Having high self-esteem is, of course, good, but achieving it is not so easy. Part of the problem is that this indicator is unstable: one day it can skyrocket, and the next it can drop to nowhere. The situation is even more complicated when we try to evaluate ourselves in specific areas of life (family, sports, work). For example, if dinner is not tasty enough, a chef will be much more upset than a person for whom cooking is not an important aspect of his identity.
It is important to know when to stop: high self-esteem can make a person very vulnerable. He'll feel great most time, but any criticism will cause a sharp reaction. And this slows down a lot psychological development person.
If you are still very far from such problems and would like to increase your own self-esteem, then follow our advice.
1. Use affirmations correctly
Self-hypnosis formulas are very popular, but they have a significant drawback. They often make people with low self-esteem feel even worse. Why? When self-esteem is low, statements like “I will be a huge success!” strongly contradict a person’s inner beliefs.
Oddly enough, affirmations most often work for people who already have good self-esteem.
But how can you make them work for you if your self-esteem leaves much to be desired? Pronounce more believable formulas. For example, instead of “I will achieve great success!” Tell yourself, “I will try my best until I achieve what I want.”
2. Identify your areas of expertise and develop them
Self-esteem is based on actual achievements in those areas of life that are important to you. If you feel proud of yourself when you cook a delicious dinner, invite guests over often and treat them to something delicious. If you are a good runner, apply for and train for a competition. Determine what areas you are competent in and look for opportunities to highlight them.
3. Learn to accept compliments
People with low self-esteem desperately need compliments, but at the same time do not know how to respond to them correctly.
Accept compliments even if they make you feel awkward.
The best way to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of denying all the good things people say about you is to prepare a simple set of responses and practice saying them automatically every time you receive a compliment. For example, say “Thank you!” or “That’s so nice of you.” Over time, the desire to deny compliments will disappear, and this is a clear indicator that your self-esteem is rising.
4. Stop criticizing yourself, be gentler
If you constantly criticize yourself, your self-esteem becomes even lower. To bring back the feeling self-esteem, it is necessary to replace criticism with self-compassion.
Every time you are unhappy with yourself, ask yourself what you would say to your best friend in that situation. As a rule, we feel more compassion for our friends than for ourselves. But if you learn to encourage yourself in difficult circumstances, you can avoid lowering your self-esteem due to a critical attitude.
5. Convince yourself of your worth.
The following exercise will help you restore your self-esteem after it has been severely damaged.
Make a list of your qualities that are important in the context of the situation. For example, if you are refused a date, make a list of qualities that will help you create a good relationship in the long term (tolerance, caring, emotionality). If you were unable to get a promotion at work, indicate the traits that make you a valuable employee (responsibility, hard work, creativity). Then select one of the items on the list and briefly explain why you are proud of this quality and why it will be appreciated by others in the future.
Try this exercise once a week or whenever you need a boost to your self-esteem.
Ecology of life. Psychology: It is a fact that low self-esteem is harmful to a person as it leads to various unpleasant consequences, and in this publication we will look at effective ways to increase self-esteem
It is a fact that low self-esteem is harmful to a person as it leads to various unpleasant consequences, and in this post we will look at effective ways to increase self-esteem. The article will be of interest to a wide range of readers, as it contains wise advice that will benefit every person. The methods listed below will also help you gain self-confidence and make your life more positive and harmonious.
© Victoria Ivanova
Why is self-esteem low?
Because we live in a selfish society, where everyone, striving to be better than the other (or at least to look like that - in the eyes of other people or in their own), tends to “put down” others.
A person lowers the self-esteem of another only because he himself has low self-esteem - and he tries to compensate for this by suppressing others, using all kinds of available methods, direct or indirect. People with normal self-esteem will not make others “lower” or “worse”; they understand that we are all different and each is unique in our own way, and each has its own place and role in life. The idea of “I am better than another” is a sign of an inflated ego and ignorance, nothing more.
How to properly evaluate yourself?
Before we look at how to increase self-esteem, a few words should be said about proper self-esteem in general. To evaluate yourself correctly, you need to put aside your emotions and look at the situation sensibly, using your reason. And it happens that a person, having read “smart” articles about increasing self-esteem using various methods of self-hypnosis, begins to imagine himself almost as God, which, naturally, from the outside looks funny at best, and at worst creates even more pressure for the person. problems.
Evaluate yourself wisely. Do not think that you can deceive life with self-hypnosis: the trick may work, but in the end everything will be balanced - everyone will get what they deserve. Losers are those people who past life They tore themselves a fat piece of the pie, but they tore it from their own future, so now that the future has become the present, they are left with nothing. People say it right: for every clever nut there is a clever bolt.
Therefore, the best way to increase self-esteem, a reliable and reliable means, is to work on oneself: by improving one’s character qualities, improving in one activity or another and doing good deeds, a person really evaluates himself higher than when he says and does all sorts of stupid things, and therefore gets more, according to merit. The conclusion is simple: you need to be a good man and do more good, then problems with self-esteem will not arise. The idea that life can be deceived is completely delusional, and it is better to abandon it immediately.
The methods listed below are nuggets of wisdom collected on the Internet.
How to increase self-esteem: 20 ways
1. Refuse any destructive criticism and self-criticism. Destructive criticism is a negative assessment of a person, actions or events, which implies an attempt to impose one’s point of view on the world. Imposition is violence, and life does not like violence, so do not waste your energy on something that will turn against you. If you cannot live without criticism, change it from destructive to constructive, helping to improve the situation.
2. Refuse negative thoughts, stop terrorizing yourself with destructive attitudes. Thoughts create our future - what we constantly think about is what we attract. We think about the bad - we attract the bad, we think about the good - we attract the good. Feed yourself on positivity and spread it around - this is effective method increase self-esteem.
3. Stop blaming yourself and making excuses. If you did something wrong and you are blamed for it, just admit it as a fact. Why unnecessary emotions and excuses? Yes, I’m guilty, yes, I’ll correct myself. Don’t drive yourself into a feeling of guilt and don’t look for excuses - it’s all in the past. Be in the present and think creatively and positively about the future - this is the most optimal way of thinking for a person.
4. Communicate more with positively minded and confident people who do not try to put pressure on you or make you “lower.” Choose or rearrange your social circle, as your self-esteem and self-confidence directly depend on it. They say, “Whoever you mess with, that’s how you’ll gain.”
5. Engage in activities you love that bring real joy or satisfaction. If this is not about your work, then you need to find a hobby that will give you the feeling that life is not being lived in vain. By doing something you truly enjoy doing, you gain self-confidence and perhaps even meaning in life, which greatly improves your self-esteem. You can take a free purpose test to understand what activities will bring you success and true happiness, and start doing them. When a person knows his purpose and does what he loves, he lives happily, using his abilities and talents, and he simply does not have problems with self-esteem.
6. Be patient with yourself. By changing ourselves and introducing a new positive model of behavior into our lives, we want immediate reward for our actions, but we should take into account that in the material world the effect is separated from the cause by some amount of time, and reward does not always come immediately.
7. Plan your future. Set realistic (quite achievable) goals for yourself, write down real steps to achieve them and regularly implement them - this is an effective way to achieve success and gain self-confidence. Don’t put it off until tomorrow and don’t let your mind think about more than is really necessary, since the mind tends to think a lot of unnecessary things, doubt and find excuses, “why not do this.” If the mind (and in women, intuition) says “it is necessary” and “it is better this way,” then it is necessary, and exactly that way.
8. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and others. If we have regrets, it means we agree that the person cannot cope with the problem, that life is unfair, and that next time I might be the victim. If you can help a person, help, but do not tune in to the negative wave of sympathy and pity, because you will make things worse for yourself and others. Trying to get pity and sympathy (instead of real help) is a manifestation of a subconscious desire “for others to be no better off than me.”
9. Accept gifts of fate with gratitude. Very often people think that blind fate sends blessings to people like me - unworthy. Fate never makes mistakes - there is simply a delay in time, and we cannot always track why this or that benefit came to us. When accepting the gifts of fate, continue to do good deeds, share positive things with others, and according to the law of karma, more and more good will be returned to you. This way of interacting with the world is the most reasonable.
10. Don’t be arrogant: “one man in the field is not a warrior.” Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom. The weak are embarrassed and lose, and the strong, when they feel that they need support, ask for support, because they themselves never refuse help if it is within their power and does not contradict common sense. We can solve the problems that life puts before us, but no one says that we need to do it alone. On the contrary, interaction with the world around us is the key to success. Find your support - and you will become many times stronger, gain self-confidence and learn to trust the world around you.
