impaired socialization.
4) Religion and superstitions.
People who are immersed in any beliefs are afraid to die because after death they will go to some terrible place. The fear of hell is often much greater than the fear of death itself. Many are waiting for death with a scythe or something similar.
Why are people afraid of death? The answer can be unequivocal. People are primarily afraid of life. Both fears are identical.
You may be interested in the article ““.
— Symptoms of fear of the end of life
Fear of death has varied symptoms. First of all, there is increased sensitivity to any irritant. A person is afraid of almost everything. He is afraid of becoming deathly ill. Associated phobias appear, which provoke a number of serious psycho-neurological disorders.
People who fear for their lives often stay at home and avoid any changes. The upcoming plane flight can cause them to faint and panic attacks. The second type of disorder deserves special attention.
Panic attacks, which are often based on fear of death, are a complex somatic disorder. In this case, the person suddenly develops shortness of breath, dizziness, tachycardia, blood pressure rises, and nausea occurs. There may also be upset bowel movements, frequent urination and strong fear which leads to panic. Patients with such disorders feel as if they are about to die, but this is just a manifestation of the autonomic nervous system, which reacts in this way to phobias.
The fear of death reaches its peak intensity. A person may fall into despair. Panic attacks can occur during different time. Sometimes they happen at night, in some people they appear in in public places or with any sudden changes.
Thanatophobia is often accompanied by anxiety disorders. The person cannot relax. He is in constant good shape. Resulting in nervous system depleted, blood circulation in various organs and systems worsens. People with constant feeling Anxious people often feel painful manifestations in the stomach and intestines, suffer from colitis, gastritis and ulcerative defects of the mucous membrane. As a result of increased anxiety, the production of gastric juice is stimulated, which negatively affects the walls of the organ.
Stool disorders often occur. A person may suffer from constant bouts of diarrhea or constipation. Lack of appetite often occurs. Patients with such fear lose weight and performance due to fixation on the phobia.
— Reasons for fear of death
1) “Information excess.”
Television is the main breeding ground for thanatophobia
The information flow that falls on a person who intends to “put his life in order” is striking in its scale. To understand one specific issue, you need to spend a huge amount of time studying sources and analyzing the opinions of experts. There is no time to fully immerse yourself in the problem. You have to either move forward, despite the lack of experience and knowledge, or stop in despair from the inability to take another step. “Delay is like death” and thoughts about the worthlessness of existence begin to occur more and more often.
2) “Everything is meaningless.”
A neurotic disorder can be caused by the thought “it’s pointless to do something,” because you can’t have enough time to have the necessary resources for a quality life, and any other reason that emphasizes the lack of desire to build anything in life.
3) “Popularization of immortality.”
Fear of death is a phobia that can develop under the influence of the media, where the fact of human mortality is presented under various sauces, including commercially profitable ones (planting the idea of immortality in the subconscious). By the way, the higher the frequency of articles in popular science newspapers about theories of immortality (“digitization” of personality and other options eternal life), those more people is involved in a panic called thanatophobia.
4) “False prosperity.”
Despite the increased safety of life and the creation of the maximum number of comfortable conditions for a person, fears are disturbing more often. With a low level of medicine, frequent mortality was perceived rather as the norm and did not cause strong emotions. Today the event is painted in extremely dramatic tones.
In the human mind there is a category of “safe, comfortable, painless,” but reality demonstrates the other side - dangerous, uncomfortable and quite painful. Neurosis often occurs at the junction of two extremes. We are too accustomed to “well-being” and do not agree with the opposite. Death in the 21st century begins to cause shock and rejection.
5) “True well-being.”
It is necessary to separate into a separate group people whose fear of dying is not due to a “false life”, but to a true one. The fear of instantly losing everything beautiful (ideal family, financial well-being, excellent health) deprives a person of joy. Accordingly, it is not only “obsolete human nature” that gives rise to thanatophobia. The reason may lie in the area of a prosperous life, but in this case can one claim satisfaction with it?
1) focusing on the issue of self-realization: identifying unused aspects that can be realized, searching for an answer to the question “how do I really want to live, who do I want to be?”;
2) changing your life taking into account “potential regrets”: what needs to be done so that in a few years you will not regret what you have done/not done;
3) understanding that death only enhances the value of life, providing all the opportunities for its sensory, emotional and other enrichment: to fill every moment with action, deed, feeling;
4) awareness of the “ripple effect”: your good deeds will become a continuation of your life;
5) consolation can be found in religious movements, but this resembles an attempt to avoid resolving the issue, denial of death, its “immortality,” which is not an adequate attitude towards it.
— Additional techniques that will help you stop being afraid of eternal peace
1) It is necessary to answer the question, what is the worst thing about death. Then analyze your answer. If this is pain and torment, then try to remember similar situations. When the underlying feeling is loneliness, it is already necessary to solve the problem of socialization.
