"Selfishness does not mean living the way you want, it is a requirement for others to live the way you want it."

Selfishness (from Lat. Ego - "I") - Selfishness. Behavior, entirely determined by the thought of one's own benefit, benefit, preference of one's interests to the interests of other people and animals.

Selfishness can be rational and irrational. In the first case, the egoist assesses the possible consequences of his actions and acts in accordance with expediency. In the second case, the egoist acts impulsively and shortsightedly, guided exclusively by his desires and goals. The extreme degree of egoism is egocentrism, and in this hypostasis it is undoubtedly harmful. As in any manifestation of human character and activity, the determining factor is not the presence of something, but its quantity, timeliness and dosage. So it is with selfishness. It is necessary to deal with his "overdose".

Selfishness is primarily a product of the natural instinct for self-preservation; from the point of view of ethics, the need for selfishness is determined by the value of life. It is necessary for the realization and realization of the values inherent in the personality, it is necessary for the fulfillment of the moral duty, which consists in bringing one's own inclinations and abilities to the greatest perfection. Selfishness becomes unacceptable from an ethical point of view, when someone else's life and someone else's personality is given less importance than one's own, when the rights of others are violated. Selfishness is not possessed only by the dead and the mad. Therefore, in certain cases, you should not feel guilty when you put your interests ahead of others. Of course, if it doesn't turn into a habit. In everything, one should observe the measure. Be a self-sufficient person, your self-esteem should not depend on the praise or condemnation of others. As a rule, selfishness is, indeed, a consequence of improper upbringing in the family. If a child is instilled with a consciousness of his own exclusivity, overestimated self-esteem and egocentrism of the individual are maintained, then he can form a stable value orientation, in which only his own interests, needs, and experiences are taken into account. When a child becomes an adult, then his concentration only on himself, his own desires and complete indifference to others, can lead to loneliness, to a feeling of hostility from the world around him. The same feelings and selfishness can arise in a child who, since childhood, is faced with the indifference of parents and others. He begins to think that, besides himself, no one will take care of his needs. And in the future, he proclaims precisely their basic life principle, based on the opposition of private, self-serving interests of the individual to the interests of other people, on the desire to satisfy their needs and desires at the expense of society. A person can be considered an egoist if, guided by considerations of personal gain and benefit, he lives only for himself, remaining indifferent to the fate of others. Selfishness manifests itself in selfishness, indifference to others, in neglect of their interests, in the view of another person as a means to achieve personal goals. Egoism finds its complete expression in egocentrism, which affirms the absolute superiority of "I" over others. As a moral quality, selfishness is formed from the living conditions of people, and depends on their level of culture, education and upbringing.

What is the difference between selfishness and selfishness? Are egoists always proud? Self-love is rather a feeling than a system of behavior. It is an integral part of selfishness. It is it that determines behavior, which is entirely based on thoughts about one's own I, one's own benefit, benefit, the preference of one's interests to the interests of other people. Egoists are painfully self-centered because they have extreme degrees of self-esteem, and are extremely critical of those who try to challenge their superiority.

What is worse selfishness or altruism? Altruism (lat. Alter - another) is a moral principle that prescribes disinterested actions aimed at the good and satisfaction of the interests of another person (people). Typically used to denote the ability to sacrifice one's own benefit for the common good.

Often in life we come across the word "egoist", and sometimes someone is called that. Although, to be honest, we ourselves quite often use the phrase in our vocabulary: "You are an egoist." As a rule, many people are offended when they are called in this way, and some simply do not pay attention. What determines people's reaction to this word? Let's figure this out.

Is it good to be selfish?

Egoists are people who think only of themselves, they do not care about the opinions of other people. This explanation for this concept was given in one dictionary. It's kind of true. But there is one very important clarification missing here. Egoists are people who are overconfident in themselves. For example, they say: "Where I am, there is joy." Why did someone decide that? After all, people are different, someone will say in the eyes that he does not like you or, even worse, that annoys you. And now it has become fashionable to say: "You piss me off!" Naturally, not all people are like that, many will simply remain silent and will quietly hate. Of course, egoists are people who do not care for anyone and who love only themselves. Of course, I don't really want to communicate with such individuals, since they, as a rule, talk only about themselves, and they simply are not interested in others. Nowadays scientists have proved that egoists are people who want to do nothing and get a lot of money for it. But such miracles do not occur even in fairy tales. To have money, you need to earn it by your own labor. Otherwise, life will be uninteresting. Imagine yourself, if each person has a lot of money, then the whole world will turn upside down. Is not it?