11. Love your shortcomings and troubles. Any difficulties and problems make us stronger if we overcome them rather than resist them. Resistance to a situation only strengthens it, because we do not try to accept it, but push it away. Consequently, there is no solution, and the situation can be corrected only by accepting it. Coping with problems and situations that arise will greatly improve your self-esteem.
12. Take care of your body, because these are not clothes that you can change at will at any time. Keep your body clean, treat and prevent diseases. A sick person is always weaker than a healthy one. Why create unnecessary difficulties for yourself? Eliminate the causes of diseases as soon as you discover them, without delaying until later.
13. Bring everything to completion, since unfinished tasks reduce self-esteem and self-confidence and remind us of defeat and weakness. Never quit something halfway - then you will have nothing to reproach yourself with. This is a great way to gradually increase your self-confidence.
14. Don't get hung up on possessions. Any thing that belongs to you can suddenly disappear or break. And the more expensive she was, the harder her loss, and the more this loss will weaken you. Also, the people whom we try to appropriate for ourselves can leave us at any moment, but the dependence remains. Ultimately, everything belongs to God, and is in our use only temporarily, do not forget about this. So be grateful for what you have, but don't get attached to these temporary things.
15. Stop showing your importance and pretending that you are better than others. If you don't live up to the image you present, others will put you in your place and you will look funny. In addition, with such behavior you will attract someone who wants to compare with you what they usually measure against, and you can lose shamefully, which will in no way contribute to increasing self-esteem.
16. Overcome your fears. Fears are the biggest destroyer of your self-confidence. Try more often to do things that you were afraid to do, but do without nonsense, unnecessary heroism and unjustified risks. It may turn out that overcoming your fears is the best way to achieve success.
17. Help people, benefit society and set others up for a positive wave. This will give you self-confidence; and when you realize that you are benefiting people, you will no longer consider yourself a failure.
18. Act decisively and purposefully, without looking back or worrying about past failures. Concentrate on the goal and boldly go towards it; and when you achieve it, there will no longer be a need to raise your self-esteem.
19. Study wisdom, trying to penetrate the most important secrets of life(“Who am I?”, “What am I doing here?”, “How does this all work?”) and get answers to these questions. With self-knowledge and spiritual growth, complexes, self-doubt and other problems of material existence disappear.
20. Love yourself now and always. You are a unique person, with a unique set of qualities and abilities, you are an integral part of life, you have a unique role and place in life. God created you this way; if he wanted you differently, he would have made you different. The Creator accepts you exactly as you are at every moment of time, so there is no point in not accepting and loving yourself. Understanding this greatly improves self-esteem, doesn't it? Therefore, never expect that bright moment to come when you deserve your own love, otherwise this moment will simply never come.
In this article, I will introduce you to 8 important skills that will help you become a confident woman and increase your self-esteem.
How to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem - 8 skills:
So, I present to you eight skills that need to be accomplished. Then gradually make them a part of your life, and then you will inevitably become confident.
Skill #1: 100 and one confidence
There are no people in the world who are completely confident in themselves or, conversely, who are completely insecure. We all feel confident in some contexts and insecure in others. Believe me, you also have moments in which you feel absolute confidence in yourself and are not worried at all. For example, while you are brushing your teeth. Or while chatting with a close friend. Or maybe when you read your favorite book.
Remember such situations in your life. Take a piece of paper and a pen. The first thing you need to do to become more confident is to remember a hundred things that you do with confidence. Situations in which you feel light and free. They can be serious or not very serious, small or global. The main thing is that during them you feel calm and calm. Write a list of a hundred of these things, and then start adding one more item to this list every (every!) day. From now on, you need to feel confident about something every day.
Specifically look for situations in which you will feel confident in order to add to the list. You can start with small things, and over time move on to more serious matters. Ideally, write down something in your daily plan every day that you can do confidently. Do this task every day and, I guarantee you, in three to four months you won’t recognize yourself. Your self-esteem will take a big leap.
Habit #2: Build Confidence
Now let's work on situations in which you feel insecure. This could be meeting a new person or a business meeting. Or, for example, a parachute jump. University exam. Job interview. In short, any event that makes you nervous or worried.
To learn how to stop worrying in any such situation, remember how you felt when you did something with absolute confidence. From the first task, from a list of a hundred things, select several such actions during which you are completely, one hundred percent confident in yourself. Actions in which you are unshakable and absolutely calm.
For example, you chose reading your favorite book as a confident action (choose yours). Remember how you felt while performing this action. Ask yourself these questions: Where in your body is your self-confidence located when you read your favorite book? What does your confidence look like, what does it look like? What color, size, consistency is it? Is it static or in motion? Remember and turn on this state within yourself, as if you were reading your favorite book right now.
Remember how you feel. This is a feeling of absolute confidence in your body. And now every time you worry or worry, remember this feeling and turn it on within yourself. This exercise may not be successful the first few times if you have not developed the ability to listen to yourself and your body. Try again and again, persistently and patiently, and soon you will learn to turn on a state of one hundred percent confidence as if by clicking.
Skill #3: Turn off the critic and call yourself something else.
If you have embarked on the path of increasing self-esteem, stop criticizing yourself. Urgently! From now on and forever. Every time your inner critic says your favorite, habitual word “stupid” or “stupid,” thank him for his desire to make you better and say goodbye to him. Then replace the critical word with the word that characterizes your better version. Call yourself only what you want to see yourself as. For example, the word "dumb" can be replaced with "smart" or "smart girl." The word "fat" to "almost slim". And everything like that.
Our subconscious always implements what we say and think. Every time you call yourself a bad word, you are programming your brain to live up to that word. He tries to bring you closer to what you think about yourself. Therefore, think about yourself only in those words that characterize the you you dream of being!
At first, such words will drive you into a stupor, cause doubts or even thoughts: “What are you talking about, how smart you are!” These thoughts are the result of your brain not believing that it can change. After all, he is so used to hearing about himself “stupid” or “scary” that the opposite words seem to him something out of the ordinary. He will try to convince you to leave things as they are. But don't mind it, just keep going. After all, you have a goal - to increase your self-esteem. Go to her, despite any obstacles.
Skill #4: The Power of Small Praises
The most pleasant and simple, but at the same time the most important way to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem is praise. Every time you are praised, take it personally. Take only the good into your account.
Do not listen to or accept criticism, even constructive criticism, until you feel that your self-esteem has risen and established itself.
Every time you are praised, think: “Yes, this is about me. Yes, he (s) is telling the truth about me.” And thank out loud. Don't shut yourself out from pleasant words and compliments. Take them all personally. Let yourself and others understand that they are right when they praise you.
In addition to accepting praise, you need to learn to praise yourself. For everything, even for the smallest little things! Did you get up this morning? Well done! Did you brush your teeth before bed? Good girl! Did you take a shower? Clean! Did you make coffee and he didn’t run away? You are the most attentive! Well done!
The power of small praises is enormous. Don't belittle their importance; they are what shape your self-esteem. Learn to praise yourself a hundred, two hundred times a day, and you will very quickly feel changes for the better.
Praise yourself especially when you haven't finished something or haven't done it quite right. It was at such moments that you used to criticize yourself, wasn't it? But if you learn to praise yourself, for example, for the fact that you were late for work, but came with the perfect hairstyle, or for the fact that you did not finish a project on time, but did not overload yourself with work. If you learn to turn your criticism into praise like this, then your brain will learn to find the positive sides of every action you take. Self-praise will teach your brain to focus on what you do well. Even in those things in which before you only noticed a reason for self-criticism. Due to this 180-degree shift in focus, your self-esteem will grow quickly and confidently.
Habit #5: Confidence is reps.
Take a piece of paper and a pen. Write down all the situations during which you feel insecure. Add to this list whenever you feel uncomfortable or nervous. And start adding these actions to your daily plan every day. That is, for example, if you are hesitant to communicate with new people, start doing this more often, almost every day. Run specifically into situations in which you feel insecure. To really boost your self-esteem, get out of your comfort zone and never go back there again.
Confidence is usually equal to the number of repetitions. If you are not sure about something, it simply means that you haven’t done enough of it.
Think for yourself, you always confidently do what you have done a million times before. Make meeting new people (insert your insecurities) your new hobby. Make it your thing. Build into your life the belief: “I am open to meeting new people.” And get to know each other, get to know each other, communicate more.
In less than a couple of months, you will forget about insecurities when communicating with new people. And (voila!) you will have to move this task to the list of things that you do with absolute confidence.
Habit #6: Treat yourself with love
Start treating yourself with love. Some people think that self-love and self-confidence are the same thing, but in fact, these concepts have many differences. To understand what self-love is, read my article. She explains what is meant by the words “love yourself.”
And in order to learn to love yourself, read my book with the same title “How to Love Yourself.” You can download the book from this link at a symbolic price of 99 rubles. This book is a real practical course on the path to yourself! It contains only working techniques and exercises that I myself once went through to learn to love myself, raise self-esteem and become more confident.