2) Fear of death is a phobia that affects almost 80% of people on the planet. To live with this, you need to become aware of your presence in real world, and not in the cloud of your negative fantasies.
3) When a state of exacerbation occurs, and thought begins to choke, it is recommended to imagine yourself from the outside. Look at your condition from the doctor’s perspective and draw a conclusion.
5) Keep peppermint essential oil or ammonia on hand. When you feel like an attack is starting, you just need to inhale the listed remedies and it will immediately feel better.
6) Correct breathing. If your heart is beating very strongly, then you need to try to calm yourself down. To do this, you can slowly walk around the room, turn on relaxing music or your favorite movie.
7) A psychotherapist will tell you how to deal with the fear of death correctly after a preliminary consultation. In this case, assessing the patient’s condition is very important.
1) Impending old age.
You will not repeat the mistakes of your grandmother, you will think in advance about providing for your old age and use your retirement for travel, new hobbies and other pleasures of life.
2) I'll just disappear...
It is much easier for deeply religious people: they believe that Paradise awaits them after death, since they led a righteous lifestyle.
But for doubters and non-believers it is better to learn in advance how to get rid of the fear of death, because they cannot convince themselves that after death the most important part - the soul - continues to live, which means that a person is afraid of simply disappearing, falling into oblivion.
Believe in God, reincarnation, better worlds, fairy tale lands. Figure out for yourself where your soul will go after death.
3) My life is meaningless!!!
As children, we dreamed about our adult life. We imagined that when we grew up, we would have a lot of money, a big house, a beautiful car, a family, children and other attributes of a successful person. And now we are already quite adults, but there is none of this.
And the years are passing, old age is just around the corner, etc. and so on.
If you are not yet on your deathbed, then you have plenty of time to fix everything: find Good work, put your face and figure in order, start earning decent money, start looking for your soulmate. You have the power to make your life the way you dream.
4) Who will I leave everything to?
People who have achieved a lot in life have something to lose.
Fortune's favorites love life, so they are terribly afraid to say goodbye to it.
What to do: Look at the problem philosophically.
While you are alive, you should not think about death.
- Conclusion
The fear of death plagues many people. even if their lives are not in danger. However, as long as you want to live, you will not die. Therefore, you should not fill your head with thoughts of imminent death. Such thoughts will not lead to anything good.
Think for yourself, your thoughts about death will only spoil your mood and will most likely bring its arrival closer. Now you are alive and this is the most important thing. Be happy with what you have now. After all, the whole world is at your feet. I think when you die you won't care anymore. So I see no reason to worry about this.
The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site
Hello. Oksana Manoilo is with you and we will discuss the questions: How not to be afraid of death. What is death and should we be afraid of it? This is not the first time we have returned to the topic, as many people are concerned about it.
Death has always been a source of fear for living beings, including humans. She does not separate them by their actions, it does not matter to her who they were and what they did, how gifted or famous they are. She's just doing her thing.
It can be interpreted from a great variety of points of view known in our time. However, is death really what we imagine? Is this the end of everything and beyond is just emptiness? Or maybe heaven awaits us, or the depths of hell, depending on our deeds? In this article I will try to tell you what death is from an esoteric point of view and whether you should be afraid of it.
What is death really?
If we discard all prejudices and speculations, then all that remains is the cessation of the functioning of the physical body. What happens to consciousness at this moment is no longer known for certain, but many believe that since consciousness is a consequence of the work of the brain, it also disappears.
However, is consciousness really just an effect and not a cause? A person’s body is, in fact, just his vehicle for the soul in this world. is immortal, and after the death of the body she leaves it, having received certain experience from life. Where the soul is during the intermediate phase, no one knows. This could be a completely different dimension, where reality is not three-dimensional and perception is not limited only by our current knowledge.
After spending some time, if of course it exists there, in subtle world, the soul, based on the experience gained from past lives, karmic debts (about them below), as well as the experience that it still wants to receive, sets the configuration of a new life, choosing the time and place of birth, as well as its future destiny.Then she begins her new life, having previously blocked all memory of past lives and limitless knowledge so that they do not interfere with gaining new experience.
Of course, there are techniques with which you can remember your previous incarnations, but although this provides certain advantages, it also has certain disadvantages. There were times when, remembering my past life, a person could no longer calmly live through the present, constantly tormented by the ghosts of a past that no longer exists. Therefore, you can engage in such practices only at your own peril and risk.
Does the soul suffer, being in the subtle world, depending on its actions during life? Most likely no.
The soul in the subtle world feels the endless flows of cosmic energies, travels through time and space, and has many more possibilities that we cannot understand or comprehend due to the limitations of our consciousness.
This can hardly be called suffering.
Laws of the Universe
However, this does not mean that you can do absolutely any obscenity, and it will not come back to haunt you. Two laws of the universe are still very effective and invariably punish people for crimes: the law of the boomerang and the law of karmic debt.
