Fear of ridicule. How to overcome shyness, and whether it is worth doing. Dysmorphophobia or phobia syndrome

We all were once shy. There are no people who have never had a problem with shyness. It's just that someone copes with it in childhood, and someone cannot cope with it in adulthood.

Shyness in terms of the level of danger is comparable to a person with narcissism. It should be moderate. A little humility won't hurt anyone, but it's important to stick to the middle ground. Everything in a person should be balanced. This is the only way to become more successful in love, in business, in work. It is not necessary to become an absolute extrovert - you just need to open yourself a little to society or to its individual representatives.

Cons of shyness

The disadvantages are obvious only in the case of very shy people, therefore, these disadvantages are peculiar only to those who cannot control themselves and have the absolute form of this, if I may say so, ailment.

You can drive almost any person into paint, but many people depend on shyness and cannot control themselves, because this feeling guides them.

Here are the main cons and their consequences:

Negative builds up in you... A shy person cannot say "stop" to anyone. Such men or women are very afraid of a negative reaction to their words or emotions, so these emotions accumulate inside, like a snowball - they grow and grow, increasing their volume and mass. This can lead to collapse, and it will be expressed in different ways in different people. Someone will commit a terrible deed, someone will go inside themselves. This is very, very dangerous - the consequences can be devastating for the psyche and health in general. A person can throw out their negativity on another person who is not associated with the source of problems.

You become a victim of aggressors. It happens on the street, at work, at school, at university - everywhere. People who are aggressive towards others feel very well individuals with a fine mental organization. If you are bullied and dismissive of you, then this is an excuse to take care of yourself. That is why in childhood it is necessary to send a child-boy to sports so that he is more resistant to stress and able to stand up for himself mentally, and not just physically. Fear and shyness are closely related feelings that are almost identical in terms of perception by the brain. When we are shy, we are scared, so to eradicate shyness it is customary to "knock it out" like a wedge with a wedge.

You stop being yourself... A person who is constantly shy or afraid of something ceases to be creative and is in tension, in a squeezed position. You cannot say what you want to say, you cannot dress the way you want. You are dependent on the opinions of others, because if you go against it, then you will certainly have to experience the inconvenience from which you are already tired.

Your self-esteem drops. The level of self-esteem and self-confidence is practically zero among shy people, because they constantly compare themselves with someone. This happens completely automatically. People around are laughing, joking, they can talk about some things, but you cannot. This is really terrible because you are negatively attuning towards yourself. You begin to hate yourself, although the solution is always near.

You are sad, you are withdrawn. You are constantly engaged in self-examination when you are confused about something or someone. Such people understand that they can become different, but this will attract even more attention, which they are very afraid of.

You are alone. Loneliness becomes the cause of all problems and their consequence. Lack of desire to meet other people half-way plummets the chances of success in work and business. There are no shy millionaires. If there are any, then they are working on themselves and trying to overcome the constraint. This ailment can only be compensated for by an incredible mindset and intellect.

Causes of shyness

Before you get rid of shyness, you need to understand where it comes from.

Congenital shyness... It is very often transmitted genetically. It so happens that in a family with two active and cheerful parents, a child is born, full of fears and phobias. He is ashamed of everything in the world, but this can be fixed if you put your hand to it in time. In no case should such children be blamed for what they are not to blame. You can't scold them once again, blame them for something.

High requirements of parents... When parents want too much from a child, he withdraws into himself, because he feels inferior. A father may want his son to show the best results in competitions, so he hurls resentments towards his child. Mothers from childhood tell girls only that she should be the most beautiful, the best. This leaves no chance for the child to accept his shortcomings, but he cannot correct them either. A vicious circle arises. The result is chronic and deep self-doubt, shyness and all the ensuing consequences.

Wrong environment. No matter who says anything, you need to choose your friends correctly. Often, a person's environment becomes the cause of the appearance of complexes and fears, which turn into shyness. Your friends should have similar interests, financial situation, status. Otherwise, you can only earn complexes for yourself if you cannot treat yourself critically and sensibly.