Habit #7: Breathing is the Foundation of Confidence
Breathing and confidence are two mutually reinforcing processes. Just as uncertainty and increased anxiety cause intermittent breathing, intermittent breathing also causes insecurity and worry. And in exactly the same way, correct, full breathing becomes the reason for self-confidence.
Why are breathing and self-confidence so closely linked? Because a person with low self-esteem at the subconscious level believes that he does not deserve to take up a lot of space and “take away” a lot of air. You may not realize it, but you literally I want to take less for myself than to leave for others. And this directly relates to your breathing.
In fact, I believe that breathing is the most important part of your self-confidence. Proper breathing is the foundation of confidence, and without it, no techniques or exercises may simply not work.
How to breathe correctly? Your breathing should be deep and measured, inhaling through your stomach, not your chest. The best way is diaphragmatic breathing. You can read about it briefly and clearly in my other article on. Diaphragmatic breathing is the foundation of your self-confidence as well as your health.
Start breathing correctly today, and implement this way of breathing into your life, every day, every moment! And confidence will not keep you waiting.
Skill #8: Understand the cause and eradicate it
In order to fundamentally become a more confident person, you need to understand and realize the reasons that instilled insecurity in you and lowered your self-esteem. When you understand the reasons, you have the opportunity to control this process. The very processes of awareness, as well as the implementation of the skills of a self-confident person in life, you can be guaranteed to carry out when working with a specialist.
I am a psychologist and provide individual consultations via Skype. Together with you during the consultation, we will be able to determine what exactly in your life is the cause of your insecurity, and we will work through these reasons, and also at a fundamental level we will lay down the skills and habits of a confident person.
On one side of the scale lies fear - on the other there is always freedom!
Conclusion
Congratulations, you have received a lot of useful information about how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem. Now all you have to do is use it correctly. Don't procrastinate, start living a quality life right now!
Let's summarize:
- Write a list of one hundred things and situations during which you feel confident. And add to this list DAILY
- Think about how you feel when you do something with confidence. And turn on this state every time you are overcome by excitement or anxiety
- Stop criticizing yourself and start calling yourself only those words that describe the best version of you. Call yourself who you want to be
- Start treating yourself with love. Read more about what self-love is. My book will help you learn to show yourself love. "How to love yourself". It consists entirely of practical exercises, by doing which you will learn to treat yourself with love. Using this link you can purchase it at a symbolic cost of 99 rubles.
- Breathing is the foundation of your confidence or uncertainty. Allow yourself to breathe deeply, measuredly, calmly. You can read briefly about the correct way of breathing.
- Take a measured video course with which you will step out of the role of a victim, learn to defend yourself, increase your self-esteem and become an independent person. Detailed description and the purchasing method is here YouTube channel. Improve and develop yourself with me!
Confidence is strength. Get stronger today!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova
Honest and reasoned self-assessment is the fulcrum of a woman’s life. No one but ourselves can determine our price. And often neither beauty, nor wealth, nor intelligence have anything to do with this.
All these criteria are relative, and depend only on what templates we are trying to fit ourselves into.
Why do we underestimate ourselves
Guess who is the most accurate and sober assessor of your own “I”? Did you guess it? This is a child. He is completely confident in his originality and uniqueness.
The child firmly knows that he deserves love and admiration. He treats himself very well and with calm confidence expects the same attitude from others. And he gets it. He has good self-esteem. This happens for two reasons:
This child’s view of oneself and the feeling of one’s uniqueness, exclusivity and self-sufficiency is the most accurate tool for one’s assessment.
Low self-esteem is a sad realization of the fact that we do not fit into certain criteria. It doesn’t matter who set these criteria: a work colleague, a neighbor from the top floor, a public opinion poll, or ourselves. Women are especially vulnerable after divorce.
Self-dislike is the source of low self-esteem. In order for others to love you, you must first love yourself.
After all, if we ourselves cannot find anything worthy of love in our own personality, then others will certainly not look for anything. Women tend to ignore this simple fact and find thousands of reasons to reduce the price of their person.
It seems to us that the reasons for uncertainty lie in clearly defined things, such as:
And you can find a hundred such “inconsistency” parameters. What kind of self-love is there when the price of our virtues falls like the dollar exchange rate.
Where is adequate self-esteem hidden?
To exist comfortably in this world, a woman will have to do the hardest thing: love herself. Accept and with calm confidence love yourself for who you are.
What is the secret of the “young people” who are over 50, basking in love and adoration? Why do rich fat women and broken “divorced women” deserve admiration? How did they manage to increase their self-esteem and fill their lives with confidence?
And, imagine, even people whose social status has not risen beyond the top of “office cleaner” feel an exciting harmony with the outside world!
They just, like children, do not have an internal evaluation scale. This has nothing to do with complacency, narcissism, arrogance and a sense of superiority (such traits can only scare and repel).
Such women exist against the background of calm, benevolent love for their person, as against the background of a constant quiet melody.
You are what you feel and you are what you think. Make sure your feelings make you a happy and confident woman. Consider whether you want to be in the place where your thoughts wander.
Signs of self-doubt
How to increase a woman's self-esteem? To answer this question, consider character traits insecure individuals:
A painful desire to please and please others.
A woman who suffers from a lack of self-love strives to receive it from others. She is very undemanding towards people, she has a slightly ingratiating look. She is ready to serve at the first opportunity. But this is not done for altruistic reasons, but to earn at least some approval.
Unhealthy dependence on the opinions of others
The actions of women with low self-esteem are guided by a defining thought: what will they think about this? It is important to her how the Universe will evaluate this or that action of hers: from Aunt Masha from the 2nd floor to representatives of friendly civilizations. And while she is tormented by this question, the Universe calmly lives its life, not noticing her presence.
Increased attention to your appearance.
A simple detail immediately reveals the martyrs of poor self-esteem - clothes. Take a closer look at the fairer sex on the street. If you see a woman wearing too high heels, know that this is a victim of self-esteem.
No self-confident lady would torture herself with such an inconvenient method of transportation. She experiences a friendly “don’t care” attitude towards someone’s opinions. In clothes he prefers convenience and comfort. He wears it for himself.
Those smitten with low self-esteem dress to shine in the eyes of others. They wear clothes for others, ignoring their own comforts and preferences.
This does not mean that you need to forget about beauty in clothing and style. But you shouldn’t overuse stilettos either. If you are confident in your personal self-esteem, you will be able to choose a wardrobe that will not only be pleasing to the eye, but also comfortable.
A passion for all kinds of diets and a persistent desire to control weight is one of the signs of low self-esteem.
Stamps of beauty and attractiveness put pressure on women. The Internet is full of wonderful diets that are designed to make you slim and irresistible. There are miracle remedies on display in pharmacies that promise the same thing.
A false impression is created that by removing the “extra” 5 kilograms, a woman will increase her own self-esteem.
In fact, nothing will change, except for one thing: the scales will indeed show 5 kilograms less. Everything else will remain the same. And the problem of increasing a woman’s self-esteem will not go away.
From childhood, alas, we do not always carry love, adequate self-esteem and self-confidence into adulthood. Parents are not chosen. Therefore, many complexes and fears can linger from childhood. If a child is constantly yelled at and reprimanded for every little thing, he will grow up in fear of society and develop low self-esteem. A woman obsessed with complexes will never dare to be the first to start a conversation for fear that she will not be supported.
Unnaturalness and tension in the manner of carrying oneself.
A lady confident in her self-sufficiency spreads waves of positivity and friendliness around her. She feels as free, confident and relaxed everywhere as she does at home in her usual slippers. Those around her, having fallen under her calm charm, also relax and mentally “change their shoes into comfortable shoes,” their mood rises.
The habit of not making eye contact indicates problems with self-esteem.
It is difficult to overcome the fear of looking into the eyes of your interlocutor, it is difficult even on the street not to wander your gaze over other people’s heads. What if they accidentally reflect something that we don’t want to see: ridicule, irritation, evaluation... No, it’s better to continue to look through people, as if through transparent glass.
Fear of being the first to smile at someone
Low self-esteem excludes such direct manifestations as a simple smile at a random passerby, a cashier in a store, or a boss at work. Sticky fear blocks such an intention even at the outset: what if my smile remains unanswered?
How to increase a woman’s self-esteem - 6 main rules
“Each person has his own pedestal. You shouldn’t climb on someone else’s.”
It is impossible to raise self-esteem without getting rid of many small fears and horror stories living in the subconscious.
To do this, you can try the “Powerful Flashlight” exercise.
Imagine that there is darkness and gloom in your subconscious. You can't see anything in it. Everything that is there is hidden in dark corners.