About the boomerang, I think everything is already known. Whatever you do will come back to you. This is not just a warning that parents use to scare their children, but a valid law of the universe. For the negativity that you cause to other people, it will return to you in kind, maybe not immediately and not in the form in which it was sent, and it may not seem to have anything to do with it at all, but it will certainly return. Fortunately, the boomerang law works not only for bad deeds, but also for good ones. Kindness, love, tenderness also return. And how. Remember this.
Moreover, exactly the way you sinned towards another person will be treated towards you. There are quite a lot of examples: steal - you will lose your property, kill - you will pay with your life, have a beautiful appearance and play with people’s feelings - expect problems with them in the next life, constantly drink or use drugs - say goodbye to your health and say hello to chronic diseases , and not only in this life. You should not accumulate karmic debts. Getting rid of them is difficult, time-consuming and unpleasant.
Why you shouldn't rush death
Some might think that since after death the soul simply begins a new life, then maybe suicide is really a way out of a difficult life situation? Like, I’ll just go to the next round, I’ll have better luck there.
I hasten to assure you that this is not so. Suicide is one of the most serious crimes leading to a huge karmic debt. During rebirth, you are entrusted with a mission - yours, and unauthorized departure from life is a direct refusal to fulfill it. You remain indebted to the Universe and your own soul, and this will not be in vain for you, rest assured.
After suicide, your soul does not receive the experience that it was going to receive, and therefore your life will repeat itself again with minor changes and it is not a fact that in better side. Typically in such situations, gender and sexual orientation change, or vice versa. Plus, the circumstances that forced you to commit suicide sometimes only get worse so that you can learn to overcome them. Therefore, we do not advise you to hastily leave this life, because this will not make anyone better, and especially you. So, should you be afraid of death? Of course no. Fear of death is somewhat reminiscent of fear of the dark. When we are afraid of darkness, we are not afraid of the darkness itself, but of what may be hidden in it. People tend to be afraid of the unknown. However, now you know everything, don’t you?
Of course, there is also the instinct of self-preservation, which independently evokes in life-threatening situations, but it is not worth fighting with it, because it helps rather than hinders.
Knowledge is a great privilege and it is within your power to obtain it. You can learn more about the soul and its blocked capabilities from other articles on our website.
Death is an integral part of life, and without it the existence of the world is impossible. There is no point in being afraid of it, because it is inevitable and there is no suffering after it. Just bathing in the energies of the universe and awareness of all your past incarnations for some time, and then new life. Don't be afraid of her, but don't rush to meet her either. Everything has its time. And when it comes, meet her without regrets or fear in your heart, and with a smile on your face.
Friends, if you liked this article, share it on social networks. This is your greatest gratitude. Your reposts let me know that you are interested in my articles and my thoughts. That they are useful to you and that I am inspired to write and explore new topics.
Adriana Imzh
Psychotherapist
Death in psychology
Fear of death and finitude is one of the basic principles of psychotherapy. There are four of them - imperfection of the world, loneliness, fear of death and lack of global meaning. Now this is not the main topic of customer requests, but usually the number of panic attacks and requests related to the fear of death increases after terrorist attacks and high-profile deaths of young celebrities.
In psychology, fear of death is a complex of anxious experiences about one’s own finitude or the finitude of loved ones, aimed at preservation. People are afraid to die because this fear is necessary for survival. It’s probably impossible to call this “just instinct,” but in general, most living organisms tend to avoid unpleasant and dangerous influences. This allows them to stay alive longer.
How fear of death is formed
At first the child does not know that he will die. His basic fear is the fear of separation, of losing a caring adult nearby. When no one approaches a child for a long time, he gets scared and screams because this is a strong experience.
Then the child learns that his parents are older than him, that one day they will die. Culture communicates this to the child through fairy tales where there are stepmothers, murdered fathers or brothers. Then he sees corpses on the streets - dead butterflies, dead mosquitoes. Sometimes children encounter the death of pets, pigeons or yard kittens. So the child gradually learns that he himself is mortal. This is usually a powerful experience that occurs between the ages of 4 and 5 years. Most children react negatively to this: they say that they will never die and forbid their parents to die. But gradually they get used to it.
Experiencing loss
Every culture has its own ways of dealing with death, even in Russia, different nationalities and different regions have very different attitudes towards it. If speak about Russian system, which covers most people, then the funeral, and then the wake for 9 days, 40 days and a year correspond to the normal stages of grief and the end of mourning. That's how it should be.
Most children react negatively: they say that they will never die and forbid their parents to die. But gradually they get used to it
In the Czech Republic there is the Ossuary - a church decorated with coats of arms and chandeliers made from the bones of people who died during the plague. Most likely, this is how people experienced the trauma of loss large quantity loved ones, relatives and neighbors. Of course, this required some special attitude to what was happening, but whether they were more or less afraid of death than we are now is a difficult question. Sometimes, to deal with something, you have to get closer to it. And sometimes moving away is an individual choice.
