This question can be very difficult for many people. Forgiving people can be more difficult than anything else in our lives.
Of course, it is easy to forgive some little things, to forgive a child, or when you have been compensated in full. It may be easy to forgive when the situation is not that important to you or the person you are dealing with is not important. When nothing touches you "alive".
But society is now so “developed” that any little thing, any word and any deed can cause pain to people. Someone looked the wrong way, said the wrong thing and did not behave the way we expected. In today's world (and especially in Russia) the level of people's vulnerability has soared, it seems, to the maximum level. People are injured, and injured people are hurting others. It's like a chain reaction, like an epidemic. How do you stop this, you ask?
Well, everything starts, as always, with you! Forgiveness stops the chain reaction, bringing healing and restoration to you, others, and the entire community. Until “smart” people learn to forgive, society as a whole will not get better.
Maybe you have been stuck for many years with anger at what someone once did to you? You say to yourself, "The one who hurt me so badly?" You may have even been given advice such as, “Forget what happened. Forgive him (or her) and move on. "
But this advice in practice turned out to be not so easy, right? It is difficult to forgive because we feel that it will not be fair. However, forgiveness does not mean that you have to put up with what someone did for you, or tolerate someone else's wrongful behavior.
To learn to forgive, it's important to know:
- To forgive another does not mean to deny that a person has acted evil and mean. For example, a person can forgive someone and still call the police if the other has broken the law. It could even be an act of kindness on your part. For their own good and growth, the perpetrators must face the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, how will they ever learn to grow and get better? Forgiving does not mean justifying the actions of another. This does not mean that he does not deserve to be punished under the law. This means that you want the best for the person, even though they don't deserve it.
- Some people, trying to forgive the offender, convince themselves that it was all their fault, and not another's. They try to forgive by taking upon themselves all the sins and all the guilt that rightfully belongs to the offender. Do not do that! You are not God! Only God can fully bear the sins of man. Your attempt will not help you or your offenders.
- Other people, on the contrary, try to ease their conscience by placing absolutely all the blame on everyone else. It is possible that the blame for your insults belongs to your offenders. However, like everyone else, we have other shortcomings and mistakes for which there is no one to blame but ourselves. Often we suffer from our own wrongs and “deserve” punishment, however unpleasant it may be to realize.
Forgiving people means helping yourself.
Forgiveness is really about empowering us and taking control of life into our own hands.
Forgiveness is the healing of old wounds. By forgiving, you heal them. You choose not to be a victim of past experiences. You may feel that they will try to hurt you again, but remind yourself of a moment of forgiveness and give them no place in your life again.
Your calmness is essential for your healing. And forgiveness can bring this peace of mind. Health and happiness are, after all, a natural state for humans.
The pills cannot restore your peace of mind. They cannot make you return to your natural state of happiness and health. You need to "work" yourself. You need to forgive. This is what requires action from you.
Through the process of forgiveness, you remove what is blocking your energy and happiness. When you forgive, you open doors for fresh air and light. You exit the dungeon. You start to see.
Forgiveness does not create “if” and “but” conditions - it is an unconditional action. By creating the conditions, you are giving power to your tormentors. Forgive others for your own sake. Forgive to break free from the shackles of anger, pain, helplessness, and shame. This freedom comes when you forgive the people who caused these feelings.
You don't have to waste your life unforgiving anymore.
When you just can't forgive
Given the tremendous suffering you have suffered, you may not have the strength to forgive. When it seems to you that nothing helps and no methods work for you, you need these forces. There can be only one single piece of advice - ask God for these powers. Even if you are an unbeliever. (All non-believers immediately become believers when the plane starts to fall!). Ask God to help you forgive the person and let them go.
