What to do are you afraid of losing your loved one. Be independent for him! Why is it dangerous

How are they not afraid to lose a man or a woman? Husband or wife? Take a closer look at yourself.

How much is an internal personal platform, your basic "I", regardless of the circumstances in the relationship with a partner? Does your psychic energy flow, as in the case of communicating vessels? When it decreases in one, it increases in the other and vice versa.

It happens that one of the spouses (lovers) plunges into their dark depths, or into a streak of bad luck. Then the second gives him a shoulder and feels more confident. As soon as the "sufferer" gets out of his misfortunes, the second gradually loses his confidence. In other words: as soon as you begin to need less support and approval from your partner, it grows to lose you.

If so, this is a wake-up call! Your marriage, love is in danger. There is not enough room in the space of personal feelings for both of you to be strong. Therefore, the history of relationships becomes like a "transfusion" of energy from one communicating vessel to another. Sometimes, in order not to lose a loved one, he (a) subconsciously wants trouble to happen to you, and he can become strong. Or maybe you noticed something similar in yourself?

When you need to be needed, you contribute to the weakness of your chosen one. If he needs you to need him, then he contributes to your weakness. This is unconscious suppression. However, it can be worse. Conscious suppression also occurs among couples who strive for "unity."

So, don't use your partner as a motor and don't let him use you. You won't get that far. You "stick" to the person next to whom you can show your best qualities. This means that without it you will not realize yourself, and you will live in fear of losing your source of energy. So grab him or her with a stranglehold.
Think about what happens to a drowning person who clings to their savior. Both of them can go to the bottom! This is most often the case.

Why not each of you develop your own ability to swim and float instead of hoping and relying on the other? Why not both become good swimmers? Then fear will lose its meaning.
If you cling to your partner like a drowning man, then he has a desire to push you away - in order to survive. This triggers the instinct of self-preservation. And you can't trample against instinct! The tighter you hold onto someone, the more the repulsive force grows. This subconscious process is not easy to track when it starts. But when it picks up steam, you can't stop it.

To understand how not to be afraid of losing a man, a woman, I do not advise you at all to separate from everyone and cherish your ego. I am trying to explain to you: “being yourself” and “being with someone” is not a contradiction, but realities that need to be brought into balance. Any misalignment creates problems that destroy the strongest feelings and the most reliable. union. If strength and reliability are subjected to constant testing, they may not withstand. We live in a polar world where absolute strength and absolute reliability do not exist.

When a partner (partner) tries to manipulate you or remake you, you need all the firmness to be yourself and at the same time maintain a good relationship. Thus, you will save your love union from destruction. Yielding to outside influence, on the contrary, cut the safety rope and fly into the abyss.

How not to lose a man or a woman?

Here are some things to look out for in your life together:

Spouses often focus on each other's shortcomings, instead of developing dignity - their own and with whom you have a relationship.
Your personal ability to think, feel, and act for yourself is largely shaped by your parents. You tend to copy your parents, even if you don't consider them a worthy role model.
The hope that your spouse will rip you out of the parental nest matrix is \u200b\u200busually not justified. It is his (her) desire to do this that will create problems.
The opinion that you are "promoting" your partner is most likely a fantasy that you indulge yourself with, and a real threat of losing a person forever. When you acknowledge that you are about the same level, it will be easier for you to see what emotions, reproaches and demands you are exchanging.
Defending your own interests in marriage and intimacy, rather than constantly sacrificing them for others, will make you happier.
The criterion for your assessment should not be what others think of you or feel about you! The main criterion is your own opinion of yourself, your feelings and sensations. Stop looking at yourself in the distorting mirror called OTHERS. Whoever these "OTHERS" are - parents, spouse, sweetheart, girlfriend or boyfriend.

Often, after a quarrel with a loved one, many women think that if a man is not afraid of losing them (or simply does not express this in any way, although deep down he is very afraid), this means that he does not love them, does not appreciate them, does not feel for them no feelings at all.

Such women are most often mistaken. If it is not scary for him to lose his beloved, this means that he simply has not yet realized how dear she is to him.

Unfortunately, very often it is at this stage that novels end. She leaves, tired of trying to get his attention, and he realizes his feelings for her, as they say, after the fact. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing without breaking off relations with him? The method "by contradiction" will help to answer this question more precisely.

How you can not behave

For a man to be afraid of losing you, you must adhere to the correct line of behavior. To begin with, let's take a look at what should not be done in any case, since the result will be completely opposite:

Tell him directly that you are going to do something in this direction. On your part, this will be a banal provocation, which will only lead to quarrels and insults.
Flirt openly with other men. This can make him angry and he will simply lose interest in you.
Follow your emotions and call him every five minutes if he is busy at work or went out with friends. He will think that you have no other interests besides him, which means that he has nothing to be afraid of, that is, he can behave as he wants.