When fear becomes a pathology
We can talk about pathology when fear begins to interfere with living and performing everyday actions. If a person is not sick, nothing threatens him, he is young enough and constantly thinks about death, most likely some kind of trauma has occurred and he is approaching a phobia.
Characteristics that do not bring reassurance: for example, if a person has passed basic examinations, everyone tells him that he is healthy, but he is still afraid of dying from an unknown disease. Or cannot approach the pedestrian crossing. Or has difficulty sleeping. If there is no direct threat, but there is strong fear and anxiety, you need to consult a doctor for anti-anxiety medications and a psychologist to provide therapeutic assistance. Fear is opposed by rational thinking - anxiety is extinguished only by the work of the frontal lobes, so analysis of traumas reduces the level of anxiety. But only on condition that there are no disorders in the brain.
Alexander Panchin
Candidate biological sciences, laureate of the Enlightener Prize
Fear of death as an evolutionary mechanism
From the perspective of evolutionary biology, the mechanisms that prevent us from hurting ourselves are important for survival and the passing on of genes to offspring. Let’s say that fear of heights is common among people, because if you see an abyss in front of you, you better stop moving towards this abyss. This feature is found even in childhood - it helps people not to fall from a height, survive, reach reproductive age and leave offspring.
Different cultures have different attitudes towards death, different ideas about what it is. There are people who, fully aware that death is the end, claim that they are quite satisfied with the fact that they have lived at all. For example, he says that he is incredibly happy that he even bothered to be born, because many potential people did not even manage to do this.
Sometimes, to deal with something, you have to get closer to it. And sometimes moving away is an individual choice
The eternal question is what is primary in a person: social or biological. Both are important. Something is laid down by nature, something is formed depending on how a person develops in society. The social overlaps with the biological, but basic fears of specific threats that can lead to death are present in us from a very early age. This can include real momentary threats in the form of predators, darkness, something hot, sharp, high.
Jean-Baptiste Regnault. Death of Cleopatra, 1796–1797
Formation of erroneous fears
Fears that arise in a person not in early childhood, but a little later, become a consequence of the brain’s ability to form associations and build cause-and-effect relationships. Roughly speaking, a person has been exposed to a certain stimulus and, as a result, finds himself in a state where his innate detectors signal to him that he has done something wrong. He may be in pain or cold, he may experience fear. When a person finds himself in a state of stress, his brain automatically tries, by analyzing previous experiences, to understand what led to this deplorable situation.
In many cases, this is a very important mechanism that helps us learn and identify real and potential threats that were difficult to foresee in advance thousands of years ago, when our ancestors evolved. But on the other hand, this mechanism has glitches. Sometimes people form fears about something that actually poses no threat. Fear is formed simply because it coincided: a black cat crossed the road and after that some misfortune happened - a person finds a connection here and begins to be afraid of black cats crossing the road.
This is an example of magical thinking - an incorrectly constructed cause-and-effect relationship. But our brain is evolutionarily capable of building different cause-and-effect relationships - both correct and, in some cases, incorrect. Therefore, he is capable of both forming adequate connections between a real danger and the possible consequences of this danger, as well as imaginary fears - when something in reality is not at all dangerous.
Sergey Mokhov
Social anthropologist, editor of the journal “Archaeology of Russian Death”, coordinator of the Laboratory for Social Research of Death and Dying (CSSR), expert of the Khamovniki Foundation
Russian and American death
For the last two centuries, death in Russia and throughout the world is not a matter of tradition and religion, but exclusively of the services and goods offered by funeral agencies. These proposals are based on what regulatory restrictions exist in society and what funeral infrastructure is available to people. For example, in America there is every opportunity to create a private infrastructure and therefore funeral homes appear, where there are embalming rooms, farewell rooms, hearses and even cemeteries and crematoriums within one funeral cluster. This very quickly leads to the fetishization of the dead body, since funeral directors have complete control over it, and with the help of an extensive infrastructure they can offer more and more new services.
A distinctive feature of Russia is that private infrastructure cannot be created; there is no regulation. At the same time, the state funeral infrastructure does not work and does not develop, just like other infrastructure: roads, houses, housing and communal services. This is precisely what determines the specificity of that very “Russian death”, which many perceive as a special gloomy aesthetic. Many see here a kind of eschatology, decadence. In fact, this is ordinary neglect, which is generally characteristic of third world countries, where there is no perception of infrastructure as the embodiment of the idea of the “common good”.
The funeral industry is initially unprofitable, since the demand is constant and competition is high. At the same time, profits are diluted between dozens of agents involved in the process of organizing a funeral. The funeral industry can only function if there are high margins through the sale of related products and artificially inflating product prices. This is how the industry functions everywhere - this is exactly what I write about in my book “The Birth and Death of the Funeral Industry: From Medieval Churchyards to Digital Immortality.”