Is society to blame?

Many people make excuses saying that this world has made me selfish. But what is the fault of the world? What did he do to make you selfish? How did he offend you? And in general, can the world do something bad? It would be more accurate to say that people made me an egoist. If you look at society now, then, in fact, everyone around is egoists. For example, if someone falls in the middle of the street, what will those around them do? They will say that this is just a drunk man. But in fact, maybe someone just felt bad ... But everyone passes around, and zero attention, not even a head is turned in his direction. That is why one can easily say that we have a society of egoists. What if suddenly something happens to one of us? And nobody will help us ...

Is it fashionable to be selfish?

In our time, it has become fashionable to be selfish. “Of course, everyone around is like that, and I want to become the same,” - so thinks the majority of young people. Many different groups began to appear on the Internet for these individuals. They even create their own boards where you can see a photo of an egoist. Many experts believe that this is nonsense, this should be prohibited. This should not be left to chance, otherwise it can develop into a global problem and cause great harm to humanity.

Today, selfishness already has a negative impact on people, but, unfortunately, no one so far considers it necessary to pay attention to this. But when the situation gets much worse, it may be too late. First of all, it is worth thinking about this for our government and, of course, for the entire population. After all, we, people, are to blame for what is happening, and only we can correct our mistake. Remember that before making any decision, you need to think with your head.

"Love yourself, sneeze at everyone, and success awaits you in life" - the truth of the Soviet cartoon about imp # 13 today may in part become quite relevant. Although, of course, many do not need to learn to sneeze at everyone - they are already born with this magnificent anti-human set of qualities.

"Come on, goodbye", or How to regain self-esteem

Women are offended. And even an insignificant resentment leaves a small residue inside, which can be precipitated either by the sincere remorse of a beloved man, or ... an unscheduled date.

Anastasia Tikhomirnova

But learning to love yourself, value your time and business, respect your opinion and personal space, be honest with yourself and not succumb to external provocations of the offender-fate - all this is healthy egoism, which many people lack so much. And all because for some reason they think that loving yourself is shameful and ignoble. Therefore, they live 30 years and 3 years unhappily with each other, but they do not get divorced for the sake of children.

Therefore, "valuable employees" and work for a penny 12 hours a day, ostensibly for the good of the common cause. And therefore they lend their entire salary to careless and lazy pseudo-friends, who then do not even think to give these honestly earned pennies. The consequences of such altruism, as a rule, do not lead to good and only create an appearance for the foundation of a sense of their own nobility.

5 "FOR" in favor of healthy selfishness:

1. In work

Do you know who the lucky ones are who don't have to suffer every Monday morning? These are those who love their work and go to it with pleasure! Work takes up too much of our life, so you need to do what you like. If the profession of a marshmallow stacker in a factory is, to put it mildly, not the limit of your dreams, but a temporary salvation from lack of money, then you must at least understand and set yourself goals for further development.

Look for any, even the most seemingly boring and tedious work, ways and ways for your own development. Do you have a favorite hobby? Let it get back on track and don't be afraid to learn new things and be honest about admitting to yourself that you are not doing your own thing. By the way, absolutely every person has unique abilities. Therefore, excuses from the series - I have no talents and I can’t do anything - will not work here.

2. In money

Money is the equivalent of your work, nerves, efforts and efforts that you spend in 8 (or even all 12) working hours. Therefore, if it is not in your rules to be loafing at work and to the process you give yourself up with all responsibility, then you should evaluate your work accordingly.

Do not be afraid to openly demand a raise if you understand that the time has come, and the boss is in no hurry to give you a raise for overwork and too busy a schedule. And do not be afraid to say goodbye to a familiar place if you understand that there are no prospects, and work has long turned into an exhausting routine.

3. About relationships

Almost every woman publicly declares that she needs a man who will guess all her desires and carry in her arms. And at the same time, everyone is blatantly lying! In fact, we secretly dream of an obstinate, unpredictable, arrogant insolent person. To torment myself with guesses about his feelings and wait for him to finally break our heart to smithereens and not even apologize.

And all because you can desperately fall in love only with someone who loves himself! According to psychologists, we choose those who treat themselves in the same way we treat ourselves. We lack healthy egoism, so we yearn to fill the spiritual emptiness with feeling and find it in abundance among those who know how to love themselves.

4. About sex

What can I say, but in this area of life egoism is the place. A man feels like a real hero in bed only when he is sure that he is able to give the girl pleasure. Therefore, during this very act of love, you can safely forget about your hairstyle, extra pounds that are visible only to ourselves, and you can also not worry at all about how good the man will be.

