The word "egoist" in our society is considered abusive, because since childhood, one cannot think only about oneself, but one must share with others and give in. With age, the attitude that selfishness is bad becomes more and more strengthened in the child's mind, because both parents and teachers tell him that respectable people care about the needs and comfort of others and work for the good of society, and do not live by their own interests. Therefore, it is natural that most adult men and women do not want to appear selfish in the eyes of society and often, to the detriment of their own interests, realize the desires of others.

Altruistic behavior, compliance and sacrifice of one's own interests for the sake of the needs of others are encouraged by public opinion, so many ordinary citizens are confident that selfishness is a character trait that needs to be eradicated. Meanwhile, more and more psychologists and psychotherapists are changing their minds to selfishness and claim that being selfish is absolutely normal for every mentally healthy person. Connoisseurs of human souls are inclined to think that people should not suppress selfish tendencies in themselves and not sacrifice their own needs for the sake of others, but nevertheless, selfishness should be “reasonable”. Let's try to figure it out, is selfishness really bad or good? And how is rational egoism different from unreasonable?

Who are the egoists?

Before considering the question of whether selfishness is a bad or a good character trait, it is necessary to determine who are selfish. In the dictionary the word egoism is interpreted as a character trait that forms a type of behavior in which a person is aimed at satisfying his own needs and needs and puts his own interests above the interests of others. That is, egoists are people who live as they want and do what they want, without taking into account the desires of others. Selfishness in the common people is often confused with egocentrism, but in fact these concepts are not identical.

Egocentrism is characterized by the inability of a person to perceive any opinion that is at odds with his point of view. Based on this definition, we can conclude that egocentrism can be inherent in an egoist, but not always, because many people who put their interests above the needs of others can still listen to others, perceive their arguments, admit mistakes and change their point of view.

Full the opposite of selfishness is altruism - the willingness to commit selfless acts for the benefit of other people, without taking into account personal interests and desires. Altruism and selfishness are, at first glance, complete opposites, but in fact, both of these character traits are in one way or another inherent in almost all people, since in some situations even the most kind and selfless can behave selfishly, and in some, selfish capable of altruistic actions.

Is selfishness good or bad?

Nature is designed so that everything living beings are primarily guided by instincts aimed at survival and preservation of the species, and this rule is no exception. Both animals and people instinctively strive to realize their own needs and are ready to compete with representatives of their own and other species for the right to possess resources. So selfishness is an innate trait of a person's character, since it is he who allows you to realize the needs associated with ensuring life and establishing their own status in society.

However, people are a social species, and in isolation from society, the development of a person's personality is impossible. It is in order to make the living of each individual comfortable in society that the so-called social agreements were formed - unwritten rules and norms regulating the interaction of members of society with each other. Altruism, mutual assistance, guardianship and protection of the weakest and the resolution of conflicts through compromise are important components of a social contract. in human society, as they provide a comfortable and safe life for each member of society separately.

Based on the above, it becomes obvious that selfish behavior is the norm for a person, but each member of society must restrain his selfish impulses, to . And the most important thing for every person is to be able to find a balance between egoism and altruism so as to be able to realize their needs and goals and at the same time not to infringe on others.

Bias in behavior both towards egoism and towards altruism are always fraught with negative consequences for the individual.... A person who always adheres to a selfish line of behavior and infringes upon the interests of others, sooner or later risks becoming an outcast in society and losing all friends and relatives, since no one will tolerate a notorious egoist for a long time. And people who are always ready to give up their own interests for the sake of others may very quickly turn out to be, since they will begin to use their kindness, without giving anything in return. A striking example of what excessive altruism leads to are women who have relationships with tyrants, alcoholics and drug addicts. These women spend their time and vitality trying to please their partner and save him, but in the end they only have a crippled psyche and undermined physical health.

It's obvious that selfishness is a necessary character trait for every person, since it is he who allows people to realize their needs, achieve your goals and find your happiness. But still, each person should behave in such a way that, while satisfying his desires, he does not infringe upon other members of society. And it is precisely this line of behavior that modern psychologists call rational egoism.