For the last two centuries, death in Russia and throughout the world is not a matter of tradition and religion, but exclusively of the services and goods offered by funeral agencies
Despite how far science and new technologies have come, what enormous possibilities have opened up in medicine, the overwhelming number of people in the world believe in an afterlife, the existence of heaven and hell. It would seem that we live in a modern secularized world - but people believe in spiritualistic things. This is both in America and in Russia. The only difference is that there death is a more specialized process. It is impossible to die there without anyone knowing about it and the state not being involved in this process in any way. In Russia, dying and death are things that the state treats very simply: “Don’t burden us with this social problem“Well, good, the main thing to note is that you no longer have to pay a pension.”
In my book, I write about all these things like death positivity, which is a new trend in the funeral industry - actively involving customers in the fulfillment process. These are eco-funerals and DIY funerals (DIY culture - Do It Yourself or “do it yourself.” - Note ed.), and an emphasis on memorialization and “designer” funerals, like organizing weddings. Such new practices do not arise from the fact that people suddenly wanted to show their positive attitude towards death in some unique way, but from a rethinking of what a person is in general, what life is and what death is - mainly due to a change in attitude to the body and physicality. This can be seen against the backdrop of serious conflicts, on the one hand, around sexuality, and, on the other, around the fitness industry, sports, plastic surgery. This leads to the fact that the usual integrity of the body and the need to preserve it are not associated with the personality. The result is a rejection of traditional burial and all associated accessories. Therefore, for example, cremation is becoming an absolute trend in the West.
Selective taboo
I am against this whole story about “the taboo nature of death.” From the point of view of a critical approach to knowledge and interpretation, the fact that the topic of death is taboo is an absolutely empty statement that does not find any confirmation. It is very convenient when you, for example, are a psychoanalyst, to argue that everything grows out of two things: either sex or the fear of death. And it’s very easy to explain everything around this way: “Are you having problems at work? This is childhood trauma against the backdrop of sexuality and death.” The result is a comprehensive theory that always gives its answer to everything. I do not argue that these topics are extremely broad and are manifested in almost any area, but the concept of the fear of death as some kind of innate constant greatly limits our knowledge.
Conversations about taboos are very selective. When someone asks me whether the topic of death is taboo in our country, I answer: go to any Orthodox church and you will see a bunch of dead, literally dried bodies (meaning the relics of saints. - Note ed.) - is death taboo? Or take the coolest performance recent years, when millions of people stood in kilometer-long queues to kiss a dried dead body. Or we watch a film and see murders, blood, torn dead bodies - is this the taboo of death? Only when we talk about a deceased relative do we have any difficulties. I think this is just the specifics of the conversation and is not at all an indicator of taboo.
There is no need to confuse the taboo nature of the topic (as a ban) and the lack of conversation (language and ability to speak) about personal experience. Here we are like a mute person who, perhaps, wants to speak, but cannot, because he is not trained or does not have the opportunity.
The very fact that this topic is being raised now suggests that they are ready to discuss it. Another question is that in Soviet and post-Soviet culture there is no language in which to talk about death and dying. It is quite difficult to produce.
The concept of fear of death as some kind of innate constant greatly limits our knowledge
At the same time, I am sure that most people are now, to one degree or another, ready to discuss death. Of course, not so directly: “Hey, dude, you’ll kick off your hooves soon, let’s discuss how it will be.” Obviously, this is a little incorrect, because not everyone likes to talk about it over a cup of coffee. But we know various stories when people are discussing, sitting in the kitchen, who will get the apartment after the death of their grandmother. And for some reason this conversation about death is quite popular, it does not cause rejection. And if you just talk about the death of your grandmother, removing the apartment from the conversation, it turns out that you can’t talk about it. You cannot run away from death - you need to learn to talk about what is most important.
Alena Agadzhikova
Media artist, photographer, activist
On the binary perception of death
Everything around is saturated with the fear of death. These amulets in cars, spitting over the shoulder, notes for health in churches - religiosity, superstition, magical thinking and everyday mysticism in general are built on the erroneous idea that a person has power over death and can influence it if he turns to a set of rituals. And such a desire is understandable: each of us was born in the unknown of what death is, moreover, none of us chose whether to be born or not. If we discard all theories about hell, heaven, temporary spaces, reincarnation and so on, then the bottom line is that we get one thing: upon entering conscious age, everyone understands that sooner or later they will die. But what does “die” mean, what feelings will you have upon death, and most importantly, what will happen to your consciousness, to everything you have acquired, is unknown. If you think about it, humanity isn't doing so badly, given such terrible input data.
"Necroobjectification"
Clothing a dead person or a dead person is primarily a conceptual issue. But we must not underestimate him, because the way we act with a dead person speaks of our attentiveness or inattention towards someone who is deprived of will. And also about how we use our power.