I don't know, maybe this person has been dead for a long time. Maybe these are the parents who "loved" you so much as a child. If you run out of your powers - ask the supernatural. "Help!" - this is the most spiritual prayer of all times and peoples. Christ himself, having no guilt, was condemned, beaten and executed. He was deceived and tortured. But He forgave everyone, hanging on the cross. Ask someone else for help. Maybe this advice will help you.
Have you learned to forgive people in life?
- What does it mean to forgive
The ability to forgive is a very useful quality that is closely related to the ability to live life to the fullest and to love. If we are talking about some insignificant trifle, then for the most part people just give up on what happened and accept the banal "sorry". However, many hold in themselves a large number of old grievances, the reasons for which could be the betrayal of a loved one or dissatisfaction with themselves. The fact is that these mental wounds can heal rather quickly and not disturb a person. But for this he needs to leave the past behind. Practice shows that getting rid of the burden of old grievances can significantly improve the quality of life and health.
Why Learning to Forgive
Medical research confirms the fact that people who are unable to forgive are much more likely to experience stress-related illnesses. The reason for this is that the human brain sends signals to the endocrine system to produce an additional dose of the so-called stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. Because of this, blood pressure rises and additional muscle tension occurs. The person often has back pain. Also, such phenomena are accompanied by an accelerated heartbeat and a significant weakening of the immune system. Naturally, the stronger the offense, the more difficult it is to deal with it. Many people do not even have the desire to forgive the offender. At the same time, the offended himself loses from this.
People who understood how to learn to forgive realized the power of forgiveness and completely got rid of the feeling of resentment - these are those who deliberately decided not to create health problems for themselves. Such people are in a better position than those who continue to react to stimuli with constant resentment. It has been noticed that those who know how to leave old grievances in the past are less exposed to depression and all kinds of stress. Experts say that the thinking of such people is clear, such people can control your emotions and choose a more effective model of behavior. The fact is that you should not give in to unpleasant thoughts and experiences that bring you back to an unpleasant event or situation.
What does it mean to forgive
There is a misconception that forgiveness is one method of justifying an act that has no justification as such. Also, some believe that the banal "sorry" removes responsibility for the offense from the person. If you also think so, then in this way you are resigned to the fact that some people may allow themselves to offend you. Thus, your offenders avoid deserved justice with impunity. You should understand that no one can change the events that have remained in the past.
Forgiveness is a change in your personal attitude towards the situation and towards your abuser. Most often, a person reacts to a negative event according to the following algorithm: denial, rejection, depression, enlightenment. Forgiveness is an instant transition from the stage of denial to insight, a kind of intention to abandon the problems of the past and the desire to enter into a new reality, while accepting the current state of things. The offended person continues to live in the past, unconsciously thinking about a situation that happened a long time ago. Naturally, this behavior and way of thinking is extremely unproductive.
A conscious person should accept the fact that no consolation can be found in revenge and hatred. At the same time, at first it seems as if all this matters. Even if you take revenge, you will not receive the expected satisfaction. The avenger is essentially taking a tyrant position, which is just the other side of the victim's position. Obviously, the person who has chosen the role of the victim cannot be happy. Learning to forgive means giving up fear, anger, and the urge to hurt others and yourself.
It is very important to be able to forgive a loved one who is dear to you. To forgive means to stop focusing on people's mistakes and shortcomings. It is much more effective to try to put yourself in the other person's place and try to understand him. Forgiveness to a loved one is a combination of compassion and tenderness. It is this that makes the couple happier and more united.
What happens during an offense
The reasons for anger and resentment often overlap. First of all, we are offended by the harm that was done to us. It doesn't matter if it was done on purpose, by accident, or to teach an important life lesson. We can also take offense at those who have views on some aspect of life that are fundamentally opposite to ours. For example, if you are a vegetarian, you may be offended by how others actively consume meat. Any attacks in the direction of your interests can also cause you resentment. Researchers are confident that ten mismatches will be enough for a person to form a resentment in their head. Another reason for resentment can be unjustified expectations. For example, a girl expected to receive a ring as a gift, and her fiance took her to a restaurant.
