Find mutual language with a child and making sure that his thoughts are here and now is not as easy as it seems at first glance. How to establish contact with a child for easy, comfortable communication?
Components of speech development
Communication consists of three components, each of which is a separate level with its own characteristics and problems that can arise.
First- this is contact during which the child’s interest in communication is manifested, his desire to conduct a conversation, support and guide him in the right direction.
Second- this is the understanding of speech, since he needs to react to what is said and, in accordance with this, build further actions, remarks and judgments.
Third- active speech that allows you to carry on a conversation. When improving a child’s speech, it is necessary to work on all components, but you should start with contact.
The issue of developing active speech is described in more detail in the article
For full communication, it is not enough to understand speech and be able to use active speech. These two skills lose all their advantages if the child is not interested, bored, or cannot maintain communication for a number of reasons.
He does not want to spend time with adults and communicate with them, or he is silent all the time, preferring to be a listener. Working on speech understanding will not solve this problem, so you need to deal with the contact.
How is contact built?
Contact is a necessity for any type of communication; it is the most important component of communication. There are three basic components on the basis of which contact is built.
- Feel
Here we are talking about sensations that are transmitted through sensory systems - tactile, visual, auditory, vestibular, proprioceptive, etc. A lot influences how a person feels and how exactly the connection with the environment occurs.
This is especially important for children, who usually trust their own feelings more than what they hear from adults. Communication can be built on the basis of sensations, shared and analyzed.
- Emotions
Every day a person encounters certain emotions - joy, surprise, happiness, sadness, sadness, delight, anger, shame, relief. Throughout the day, emotions change each other, depending on what situations you have to face.
In a child's younger years preschool age There is not yet such a large list of emotions that he experiences every day, but it affects his mood.
When a child is sad, he does not want to engage with both parents and teachers. Therefore, before starting the lesson, you should cheer up the baby and understand his problems.
- Ideas
They guide many children's actions. Gradually, thoughts appear in your head, they are formed into specific images, which later turn into actions. Ideas are closely related to the child's desires and interests. Based on this, he decides what to do (for example, watch a cartoon or play Lego).
When considering sensations, emotions and ideas, it is necessary to analyze these components in interaction, since they constantly influence each other. When a child decides to play his favorite game (he gets an idea). At the same time, he experiences certain emotions (usually positive, when everything works out for him) and sensations (he sees what is happening, feels, hears).
In every game there are those components of contact that predominate. For example, in the nursery rhyme “the horned goat is coming,” sensations (tactile and proprioceptive) and emotions predominate (since the child feels joy from the game process), but the idea itself is lost and is present only indirectly (it is used by an adult to support the thread of the game).
Three steps for comfortable communication
There can be many reasons why a child is distracted. These are difficulties of self-regulation, peculiarities of the sensory systems, poor health, mood, puzzled thoughts, reluctance to study at the moment. All this makes it difficult for parents, teachers and speech therapists to communicate with the child.
Today I would like to propose a simple algorithm that consists of three steps. This will allow you to establish contact with the baby and achieve mutual understanding.
Step one: “Evaluate”
Assessment of the situation and its analysis are the foundation for further contact with the child. This step includes the following points:
- You should understand the child’s preferences, interests and hobbies. From this it will be possible.
- What makes a child upset and what situations make him feel awkward. Such details manifest themselves already in the first minutes of communication.
- What place and what time are optimal for classes based on the child’s workload and his daily routine.
Step two: “Follow”
Children appreciate when adults trust them and join their environment. To establish contact, you can use the following recommendations:
- To begin with, it is enough to be close to the child, without insisting on your own. This approach will allow you to get closer and find common interests and topics for conversation.
- Common interests should be given sufficient attention. The more points of contact that are identified, the better.
- Small steps are better than sudden actions. They will strengthen relationships through a solid foundation.
Third step: “Develop”
Any contact that is achieved with the child needs to be developed. The desire to strive for the best should be in all areas of life, including in communication with children.
It's worth remembering that:
- Contact is the basis of the relationship with the child; it is the “cement” that subsequently holds the relationship together. Communication allows children to learn the world(both independently and with the help of adults).
- Every step forward should be encouraged.
- The overall goal is to expand skills and can be achieved either directly or through auxiliary tasks.
A few simple conditions to strengthen contact
- It is necessary to listen to his desires - what type of activity he likes best, what format of classes is more attractive.
- The topic of conversation should be interesting for the child - for starters, you can discuss your favorite fairy tales and cartoons. Also, the baby can share his desires and fantasies. The subject of the conversation does not have to be real; it can be fictitious. The main thing is that it attracts the child.
- You should not “pressure” if the baby is not in the mood for a conversation at the moment. It is necessary to choose a time when he will be in a good mood. And then it will be possible to establish contact much faster.