It is very important to know one truth: a man is afraid of losing a woman if at least once he had to think about the possibility of such an incident.

How to put such thoughts in his head?

He is not the only thing in your life. . Let him know. For example, if he warned in advance that he would go out with friends, do not call him, constantly asking where he is and with whom. If it has become completely unbearable - send an SMS with kind words or a funny emoticon. This will engender doubts in his soul why you didn’t call him yourself, what are you doing so interesting without him. If he asks about it, with an innocent look, answer that you watched a movie that you have been interested in for a long time, but that your young man still could not find time to watch together.
Make it clear that other men are paying attention to you. . This should be done very unobtrusively, carefully and as if by the way. If a man is afraid of losing a woman, even if he doesn't express it in any way, such a "revelation" will be more than enough for him. Tell, for example, how a stranger gave you a seat on the bus and tried to strike up a conversation, or about an impudent person who wants to meet you in line at the clinic. Representatives of the stronger sex are hunters by nature, and a man is afraid of losing a woman if he sees potential rivals.
Hint to him that you may be in for a long separation soon. Of course, this must be done with extreme caution. You can, for example, be interested in exchange programs with other countries. You don't even have to take part in competitions to go abroad. It is enough just to speculate aloud how interesting and informative it would be. When a man is afraid of losing a woman? Then, when there is a risk that he will not see her for a long time.

How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing? You just need to follow a few simple rules. They will be discussed further.

Cultivate what makes him dependent on you

Any relationship is built on interdependence. And that's okay. It is likely that he cannot imagine his life without the comfort that you create in the house, without your tenderness and even a smile, in the end, without the food prepared by you. You, in turn, also feel some kind of dependence - on his money, position in society and interesting conversations with him ... In general, situations are different. Determine what is especially dear to him in you, and put emphasis on it, develop it in yourself in every possible way. Does he sleep for a long time on Sundays and loves to pamper himself with junk food? Let him do it ... occasionally. Let him sleep, and you quietly get up and cook him his favorite dish. He will be very pleased. Or run to McDonald's and buy him a big bag of fast food. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing you? Sometimes indulge his whims, but you should not do this always, otherwise he will get used to it and stop taking such trifles as joy.

Be independent for him!

How to make a man afraid of losing? Always be as if at some distance from him. Know how to provide for yourself, do not be jealous, do not arrange an inspection of his phone or email at the first suspicion of interest in other women. If he wants to change you, he will do it so that you do not know. Find a hobby, develop in every way, otherwise he will cease to appreciate you and lose all interest. What woman is a man afraid of losing? Smart, independent, unobtrusive, who will easily support any conversation. In general, the one with which he will be pleased to appear in society, which he is not ashamed to introduce to friends or parents. The main thing is not to forget about him during all these activities, to be interested in his affairs, to love and respect him.

Be a friend to him

It's not just women who need to be heard. Men need it no less. Take an interest in his affairs, ask about work, friends, hobbies, plans, successes. But don't overdo it. It shouldn't look like an interrogation. If he does not want to talk about something - do not impose, postpone the questions until next time.

Calm is the most important thing

Always be calm. Even if a conflict arose, and the man made a mistake in something, calmly explain to him exactly what he was wrong about. Some, of course, love the Italian passions and scandals that entertain the entire street. But this is rather an exception to the rule. The bulk of the stronger sex still wants meetings with their beloved woman not to be a burden for them. Understand that they need a "safe haven" in which to relax after a busy day.

A man should always feel like a winner.

Since ancient times, men have fought, or at least just competed with each other. They fought for the best land, the best food, the best woman. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing? You just need to let him fight for you and ... be the winner. Be a goal for a man, a dream ... Together with him, rejoice in his victories and do not take into account his defeats. He will definitely appreciate it and will be afraid to lose.

Little tricks

How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing his love? Sometimes cancel your appointments by citing important matters. The main thing is not to overdo it and endure such a period that he gets bored, but does not think that you have found another or simply avoid meeting. Of course, it's hard not to see your loved one for several days, but you need a result, don't you? To make it not so hard, take care of yourself - visit a beautician, take a walk with your friends, go shopping. There is another option for behavior - always be different. All women are actresses to one degree or another, so change your looks every day. Today you are a Turgenev girl, a poet's dream, tomorrow you are a sexy kitty who will drive any man crazy, the day after tomorrow you are a smart intellectual or a cheerful girl - “your boyfriend”. He will not know which one he will see you next time, and this will add novelty to your relationship and even some piquancy.