People who cannot deal with resentment, react to it in different ways. Some begin to come up with a plan for revenge, while others are disappointed in reality and begin to scroll in their heads a happy ending, which is not destined to come true. And someone begins to blame themselves for everything, or, worse, is completely disappointed in people. At the same time, what all scenarios have in common is the accumulation of negative emotions.
In order to cope with the burden of resentment on a daily basis, a person has to spend a lot of energy. Obviously, in this position, you simply do not have enough vitality to achieve goals, success, your happiness, etc. This means that resentment is quality that hurts you in the first place.
To begin with, you need to realize that you really want to give up the grudges. You do not want to be in the ranks of the offended, on which, according to the saying, "they carry water"? You do not need to cross paths with your offenders and demand an apology from them. Nevertheless, psychological practice confirms the existence of such a phenomenon as "attribution of motives." It lies in the fact that people tend to think that their abuser planned everything carefully, although in fact this is a completely unfounded assumption. That is why, if you still have the opportunity to discuss a specific situation with the abuser, you should not ignore this chance. Use it to find out the true reasons for the act. You will be surprised, but in most cases everything turns out to be completely different from what you thought at first. Try, as the English say, “try on the offender's shoes,” that is, to take his place. Think about the fact that you've also had situations in your life when you unintentionally hurt someone. Didn't you have a desire to be forgiven as soon as possible?
Psychologists believe that the inability to forgive is more a consequence than a problem. In reality, a person is not able to forgive himself for his shortcomings, which means that he cannot afford to forgive them to others. Knowing how to respond correctly to an insult, you can use this tool primarily for your own good. It should be understood that there are no perfect people. Become more loyal to those around you.
You now have a basic understanding of how to learn to forgive. Using this skill, you can get rid of a lot of loads that take your life energy.
DO I NEED TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE?
In life, we constantly interact with other people - relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances and strangers. We have known some of them for a long time and well, others not very much, but we communicate regularly, we see others for the first time and most likely we will never see them again. Sometimes there are situations where we feel hurt, angry, or irritated as a result of other people's actions.
There are different ways of dealing with these emotions - both directed inward, that is, assuming control over oneself, one's state, and directed into the external environment, aiming at achieving more harmonious relations with those around us. In some cases, one of those ways that can be classified as “internal” is forgiveness.
Why internal - because it is not enough to say "I forgive you", you can not say this at all, what is important is what happens in your head and heart. It is clear that in some situations the scale of the offense, in our view, does not even allow us to think about forgiving the person who committed it. However, even then, forgiving is useful and necessary - of course, first of all for yourself.
First, before you forgive, you will have to do some work, sometimes simple, sometimes very long and painstaking, sorting out the situation, asking yourself many questions and as a result gaining an understanding of what led the person who committed the offense, and why you took it this way - angry or offended. If a person is dear to you, then the results of your work will help make your relationship with him more trusting and joyful. But even if we are talking about a random character in your life, then the experience gained may reveal to you some inner nuances (features of reactions to certain actions and words), knowledge of which can be successfully applied in close relationships.
Secondly, forgiving, we sort of draw a line under everything that happened, complete the situation and place it in our mental "archive". We admit that such a fact has taken place in our life, that we have drawn the necessary conclusions from it and are not going to return to it anymore. In this way, it is possible to avoid repeated useless repetitions of the same situations and conversations, which, without generating anything new, make you experience unpleasant experiences over and over again. To start moving towards positive experiences, you must first finish and comprehend what creates negative ones.
In two cases, forgiving is necessary.
The first is situations when a mistake was made. Suppose, at a party, you accidentally knocked the contents of your glass, glass or cup onto your neighbor's lap. Your natural reaction is to apologize and try to fix the problem. The same principle works in any other setting when you are hurt by accident. You should not inflate the mistake of another person to a global scale (unless, of course, you are sure that this is an accident).