- Regular classes with a variety of exercises. Offer your child something interesting and do it every day. Only what is done on a regular basis will bring the desired results.
When contact is found, it will be possible to move on to developing understanding of speech and active speech. Contact is a good foundation for communication. Without it, other components depreciate and lose their practical significance.
It is necessary to structure activities with the child so that the development and strengthening of interest comes first. And only after that all other skills and abilities are connected.
Contact with the child is established gradually, through studying his desires, habits and personal qualities. Tactfulness and unhurriedness will make communication educational and interesting for the child.
You will learn how to independently work professionally with your child. With the support of school specialists, you will develop individual program, receive support for the entire duration of your studies. Choose the format of communication that is convenient for you – via Skype or through any of the instant messengers. All video recordings of consultations will remain with you forever. Join the online school
It happens that it is not possible to establish contact with people. People communicate, look at each other, but absolutely do not understand each other. And they don’t try to change anything in their behavior in order to establish contact and achieve mutual understanding.
Many of us have this trait: when we notice that our actions do not give the desired result, we still stubbornly continue to repeat them. However, such repetitions do not contribute in any way to the development of our personality. Just the opposite. By changing our actions in cases where they are not effective or efficient to others, we grow and develop. The same can be said about communicating with people.
Every person we encounter or try to establish relationships with, thinks in accordance with his own representative system. Representative systems there are only three:
- visual- based on visual images;
- auditory- based on mental internal conversation;
- kinesthetic- through your own feelings.
To determine a person's representational system, you need to listen to what he says. Special attention should be given to verbs, adverbs and adjectives that denote processes and describe personal experience interlocutor. For visual Descriptions of visual experience are typical (“I see positive changes...”, “I’ll show you now...”, “Look what’s happening...”). Audial will talk about his sound perception and auditory experience (“I don’t want to hear anything...”, “Listen, let’s do it...”). Kinesthetic will describe own emotions and sensations (“I hate to talk about this...”, “Let me touch...”).
Business coach Andrei Khvostov explains in a short lecture how to speak the same language with representatives of these representative systems:
Thus, if you need to establish contact with another person, it is best to mentally isolate those expressions that characterize his representative system, and yourself use words and expressions similar to his representative system in the dialogue. If, on the contrary, you need to stop communicating, you can use words and expressions that do not correspond to the representative system of the interlocutor.
If people have general ideas about life, common experiences and cultural values, it will be easier for them to find a common language. In order to establish contact with people, it is necessary to select words that would correspond to the model of perception of the world of the person with whom you are talking. In fact, it is difficult to understand a person, since each of us has a strictly individual life experience. However, if we pretend that we understand what the interlocutor wants to tell us, we will be able to establish contact and achieve success in communicating with him.
At the same time, if we are ready, we will definitely receive from him the information we are looking for. And not always through words. After all, the verbal information we received from a person is not always enough for us. Everything that a person wants to tell us is primarily noticeable at the non-verbal level, and this information is sometimes more sufficient than verbal.
If we show a little attention to the interlocutor, we will begin to notice his reaction before he begins to speak. And it is this reaction that will characterize his true emotions and feelings. This reaction is very difficult to control and a person sometimes does not even realize that he is giving himself away through gestures and facial expressions.Have you heard this expression from your friends: “I see right through people!” ? This is possible if a person has learned to accurately read nonverbal signals from other people and understand this complex and mysterious nonverbal language.
The simplest and most important thing to start learning to perceive non-verbal signals is by observing the eye movements of your interlocutor. Already by eye movements, one can determine its representative system and establish contact.
How to do it? Ask your interlocutor a question that requires him to remember something to answer, and watch the direction his eyes move. If a person looks up, it means he visualizes the internal picture and creates images. Depending on the images, his gaze may be directed upward to the left or upward to the right. If a person remembers, that is, seeks information in his past experience (eidetic images), his gaze is directed upward to the left. If a person has not had the necessary information in the past and needs to create a new image (or deceive you), his gaze will be directed upward to the right. If his gaze is unfocused, then the interlocutor is conducting an internal assessment of the situation. However, in order not to make a mistake, you need to know that there are people who direct their gaze in the opposite direction, and these are not necessarily left-handed, but there are not many of them.
What else do you need to know when you connect with a person using a representational system?
When determining a person's representative system, do not ask questions whose content already contains hints about your or another system. For example, when asking, you should not use the words “what do you feel”, “what do you think”, “understand”, “remember”, “see” and others similar. The answer to such questions may mislead you and you will not be able to determine the representative system of the interlocutor, and, as a result, you will not be able to establish trusting contact with him.
We have already found out that without communication, a person’s life will not only lose meaning, but it will certainly not be the same as before.