He is not the only man in your environment.

We have already touched on this topic a little higher. Let him know that you are only his woman ... at least for now. Never force yourself on him. Just mention in passing that today you are meeting in a cafe with a classmate (still ... you haven't seen each other for so long, you have something to talk about!) Or that you will be late at work, because a colleague promised to help you complete a complex report. Do not hesitate - he will immediately want to meet a classmate or come running to meet you from work. The ideal option would be to be together in a company where there are several men who like you. Show each one a little attention - smile at this, joke with the other. But not more!

Don't flirt openly. Behave in a way that makes them feel good about communicating with you, but not so that they can make long-term plans. You want men to compete with each other for your attention, and not see you as a cheap doll. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing you? Show that you are interesting to other guys, but so far the only one for you is only him.

The fear of losing dear people may appear from scratch, or may be the result of some actions. If you want to understand how not to be afraid of losing a loved one, first find the source of this fear and block it, then your worries will evaporate, allowing you to enjoy the relationship without looking back.

Anxiety habit

Anxiety is a character trait that is inherent in some women. They find cause for concern in literally anything. In this case, one must learn to distinguish between objectively arising problems from one's own conjectures. When a mother worries that her daughter does not come to spend the night for the first time, it is not at all necessary that something terrible has happened to her. But the mother has already fantasized terrible pictures. The same may be the case in your case.

The beloved did not pick up the phone when you called, stayed a few minutes longer than usual from work, said the wrong words that you expected. And you are already worked up, do not find a place for yourself from what could have happened. Try to filter out such thoughts from those that really make sense. Find an activity that you will immediately switch to as soon as negative thoughts begin to swirl in your head. For example, keep a book of poetry, handicrafts, or your favorite game on hand. Of course, this is only worth doing if you know from yourself that the whole point is in suspiciousness.

Self-confidence

Doubts about whether your husband still loves you arises from self-doubt. You don't believe that a guy can love a girl like you. Next, list many of your negative traits. Stop. You need to look at yourself through the eyes of another person, and then love yourself like your own daughter. Pamper yourself more often, get your mind and body in order. This will save you from the habit of worrying over trifles. Well, a man will never leave a woman who is confident in herself, constantly works on her character, looks after herself and, with all this, loves herself with the same strength with which he loves her.

Incomprehensible fears

The opinion is deeply rooted in people that there is no good without evil, just like happiness without grief. That is why they do not allow themselves to enjoy the moment at times. As if it had been stolen from someone.It is no coincidence that fear of loss arises against the background of well-being. Trying to strike a balance between good and bad, the subconscious mind throws up this unreasonable anxiety.

Also, groundless anxiety can be due to a completely normal change in your relationship. If a year ago you were at the peak of falling in love, today the euphoria has subsided, but this is absolutely natural. This does not mean that something is wrong with you. It's just that now you need to adapt to new conditions, and therefore there is a fear of the unknown, because you have not been in such a situation yet. If you understand that among the named reasons yours, relax and enjoy what you have without looking back.

The fear of losing a loved one is one of the most common phobias. Sooner or later, you have to face loss, be it parting or even the death of a person. The latter can be called the most painful experience. It takes a long time to return to normal. Other close people motivate to live further. But as a result of psychological trauma, a person may have a panic fear of losing them. Sometimes it grows to a mental disorder - neurosis or phobia. This kind of glamor makes life a hell. The peculiarity of this phobia is that its owner does not come into contact with the fearful object: it is abstract, you cannot escape from it.

The line between common fear and phobia

People often confuse simple fear and phobia, but these are incomplete synonyms. These concepts differ in the cause of occurrence. Fear is a natural response to real danger. It is laid by nature for self-preservation. Phobia is an obsession in the subconscious of a person. He realizes that he experiences fear without a rational reason, but is unable to control the situation and cope with it on his own. That is, a phobia is a pathological fear imposed on oneself (or someone else), which has no logical explanation. The individual reacts inadequately to the situation, reaching the strongest panic attacks.

In our time, this picture is common. People can be afraid of anything, even good news (eupophobia), poetry (metrophobia), cheese (turrophobia), or harmless flowers (antophobia). Fortunately, phobias are treatable.

What is the phobia of losing a loved one called?

To answer what the fear of losing loved ones is called, you need to understand what exactly is considered a loss: the usual separation or death? In the first case, we are talking about one of the types of social phobia - In the second - about thanatophobia, from the Greek "thanatos" - "death", as they called the god of sleep. Throughout the history of mankind, the natural fear of death (their own and those of those close to them) was inherent in people. After all, no one knows what exactly one has to face on the other side.