Mentally turn on an imaginary flashlight and direct the bright light into these very corners. Look there for hidden fears, long-standing grievances, an ancient ruler with which you still measure your personality. After this, begin to boldly rake out all the unnecessary rubbish from these caches and throw it into a historical landfill.
And you can let good, proven tenants into the vacated premises: fearlessness, freedom from other people’s opinions, adequate self-esteem, confidence in their uniqueness and love. Love and fear don't go together. Fear blocks any of our emotions and actions. Love kills fear and increases self-esteem.
- To increase women's self-esteem, psychologists recommend choosing films, books, websites, music and surroundings more carefully. Take only what carries a powerful charge of positive energy. Learn to find information that inspires, inspires and motivates you. Avoid negativity: turn off the program with bad news, don’t watch heavy movies, don’t listen to sad music, don’t communicate with whining friends. Increasing your importance is possible only in the company of sunny optimists.
- Start doing good deeds. Take your grandmother across the road, feed a hungry kitten, help a neighbor boy write an essay, run to get bread for your veteran grandfather. Let the deeds be small, but a positive attitude towards life begins with small good deeds. This has a double benefit: you finally take your mind off yourself and onto someone else. By helping others, you will automatically begin to think about yourself in a more positive way and increase your self-esteem.
- Don’t put thoughts into your head that have no visible benefit. Do not suppress useless and harmful thoughts, but simply automatically replace them with useful and positive ones.
- You need to repeat them meaningfully, clearly imagining everything you say. Automatic casting of spells, not colored by feelings and emotions, will not bring the desired result.
- You need to believe what you are trying to tell yourself in order to increase your self-esteem. Imagine that your wish has already come true. Imagine yourself as the woman you want to see yourself as.. Believe that she is you. Get used to it, feel how free and harmonious it is. Think about how this ideal, self-confident woman would behave in this or that situation.
- Self-hypnosis to increase self-esteem should not have a negative connotation. There should be no particle “not” in it.
- Don't wear tattered dressing gowns at home.
- Don't be afraid to spend a little money and time on yourself to achieve unearthly beauty.
Affirmations, or I am the most charming and attractive.
A funny and funny film was once made. Nevertheless, there is a lot of useful information there. Remember the spell:
“I am the most charming and attractive. All men are crazy about me."
Now it is fashionable to call such self-hypnosis affirmations.
Affirmations to increase self-esteem will give the desired effect if you follow a few simple rules:
The subconscious, sadly enough, first captures only this particle. And reduces all affirmation to zero. What you want to convey to improve your self-esteem must begin with a confident statement and proclamation.
For example, an incorrect affirmation sounds like this: “I’m not afraid to communicate with people, I’m not fat, I’m not stupid, I’m not shy.”
An example of correct self-hypnosis: “I am fearless, I am loved, I can do anything, I can do anything.”
Affirmations to increase female self-esteem can be invented endlessly, depending on how you want to see yourself.
Several useful exercises to improve self-esteem
And then in difficult situations, remove yourself and give him the opportunity to act. It's you who are afraid of something, it's your low self-esteem. And everything is fine with the twin. Let her go on stage at the right moment.
For example, psychologists treat stuttering this way. They say to a stutterer: “Imagine that Petya Ivanov lives inside you. You stutter, but Petya doesn’t. Let him speak for you now.” This method works well in practical psychology
Exercise "10 seconds". Psychology says that external data and beautiful clothes hold the attention of the interlocutor for only a few seconds. In these few seconds you are not being evaluated yet. The score automatically begins to be awarded only after you speak and smile.
Try experimenting. The main thing is to confidently hold out for a few seconds, and then amaze your opponent with your charm, pleasant communication and radiant smile. This is what they will then evaluate when talking about you.
The question “How to increase a woman’s self-esteem in front of her husband” can be answered in two words:
This will pay off with attention from your spouse, and will give you confidence in your own irresistibility.
Don't be afraid to be yourself. You are beautiful and amazing! You are the most charming and attractive! You are a unique, exclusive specimen! Love yourself and your self-esteem will grow by leaps and bounds!
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence: strategy and tactics
Advantageous opportunities good results(higher than the “ward average”) in life - this is all a consequence of certain actions. Actions performed by a person who is confident in himself and his abilities and adequately evaluates himself, his abilities and capabilities. These are the basics of success! The truisms of personal victories.
Everything seems simple, but there is one hitch. Such a person is, by definition, “abnormal.” Since a “normal” member of society is a common person– so frustrated and limited by repressive cultural norms that he is rigidly programmed to constantly “flounder” at the “average level.”
And when there is no strength left to “flounder,” a “normal” person begins to gradually “sink” down, wasting his personal potential, health and social status, losing self-esteem and the remnants of self-confidence. And in old age he is a wretched stub. To prevent this from happening, you need to do one thing right away - set yourself up to leave the state of generally accepted “normality”.
Where does confidence come from?
The difference between a “abnormal” person, that is, more or less free from the blockages imposed by socialization, and a “normal” person lies in several significant points:
First- this is ignoring other people’s opinions and assessments: a “normal” person is constantly and unconsciously forced to correlate not only his actions and actions, but also his thoughts with a certain “social norm”. This “social norm” is installed in the head during the process of socialization and is the main limiter on the path to success in life.
Second– this is the willingness to act expediently in one’s own interests; this is a consequence of such a context of thinking when you do not need anyone’s permission (boss, spiritual authority, parents, etc.) or sanction, but give yourself permission to act.
And finally third– this is a high vital activity when the body directly feels that it is in a state of “hunting” (i.e., moving towards an independently chosen and self-sanctioned goal) and is in a high-energy mode of functioning
All this forms the basis of confidence, that is, that state when there is no doubt in your actions, but there is absolute confidence in your choice and your decisions, and in the fact that you will achieve your goal and get what you really want despite no matter what. So if you are wondering how to overcome self-doubt, then focus your search for an answer on these points
Getting rid of illusions
Developing self-confidence in the correctness of your goals, decisions and actions automatically leads to a change in your own self-esteem.
After all, if I don’t worry about what others think of me, if I don’t care about their words and opinions, if I don’t care deeply about the fact that they morally condemn me for something, then I begin to evaluate myself exclusively based on specific facts:
What I can and cannot do
Which of my actions led to concrete and meaningful results, and which were wrong?
What actions and deeds am I really capable of, and what actions am I still not capable of?
In this case, I get rid of many myths and lies about myself and my self-esteem becomes adequate to reality. I understand what I really am, with all my weaknesses and shortcomings, but I look at them not through the prism of social standards and collective opinions, but solely for reasons of my own expediency. After all, disadvantages can be compensated and turned into advantages. Cowardice can be turned into caution and prudence, greed into frugality and pragmatism, physical unattractiveness can be turned into an element of your charisma (in this regard, good examples are Vladimir Vysotsky and Savely Kramarov).
The main thing is to find the courage to accept yourself as you are. Only after this is a successful “detuning” from the external environment possible.
Most main factor self-confidence and high self-esteem
Confidence itself develops in a very simple cyclical pattern with increasing feedback. Every new success, every new victory, every confident action only strengthens your self-confidence.
The main thing is to get rid of some kind of “blocks” that slow down this process.
Naturally, a person with such attitudes towards reality is a “respected member of society”, i.e. a “normal” person, but, in fact, he is an insecure loser, unable to act in such a way as to get the desired result (and even unable to formulate it). All his goals that he set (and even achieved!) in life are goals that were assigned to him in the process of upbringing, i.e. "brainwashing" by society. Go to college, get a job Good work, buy an apartment with a mortgage, etc.
But NOTHING beyond that. Such a person is no longer able to create his own business, launch an interesting project, or solve a significant social issue. Because this requires completely different correct settings to reality. But accepting these new attitudes and making them part of your life is very difficult. It's unpleasant and painful. In my practice, only two categories of people decided to do this - those who were in a state of deep personal crisis and sought to get out of it at any cost; and those who have seriously and for a long time embarked on the path of the present personal growth, increasing the level of their competitiveness (i.e. people who have already achieved some success in life and are thirsty for more).
And, accordingly, with every step in life that they took with new installations, they became more and more confident in themselves. Even despite certain shortcomings, mistakes, failures, screw-ups and setbacks. Because the perception of failure has changed. They became feedback from reality. They became something that helped make oneself better, strengthen one’s character, strengthen one’s personality
Strategy and Tactics for Gaining Unbreakable Confidence
It is important to always remember that uncertainty is not some annoying misunderstanding that you can live with, albeit unpleasant. Insecurity and low self-esteem are the label of a loser. Forever!