How to stop being shy

Step one: accept yourself. Analyze the situation to see where your shyness comes from. If its source has appeared recently, then correct yourself. If you are like that from childhood and could not improve in any way, then accept yourself as you are. There are no ideal people - there are only those who perceive themselves negatively and positively. Be better - be realistic. There are financiers and accountants who only count with a calculator, there are ideal female models. Anyone can become anyone. Limitations are only in your head.

Step two: imagine yourself without complexes... Draw your image and come up with some life situations in your head. Imagine how you cope with difficulties and do what you are embarrassed to do. This is called mental learning, which works no worse than real, because our brain does not understand where is reality and where is fiction.

Step three: learn to treat yourself with humor... Well, yes, you are short, so what? You wear glasses, but it doesn't matter. There are no such minuses that could not be perceived as pluses. The whole problem is how you perceive yourself.

Step four: observe confident people... Taking an example is always helpful. It will be even better if you talk to someone about this topic. It is better that this person is as close to you as possible.

Step five: exercise. Exercise cleanses a person by making it impossible for them to think negatively. This will allow you to increase your self-confidence. There is a healthy mind in a healthy body, but these are not just words, because this statement hides the truth.

Step six: get rid of bad habits... Overeating, sugar addiction, smoking and alcohol are the worst enemies of happiness. They make you psychologically weaker. Getting rid of any addiction will give you a reason to consider yourself a strong personality. In this case, self-confidence is acquired very quickly, and fears and shyness go away.

Step seven: do what you fear... If you are embarrassed to meet people, then make it a goal to meet one person a day. The purpose of the acquaintance does not matter - the fact itself is important. You don't need to talk to a person for 10 minutes. Just get to know. Tell him or her honestly that you are struggling with an illness, a problem in this way. Honesty and openness is another helper in the fight against reticence and shyness.

There are several billion people in the world. Everyone has their own weaknesses, everyone can be shy in some situations. Everything is good in moderation. If you are shy, it speaks of your kind heart, but kindness does not help in the fight against evil. You will be humiliated until you fight back. Don't let people manipulate you. Good luck and remember to press the buttons and

Shyness in front of people and fear of communication is a common problem. It is most often encountered by introverted people and adolescents. It is for them that it is extremely important what impression they make on others and whether others like them.

What is shyness? In psychology, this is a person's state and the behavior caused by it, the main features of which are insecurity, indecision, awkwardness, constraint in the movements and manifestations of one's own personality.

Different psychological schools in their own way explain the root causes of shyness and, accordingly, offer different options for solving the problem. Each person decides for himself which of them is closer to his personality, character and life experience.

Differential psychology. According to this theory, shyness is an innate quality and is inherited. Confidence is impossible to learn. A rather pessimistic view of the problem, since an innate personality trait does not lend itself to change.
Behaviorism. According to the theory of behaviorism, any human behavior is a reaction to incoming stimuli, which, under certain circumstances and the strength of emotional involvement, becomes part of the personality. So it is with shyness - people could not master with a feeling of fear of the stimuli of the social environment, which ultimately led to pathological insecurity in communicating with people.
Psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysts explain shyness by the presence of an unconscious conflict in the structure of the personality. In their opinion, this is the reaction of the unconscious to unmet instinctive needs and the conflict between moral norms, reality and instincts.
Individual psychology. Followers of this trend actively explored shyness and the “inferiority complex” closely related to it, which appears in childhood, when a child begins to compare himself with his peers, often encounters his own imperfections and begins to be ashamed of his appearance, his abilities, family, etc. If a child has insufficiently formed self-confidence, he becomes fearful, withdrawn, passive. However, it is in this direction of psychology that special attention is paid to the possibilities of self-development of the individual, i.e. shyness is not a predetermined problem, which means that it is possible to get rid of it by working on oneself.
The theory of "high reactivity". According to her, the tendency to be shy is the body's response to overload. At the same time, the consequences of this reaction can be of two options:

the child seeks to "avoid", does not like to communicate and get acquainted, becomes insecure and fearful in public;
the child enters into a struggle, is overly self-confident.