Such fear can appear at any moment: life is unpredictable, and close people are dear to everyone. A child is afraid of losing his parents, an adult - a child or other loved one. But if fear turns into an obsession, this leads to a real mental disorder and interferes with a peaceful life for both the owner of the phobia and his loved ones. Fear of loss can deprive an individual of sleep or even lead to suicide. Sometimes it is so irrational that it appears even in the presence of people whom a person is afraid of losing. In such cases, only a specialist can help, for example, a psychologist-hypnologist Nikita V. Baturin.

Fear of loss symptoms

The fear of losing a loved one is referred to as a mental disorder such as a phobia if the following symptoms appear:

obsessive bad thoughts about how scary it is to be left alone after the end of the relationship, and what people will think;
a strong fear that a loved one is in danger when there are no obvious reasons for this and in fact nothing threatens him;
increased heart rate;
increase / decrease in pressure;
shiver;
shortness of breath;
asthenia;
sweating of the palms;
chest pain;
nervousness, aggression;
headaches;
loss of consciousness at the thought that the person will leave;
obsession with experiences;
ignoring the facts and rational arguments of the causelessness of this fear;
presenting horrifying pictures for no reason or under the influence of bad news;
excessive concern about loved ones, too frequent calls to find out if they are doing well;
tantrums and nervous breakdowns even about partings for a short time.

Most often, depression manifests itself in people aged 30-50 years.

Reasons for fear of losing a person

To get rid of a phobia, you should identify its origins, and not work on eliminating the symptoms. The fear seems unfounded, but it doesn't just appear.

The reasons for thanatophobia:

Childhood trauma

Many phobias and other mental disorders have their origins in childhood. The fear of losing a loved one can arise if the mother leaves the baby alone for a long time. He has a special bond with his mother, and when she is not around, the baby begins to worry. He feels insecure. If this becomes a tendency, the child develops a negative reaction in the form of tantrums to parting with the closest person, and on this basis a phobia can form.

Among other causes of childhood traumas leading to thanatophobia, there are parents' divorce, the death of a family member, and the absence of a father. Some children like to scare their younger brothers and sisters, saying that some monster can come and take the baby away from mom. The child believes and begins to get nervous, throw tantrums. It can reach the strong, especially during a long separation from the mother.

Observing how loved ones suffer after loss

Children see the reaction of an older brother or sister who is abandoned by a partner. They openly show sadness and aggression, and the baby remembers and copies such behavior. Subsequently, he may begin to be afraid of love contacts: for him they are associated with disappointment and pain. And if he himself goes through such an experience, he will be even more sure that the fear is not far-fetched. The same happens when a child sees how painful the parents are going through a divorce.

Loss of a loved one

Many had to go through the death of a loved one. This can happen as early as childhood. The child begins to realize that his loved ones are short-lived, and is horrified at the thought of this. He begins to fear a repetition of such grief, which always comes unexpectedly and completely unsettles the person. It's hard to realize that there will be no more opportunity to see your loved one and talk to him. After such a shake-up, the individual becomes more sensitive and susceptible to thanatophobia, he begins to see the danger for himself and his loved ones everywhere. And even the death of a stranger, which he had to witness, can affect this way.

External influence

The media are much more likely to report not pleasant, but tragic cases. This negatively affects even not the most impressionable people and programs them to feel fear for themselves and their loved ones, which can take over their minds to such an extent that a person watches every step of loved ones, trying to protect them from danger. Often this behavior can be off-putting and lead to a breakup.

Suspiciousness and distrust

Sensitive and suspicious people tend to fixate on the negative. Any action or event, in their opinion, should lead to bad consequences. Such people often feel distrust of their partner and that he will deceive them and leave.

Self-doubt

Some people feel that they are not good enough for their partner, so they may leave. They feel that they are being deceived by talking about love, because they do not love themselves. Low self-esteem leads to obsessive thoughts and unreasonable jealousy, which negatively affects relationships. Such people require constant attention, try to manipulate their partner, make him feel sorry for him, control his every step, and no one likes this.

Obsession with a partner

Some people give themselves completely to relationships, dissolve in them and think only of their partner. He becomes a whole world for them. All their desires and goals are reduced to meeting the needs of the object of their love. At the same time, they do not notice anything else, not even themselves. If the partner suddenly disappears, there will be nothing more. Because of this abnormal addiction, there is an unbearable fear of losing a loved one. Just thinking about it can lead to hysteria.

In order not to become a victim of your attachment, you should learn to perceive yourself as a separate and integral person, engage in self-development and provide personal space for both yourself and your partner.