The second case is the relationship between close people, mainly family members. Regardless of their nature, it is important to remember that we do not choose family ties ourselves, so the maximum that we can do is try to make these relationships the way we would like them to be, and if it does not work out, accept them as they are. Let your life be more joyful with this easy-to-follow habit.
In life, we constantly interact with other people - relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances and strangers. We have known some of them for a long time and well, others not very much, but we communicate regularly, we see others for the first time and most likely we will never see them again. Sometimes there are situations where we feel hurt, angry, or irritated as a result of other people's actions.
There are different ways of dealing with these emotions - both directed inward, that is, assuming control over oneself, one's state, and directed into the external environment, aiming at achieving more harmonious relations with those around us. In some cases, one of those ways that can be classified as “internal” is forgiveness.
Why internal - because it is not enough to say "I forgive you", you can not say this at all, what is important is what happens in your head and heart. It is clear that in some situations the scale of the offense, in our view, does not even allow us to think about forgiving the person who committed it. Even so, forgiving is useful and necessary — of course, first of all for yourself.
First, before you forgive, you will have to do some work, sometimes simple, sometimes very long and painstaking, sorting out the situation, asking yourself many questions and as a result gaining an understanding of what led the person who committed the offense, and why you took it this way - got angry or offended. If a person is dear to you, then the results of your work will help make your relationship with him more trusting and joyful. But even if we are talking about a random character in your life, then the experience gained may reveal to you some inner nuances (features of reactions to certain actions and words), knowledge of which can be successfully applied in close relationships.
Secondly, forgiving, we sort of draw a line under everything that happened, complete the situation and place it in our mental archive. We admit that such a fact has taken place in our life, that we have drawn the necessary conclusions from it and are not going to return to it anymore. In this way, it is possible to avoid multiple useless repetitions of the same situations and conversations, which, without generating anything new, make you experience unpleasant experiences over and over again. To start moving towards positive experiences, you must first finish and comprehend what creates negative ones.
In two cases, forgiving is necessary.
The first is situations when a mistake was made. Suppose, at a party, you accidentally knocked the contents of your glass, glass or cup onto your neighbor's lap. Your natural reaction is to apologize and try to fix the problem. The same principle works in any other setting when you are hurt by accident. You should not inflate another person's mistake to a global scale (unless, of course, you are sure that it is an accident).
The second case is the relationship between close people, mainly family members. Regardless of their nature, it is important to remember that we do not choose family ties ourselves, therefore the maximum that we can is to try to make these relationships the way we would like them to be, and if it does not work out, to accept them as they are. Let your life be more joyful with this easy-to-follow habit.
We all sin against each other, but few are able to repent before others. And in order for the relationship to resurrect, you need to come up and say: "I'm sorry." And if it comes from the heart and from the heart they answer you, the evil will go away.
Priest Alexy Potokin
Forgiving and accepting forgiveness is an art. The art of forgiveness is that foolish forgiveness multiplies sin. Late forgiveness kills, but wise and timely forgiveness inspires.
Priest Konstantin Kamyshanov
You do not forgive others in order to heal them.
You forgive others in order to heal yourself.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it liberates the future.
If you suffer from the injustice of a bad person, forgive him, otherwise there will be two bad people.
Augustine Aurelius
Forgiving is a great gift.
Moreover, it costs nothing.
The best reaction to enemy criticism is to smile and forget.
Vladimir Nabokov
Be able to forgive
You need to be able to forgive. Many people think that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. But the words "I forgive you" do not mean at all - "I am too soft a person, therefore I cannot be offended and you can continue to spoil my life, I will not tell you a single word", they mean - "I will not let the past spoil my future and present, so I forgive you and let go of all insults.
There is magic in forgiveness ... Magic of healing. As in the forgiveness that you give, so in the forgiveness that you yourself receive.