What is intelligent selfishness?

According to psychologists, reasonable egoism is a strategy of behavior in which a person makes active efforts to self-development and achieve his goals, without infringing on the interests of others and without entering into conflict with society. And the main differences between rational selfishness and excessive selfishness are the following:

Reasonable egoism is the ideal balance between innate egoism and altruism acquired in the process of socialization. And more and more psychologists are recommending that their clients develop precisely this strategy of behavior, and not deny their own selfishness. According to experts, reasonable egoism is precisely the form of thinking and behavior that allows a person to live in harmony with himself and the world around him, realize his goals and find his place in society.

From an early age we are taught to share toys, help others, and generally give the last shirt to our neighbor. Even if it goes against their own interests.

This is accepted in society, and our behavior must be correct and comply with the norms. Once you say “No” to someone, and we will immediately hear: “You are an egoist!”, “You think only of yourself!”. No wonder! Indeed, in our society they respect such personality traits, as service to others, sacrifice, dedication. They idolize people who have dedicated their lives to orphans or seriously ill people. And those who do not want to rush into the embrasure to their own detriment are accused of selfishness. Who is an egoist? In the minds of the majority, he is a lazy person, a deceiver, a rude person who makes others suffer in the name of his goals. We are taught from childhood that it is very bad to think about our own benefit. Therefore, to everyone who has their own desires and puts them above someone's interests, the shameful stigma "Egoist" sticks. On the other hand, what's wrong with the fact that a person knows how to refuse and does not want to be led by someone? Why should he try for others if his interests are infringed upon?

Origin of the term

If a person cannot put personal goals above collective goals, then who will? Who will live for him? A child who is told that being selfish is bad and that all attempts to do his own thing are suppressed will grow into a weak-willed person. Such people all their lives follow someone's lead. They refuse promising work in another city, because "where they were born, they came in handy there." Get married (get married) because it's time. They give birth to a child, since the children of friends have already gone to first grade. And by the age of fifty they realize that life somehow did not work out. Such people cannot make their loved ones happy, because they themselves are deeply unhappy. But if they once thought about their own interests and showed perseverance, then everything would be different. Therefore, selfish behavior is even beneficial. What is selfishness? The term comes from the Latin word ego - "I". The literal translation is "I am." Means self-love and behavior aimed at meeting one's own needs. Why does society have a negative attitude towards egoists, because they have a clear awareness of themselves. They know what they want and strive to achieve it.

The benefits of selfishness

According to scientists, a moderate manifestation of selfishness makes people happy. In 2012, American psychologists conducted a social experiment on students. They collected 216 students and divided them into three groups. Each participant was given two dollars. The first group was allowed to take money for themselves, the second - to donate to a charitable foundation, and the third was offered options for how to spend it. The students were then asked to find out who felt the best. The happiest ones were those who spent dollars on themselves.

It turns out that selfish actions are really useful for a person, but only in those cases when they are approved by society. At the same time, few people have heard of such a concept as healthy or reasonable egoism. This is the ability of a person to live by personal interests and not contradict the interests of others. Everyone needs to be a healthy egoist, because such a person:

knows how to refuse, does not allow anyone to sit on his neck, for which he is respected. The people around him perceive him as a person who values his time and work.
responds adequately upon hearing "No" from others. He will not make claims or, conversely, accumulate grievances.
always knows what he needs. He realizes his own desires, and not the whims of colleagues, parents, friends.
self-sufficient and does not affect it. The egoist does not expect someone's praise. He does not care about someone else's opinion, and does not offend criticism in his address.
do not face a difficult choice: yourself or others. He clearly understands in which situations he is ready to sacrifice personal interests, and in which, not.
knows how to selflessly help others and quickly forgets about it. He will not cultivate in someone to say at the right time: “I tried so hard for you, but you don’t appreciate” or “I helped you, now it’s your turn.”
loves himself and makes others happy. He perceives his family as a part of himself that deserves all the best. His close people are surrounded by care and attention.