Shyness can be based on two reasons: natural and social. Natural means character, temperament, type of nervous system. Social - the influence of upbringing, the environment, communication within the family.

Why is shyness dangerous?

Shyness and fear of people have common roots.

the second is more related to personality pathologies and manifests itself in the experience of a feeling of fear in the presence of strangers and in the process of communication;
first, it is considered a common occurrence and does not cause anxiety among parents if their child is inclined to be shy in the company and avoid strangers, is afraid to get to know each other. An adult considers this quality to be a character trait and specificity of temperament, with which one does not need to do anything, but one has only to be reconciled.

Pathological fear of people is dealt with with medication or through sessions with a psychologist, and shyness is often ignored. However, this is not entirely true.

In the context of life, shyness and inability to communicate can sometimes bring a person a lot of problems and missed opportunities, if you do not start working with her.

Shyness in most cases leads to:

narrowing the circle of communication. It is difficult for a shy person to get to know each other independently, to communicate freely. Usually, such people are limited to interaction with the family. At the same time, most often they suffer because of this - because in fact they need diverse communication;
shyness affects the objectivity of the perception of the situation. When a problem or stressful situation arises, a shy person often becomes not logical, forgetful;
a shy person can rarely speak openly and defend his opinion;
shyness is the cause of depression and a lowered emotional background, shy people tend to feel dissatisfaction;
poor emotional and social life of a person who is inclined to be shy, leads to physical weakness and rapid fatigue, the occurrence of muscle clamps, stoop.

Based on the consequences of shyness listed above, it becomes obvious that it must be dealt with.

Shyness leads not only to negative experiences of fear and insecurity, but also reduces social adaptation, significantly affects the mental and physical level of personality development.

What to do?

Psychologists have developed exercises by performing which a person will understand how to stop being afraid of people, reduce the general level of anxiety and the tendency to be shy in relationships with people and overcome their shyness.

In any communication situation, when you start to be afraid of others, remember that shyness is an ordinary feeling that has no objective reasons. It arises on the basis of the chain of thoughts that follows the feeling - I will be funny, I look ugly, I will not be able to speak with dignity, I am afraid to answer, etc. And all this happens in your mind, although in fact everything may look exactly the opposite. Always keep this in mind when you start to feel shy or afraid of people.
Act in spite of the feeling of shyness that appears. Try to meet new people more and talk openly about your feelings.

Each time, acting overcoming your fears, you put a new positive experience in the "piggy bank" of your consciousness, on which your courage and confidence in relationships with people will subsequently be built.

Learn to speak and respond, thinking only about your purpose of communication, discarding all other thoughts. Forget all "what if". Keep in mind only your goal and options for achieving it.
When communicating with people, avoid being too polite and a lot of introductory phrases. Make the conversation clear and don't mumble. Learn to speak a little, but to the point.
In moments of extreme anxiety and fear, use breathing techniques. In yoga, they are actively used and help to manage their condition and minimize embarrassment.

How to remove shyness from your life

In addition to certain exercises that reduce situational shyness, allow you to manage your condition and not be shy in communication, psychologists have identified the rules for attitudes towards life, yourself and other people. Building your lifestyle according to them, the question of how to stop being afraid of people will be closed:

Find out (on your own or with the help of a psychologist) the reasons for your shyness. Where did it come from? Why should you be ashamed and afraid, and what benefits do you have from this? Write down the insights gained and refer to them periodically.
Live with the understanding that people are primarily occupied with themselves, and no spotlights are directed at you.
Know your strengths and weaknesses... Do not forget that there are no ideal people, they are not divided into "good" and "bad" and you are not alone with your problem.
Always find reasons to praise and thank yourself. This should be done regularly.
Strive to communicate more, get acquainted with new opinions, be interested and study others, less "delving" into your own experiences. Reflection is an important quality, but in moderation. Excessive introspection drives you in circles, removing you from reality and interaction with others. Strive to do, not dream.
Exercise regularly. Movement is the foundation of life. Sport allows you to release the accumulated negative energy of fear and anxiety.
Always be prepared that you may be rejected or not appreciated. Understand why it scares you and what is the worst thing that can happen? You should learn to accept the word "no", do not seek to please everyone.
Give yourself the right to make mistakes. Perfectionism will be a bad helper for you. Remember, it's impossible to learn without mistakes.

Only the one who does nothing is not mistaken.

Don't waste the opportunity to train your social skills and communicate more. Learn from the experiences of those who you think have dealt with their shyness. Go periodically to trainings on communication skills or public speaking skills, during which you can learn not to be shy and speak openly about your feelings and desires.
Find comfortable societies for yourself. You shouldn't do like everyone else - if in your environment most people like to have fun in clubs and chat at parties - this does not mean that you should do this too.
Always be aware of what you say and how. Notice people's reactions. Forget and get distracted from your fear. In moments of anxiety, repeat: "I am not afraid of people, they will not do me anything bad, I should not be liked by everyone."

Final comments

Shyness lowers our life potential and deprives us of many opportunities. This personality trait has long been recognized in psychology as a problem and is being actively investigated. The ability to communicate is the key to success in social life.

Based on most psychological theories, shyness is not a congenital defect and not a disease.

You can cope with it yourself if you regularly work on yourself. By doing certain exercises when you need to communicate with other people, it is possible to cope with shyness here and now, and by making the above rules the basis of life - to enjoy communication and forget about the problem of shyness.

Life in society, being in the circle of relatives and friends implies active communication, conversations, jokes and laughter.

But for some people, the atmosphere of general fun becomes unbearable, since even the harmless smile of another person causes a lot of negative emotions. This may be a manifestation of a pathological fear of ridicule - catagelophobia.

Mockery as the cause of the development of catagelophobia

Regular stinging remarks that a person was subjected to in childhood is the main reason for the development of this phobic disorder. In the formation of catagelophobia, the social factor, psychological and genetic characteristics of the child are important.

At the age of four to five years, the baby is already able to understand that he is a personality with a certain character and is in continuous contact with people around him. In the process of communication, the child receives new knowledge not only about the world and the system of relationships, but also about himself.

Characteristics on the part of peers and parents is a factor that plays one of the key roles in shaping the perception of oneself. The atmosphere of constant ridicule and non-constructive criticism gives rise to a person who sees in himself only the object of ridicule. Unwillingness to cause someone to laugh creates a pathological fear of ridicule.

Children who become victims of collective bullying by their classmates experience serious emotional trauma. The constant sharp remarks of parents are painful for the child's psyche. In the subconscious of the child, the idea is laid that ridicule is the only reaction to a mistake. Therefore, it is precisely such a reaction to his words or actions that a person expects from others.

The cause of catagelophobia is not always a personal negative experience of communicating with people... Observing emotional abuse of someone else can trigger the development of irrational fear. Strongly developed empathy and impressionability contribute to the occurrence of phobia.

Adolescence and the period of formation of a psychologically relatively independent personality is a factor that increases the risk of developing catagelophobia.

The consequence of ridicule on the part of parents can also be self-doubt, inability to make a decision, fear of building relationships, fear of communication, isolation.

Catagelophobia symptoms:

increased sensitivity to criticism,
feeling of inadequacy,
low self-esteem,
shyness,
feeling lonely
fear of being humiliated in front of strangers,
feeling of being "second-rate".

Manifestation of catagelophobia

A person suffering from catagelophobia lives in a continuous expectation of impartial remarks addressed to him, even if there are no objective reasons for negative criticism.