Uncertainty blocks your ability to learn new things. And without learning something new, you will never achieve success. Moreover, it is the ability to learn that ensures the ability of a person and the groups to which he belongs to survive in external reality. In other words, if you do not develop self-confidence, it is better to immediately crawl towards the cemetery and do not torture yourself and those around you.
Below I will talk about some tactics that will allow you to increase your confidence, as they say, here and now.
The simplest tactic for increasing confidence and self-esteem is, as you probably already guessed, relying on existing successes, victories and those actions that you did, being completely confident in yourself and your abilities. You can keep a “success diary”, you can keep a “list of victories”, you can do something else – the specific form of implementation is not important, the essence is in the content. You must constantly remind yourself that you are, in fact, capable of many things. And there is concrete evidence of this.
Another trick is to change your posture. Insecure people walk slouched, with downcast eyes and slumped shoulders. Naturally, their whole appearance non-verbally says “I’m nobody”, “I can be ignored.” A confident person walks differently - with his back straight, chin raised and shoulders wide. Just walk around your apartment or down the street like this for some time and you yourself will notice a change in your condition.
Another way to develop confidence is based on the fact that self-doubt is often a product of stress. The fear hormone adrenaline released into the bloodstream causes the body to shrink and paralyze all physical and emotional-volitional activity. In nature, this hormone serves to ensure that the rabbit does not run away from the boa constrictor, but allows itself to be eaten calmly.
Therefore, to develop confidence, it is useful to learn how to work with stress, quickly neutralizing its manifestations. My course can help you with this “How to overcome stress in life and at work”.
A strategy to increase self-esteem and self-confidence is to become the only person in your life who makes all your decisions about yourself. Accepts based on his own desires and interests, his own “I WANT!”, and not the imposed “MUST!”
“Should” is a favorite word from the vocabulary of a “normal” person, whose behavior is controlled by his internal overseer - a special program in the unconscious, “planted” in the process of education. At different times and in different situations, the supervisor manifests himself in the form of parents, bosses, work colleagues, friends, “authoritative boys,” etc.
And while your thoughts, decisions and behavior are controlled by an overseer, you do not belong to yourself. You are not the master of your life. This means you can’t feel truly confident.
You can deal with your inner taskmaster using the tools from Schools of system development. Regular and methodical use of these tools guarantees an increase in freedom and inner strength.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence - 5+ effective methods
How to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence - contrary to popular belief, this question is not only asked by teenagers or losers.
It has been proven that most people underestimate their own abilities, that is, they have low self-esteem.
Of course, the opposite situation also occurs, but this is an exception rather than a mass phenomenon.
We have all heard about the importance of self-esteem and know that loving yourself is important and necessary. Only... it doesn’t always work out.
What to do if self-esteem tends to zero? How to regain self-confidence? Find the answer in this article.
What is self-esteem and why is it important?
Self-esteem is a complex of values and significance that an individual assigns to himself.
The way a person perceives himself and his place in the world, his activities and their results in comparison with others and in isolation.
Everyone understands that adequate self-esteem is an indispensable condition for success, peace of mind, and self-confidence.
However, statistics claim that there is an “epidemic” of low self-esteem in the world.
Scientists attribute this to the fact that the perception of oneself as an individual begins to form in childhood, when opportunities are limited and abilities are not yet developed.
Some people overcome the feeling of their own “smallness” compared to the world, while others carry this like a cross throughout their lives.
You need to evaluate yourself not only highly, but also objectively
Fortunately, it is possible to adjust your self-worth, although the process is far from quick and requires regular work on yourself.
The main enemy of self-esteem is comparison. After all, there are always people who seem more successful, smarter, more beautiful, richer, etc.
Even if in reality this is not the case, the illusion can be very convincing. Have you heard the saying “the neighbor's lawn is always greener” - that's exactly what it means.
- Affirmations can be very helpful in promoting a positive attitude towards yourself.- phrases with positive meaning which should be repeated regularly, several times every day. The classic “I am the most charming and attractive” is exactly from this opera.
- Be aware of your surroundings. Cut off attempts by “friends” to humiliate you or elevate yourself at your expense. Avoid whiners and lazy people - they are contagious.
- Write a list of your good traits. And don’t skimp on your praise, even if it’s not a three-point outline, but a full-fledged list of 20, 50 or even 100 sections.
- Stop thinking about your shortcomings. Shift your focus to something more pleasant. After all, constantly focusing on the bad, you “tread on the throat” of your self-esteem.
- Seminars, trainings, videos and books about how to increase your self-esteem and self-confidence will also be useful. Just don’t forget to put the acquired knowledge into practice.
- Do good, be useful to others. By giving, you get more. And we are not talking about material wealth here, but about the feeling of our importance that we experience when we benefit others.
- Take unusual actions try something new and interesting. Boredom and laziness are not the best helpers in developing high self-esteem.
- Play sports. Regular physical activity will improve your appearance, and as a bonus, it will strengthen your nerves, make you more resilient and give you a good mood.
- Take action. Activity is the simplest and most effective way to feel important. Even if not all of your endeavors are successful, by deciding to act, you “gain a couple of points” in your own eyes. But know when to stop and don’t get fussy!
- Create a list of your achievements. It doesn't have to be anything fundamental. Write down everything you could sincerely praise another person for.
- Speaking of praise: learn to accept compliments calmly, without denial or excuses. Smile, say “thank you” and, if desired, “return” the compliment to your interlocutor by praising him in return.
- Pay attention to your career. Are you unhappy with your job? This means that it needs to be changed. Not enough knowledge for this? Learn. After all, today you don’t even need money to acquire new knowledge and skills - the Internet is full of free training courses.
- At any age, health is important for good health. Healthy image life is the foundation without which everything collapses. Watch your diet, but don't go to extremes.
- Control your appearance. You can choose your style arbitrarily, but neatness and neatness are a must.
- Correct posture will help you look more confident, and over time will actually give you self-confidence. Straighten your shoulders, you deserve respect.
- Improve yourself. Teach foreign languages, take courses or listen to free lectures online - new information gives you strength, and the habit of learning disciplines you.
- Think positively, complain less(even mentally), try to find pleasant moments in any situation.
- Set yourself realistic goals break big dreams into small points, this will make it easier to achieve what you want. In addition, by climbing every little “step on the path to your dream”, you can confidently credit the next “plus” to your account.
- Pay attention to people whose opinions you consider important and authoritative. Maybe they instill in you a feeling of inferiority? This can even happen unintentionally, in the form of jokes about your stupidity, for example.
- Find a hobby. Favorite thing that will take you free time, will help you find friends, learn something new and feel much more confident.
- Develop a sense of humor. A smile helps you live, and it's true. A cheerful, witty person is much more pleasant to communicate with than a whiner or a bore.
- believe and obey parents;
- dance around the fire and worship the gods;
- build communism;
- and so on in the same spirit (underline as necessary).
- What is self-esteem and what functions does it have, etc.;
- How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem - advice from psychologists and experts;
- How to become confident and satisfied with your life;
- Reasons for low self-esteem, tests, videos, etc.
- a person is never alone - he is a herd animal and must be in society (sociopaths are a deviation, a disease);
- every word and deed of others towards a person automatically influences him, forcing him to evaluate himself in one way or another;
- For the most part, a person builds an opinion about himself by perceiving himself “through someone else’s eyes,” without having the opportunity and desire to analyze his actions on his own and give them a final assessment.
- failures at work due to constant nervous tension and self-flagellation from the series “I won’t succeed, others will do it better”;
- lack of career growth due to fear of responsibility, thoughts similar to “I can’t cope, this is not for me, I’m not capable of this”;
- constant fear of losing your job, feeling tired, depressed, possibly alcoholism, the desire to escape reality into an illusory comfortable world;
- the impossibility of adequate relationships with girls, since tightness and complexes will manifest themselves here too, there will be thoughts from the series “she is too beautiful, I don’t earn that much, I’m ugly, I don’t deserve her.”
- constant fear;
- persistent nervous tension;
- periodic depression;
- aggravated stress when exposed to unfavorable factors;
- impossibility of self-realization;
- constant stiffness, including physical movements;
- lack of confidence in one’s rightness;
- pliability to the outside world, weak character;
- inability to start something new;
- closed, constrained speech;
- constant soul-searching.
- Protective - strong self-esteem will allow you to be confident in what you think and do, it ensures stability of opinion about yourself, and therefore an even emotional background, less susceptibility to stress;
- Regulatory – helps you make choices regarding your personality as correctly and in a timely manner as possible;
- Developmental - a correct assessment of one’s personality gives a strong impetus to its development.