A healthy egoist lives in harmony with himself. Moreover, he wants more than he has. A piece of pie is not enough for an egoist, he needs the whole pie. Such a person is looking for ways to achieve what he wants, constantly doing something, engaged in self-development. It is thanks to healthy egoism that many scientific achievements and discoveries were made.

Extreme selfishness and its opposite

Some people are fixated on their own person and believe that the world revolves around them. They enthusiastically talk about their merits, skills and repeat many times: "I", "Me", "For me". This state is called egocentrism and represents an extreme degree of selfishness. In other words, it is the inability and unwillingness of a person to accept someone else's opinion. His own point of view is always the only correct one for him. The egocentric feels superior to others and does not notice their needs. His behavior lacks empathy and compassion. He is not able to hear and understand another person. If an egoist can do something for someone, then an egocentric is not capable of such an act. This person, on the contrary, believes that others should and are obliged to fulfill his whims, since he is such a "unique" person. The egoist is flexible and can adapt to any situation, in contrast to the egocentric, who under no circumstances will change his mind. It is difficult to get along with a self-centered person. He ignores other people's requests, dictates his own terms and becomes a home tyrant. His family members are in nervous tension all the time and do not know.

Selfishness is considered to be a bad character trait that society actively condemns. But its opposite is altruism, people perceive it as a positive quality of personality. Who is an altruist? This is a person for whom the needs of others are more important than their own. If an egoist sacrifices other people's interests for himself and his family, then an altruist, on the contrary, is ready to help others to his own detriment. He will take up the work of a colleague, postponing his own indefinitely. Skip family gathering to help a friend wallpaper. Lend the last money to the neighbor, putting the family on a hungry ration. Can take things out of the apartment, because someone needs them more. The altruist's motto is “Live for others,” but not for yourself and your loved ones. Sometimes he seeks to help even where he is not asked for it. Such a person tries to please everyone, deliberately infringing on his own interests. Therefore, most altruists are weak-willed and insecure people.

It turns out that being selfish is much better than being self-centered or altruistic. Caring for your own well-being and self love- the natural tendency of a person with adequate self-esteem. If a friend asked to borrow a large sum for a year, and you refused him, then you can be called an egoist. On the other hand, you were making money for yourself. Then why should you share with someone? Why infringe on your interests? Maybe it's better for a friend to take out a loan, find a part-time job and solve his financial difficulties on his own. Here we are talking about healthy egoism, when your needs are more important than others. It's another matter if a person on his son's birthday goes to the dacha to see friends. The parent sacrifices the interests of the child for their own. But this is already unhealthy selfishness.

Try to achieve your goals in a moral and ethical manner, while not compromising the needs of others. Live in the here and now. Realize your desires, even if they seem crazy to you. Do you want to go diving, learn to play the trumpet or speak French? Go ahead, this is your life and it is one. Set a goal and go boldly towards it. And then in old age you will be grateful to yourself for a busy life full of events.

The material was prepared by Daria Lychagina

Selfishness is human behavior, where he seeks to achieve his goals, a comfortable life, completely disregarding the people around him. Sometimes, it appears a little softer when a person puts himself first, but does not hurt the needs of others. Within the normal range, this is a good quality, moreover, it is inherent in us by nature, so that we can survive. On the other hand, selfishness often crosses the permitted line, and as a result, the people around them suffer.

What you need to know about the manifestation of selfishness?

If a person does not put the opinion of others absolutely into anything, and lives only for the comfort of his beloved, this is unambiguous, testifies to his selfish character. It is worth saying here that depending on how he manifests himself, one can understand when selfishness goes beyond the boundaries of what is permitted.

An egoist is inclined to talk only about himself, he does not care what others have. What, perhaps, problems, or, on the contrary, joys, he is not interested. At the time, he is completely self-centered. Such people are characterized by leadership qualities, self-confidence, overestimated self-esteem. They consider themselves to be the center of the universe and think that other people are created to serve them.