Postpartum depression

Many new mothers are panicky afraid of harming their child and even fear his death. This is the result of postpartum depression, which occurs due to hormonal changes in the body. There is a complete confusion in their head and terrible pictures are drawn. Some even need urgent medical attention.

To overcome this condition, you do not need to hesitate to tell your loved ones or a psychologist about it. Otherwise, it can negatively affect the child, because he feels the mood of his mother.

Consequences of thanatophobia

As a result of an obsessive fear of losing loved ones, a person begins to have insomnia or too often has nightmares, after which he wakes up in a cold sweat. When the situation aggravates, he will periodically have nervous breakdowns, which can lead to such a disease as mental neurosis. Lack of appetite and weight loss are also observed.

A person with such a phobia may have hallucinations that he has harmed a loved one. He lives in constant fear of doing something bad in anger and tries to isolate himself from people. This inappropriate behavior is reflected in a person's family. They start to fear for his mental state. As a result, this situation prevents everyone from living fully.

How to get rid of the fear of loss on your own?

If a person himself notices something strange in his behavior, and fear is still at an initial level, then you can try to help yourself on your own, without involving specialists. There are several ways that you can help reduce or eliminate the fear of losing loved ones:

Honestly and openly tell your loved ones about your problem. Talk to them as often as possible to calm down. Together with them, it will be easier to cope with your phobia.
Think about the value of the words and actions of those around you. If they do something pleasant, it is worth noticing it and thanking them for it, then there will be more good moments and positive emotions in life.
Try to help people and be kinder to them, even to strangers.
Learn and live no matter what. The fact that we are all short-lived is very hard to accept. But this cannot be avoided, so don't get hung up like that. You need to be prepared for everything and fixate on the good moments so as not to overshadow them with bad thoughts.
Learn to take death more calmly, accept this fact. Who said this is necessarily bad? Perhaps there we will all meet with our loved ones and a new life. It is no coincidence that such a view is found in many religions of the world.
Use breathing techniques to overcome fear: take a deep breath, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 3 seconds. Do no more than 7 reps.
Tune in to the positive with the help of self-hypnosis. When panic approaches, you need to convince yourself that nothing terrible will happen and cannot happen. You can remember something good or read a book / watch a movie with an easy plot and a good ending to distract and calm down. It is better not to watch the news, as they often cover negative events.
Drink soothing herbal teas before bed.
Arrange for yourself at home aromatherapy sessions with essential oils of lavender, lemon balm, chamomile and others. At the same time, you need to relax, close your eyes and listen to calm, flowing music.
Load yourself up with work and not waste time on unnecessary thoughts that generate phobias.
Think about the present, live here and now, and not get attached to the sad past and not look with fear into the unknown future. The past cannot be changed, and the future cannot be predicted.
Try to understand that such obsessive fear only harms relationships with those who are afraid to lose.

Specialist help: from fear of losing a loved one - to love without fear

If fear becomes permanent and interferes with a normal life, you should think about going to a specialist. Different specialists are involved in the treatment of thanatophobia, depending on the situation and the degree of disorder:

The psychologist identifies the symptoms, the causes of the phobia, the stage of its development. To do this, already at the first session, the specialist asks the client a variety of questions about his fear. Thus, a person sees his phobia from the outside. The client is then asked to describe how they feel when fear arises. Then the psychologist plunges him into this state, asking him to close his eyes and imagine a frightening picture, and then suggests changing it to a pleasant one. The goal of such exposure therapy is to learn how to overcome your fears and switch to something good when the phobia is activated. The number of such sessions varies from 5 to 10.
The therapist also makes every effort to identify the cause of the fear as deeply as possible and help the client to transform it. For example, existential psychotherapy helps to overcome a phobia. A person must realize what he lives for, what his values \u200b\u200bare and how to live in accordance with them.
The psychiatrist prescribes sedatives, tranquilizers, and antidepressants. In certain cases, psychotherapists also use this method of treatment.
Sometimes people turn to a hypnologist for help, who helps to eliminate the root of the problem, since irrational fears appear on an unconscious level.

It is better to turn to multidisciplinary specialists who will identify the complete picture of the disorder and help in various ways. For example, such specialists include psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

The fear of losing a loved one can appear in anyone. There are a variety of reasons for this - from observing other people's suffering to experiencing their own loss. Usually, a phobia begins in childhood, but it can also arise in adulthood under the influence of any events or negative media news.

It is important to recognize the symptoms in time and identify the causes of fear. In the early stages, you can help yourself on your own, but it's better to trust experienced specialists.