- a large number of criticism addressed to you, both to the point and out of the blue;
- dissatisfaction with any of your actions and results;
- reacting too strongly to outside criticism;
- a painful reaction to an opinion expressed about oneself, even a positive one;
- fear of doing something wrong;
- indecision required for a long time to think before doing anything;
- unhealthy jealousy;
- strong envy, especially when others have achieved something;
- an obsessive desire to please, to literally crawl in front of others;
- hatred of one’s surroundings, unreasonable anger at others;
- constant excuses;
- the desire to protect yourself from everything in the world;
- enduring pessimism;
- a lot of negativity in everything.
- the physical body is not a painful, ugly shell, but a given by nature;
- confidence in yourself, your actions and words;
- mistakes are not obstacles on the way, but a way to learn more;
- criticism is useful information that does not affect self-esteem;
- compliments are pleasant and do not evoke strong emotions;
- speak calmly with all people, do not feel awkward when communicating with strangers;
- every opinion expressed is valuable, but does not fundamentally affect the opinion of the person himself;
- take care of the condition of the body;
- worry about their emotional balance and adjust it if necessary;
- constantly harmonious development, without leaps and unrealistic tasks;
- They finish what they start, achieve success in this and are not afraid of it.
- Built a beautiful house from a construction set? And who will clean it up?
- Defeated the guys from the neighboring yard in a snowball fight? You're all wet, you'll get sick, and we don't have any money anyway!
- Got 5 physical culture? Where's the math, you idiot?
- What do you mean you liked this girl? Her dad is a gardener, and that’s not prestigious!
- does not want to develop;
- does not dream of more;
- does not take personal responsibility for himself or his family;
- accustomed to poverty/low income;
- does not take care of himself or his appearance;
- believes that everything new is scary and unnecessary in his life;
- does not know how to be satisfied or dissatisfied - emotions are absolutely inert.
- constant baseless philosophizing, verbiage;
- criticism of everything in the world, from the government to neighbors, especially groundless or meaningless;
- inertia and lack of initiative, for example, if you cannot persuade your friends to go to a concert or to the cinema;
- constant gossip, judging others behind their backs;
- planning to “get rich quick” without any action or effort;
- large amounts of alcohol, cigarettes and other bad habits.
- Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
- Sharon Wegshida-Cruz "How Much Are You Worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself";
- "The Charm of Femininity" by Helen Andelin;
- Louise Hay Heal Your Life.
- during sports, a person releases a wonderful hormone, dopamine, which excites our brain and gives pleasant reward; in common parlance it is also called the hormone of joy;
- you bring your body, and therefore your appearance, into full order, so that over time you can be proud of it and respect yourself for the work done;
- Even the exercises themselves without results are important, because in the process of performing each exercise you overcome laziness, complexes and other troubles;
- improved well-being gives and develops confidence in yourself and your actions, in every step - it’s easier for you to move and feel, it’s easier to persuade yourself to start doing something.
- had breakfast on time;
- picked up laundry from the laundry;
- bought my beloved wife several roses;
- pleased his daughter with a game of tag;
- earned an award thanks to a well-written report;
- went to the gym three times in a week;
- lost 300 grams.
- No need to compare yourself and others!
- There is no need to scold yourself for mistakes!
- Surround yourself with positivity!
- Learn to love what you do!
- Prefer action over passivity!
- Do you criticize yourself sharply when you make mistakes?
- Is gossip one of your favorite pastimes?
- Don't have clear guidelines?
- Don't you exercise physically?
- Do you often worry about little things?
- In unfamiliar company, do you prefer not to be noticed?
- Does criticism make you feel stressed?
- Does envy and criticism of others happen often?
- Does the opposite sex remain a mystery and scare you?
- Can an accidentally thrown word offend you?
Get rid of the habit of comparing yourself to others
How can a man increase his self-esteem and self-confidence?
A man’s significance, both in the eyes of others and in his own, is often determined by his compliance with the classical rules of “masculinity”: strength, power, material wealth.
Therefore, to feel more confident, try to develop these indicators.
You can do it like this:
An active lifestyle, sports, and correct thinking will help you cope with the problem.
Start accepting yourself for who you are. You are a unique individual and your capabilities are greater than you think.
Over time, you will learn to take responsibility and take risks, enjoy life and realize that you deserve it.
How can a woman increase her self-esteem and self-confidence?
To learn how to increase your self-esteem and confidence as a woman at work, identify people in your team who seem confident and attractive to you.
Try to analyze how they behave, how they talk, how they work. You don’t need to copy their style or manners, but you can adopt some things.
Pay attention to your level of professionalism.
Women are more vulnerable than men
Sign up for advanced training courses or learn a new specialization in your profession.
Stop berating yourself for mistakes or endlessly repeating the unpleasant things someone has said about you.
Be attuned to praise faster than to curses. Never humiliate yourself; avoid self-deprecating phrases and comments.
It doesn't matter what you're talking about - your appearance, character, finances or intelligence. You are a person worthy of respect.
Don't be shy to praise yourself and don't refuse compliments. You can often see how, in response to compliments, women begin to make excuses, because we were taught that we should be modest.
As a result, both the recipient of the compliment and the one who said it feel awkward. “Nothing special”, “oh, right”, “oh well” - eliminate such responses to praise once and for all.
To overcome your fears, you need to fight them, not run away.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a teenager?
The answer to the question of how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a 13-year-old boy/girl or a 19-year-old girl/guy will not differ radically:
It is very important to pay attention to the behavior and social activity of a teenager
By restoring normal self-esteem, you will be able to understand that you are an individual with great potential.
And as this understanding strengthens, your abilities will unfold more and more, further strengthening your self-confidence.
You will no longer be afraid of refusals and failures; the approval of others (and especially strangers) will become much less valuable to you.
You will understand what brings you joy, and you will be able to do what you love with confidence in your own abilities.
Of course, for this you will have to work hard on yourself. But the result is worth it.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence - 5 reasons for low self-esteem and 7 simple ways to increase it
Many articles, magazines, and books on psychology have been written about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. But still, many novice entrepreneurs (and not only) are concerned about this issue. Therefore, at the request of our readers of the site richpro.ru, we decided to write this detailed article about self-esteem without water and in fact. So, let's go!
Long gone are the old misconceptions that in order to be happy you need:
With development psychological science only one thing becomes obvious - only a person himself can make himself happy , excluding, of course, force majeure circumstances.
So, from this article you will learn:
1. What is self-esteem and how does it affect our lives?
Correctly assessing one's own personality is a rather difficult thing. This is the very waterline of a ship on the high seas, which should not nor rise higher, nor go lower. Before you set off on a long voyage, you need to understand that without adequate self-esteem nothing will come of it. How does this happen?
The human subconscious builds itself based on many factors from the first minutes of life.
In order to understand the mechanism of self-esteem formation, it is necessary to understand that:
In the end it turns out that self-esteem – This combined information about all assessments of your personality, made independently or based on another opinion, which forms your idea of your qualities and shortcomings.
This can be formulated another way: self-esteem – this is the determination of one’s place in the ranking of all people in the world, which is based on one’s own and imposed priorities. It looks different for each person.
For example, a blonde who has never even finished reading a primer in her life may have high self-esteem, since her society tells her only positive information about her personality, her virtues coincide with those that are in use among those around her, and she looks like her society demands it. That is, it is surrounded on all sides positive and a small share negative she just doesn't notice/ignores.
On the other hand, maybe yesterday’s student engineer, who graduated from the university with a secondary education, got a job and, out of fear, has already made a couple of minor mistakes, which were treated quite loyally.
It will seem to him that compared to more experienced colleagues he is insignificant, he will never succeed. Here mom also says that he is a mediocre son because he forgot to take out the trash in the morning, dad assures that instead of higher education you just had to go to the mine, since there “they pay normal money, and you don’t need to think with a stupid head.” Added to all this is the standard appearance and the dream of girls from TV.
All this a typical example of low self-esteem, which is formed by others. The young man himself has nothing to do with her - rather, he simply moves with the flow that shapes his environment.
Without changing anything in his life, he is unlikely to achieve anything in it.
If you don’t pull yourself together, the following problems await you:
This is far from full list those troubles And life problems , which are born from poor self-esteem and the inability to work with it.
At an older age, these may be problems with raising children and communicating with them. There may also be significant problems with self-realization, the desire to open your own business, and everything in the same spirit.
The young man mentioned is just an example, everyone has a reason to feel bad about themselves - no one is perfect. It is important to adequately assess your personality as a whole and from this build connections with the outside world.
It is also necessary to understand that it is not only a matter of money And career.
A person with low self-esteem initially cannot be happy for the following reasons:
All these are signs that you do not have a happy future, because no one will come and change your life with the wave of a magic wand.
In order to look confidently into the future, you need to work on yourself and not be afraid to change. Without this, everything will remain in its place, and dreams will turn into failure.