Many criticized “Necroobjectification” (by Alena and Nastya Gorbunova, during which the artists explored what kind of outfits the funeral service sector offers women. - Note ed.) because we seemed to discriminate against the living with this project. Dozens of people wrote that “we need to take care not of the dead, but of their living loved ones.” But if we force the memory of a person, abusively dress him in the clothes that we liked, and not the deceased during his lifetime, hold a memorial service for the deceased if he was an atheist, we must understand that we are falsifying reality and wishful thinking . In my ideal world, people discuss death and funeral nuances with their loved ones while they are alive. And if they don’t have time, then they focus on the image of this person during life and what ritual (or lack thereof) he would most likely prefer.
Everyone dies except you, and you, as you feel, live forever. And most likely you won’t realize the moment of your death
Evelyn de Morgan. Angel of Death, 1881
Project #sister grave
In November 2017, I, Sasha Alekseeva, Sofia Sno, Aram Ustyan and Vika Privalova created a spontaneous cemetery in Sokolniki Park. Each had their own tombstone and their own concept associated with it. We chose the name for the project as an alternative to a mass grave.
The first discovery we made as part of the project was that tombstones in Moscow are incredibly expensive, and not only marble monuments, but also the simplest metal ones. As a result, we had to order all the monuments in Tomsk - each tombstone cost us 1,500–2,000 rubles. Since the order was a group one, representatives of the funeral agency gave us a discount. This capitalist gesture looked very bright in our case and in these circumstances and correlated with those things that we had already seen in other online stores of funeral services: on every second website you can see “you buy two tombstones, get a third as a gift”, “you order fence, and our employees are decorating a flower bed on the grave.” That is, there is a collision of two worlds: the mourning and metaphysical with the everyday, working according to the usual rules of the market.
Another thing that caught my eye while preparing the project was the copywriting texts on the websites. Completely blatant manipulation in every sentence: “Give the last gift to your loved one,” “Send your loved one on his last journey.” The sites also have a separate category - these are children's coffins and monuments. Something completely out of bounds is happening there. Firstly, children's tombstones and coffins are two or three times more expensive than those for adults, which, of course, is not accidental, but with grief-stricken parents in mind who are ready to pay any amount. Secondly, the texts there are characterized by special pressure. At the beginning, it lists how sad the fact of “the departure of a small, innocent person from the world” is, and then it sounds: “In order for the monument to turn out unique and speak of gratitude to the departed deceased person, the customer needs to take a serious and thoughtful approach to its creation.”
I was sure that during the installation of mine (Alena’s work as part of a collective project. - Note ed.) and my micro-performance in the form of laying out twenty-four carnations (each for a year of my life), I will plunge into a meditative state and gain some kind of experience. But it was too cold. And it’s scary that one of the passers-by will interrupt our action and we will not be able to install all the monuments. The result was exactly what happens at a funeral: chaotic, cold, and the participants wanted to drink, eat, or warm up. We were also focused on ensuring that there was a distance of 50 meters between monuments - this is exactly the distance that should be between picketers in Russia so that their action is not recognized as a mass event. We measured this distance in steps. At the end of each monument installation, I jumped on the tombstone so that my legs broke through the frozen ground, which looked as comical as possible.
Children's tombstones and coffins are two or three times more expensive than those for adults, which, of course, is not accidental, but with grief-stricken parents in mind
Perhaps the most important point was what happened to our monuments the very next day after installation. They were demolished. Sonya Sno and Dasha Serenko went to the park to check if everything was in place, and did not find a single monument of ours. But we came across an old, judging by the engraved date, grave of a cat. So we were faced with the exclusion of our artistic expressions from the sacred field of burials. You can bury a cat, but you cannot bury concepts, thoughts, images. The first is serious, the second is buffoonery and vandalism. It turns out that in order to talk about death, you need to face it directly and prove it to others. I think if we had installed one tombstone, and not six, and indirectly made it clear in the epitaph that the tombstone was dedicated to a real deceased, the park workers, as they say, “would not have raised their hand,” just as they did not raise their hand at one time. burial of a cat.
Rita Pinsker
Follower of the Death Positivity movement
Order of the Good Death
In Russia, as in the West, culture teaches us to look at death sharply negatively, to perceive it as the apogee of all that is terrible. You can’t joke about it, you can’t actively discuss it. However, many cultures treated and treat it completely differently: in Ancient Egypt death was considered a continuation of life, in Buddhism there is a practice of meditation “entering death” to prepare the body and spirit for this moment, and in Mexico the deceased are seen off on their last journey with songs and dances.
It is difficult to determine when and how the “death positivity” movement began. However, if we are talking about something organized in the modern world, then I would say that it all started with Caitlin Doty, who founded and created the YouTube channel. (translated from English - “Ask the undertaker.” - Note ed.).