Surrender to passion and think about your pleasure, then you yourself will learn to enjoy the process and will not get the offensive status of a "log" from a man.

5. About children

Stories that “we have not divorced my husband for 20 years” only because of the children are not uncommon. Quite often people who have long been unloved to each other believe that it is much safer to maintain the illusion of a family than to try to explain to a child that it happens when mom and dad stop loving each other and want to live separately, but do not stop loving a common child. As a result, such altruists fail to create the appearance of a happy family, and the child becomes a witness to quarrels, resentments, or even worse - fights between parents.

The only way to make a child happy is to be happy yourself. And if need be, then alone. Sacrificing oneself to stereotypes, fears and fears of responsibility is not the best example of parenting behavior for the younger generation. Moreover, often parents who sacrificed their careers and personal lives for the sake of “supposedly” raising a child, then consider themselves entitled to demand the same from their child: sacrifice and abandonment of their personal life in favor of taking care of themselves.

On the way to healthy egoism, you can catch a sick person. How, then, can you determine that your egoism is within the framework of common sense and has not already fled into an independent voyage?

So, your selfishness is healthy if:

In achieving your goal, you do not infringe on the interests of other people;
know how to look for compromises and benefits in any situation;
in order to love yourself, you do not need a positive assessment of others and blind adoration of other people;
you have your own opinion and can express it freely, but do not seek to impose it on other people;
ready in any way to protect themselves and their loved ones from dangers;
know how to issue constructive criticism without getting personal;
do not want to obey anyone, but do not seek to subjugate others to yourself;
do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of others and do not require sacrifices for your sake;
you know how to respect the desires and capabilities of other people, but at the same time do not overstep your principles;
having made a decision that you have been thinking about for a long time, do not torment yourself with a sense of guilt.

I would like to end this article with the words of Howard Roarke, the protagonist of The Fountainhead, American writer with Russian roots Ayn Rand: “In an absolute sense, an egoist is by no means a person who sacrifices others. This is a person who stands above the need to use others. He does without them. He has nothing to do with them either in his goals, or in the motives of actions, or in thinking, or in desires, or in the sources of his energy. He is not for other people and he does not ask others to be for him. This is the only possible form of brotherhood and mutual respect between people. "

From an early age we are taught to share toys, help others, and generally give the last shirt to our neighbor. Even if it goes against their own interests.

This is accepted in society, and our behavior must be correct and comply with the norms. Once you say “No” to someone, and we will immediately hear: “You are an egoist!”, “You think only of yourself!”. No wonder! Indeed, in our society they respect such personality traits, as service to others, sacrifice, dedication. They idolize people who have dedicated their lives to orphans or seriously ill people. And those who do not want to rush into the embrasure to their own detriment are accused of selfishness. Who is an egoist? In the minds of the majority, he is a lazy person, a deceiver, a rude person who makes others suffer in the name of his goals. We are taught from childhood that it is very bad to think about our own benefit. Therefore, to everyone who has their own desires and puts them above someone's interests, the shameful stigma "Egoist" sticks. On the other hand, what's wrong with the fact that a person knows how to refuse and does not want to be led by someone? Why should he try for others if his interests are infringed upon?

Origin of the term

If a person cannot put personal goals above collective goals, then who will? Who will live for him? A child who is told that being selfish is bad and that all attempts to do his own thing are suppressed will grow into a weak-willed person. Such people all their lives follow someone's lead. They refuse promising work in another city, because "where they were born, they came in handy there." Get married (get married) because it's time. They give birth to a child, since the children of friends have already gone to first grade. And by the age of fifty they realize that life somehow did not work out. Such people cannot make their loved ones happy, because they themselves are deeply unhappy. But if they once thought about their own interests and showed perseverance, then everything would be different. Therefore, selfish behavior is even beneficial. What is selfishness? The term comes from the Latin word ego - "I". The literal translation is "I am." Means self-love and behavior aimed at meeting one's own needs. Why does society have a negative attitude towards egoists, because they have a clear awareness of themselves. They know what they want and strive to achieve it.

The benefits of selfishness

According to scientists, a moderate manifestation of selfishness makes people happy. In 2012, American psychologists conducted a social experiment on students. They collected 216 students and divided them into three groups. Each participant was given two dollars. The first group was allowed to take money for themselves, the second - to donate to a charitable foundation, and the third was offered options for how to spend it. The students were then asked to find out who felt the best. The happiest ones were those who spent dollars on themselves.