Basic functions of self-esteem
Exists three main functions, which make adequate self-esteem so necessary:
The ideal situation is considered to be one in which a person absolutely independently evaluates his qualities and capabilities and adequately understands what he is good at and what he is bad at. From this he plans his life - what he will do, what he will study, and so on. Of course it is impossible .
From early childhood to late old age, everything around us tries to influence us, our assessment of ourselves. At the very beginning we are characterized parents, after peers And Friends, then added to this teachers And professors, Colleagues, bosses and so on.
As a result, we do not even evaluate ourselves, but compare the opinions of others about ourselves with the ideals imposed by society. Far from adequate self-esteem, some of the information received does not relate to reality at all!
But only by correctly assessing your abilities can you understand in which direction you need to develop and what you are like in general.
It's bad in this situation any deviation. An inflated opinion of oneself will lead to many painful mistakes in life, although it is more rare. Much more common low self-esteem, which destroys people’s lives, does not allow them to open up and show the maximum of their capabilities. An advanced form of this problem leads to an inferiority complex, and therefore to the destruction of personality.
Essentially this is one of the main reasons that a person cannot earn money. Not confident in himself, he rushes from corner to corner, is afraid to take a step that is risky in his opinion or the thoughts of those around him, as a result he despairs and continues to live from one meager salary to another.
Moreover, in such cases it is impossible to open your own business, because the qualities required for this are: activity, self confidence, readiness to risk And accept decisions are taken precisely from true, adequate self-esteem.
Lack of self-confidence takes away the energy of the individual, fetters his actions, which leads to a terrible state when a person is only able to think or dream about action, and not decisively take on the fulfillment of his desires.
2. How to love yourself and what will happen if you don’t do this
Love yourself does not mean become narcissistic. In fact, it has to do with self-esteem. Only a person who is able to evaluate himself and highlight all his strengths and weaknesses can truly treat his personality honestly and fairly.
So, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?
Having low self-esteem, you will only see everything negative in yourself, which of course will not lead to anything good.
Justified self-love based on your merits and constant work Above shortcomings there is a guarantee that others will treat you well.
It's really hard to love someone who do not appreciate And doesn't respect myself. It's more of a pity than anything more. You can be competitive in business or choosing a spouse, or many other things, only by having high self-esteem And the right attitude towards yourself . Depressed And clogged personality will not be able to realize itself in the modern world.
It's a big mistake to constantly look for flaws in yourself. The more you do this, the more difficult it will be for you to make any decision, even the smallest one.
Self-criticism– this is great, but it must be harmoniously balanced with praise, forgiveness and respect for one’s own personality.
Our psyche has quite specific defense mechanisms against pain, discomfort And various threats. Our consciousness is only the visible part of a huge iceberg that hides the subconscious. It is also not homogeneous and consists of different personalities “living in one body.” Each of them influences the consciousness, constantly expressing its desires and needs on the body.
Suppressing the natural desire to be happy By developing an inferiority complex, you give the darkest corners of your psyche the opportunity to crawl out.
This can lead to various psychological disorders varying degrees gravity. A calm person will be doomed to eternal depression (read the article - “How to get out of depression”), and a sensitive person may show signs of schizophrenia, various manias and other extremely serious diseases. Of course, these are very rare cases, but the risk exists.
3. How can you tell if you have low self-esteem?
Here is a list of signs that can be used to determine whether a person has low self-esteem:
Low self-esteem makes a person suffer much more from failure. Any problem is temporary, especially if you start solving it in time.
If a person is insecure, then he will aggravate the trouble until it becomes unsolvable, will eventually give up and leave everything to gravity, which will bring problems in all areas of life.
This approach on an ongoing basis will worsen self-esteem, make you feel insignificant, and ultimately hate yourself.
Society is very sensitive to this and as soon as your negative attitude towards yourself becomes noticeable, others will begin to treat you worse. The further, the more, which will ultimately end in alienation and recluse, a deeply unhappy existence, lack of money and personal life, psycho-emotional disorders.
There is an absolute pattern: you will begin to respect yourself, and others will respect you .
4. High self-esteem and self-confidence are the most important factors in achieving success.
Self love– this is not a lack, not arrogance, and so on. It is worth distinguishing between narcissism and healthy respect for one’s personality.
The most important– relate your opinion to reality. If you are really good at carving wood, love yourself for it, be proud of it, even brag about it.
If you have just started doing this - appreciate yourself for striving for new things, desire to do something with your hands. In every action you can find positive parties and negative. Love yourself for the first and adequately treat the second.
Only in this case will the people who surround you see your positive sides and begin to value And respect. If everything is the other way around, and you look for more and more flaws in your work, those around you will do the same. And believe me, they will find them.
The more you will confident, the more people will reach out to you. Moreover, both those whose level of self-esteem is higher than yours, and those who have it lower. They will want to get closer to each other, start collaborating, or simply talk with an interesting, confident person who is not afraid or embarrassed to say what he considers necessary or do what seems right to him.
Strength of spirit attracts everyone- from small to large, which will make you not only popular, but also more satisfied with your life.
Signs of good, high self-esteem:
Believe in yourself, respect your own self- this is the basis for achieving any goal, including the fundamental one - be happy. This will help you grow above your current self, forget about those troubles and disgusting feelings that you experienced at the bottom of your own self-esteem.
On the territory of the former Soviet Union Many members of the older generation have big problems with self-esteem. At that time, it was extremely unpopular, since the leading one was the common good, and not the happiness of everyone. Next generation 90s also did not receive enough adequate positive information about themselves from the world due to the difficult situation in the country, lack of money, dangerous criminal situation.
At this time, it is time to forget about it and think about your own well-being. In order to change your self-esteem you need to work on your personality.
This will be the very qualitative change in life that you have dreamed of so much.
5. Low self-esteem - 5 main reasons for lack of self-confidence
The mouse race in which a person participates from birth forces him to form a certain opinion about himself. As a result, by the beginning of conscious life we often get unlucky And sad a young man who understands perfectly well that a lot of troubles and the need to work await him and his complexes. Why does this happen?
If you ask yourself where a person gets their opinion about themselves, the first correct answer is family. We receive most of our psychological attitudes at a very young age. at a young age. This is due to the fact that emotional formation also occurs during physiological development.
In another way, while we are growing up, our parents and environment lay the foundation of our future personality, brick by brick.
It is logical to assume that the opinion about ourselves created during childhood will remain with us for many years, and maybe for the rest of our lives. It’s good if parents understand this and are responsible for what they tell their child and how they do it. However, this does not always happen.
For example, according to parents, a child in kindergarten constantly makes mistakes. The progress of parental humiliation looks like this:
So, day after day, parents impose on the child that he cannot do anything right. The baby stops believing that he is able to do something with his hands, have fun, choose a partner, company, etc.
Against this background, self-love cannot arise in any way; who can respect and appreciate such an absurd creature? Then, about twenty years later, parents are surprised to discover that their child is a loser, has achieved nothing in life, is lonely and sad, and they blame him for this... himself, because they put so much effort into him, and he, ungrateful... and everything in the same spirit.
What should a person do in this situation? Of course, work on yourself, increase your self-esteem and strive for happiness. Everything is possible, the main thing is to want it.
Parents should remember that criticism is a dangerous educational tool that can lead to painful consequences. It is worth knowing that you are raising a separate personality, who must be confident in his decisions and actions, have his own opinion, be able to make decisions, and not limply follow you as an extension of your body and mind.
The best situation for the baby is good And affectionate mother who always calm And happy. The father must be demanding, have serious authority and, most importantly, treat the child fairly at any age.
It is also worth paying attention to each child in the family, even if there are a lot of them. The so-called “little brother syndrome”, when the younger one is reproached for the successes of the older one - worse, what you can think of to build healthy self-esteem.
Because family for a child- the center of the universe, it is worth paying attention to his ego. If you feel that your self-esteem is falling, raise it.
It doesn't take much - just give him fair praise a few times a day and he'll go to bed happier. Encourage him to do what he does best and gently point out his shortcomings rather than criticize him. This way, the child’s self-esteem will inevitably rise and ensure his resilience to life and a happy future.
Reason #2. Failures at an early age
From early childhood, failures come our way. This is inevitable for every person, because we live in a far from ideal world. An adult with a stable psyche usually takes failures quite calmly, can overcome them and learn from them useful information, however, this is not always the case with children.
At a very early age, even if you don’t remember the failure, it is possible that it is in the depths of your subconscious and whispers all the time: “don’t do anything, it won’t work anyway, I’m always behind your back.” We definitely need to fight this.
Over time, if you work on your personality, these memories will emerge, they will be very painful and unpleasant, but by analyzing them in detail and realizing that your mistake is completely insignificant and should not subsequently affect you in any way, you will get rid of a significant burden on your heart.