Caitlin Doty was 8 years old when she saw a child fall 30 feet in a shopping center. No one explained to her the essence of what happened and did not help her work through the emotions associated with it - because of this, she began to be overcome by fears, as a result of which she developed OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder. - Note ed.). Later, she decided to try herself as a funeral home worker. In her autobiography, she describes in detail her work there: how her duties changed, and with them, her attitude towards the bodies of the deceased and death itself. That's when Doughty realized the funeral industry was her calling. Then she received a diploma in Mortual Science - there is no suitable analogue in Russian, but, in fact, this is a certificate of a specialist in embalming bodies and organizing the work of a funeral home.
In 2011, Caitlin created the Order and formulated its basic principles, uniting like-minded people around her - artists, designers, teachers, writers, and funeral industry workers. Now Caitlin is the owner of her own funeral home, the author of the books “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” and “From Here to Eternity” (unfortunately, there are no Russian translations of these books yet), a blogger and the inspirer of an entire movement with her own mission.
On a positive attitude towards death
The very expression “positive attitude towards death” sounds somewhat contradictory. If I had said something like that to my mother, she would have already signed me up for a psychiatrist a long time ago and would have accused me of having connections with Satanists (just kidding). However, we do not promote or romanticize death. The point of the movement is to convince people to accept it as an inevitable fact, stop being afraid and start openly discussing the processes associated with it.
To many, interest in the topic of death seems pathological. I think, including under the influence of Abrahamic religions (monotheistic religions originating from an ancient tradition dating back to the patriarch of the Semitic tribes Abraham. - Note ed.). An unhealthy attitude towards the body has appeared in our culture: the flesh is something fallen, dirty, in contrast to the pure and inviolable soul. Therefore, many biological aspects of the body are somehow stigmatized - sex, visible illness, menstruation, discharge and, of course, death. We do not want to admit that we are not only individuals, but also a biological mass that is doomed to decay. The Order, on the contrary, proclaims that death is natural and inevitable, as is interest in it.
For me, death is precisely what makes life so valuable. We begin to die as soon as we are born, and no matter how long we live, most likely it will seem to us that this is too little. That is why you need to be able to take something out of every day, some meaning, because any day could be your last.
Under the influence of Abrahamic religions, an unhealthy attitude towards the body has appeared in our culture: the flesh is something fallen, dirty, in contrast to the pure and inviolable soul
If we could openly discuss these topics, work through emotions, fears, share possible solutions these problems, then perhaps by the very moment of death we would feel much calmer and could concentrate on the spiritual side of the issue, on our personal spiritual experience.
Compliance with the will of the deceased
It is difficult to imagine statistics on the execution of the will of the deceased in Russia, because it is simply not customary for us to express it. In my family, for example, only one relative said that he would like to be cremated, and his will was carried out.
In America, making a will is a very common practice even among poor people. It specifies the transfer of rights to property, but can also include a will regarding funeral and the degree of life support in the event of a coma. Of course, not everyone applies the last points, although, in my opinion, this is important. After all, at the time of death, loved ones may be in a very depressed state - and it will be difficult for them to make the right decisions.
I think that everyone should speak out on this matter in the presence of their relatives, at least verbally. So far, I have asked all my loved ones about their wishes regarding this topic and told them about mine.
Kristina Gmiryanskaya
Video blogger, cancer recoverer
A year and six months ago I learned about my diagnosis. I was diagnosed with the second stage of cancer, and from that moment my story of struggle began. At that time, my son was not yet a year old.
I completed sixteen courses of chemotherapy and seventeen injections of Herceptin, targeted therapy. Each injection cost one and a half thousand dollars. Unfortunately, in our state (Christina lives in Kyiv. - Note ed.) such treatment is possible only at your own expense.
Fears
Four months before something started to bother me, for some unknown reason I started following people with cancer on Instagram. Then I didn’t even think that this could happen to me. I saw victories and, unfortunately, I also saw deaths.
When the diagnosis fell on me, when the ultrasound specialist, simply placing a sensor on my chest, without even looking for anything in particular, said that everything was serious with me, that I had at least six courses of chemotherapy, I was not ready for this. If it is at all possible to be prepared for this. After learning that I had a small son, the doctor said that I needed to spend more time with him. She said this kindly, but these words made me really creepy.
More than anything else, I was afraid of chemotherapy. I was more afraid of her than cancer. Four years before my diagnosis, after losing my second child, I began having panic attacks. It was not life, but complete hell. My moral strength was greatly undermined. At the mere thought that I would constantly be sick, I began to panic.
In April 2017, I went into remission, and in August I had to undergo the first check. Every test for people who have gone through oncology is real torture. Already a few weeks before the test, the jitters begin to be so strong that you can neither sleep nor eat. At this moment you are probably more scared than during chemotherapy. Even before giving birth, I didn’t feel this way. According to statistics, breast cancer has the lowest number of relapses. And still, fear will always be there, unfortunately. There will be fear for the rest of my life.