Where does selfishness come from?

Basically, the selfish nature lies in the mistakes of the upbringing in childhood.

1. Parents have always told their child that he is the best, beautiful, successful, beloved, and so on. In addition, usually, mom and dad of the future egoist are inclined to self-sacrifice for the sake of their child. Subsequently, the person realizes that for the sake of his interests, the parents abandoned their own. Accordingly, he believes that all other people should do the same.

2. Lack of attention from parents. Here everything goes from the opposite, that is, a small person who did not receive proper attention in childhood, subsequently, begins to prove to everyone that he is worth something. In the end, he also becomes an egoist, unable to love and give.

How to communicate with an egoist?

In this life, having to deal with different people, very real egoists often come across. Depending on what value this person brings in life, you can make out some types of communication with such people.

If the egoist is a casual person and you do not have to communicate with him constantly, it is quite possible not to pay attention to some of his unpleasant qualities. You should look at the situation, and conduct the conversation politely without getting personal.

When, however, a person with a selfish character, a relative, a friend, a colleague, a boss, that is, one with whom you would not want to spoil the relationship, you can feed his pride, expressing agreement with his point of view. Such people love it very much when they agree with them and respect his personality. It should be noted here that for yourself, if possible, it is better not to have long conversations with him.

If an egoist is a loved one, it is worth understanding that attention and care cannot be expected from him. You will have to completely dissolve in it and forget your interests. By the way, friends will also have to be left in the background. After all, an egoist will not tolerate a person next to him with his opinion, and the ability to pay attention to someone else besides him.

Whatever it was, healthy egoism will not interfere with anyone, but the most important thing here is to feel that fine line where it already begins to interfere with others.

What you need to know about the manifestation of selfishness?

Where does selfishness come from?

Basically, the selfish nature lies in the mistakes of the upbringing in childhood.

How to communicate with an egoist?

Whatever it was, healthy egoism will not interfere with anyone, but the most important thing here is to feel that fine line where it already begins to interfere with others.

In psychology, as in life, there are very few things about which one can speak with one hundred percent certainty. Social norms and upbringing dictate their own conditions; from childhood we get used to the fact that we must take care of those around us and our relatives, help the weak, resist dictators and tyrants. We are constantly told that the highest achievement of man is a feat accomplished for the good of the whole world. Many children's books tell about heroes who were not afraid to give their lives to save other people. Social norms say that we should feel guilty for any manifestation of selfishness, whether it is neurotic or healthy. But how often do we think about who an egoist is and when a person becomes an egoist?

Who is an egoist?

The word "egoism" comes from the Latin word "ego", which means "I". Most often, this concept is interpreted as behavior that is determined only by the thought of one's own benefit and the desire to use others, regardless of their preferences, interests or desires.

Selfishness is usually divided into rational and irrational. In the first option, the person assesses the possible consequences of his actions and decisions and takes this into account when making a decision. In the second case, the actions of a selfish, short-sighted and impulsive person are governed exclusively by his own desires, goals and interests.

Are there types of selfishness?

Psychologists say that there are two types of selfishness - passive and active.

An active egoist, often well versed in the world, knows perfectly well how to please people, and can have lengthy small talk. However, talking to him, you will understand in 10 minutes that all the words of this person are aimed only at achieving his goal. To do this, he is ready to make almost any sacrifice, for example, to show hypocrisy, bribe and even sacrifice his own reputation.

The passive egoist chooses a completely different line of behavior. Such people do nothing for others. It is easier for them to achieve their goals by acting arrogantly and rudely, "going over their heads." Often, people around them quickly realize the true nature of such a person, as a result of which they begin to avoid him. Therefore, a passive egoist in most cases simply becomes lonely, without friends and relatives on whom you can rely in any situation.

Healthy, or reasonable egoism - is it possible?