However, communication in which there is no sense of freedom and goodwill will also not bring anything good.
In order for your conversation to go on a positive note, you need to establish contact with the interlocutor, and it doesn’t matter if you have no idea how to do this - we can help you.
Study everyone you come into contact with.
Bruce Lee
So, what factors will help establish contact?
First you need to remove existing psychological barriers.From the very beginning of a conversation, we expect some action from the interlocutor, we prepare for the fact that they will try to influence us. Because of this, caution is increased, and all statements are carefully controlled.
To level these barriers, it is worth periodically agree with the interlocutor, showing that you respect his point of view, thus removing contradictions. As a rule, a person, seeing that you agree with his position, will begin to agree with yours in return.
In addition, to start a conversation, you need to choose some neutral topic that will allow you to gradually move on to what worries you.
Now you can start looking for similar interests and common ground with your interlocutor.
This will be the beginning of the rapprochement stage between you.
From such a conversation we can conclude that if your opinions on neutral topics coincide, then perhaps they are similar on the issue that worries you.
A positive outcome of such a conversation will help to achieve the same positive tone in a conversation related to any problem. You should show that you are interested in the opinion of your interlocutor and express your comments on this issue.
After all this, you can already imagine what principles of communication the person speaking to you adheres to.
It would be wise to agree with these principles, this will contribute to the establishment of more trusting relationships. However, this does not mean that you cannot hint to your interlocutor about what principles of communication are acceptable to you.
The next stage may well be an attempt to create a trusting relationship.
To do this, you will have to at least slightly adapt to the behavior of your interlocutor, showing him that you are ready to understand and accept his opinion.
What else is required?
In addition, it is worth noting that the success of establishing contact can be influenced by big influence character – both yours and the one with whom you communicate. In order for everything to be successful, you must demonstrate goodwill, openness, sincerity, politeness, and initiative.
However, character traits alone are not enough. It is also necessary get rid of negative psychological attitudes in relation to the upcoming conversation. A pre-formed negative belief will prevent you from communicating with the person. - Try not to judge the position of your interlocutor - he has the right to it. It’s better to show that you respect his opinion, although you have your own.
- Try to determine what type of character your counterpart is. For example, if he is phlegmatic, and you are, then he may be irritated by your violent gestures and fast pace of speech.
Call your interlocutor by name as often as possible– this will also help establish trust between you. In addition, you can periodically give compliments, just don’t start flattering!
What is the result?
It is not possible to do good to everyone, but you can show goodwill towards everyone.
Jean Marie Guyot
Any communication can be made positive and you can get the result you need, all you need to do is be attentive and friendly in relation to your interlocutor.
The complex process of establishing and developing relationships between people.
Throughout our lives, we communicate with different categories of individuals: by age, by position in society, by professional skills. Thanks to communication, we exchange information, gain useful experience, learn to listen and be understandable to others.
It turns out that the ability to communicate with people is a big science. Depending on who we encounter, we must learn communication skills in different situations. For example, negotiations during a business meeting will be very different from a conversation with family and friends - content, emotional coloring, time.
The ability to communicate with people is very important in modern society. In any team there are individuals of different character and beliefs, and it is important that communication has a positive connotation and brings joy and pleasure. From birth and throughout our lives, our exchange of information with others continues. Words always help to present information and interpret thoughts. But the main thing is that our speech is attractive to the interlocutor and is understandable.
Introverts are silent and it is quite difficult to communicate with them. They are quiet and quite reserved; they hide their victories and experiences deep inside. Maintaining a conversation with introverts is quite difficult, but it is quite possible to learn.
Sometimes we have to communicate with people with whom we find it unpleasant to talk to. How to communicate with unpleasant people, with those who cause negative emotions and even annoying? It may be enough to simply avoid common topics with such people. However, the topic is often related to professional activity. Therefore the most main advice- this is to try to speak calmly and restrainedly, without showing emotions. Always try to find in such communication, and in the interlocutors themselves, positive sides. Your tactics will definitely lead to a good result.
If you need to discuss business matters and this is unavoidable, your tone should be formal and correct. The topic of negotiations should concern professional issues. Addressing your colleague on a first-name basis, clear questions and answers, and the work atmosphere will help you. The main thing to remember is that the person you dislike is just a co-worker who has his own point of view and is not obliged to like you.
There is also a conversation with an unpleasant relative. Such communication is often unavoidable. Try to ignore the conversation if possible, or even better, turn the unpleasant topic into a joke. Calmness and balance with an unpleasant relative will be your trump cards.
How to stop communicating with a person
Often we need positive and even negative experiences, because this is how we learn. But sometimes there is a need to stop communicating with a person. Before you decide to do this, think about whether it is worth it. Perhaps you should take a short time out and you will understand yourself and the reasons for such an action. You shouldn’t immediately stop communicating and then regret it.