John Everett Millais. Ophelia, 1851–1852
Change of world view
I didn't value my appearance before. Now I think that before my illness I was incredibly beautiful. I had great hair and an incredible figure. Yes, I always had small breasts, which I dreamed of enlarging. Perhaps now my dream will come true, but, of course, not under the circumstances that I imagined. Now I have undergone a complete reassessment of values. If before I was fixated on material things, now I understand that the most important value is life in all its manifestations.
Before my illness, I had never filmed myself for the channel without makeup - it was simply impossible. When I went out to the store, I made sure to draw my face—that is, I drew it. Now I’m not afraid of anyone or anything and I’m not ashamed. I went bald for eight months! Of course, I still react painfully to some comments. For example, when they tell me that I wasn’t really sick.
After learning that I had a small son, the doctor said that I needed to spend more time with him. She said this kindly, but these words made me feel really creepy.
About the fear of death
If my son had not existed, if my life had been the same as in the last five years before his birth, after learning that I had cancer, I would not even begin treatment. I had a very difficult moral state. I didn't have the slightest strength to fight. And I didn’t consider death something terrible then. I did not care. But with the advent of my son, literally everything changed.
Mine has been on YouTube for 7 years. I knew that my videos could help someone. And I received a return - tens of thousands of people have subscribed to my channel this year. Of course, there are 2-3% of haters who are waiting for my demise, but I am absolutely calm about this. These people watched me like a TV series, just to find out what would happen next. When three bloggers died - Kirill Ryabov, Seryozha Dobrov and Vika Gorvut - I did not have the thought of closing the channel. I filmed all the procedures, talked about the medications, how to feel better after chemotherapy, how to register for disability, how to tie scarves.
Life does not end with death. Another thing is that we expect the resurrection of the dead, since a soul without a body is not entirely complete. Man is three-part: spirit, soul and body. It took Christ three days to go through death, after which he was resurrected. We will, of course, need more. But the period is not so important, because the concept of time beyond the threshold of death does not exist.
About the fear of old age and death
There really is a problem with death being taboo, even among people who call themselves Christians. It arises due to lack of faith and lack of education in terms of Christian teaching. Time has done its job, and now the perception of old age, and with it death, is distorted. Previously, old age was perceived as a period of wisdom, when a person evaluates everything with a high scale of values, which he acquired through the experience of life. In old age, a person prepares for death, he is concerned about how he will appear before God: he will need to be responsible for his deeds - both good and evil. Now old age has begun to be perceived as weakness, as dementia. Everyone strives to preserve eternal youth, and, of course, along with the fear of old age came the fear of death. Hence the taboo - people live one day at a time, they think that they need to live only to satisfy the needs of their flesh, but they have completely forgotten about the soul. They believe that everything ends with death and prefer not to think about it.
For example, in England, as in most countries Western Europe, the dead are buried in closed coffins so as not to see the face of the deceased. And people are amazed when, upon entering an Orthodox church, they suddenly encounter a deceased person lying in an open coffin during a funeral service. This makes a strong impression on them. Moreover, the impression is not some kind of terrifying, but on the contrary - it suddenly turns out that there is nothing terrible about it.
At one time, the pagans, the same Greeks and Romans, despised death - but not because they thought that a continuation of life awaited them beyond the grave. They told themselves that they must live for future generations. This is the same ideology that communism professed in its time. It also resembles the psychology of an animal that lives only to procreate. Gradually, thought developed and philosophers came to the conclusion that man is an individual; while they were not yet talking about personality, they still recognized individuality. And then the question arose: if you are individual, then why should everything end with your death? It was a great revelation for the pagans when they saw Christians calmly going to their deaths: it means that they know some secret, which means that something is available to them that we do not know about. And Christians had Christ, who rose again and gave us all the confidence that our lives will continue beyond the grave.
People are amazed when, upon entering an Orthodox church, they suddenly encounter a deceased person lying in an open coffin during a funeral service.
Attitude towards non-traditional burial
The Church advocates traditional methods of burial only because it somehow has a more beneficial effect on relatives. As Muncius Felix wrote:
“We believe that no harm is suffered by a person depending on the manner of burial, but we adhere to the nobler and more ancient custom of interring the body.” The Lord is omnipotent to restore the body from any condition: whether it is buried or burned, it does not matter at all. But for relatives, the opportunity to come to the grave, pray, and remember the deceased is very important.
If the deceased expresses some kind of will before death, it would probably be right for the relatives to fulfill this will. I often encountered situations where grandparents died, who had been adherents of communist ideology all their lives and in no case wanted to have a funeral service for them after death. However, relatives came and persistently asked for this. There is absolutely no point in such a funeral service - after all, the person was an unbeliever. This can only be done to calm the conscience of others. But, again, according to the canons of the church, we do not have the right to perform a funeral service for a person who has renounced Christ. Sometimes you have to refuse in such cases. The will of the deceased must be respected, even if it is difficult for relatives to fulfill it.