It turns out that selfish actions are really useful for a person, but only in those cases when they are approved by society. At the same time, few people have heard of such a concept as healthy or reasonable egoism. This is the ability of a person to live by personal interests and not contradict the interests of others. Everyone needs to be a healthy egoist, because such a person:

knows how to refuse, does not allow anyone to sit on his neck, for which he is respected. The people around him perceive him as a person who values his time and work.
responds adequately upon hearing "No" from others. He will not make claims or, conversely, accumulate grievances.
always knows what he needs. He realizes his own desires, and not the whims of colleagues, parents, friends.
self-sufficient and does not affect it. The egoist does not expect someone's praise. He does not care about someone else's opinion, and does not offend criticism in his address.
do not face a difficult choice: yourself or others. He clearly understands in which situations he is ready to sacrifice personal interests, and in which, not.
knows how to selflessly help others and quickly forgets about it. He will not cultivate in someone to say at the right time: “I tried so hard for you, but you don’t appreciate” or “I helped you, now it’s your turn.”
loves himself and makes others happy. He perceives his family as a part of himself that deserves all the best. His close people are surrounded by care and attention.

A healthy egoist lives in harmony with himself. Moreover, he wants more than he has. A piece of pie is not enough for an egoist, he needs the whole pie. Such a person is looking for ways to achieve what he wants, constantly doing something, engaged in self-development. It is thanks to healthy egoism that many scientific achievements and discoveries were made.

Extreme selfishness and its opposite

Some people are fixated on their own person and believe that the world revolves around them. They enthusiastically talk about their merits, skills and repeat many times: "I", "Me", "For me". This state is called egocentrism and represents an extreme degree of selfishness. In other words, it is the inability and unwillingness of a person to accept someone else's opinion. His own point of view is always the only correct one for him. The egocentric feels superior to others and does not notice their needs. His behavior lacks empathy and compassion. He is not able to hear and understand another person. If an egoist can do something for someone, then an egocentric is not capable of such an act. This person, on the contrary, believes that others should and are obliged to fulfill his whims, since he is such a "unique" person. The egoist is flexible and can adapt to any situation, in contrast to the egocentric, who under no circumstances will change his mind. It is difficult to get along with a self-centered person. He ignores other people's requests, dictates his own terms and becomes a home tyrant. His family members are in nervous tension all the time and do not know.

Selfishness is considered to be a bad character trait that society actively condemns. But its opposite is altruism, people perceive it as a positive quality of personality. Who is an altruist? This is a person for whom the needs of others are more important than their own. If an egoist sacrifices other people's interests for himself and his family, then an altruist, on the contrary, is ready to help others to his own detriment. He will take up the work of a colleague, postponing his own indefinitely. Skip family gathering to help a friend wallpaper. Lend the last money to the neighbor, putting the family on a hungry ration. Can take things out of the apartment, because someone needs them more. The altruist's motto is “Live for others,” but not for yourself and your loved ones. Sometimes he seeks to help even where he is not asked for it. Such a person tries to please everyone, deliberately infringing on his own interests. Therefore, most altruists are weak-willed and insecure people.

It turns out that being selfish is much better than being self-centered or altruistic. Caring for your own well-being and self love- the natural tendency of a person with adequate self-esteem. If a friend asked to borrow a large sum for a year, and you refused him, then you can be called an egoist. On the other hand, you were making money for yourself. Then why should you share with someone? Why infringe on your interests? Maybe it's better for a friend to take out a loan, find a part-time job and solve his financial difficulties on his own. Here we are talking about healthy egoism, when your needs are more important than others. It's another matter if a person on his son's birthday goes to the dacha to see friends. The parent sacrifices the interests of the child for their own. But this is already unhealthy selfishness.

Try to achieve your goals in a moral and ethical manner, while not compromising the needs of others. Live in the here and now. Realize your desires, even if they seem crazy to you. Do you want to go diving, learn to play the trumpet or speak French? Go ahead, this is your life and it is one. Set a goal and go boldly towards it. And then in old age you will be grateful to yourself for a busy life full of events.

The material was prepared by Daria Lychagina

Thinking about your interests, taking care of your own well-being - can this trait be bad in the realities of the modern world?

In reasonable doses, being selfish is beneficial, beneficial and enjoyable. This contributes to personal growth, self-realization and rapid success.

Selfishness: Good or Bad?

Grandparents vying with each other advise: "Be sure to have a second child, otherwise the first will grow up selfish!"