Their actions and words to a person seem stupid or inappropriate. A catagelophobe constantly feels himself an object of ridicule, so any statement can be perceived as deliberate ridicule. Noticing someone's smile, the person suffering from the disorder will think that the laughter is provoked by his behavior.

The resulting negative emotions can cause an attack of fear, physical ailments appear: trembling, nausea, dizziness, weakness, rapid heartbeat.

However, people suffering from this phobia are not devoid of a sense of humor, they define irony well, and are also capable of making fun of others themselves.

People who strictly monitor their appearance, clearly controlling their actions and speech. Thus, catagelophobes try to hide their flaws (often fictitious).
The consequence of unwillingness to get into a situation that provokes the laughter of outsiders is self-criticism and excessive demands on oneself. A person tries to be perfect in the eyes of others.
People who prefer self-isolation from society. The desire to protect oneself from possible ridicule (avoidance of the object of fear) is a defensive form of behavior of a catagelophobe.

Consequences of catagelophobia

Catagelophobia negatively affects the success of the individual. For fear of being ridiculed, a person does not strive for career growth, is not able to be a leader.

Fear prevents people from holding positions that require public speaking. It is difficult for a person to realize himself in creativity or sports, since these types of activities imply assessment and criticism.

Elementary communication with people around becomes also difficult. The person with the disorder only feels comfortable alone, when there is no chance of hearing a derisive remark.

Methods for treating catagelophobia:

methods of individual therapy,
neurolinguistic programming,
gestalt therapy,
psychoanalysis,
symbol of the drama,
body orientation therapy.

Prevention of catagelophobia

To prevent the development of catagelophobia in a baby, parents should refrain from laughing and bantering in the following situations:

If the child talks about his love experiences. In this case, the age of the child does not matter.
If a son or daughter complains about loneliness and melancholy.
If the baby does not succeed or does not work out as adults expect.
If a child shares experiences, even if these experiences seem insignificant to the parents.
Children and adolescents expect understanding and support in sharing their emotions. An attempt to laugh it off or obvious laughter is perceived by the child as ignoring a serious problem for him and refusing to delve into the essence of important experiences for him. Existing emotional stress is complemented by feelings of shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, and resentment.

Also, the parent should not:

compare the progress of your child with the achievements of other children,
in an offensive form, criticize the words or actions of your child,
"Hang labels" and generalize,
laugh at creative failure.

Why do you need to be able to laugh at yourself?

If a person fell into an awkward position and caused an explosion of laughter from others, then sometimes it is better not to leave, looking down, but to laugh with the rest. The ability to laugh at oneself means that a person accepts himself that way., which is, without trying to change anything and pretend.

And self-acceptance is the key to confidence.

Laughter also speaks of the realization of the mistake and the readiness to work on it, that is, to improve oneself. People around will appreciate courage, naturalness and self-criticism more than insecurity and bashfulness.

In addition, the ability to laugh at oneself can indicate the maturity and self-sufficiency of a person.
Self-irony is a good defense against painful acceptance of guilt, cruel jokes and resentment.

It is better to start solving a problem with an analysis. Therefore, take the time to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be very specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate exactly which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those in power.

When you take a problem apart, it already seems to be more solvable.

Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing anxiety (most likely, calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).

Going forward, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. By starting small, you will cope with increasingly difficult situations. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, accordingly, will decrease.

2. Record your strengths

Another list to help you combat your embarrassment is about your positive qualities. As a rule, the reason for shyness is c. Fight her mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own magnificence (this is not a joke).

Try to find a downside even for flaws. It may be difficult for you to lead a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used too.

3. Decide on a goal

Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it interferes with you. It is possible that the formulated goal will become the impetus for overcoming the old problem.

Despite the fact that I perform, write and host radio shows, at heart I am an introvert. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. This required me to get out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame shyness by realizing that only I can deliver my message correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself to speak in public and meet new people.

Eric Holtzclaw

4. Exercise

Skills must be honed, and those that interfere with life must be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.

Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that is launched in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go backwards and do the opposite of what you are used to. Want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Caught yourself thinking that you are taking a defensive position in a conversation? Try asking the other person a few questions.
Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one stranger at least once a day (preferably with a stranger). Most likely, you will never see it again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on it.
In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you meet often but never greet.
Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party, but are afraid to approach him? Practice with people who are less embarrassing. When it comes to acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
And always get ready to speak publicly. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future audience success. This will give you confidence.

5. Focus on others

The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts away from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you focus on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.

6. Try new things

Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in a sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation workshops. Such activities help to liberate oneself.

7. Watch your body language

Making eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, and smiling and shaking hands firmly inform others of your confidence and openness. Not only that, with these signals you fool your brain a little and really start to feel more free.

8. Say "no" less often

Much has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed in both word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unfounded fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities life presents.

10. Don't advertise your shyness

You should not focus your and others' attention on the fact that you have communication problems. So you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your constant trait.

Even if others notice your shyness, pretend that this is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself as shy in front of strangers. Let them form their own opinion and notice other, more interesting features of yours.

Do you know other ways to stop being shy? Share them in the comments.

Scopophobia or scoptophobia is fear of others, the fear of disappointing them. At times, people suffering from this disease go to extremes. For example, you need to leave the house in connection with an emergency, and the person stayed in the apartment to tidy himself up in order to look great. From the outside, it seems ridiculous, but in fact it causes pity and compassion for scopophobes.

Causes

The main causes of the disease lie in childhood and are associated with severe mental stress and trauma. Each person, to one degree or another, tried on the image of a scoptophobe: fear of speaking in front of a wide audience at school, fear of letting down the expectations of family and friends.

Not infrequently, the cause of scopophobia is parents who make fun of the child in their upbringing. Everyone was told in childhood: “Masha is a better student than you, and you are a fool! You can't even solve a simple problem. " This breeds self-doubt. It is especially difficult for adolescents. They expect more from them, they want them to know: who they want to be, what they will get carried away with, who to be friends with, and who is a bad company. Not every adult is able to definitely answer such questions and statements! Children begin to withdraw into themselves and separate from society, thereby creating another barrier between him and society.

Excessive custody of parents and relatives also negatively affects the child. All this creates a fertile ground for the development of various phobias, including the fear of being ridiculed. As “pets”, children get used to not making an effort, but only to consume. They are always waiting for the help and care of their parents. Independence disappears, dependence on other people arises.

In adulthood, scoptophobes are modest and shy. They strive to change, but they lack willpower.

Symptoms

The affect of shame. Feelings of insecurity lead to the belief that the job is poorly done. Self-worth is at a fictitious level, not realistically assessed.
Ashamed of my illness. Suspiciousness develops. The person believes that everyone knows about his illness and laughs at him.
Panic attack during communication.
Inattention (the scoptophobe is fixated on himself, not on the interlocutor).
Feeling of imaginary loneliness (no one loves me, no friends).

Treatment

Scopophobia treatment involves solving the problem with words. Often, the disease is confused with depression and sedatives are prescribed. Such treatment will give only a temporary result, slowing down the work of the nervous system.

Talk to your parents about your fears. They are the closest people who will support and understand. Confront them with the fact that you are an adult and independent person and require proper respect for yourself as a person.

It only makes sense to be frank with friends if you trust them completely. Children and teenagers need jokes only to show off to their peers and show themselves as a leader. This usually goes away with age. The older a person is, the fewer such jokes become, and they are perceived differently than before.

Psychologists recommend learning to treat yourself with humor so as not to pay attention to offensive jokes. It is important to remember that those who are really trying to upset or offend you want to see your pain and suffering. The more you react to slander, the more often you please your opponent. If you look through the prism of humor, life will seem more fun, and "evil tongues" will be silenced.

Scoptophobia is treated in 9 out of 10 cases. Sometimes mental illness occurs in a passive form and goes away on its own as soon as a solution to the problem situation is found. If they continue, it is worth seeking help from a psychologist.

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