Certainly. Rational egoism is nothing more than the call of our soul. The main problem is that we often drown out this voice. And then narcissism comes in its place, which tries to pass itself off as healthy egoism, and it is already very difficult to get rid of it. That is, pathology appears when we suppress our natural need to take care of ourselves for a long time.

What is the difference between selfishness and self-love?

Selfishness is more of a sensation or feeling than a physiological state. It depends entirely on how we perceive ourselves, on the benefits that we bring to society, as well as on our desire to help ourselves or those around us.

We can say that selfish people are excruciatingly proud. This is due to the fact that they are constantly trying to assert themselves and do not tolerate if someone tries to challenge their superiority.

Self-love manifests itself in a different way. In this case, we do not go over our heads, but we remember our interests and do not allow us to wipe our feet about ourselves. That is, it is a rational and healthy approach to communication, when people try to respect each other, defending their interests.

How to understand how selfish we ourselves are?

People often do not notice selfishness in themselves, because they do not listen to what others are saying to them. Why is that if they already feel great?

Selfish people are people who rarely notice that they bring other people a lot of problems. But then how can they know that they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and watch. Then the egoist will notice that he has been asked for some kind of service or favor for several months. And if a large number of people have accumulated around you who are dissatisfied with your behavior, this is a reason to think.

You are selfish. Is it good or bad?

Selfishness is a product of the natural instinct for self-preservation.

If you look at the situation from the point of view of rationalism, you will understand: it is normal to love yourself, it is necessary for the preservation of human life.

Also, egoists are those who value someone else's life less than their own. Only the insane or the dead can be called completely disinterested. Indeed, for each of us, the value of our own existence is very great, and this is completely normal.

That is, in some cases, you may not feel guilty for trying to achieve your goal. Of course, you always need to know when to stop. Be self-sufficient and let your self-worth be independent of what other people think of you. The main thing is not to go too far.

What if you need to communicate with an egoist?

Naturally, it is usually very difficult to communicate with egoists, because they are immersed in themselves and do not pay attention to others. Narcissists need listeners, not speakers. In addition, it is desirable that the listener be captivated and fully support the selfish person in his plans and aspirations.

You have two ways to build a relationship with such a person. The first is to immediately criticize his views, reminding him of past failures and shortcomings. With this state of affairs, you will have a chance to get rid of communication with an egoist for a long time, if not forever.

However, if you do not want to ruin the relationship, then you should choose the second strategy, which is to start praising the person and flattering him. Convince the interlocutor that he is the one and only and unique, and interrupt the conversation only under the pretext of urgent matters. Then the selfish person will treat you as an intelligent and pleasant companion.

What if you fell in love with an egoist?

If you can, then run away from him as soon as possible. What for? Because otherwise you will only get a lot of pain from this relationship. You will have to completely dissolve in your partner and lose yourself as a person. An egoist is a being who will not tolerate a number of those who have their own opinions, views, ideals, principles and interests, or those who are critical of a partner.

If you firmly believe that your choice is truly exceptional, then one day you will realize that you are not living your life. Your entire existence revolves around your partner's desires and interests.

Egoists are people incapable of true self-sacrifice and love. They all consider themselves extremely intelligent and talented. Therefore, they are always right, and everyone around is narrow-minded fools who are worthless and know nothing. An egoist will blame others for all the hardships and attribute selfish impulses to them, and not to himself.

The selfish nature simply will not allow such people to build close relationships that are based on openness and love on both sides. That is why egoists are deprived of the opportunity to find family happiness. Often they themselves suffer from this and cannot understand what is the reason for their failure in love.

Is it possible to rehabilitate an egoist?

It is possible, but only in rare cases. If a person has become an egoist, having experienced a strong shock or grief, then there is a hope that he will understand: he is also surrounded by living people who have their own feelings, desires, problems and dreams. But it is almost impossible to change an adult if he does not want it himself and is not ready to make efforts and spend time on it. So if your partner, whom you truly love, is afraid of losing you and is willing to change for you, then progress will be made. You just need to be patient.