It all starts with forgiveness. If we harbor resentment, it is a manifestation of pride. I do not take it as mine, I blame someone else for it. I do not understand that I am a Soul that has committed some wrong actions, and now these lessons are returning to me.
If a person has hurt you, do not answer him in kind, do good. You are a different person. You are better. Remember.
One of the most useful life skills is the ability to quickly forget everything bad: not to dwell on troubles, not to live with resentment, not to revel in irritation, not to harbor anger ... You should not drag various rubbish into your soul.
If people are judging or criticizing you, remember that more often than not, the very moment they criticize you, they think exclusively of themselves. Do not be angry or offended by them, just understand that it hurts people when they cannot oppose anything to what you are superior to.
Being able to forgive and asking for forgiveness is the foundation for a strong relationship. It is important to learn to sincerely and wholeheartedly say "Sorry" to each other instead of hurting each other with needles of reproaches and claims.
Resentment and resentment are like poison that you drink in the hope that others will be poisoned. Happiness begins with forgiveness.
Cassie Combden
As soon as a person gets sick, he needs to look in his Heart for someone to forgive.
Forgiveness is the strongest of all victories.
One little boy, when asked what forgiveness is, gave a wonderful answer: "It is the scent that a flower gives when trampled."
The most essential science is the science of forgetting the unnecessary. Antisthenes.
Your ability to love others ... and yourself ... is directly proportional to your willingness to forgive others and yourself.
For example, instead of loving the parents you would like, try to learn to love the parents you have.
To heal from past trauma, you will have to first get angry, mourn the loss, and finally forgive them all.
You will not be able to completely forgive anyone until you are willing to voluntarily give up the right to revenge and redress ... - forever.
You do not forgive others in order to heal them.
You forgive others in order to heal yourself.
Chuck Hillig
"You cannot defeat the enemy until you heal what you think is low in yourself."I Ching (Book of Changes)
Very often in other people we painfully perceive precisely those actions, reactions, feelings with which we ourselves sin. And real, true forgiveness of another person begins with the ability to see your own weaknesses and shortcomings.
Perhaps we need to learn to forgive ourselves before we can allow others to forgive us the wrongs we have done them, or before we can (in our souls or face to face) forgive them for the wrongs they have done us.
And you forget - and it will become easier.
And you will forgive - and there will be a Holiday.
And you strive - and you will succeed ...
Do not be stingy - and you will be rewarded!
And it will come back to you - it will be rewarded ...
And you believe - and they will!
Start yourself - it will start all around!
And you LOVE! And you will be credited!
The ability to ignore is even more valuable than the ability to forgive. For we are forced to forgive what we have already attached importance to.
Today is Forgiveness Sunday.
Do not forget to ask for forgiveness from everyone who has been offended during the year.
And also - do good deeds!
Forgiveness Protects Our Heart
Sometimes we forgive the offender, sometimes we keep the bitter feeling to ourselves, grieving or coming up with a way to take revenge. How does this affect our cardiovascular system? First, the participants in the experiment had to recall a case when they were severely offended. They were asked to imagine that they are taking revenge on the offender, and in order to warm up the resentment, to recall how they suffered, what pain they experienced. Then they were asked to forgive their offender, try to find an explanation for his action, admit that all people have their weaknesses ... Cardiograms and tomography readings left no doubt: negative emotions and resentment increase the heartbeat and increase blood pressure, and the manifestation of empathy immediately relieves stress. So now it is scientifically proven: to be offended is harmful.
Are you already familiar with Ho "oponopono? This is a very simple spiritual practice that gives incredible results. The essence of the practice is that you open your heart and create a reality full of love and harmony with the words:
1. "I love you."
2. "Forgive me."
3. "I'm sorry."
4. "Thank you."
The principal point of Ho "oponopono" is to assume 100% responsibility for everything that happens in the world, that is, not only for our actions, but in general for everything that we know or do not even suspect.