And the parents get scared: really, what could be worse than raising a proud child? After all, it will not love mom and dad, but only itself!

Children are taught mercy, compassion, empathy from a young age. The child is explained why it is necessary to share, why it is necessary to help the weak, the younger, the elderly, the sick.

The basics of humanity and high morality are instilled in him, moral values are explained.

This strategy has one nuance: excessive philanthropy can go sideways. Altruists willingly use for their own purposes everyone who realized in time how they are greedy for pitiful requests for help.

At the same time, even violent egoists are quite capable of loving loved ones (husbands, children, grandmothers).

Moreover, in adulthood, they feel more comfortable, achieve success faster and do not allow their kindness to be used in other people's selfish interests.

Types of selfishness and human instincts

Self-loving people, acting, think only about their own benefit and benefit. Other people's goals and aspirations are out of their sight.

Many behave this way unintentionally: they just aren't trained to think about others. And the logic of human existence suggests that this is normal.

Taking the best for himself and acting in his own interests, the individual makes capital and climbs up the evolutionary chain.

The so-called "healthy egoism" - moderate, reasonable, dosed - originates from the instinct of self-preservation. Thinking about ourselves is inherent in us by nature.

It is difficult to imagine an ancient tribe in which a strong warrior gave the captured mammoth to the weak, and he himself remained hungry. Closer to the truth is the option when he was the first to eat his fill, and that is why he survived in difficult times.

Any crumb by nature is an egoist, everything else is achieved by education... Therefore, by completely eradicating the "harmful" trait, you, in fact, are going against nature. Life is the highest value, and self-love is an effective way to preserve it.

Reasonable selfishness is good for survival... A person evaluates options, chooses the most profitable and acceptable for himself, looks for ways to achieve the desired goal. He thinks soberly, realizing the consequences of actions. In case the price is too high, he will refuse or find another way.

But irrational selfishness is not good for anyone... He does not allow thinking about the consequences that often go sideways for the individual himself.

This is an infantile, impulsive, eccentric character trait: "I want it, and that's it!" She is often written about in children's fairy tales and legends.

One king asks “to bring that, I don’t know what,” the other demands to steal the golden-maned horse from the neighboring sultan, and to the third give the Firebird in a golden cage.

It doesn't end well. Remember how the selfish Paris kidnapped the beautiful Elena, which provoked the Trojan War.

Pros and cons of selfishness: the boundaries of what is permitted

Until a certain moment, human egoism is not perceived by society as something shameful.

The crowd will not condemn a child who does not share a candy or a woman who filed for divorce in order to get out of the marriage routine and build a career.

The pursuit of one's interests is normal and not punishable, but for the time being. Somewhere there is an invisible line behind which social rejection and condemnation live.

This line is in violation of rights and freedoms, infringement of other people's interests. It looks unattractive when a person puts himself above everyone else, when he does not consider any other life valuable.

Self-centeredness is extremely harmful, which is characterized by:

heightened self-esteem,
a sense of one's own exclusivity,
disdain for others,
demanding self-worship,
over-selfishness that has gone beyond.

And there is a little egoism in everyone. After all, any person thinks about his well-being, satisfies his needs, seeks to get pleasure, dreams of success, seeks benefits for himself.

Imagine that you were asked to work for one month for free, out of pure compassion ("there are not enough employees, but the budget has been cut").

Probably, you will immediately ask: “What is my benefit? Why should I waste my personal and family time solving your problem? " There are no perfect altruists, and if they did exist at one time, they were canonized long ago.

How to be selfish and live in society

Some people know how to combine personal selfishness with the observance of other people's interests and freedoms.

Not everyone "goes over their heads" for the sake of achieving a goal, many manage to outplay the situation comfortably for everyone.

No one even suspects hidden, rational egoism in them - they may seem like the sweetest colleagues and friends.

Imagine a situation: two selfish people live in a house, and both love to listen to loud music at night.

The former has made himself soundproof and enjoys concerts at any time. The second disturbs the neighbors and therefore often communicates with the police they call.

You will be surprised: which of the first is an egoist, after all, he thought about the interests of others? But no, he thought about his interests - he just does not want to be fined and sit out the evening at the station.

Natural-born selfish people have a useful trait: they practically do not care about public opinion.... They are characterized by self-sufficiency, self-confidence, dedication, strong self-esteem. They don't depend on someone else's approval.

The rest are very embarrassed when society expresses indignation or annoyance at their behavior. They strive to be better for others, and they miss out on the best for themselves.