The ability to communicate with people comes with experience. It's never too late to learn to understand a person and respect his thoughts and feelings. Become more open and sociable.
The famous American investor and author of books about financial well-being Robert Kiyosaki once said: “Rich people build a network of connections, everyone else is looking for work.” This phrase, in my opinion, fully reflects the beauty of having large quantity friends. In the Soviet Union this was called “blat”, now the fashionable word is “networking”. Both then and now people understand the importance of such skills as the ability to make and maintain useful contacts, but for some reason no one purposefully learns this. Although you can learn. Just like riding a bike or speaking in public. Today I will try to give a few useful tips on this important and interesting topic.
1. Learn to meet new people.
One of the main skills that allows us not to lose the many opportunities that life offers us is, of course, the ability to meet people! There are some simple tips on how to make this difficult stage easier. First, rehearse at home in front of the mirror how you will introduce yourself to a new acquaintance. Prepare a short (no more than 30 seconds) self-presentation: what is your name and what do you do. If you're attending a specific event, such as a work conference, be sure to include your reason for attending in your speech. The point of preparing and rehearsing a self-presentation is that you will look stupid at home in front of the mirror, and not in front of a person in a real situation. You can start your acquaintance with several things: with a comment about the environment, with a question (which, by the way, can also be thought up in advance), with an offer or request for help (pass that tartlet). Second, put aside your fear and approach those you want to meet with confidence. To make it easier, try to visualize (imagine in detail) how your successful acquaintance occurs, and it will be much easier and more confident for you to take this first step.
2. Know how to carry on a conversation.
It is very important to interest the interlocutor, especially at the first stage. This determines whether there is potential for your relationship to continue. Be open and friendly. Smile! In this way, you not only set up the other person for contact, but also lift your own mood (try smiling in a bad presence of mind for a couple of minutes - you will see how your mood improves). For non-verbal communication ( appearance, gestures, voice, posture, etc.) generally account for 85% of the information that another person receives about you. So pay attention not only to WHAT you say, but also to HOW you say it.
What should we talk about at the first stage of the conversation? Ask more. Your task is to find out a topic that would be interesting to the interlocutor. Try to talk about more neutral topics first (you can talk about sex, religion and politics a little later). There is one psychological trick that should be used when the conversation is between people whose relationship has not yet formed. Try to agree with what the other person is saying. Even if you have a different opinion, you can express it, but first listen and agree with him (or that his opinion is worthy of existing). And no “yes, but...”!
3. Monitor your reputation.
Reputation is like this interesting thing, which is gained gradually, but is lost very quickly. So, to prevent her from rolling under the sofa, you need to constantly monitor her. IN general view reputation is something that is constantly expected of you under certain circumstances. Let's say your friends know that if they come to you with a problem, you will definitely listen and help the person psychologically. Or colleagues always turn to you for insurance-related questions, knowing that you are an expert in this matter. So why don't you pick an area that you're already good at and start working on it? Be a narrow specialist, but the best. This is how word of mouth is born and recommendations appear.
Don't forget that you have a certain image, also in in social networks. Especially for people who don't know you that well real world. Therefore, before “posting” a photo or any other information, think about whether it matches the image you would like to have on social networks. Now even many banks, when considering an application for a microloan, ask you to log in via Facebook or Vkontakte. With a minimum of other information about you (except your passport and mobile number), your posts on social networks can say a lot about you.
4. Maintain relationships.
5. Expand your social circle.
Don't forget that there is a whole world of people, things and events around you. Therefore, you should not isolate yourself within your usual social circle - school friends or favorite colleagues. Try to start proactively looking for new people and spend more time on those who bring you closer to your goals. Renowned author Charlie Jones, author of Life is Beautiful, said, “The only difference between who you are now and who you will be in a year is the books you read and the people you meet.”
Professionally with so many people for real interesting people you can meet at thematic conferences. Search the Internet, as a rule, in large cities there are a dozen such events held throughout the year on almost any existing topic. Another good way to start growing both personally and professionally is to find yourself a mentor, or mentor. You'll be surprised how many successful people are willing to share their experiences and knowledge. The fact is that a person’s natural need is not only to receive, but also to give. Choose from among your friends a person whom you respect and appreciate. Tell him about it and ask him to spend some of his time with you on a regular basis. For example, this could be lunch once every 3-4 weeks. And start learning from him, absorb his knowledge and experience.
In general, how and with whom you build relationships depends entirely on you (as, in principle, everything else). Follow our advice constantly, and after a while you will see how easy it all works.
Read more tips on networking on the website pronetworking.ru