From the time you remember very well all your troubles, working with this is much easier. If you rummage around in your mind, you will definitely find a pair dozens moments that have weighed on you since school. Desk neighbor's refusal, teacher's unflattering expression, father's rude comment, failure in competition, bad mark in physics- all these are examples of a heavy load that lowers your self-esteem and takes away positive energy for eternal torment over long-lived problems.
All this from adolescence forms the consciousness of a loser who simply cannot achieve something in life, and this is a lie - after all, everyone is capable of this.
Reason #3. Life passivity
The formation of personality begins in childhood and in the early stages does not require any effort from us. However, the older we get, the more this situation changes.
TO 15 years old our personality will not move forward even an inch if we don’t try for it. That is, over time, more and more willpower will be required from each person in order to at least remain at the original level; for development, more and more will need to be done.
If a child has been depressed since childhood and is not used to working on himself and developing, in adulthood he will belong to the so-called gray mass .
This substance in society is characterized by the fact that its unit:
There is a saying by a famous physicist that a person without willpower is just a vertical puddle. The gray mass consists of such individuals. This is not an example of poor self-esteem, but a complete lack of it.
No aspirations, no desires, eternal lack of money And lack of any vivid impressions, which are able to dispel the gray reality.
This is a rather sad sight that destroys thousands of lives, including those children who grow up in such families. Raise self-esteem in this case it is vital for women and men.
If this is not done, a happy, bright, emotional life will pass by, leaving behind fragments of poverty and an eternally depressed mood.
We are all surrounded by a large number of people. Some of them are successful, others not so much, and others don’t even want to be so. If you decide to take everything from life, to make yourself a happy, confident person, you should acquire the appropriate environment.
Signs of an unhealthy society:
The lack of desire to develop, work and generally try in life is quite contagious. In such company you feel no worse than everyone else, but it is relaxing, requires a lot of time and emotions, and pulls you to the bottom. This is energy vampirism, which is difficult, even impossible, to fight. If you can, leave such a company or environment completely; if not, just minimize communication.
The best society for those seeking to develop is people who have already achieved something. Don't know how to meet them? Try going to places you have never been to before. Usually this libraries, book the shops, theaters, thematic establishments, seminars, trainings and so on.
Reason #5. Appearance problems
A strong factor, especially in adolescence, is appearance. If she has any defects, then even with the right approach to education from relatives, low self-esteem can be formed based on the opinions of peers, teachers, and so on.
The most common example in this case is excess weight. Offensive nicknames, lack of attention from girls/boys, contemptuous attitude of some adults - all this naturally affects the child’s personality.
If this manifests itself in adulthood, then the person will demonstrate his resentment less clearly, but this will not lessen the pain.
In order to change this, you can try to fix the defect. For example, if this is a diet, then the whole family should be on it so that the child does not feel disadvantaged. If change is impossible, the child needs to be helped to come to terms with this situation and develop in a different direction.
There are many charismatic and attractive fat people in the world and absolutely no one is interested in thin people.
6. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways
Having understood what self-esteem is, why it is needed and what influences its formation, you can begin to figure out how to work with it, namely how to raise it.
It’s not enough to just realize that you don’t evaluate yourself correctly, you also need to be able to change the situation. Listed below are several interesting and effective ways to increase self-esteem and confidence.
The society you move in determines who you are. It is important for everyone not to be last. In a company where no one has achieved anything, you feel comfortable because everyone is just like you.
Now imagine that you find yourself in a social circle where one bought a new car yesterday, another opened new branch of his store, the third recently graduated from university. At the same time, you barely graduated from college, and you can't get a job anywhere.
How will you feel? Of course they are unpleasant. In addition, you will receive a powerful, significant impetus for development, a desire to do something significant for your life and career. You will feel awkward at first, but over time you will realize that you are changing for the better with this company.
In addition, you will get rid of the ever-depressive social circle that pulls you to the bottom and ridicules all your timid endeavors.
A strong and successful person will never become; he laughs at those who are just trying their hand. On the contrary, he will help and advise, even support if necessary.
Look for a suitable social circle that will force you to work on yourself.
Method number 2. Literature, trainings, films
Having dealt with your surroundings, start taking decisive steps, namely, start reading books on working on yourself and increasing your self-esteem. This list will be useful to you:
Next stage - attending seminars and practices . People who want to change and trainers who can give it to them gather here. This way you change your environment and get the information you want. This is an effective method that allows you to kill two birds with one stone.
Method No. 3. The comfort zone is actually the enemy
No matter how strange it may sound, but for now you comfortable And calmly in the world in which you exist, it is very bad for your personality. The established rules of life will force you ossify And freeze at one place. Only by doing something new can you develop.
In fact, it only seems to you that you already have all the best. There, beyond the confines of your invisible cage, he lives and rages wonderful And amusing a world that is filled not with difficulties and troubles, but incredible adventures, new stories and acquaintances.
As soon as you throw your fears into the firebox, it will open up to you, instill a sense of self-confidence and show you many bright events that you could not even think about.
What do you need to do to leave your “comfort zone”? Analyze where your time goes. How many hours a week do you watch TV, how much do you drink, play games, and so on. Reduce that time by three hours every seven days and devote them to something new. What you've always wanted: sculpt from clay, sew a new dress, plant a flower, go to the circus/cinema/theater. The more active the better. Over time, the bright life will draw you in, and you will forget about the mediocre chatty box and other garbage items.
Method number 4. Down with self-criticism!
If you stop eating yourself alive unnecessary self-criticism, you can immediately complete three extremely important tasks that would otherwise take you a lot of time and effort.
Firstly, you will get a lot of free energy. All the energy that you spent on self-criticism and searching for reasons for it can be directed to actions that are more pleasant and useful. For example, reading fascinating books with a relaxing plot or writing poetry, knitting, planting flowers, and so on.
Secondly, you will begin to perceive yourself as a holistic person who has his own individuality. Yes, you don’t look like that Vasya, Einstein or Alain Delon. And it is not necessary! Be yourself, and don’t participate in someone else’s eternal competition, in which someone else has already taken first place.
Third, you will begin to notice not only the negative, but also the positive aspects in yourself. Everyone has something good, something they can do. Discover it, highlight it and nurture it, improve it, grow it without wasting time and effort. This is exactly what will be the best investment in yourself!
Whatever painful mistakes you encounter, don’t allow yourself to brood over them for more than an hour. After suffering a little, force yourself to be happy again, and take failure as an experience.
Method No. 5. Physical exercise
Thus, physical activity, which is unloved by many, greatly affects our emotional state. Buying a gym membership can do more to improve self-esteem than many training sessions.
This is a great way to improve the quality of life for people with a sedentary lifestyle and the same job. After spending the whole day in a stuffy office, it’s worth unwinding, but without going to a bar to drink beer. This will most likely have a detrimental effect on you, but sport on the contrary, it will renew and make you more cheerful.
A heavy-moving person with an overweight and unattractive body cannot feel good in the company of slender and healthy people. This is fertile ground for the development of complexes, lowering self-esteem and other troubles.
Among other things, sport will help to start New acquaintances with purposeful people who can help you teach And show by your example that any change is possible, which also has a beneficial effect on your psyche.
Method number 6. Subconscious Programming
You can influence your consciousness with the help of another, no less interesting and effective tool - programming. In psychology this is called affirmation. Think about your computer. You give it a command, it processes it and performs the requested action. It’s the same with our subconscious, only a little more complicated. You can’t just say: “make me happy and confident.”
The code or command is memorized or recorded on a voice recorder. It should sound like a solid, realized fact. For example, “I am confident in myself,” “girls like me,” “I can have what I want without much effort,” and everything in the same spirit. There shouldn’t be a lot of such phrases; they should be repeated in a playlist or just to yourself for about two minutes.
These affirmations and will be the same setting in the subconscious, a command for the computer that will convince your subconscious of what you need. Do you want to become confident– please convince the hidden sides of your brain of this and it will independently remake the entire conscious part so that you become completely independent and can easily make decisions.
There is one rule here - you need to do this regularly, even after you feel the changes. Continue until you are surprised to discover that the affirmations you are listening to have already come true.
Remember that these words should have an exclusively positive impact on your personality, not create ambiguity and not raise doubts. What you convince yourself of should only have benefits, without negative effects, because “convincing” the subconscious back will not be easy.
Method No. 7. Remember your victories
You should never neglect what has already been done. This is important for your consciousness, for the subconscious and for a good mood. There is always something to praise yourself for, and if this is not enough, you will begin to subconsciously strive to do something good for the sake of it. Even if you praise yourself.
To operate this mechanism, keep a notebook of victories. You need to write down everything that you consider to be a good deed, a useful action, and so on. Any little things or minor victories - all this is very important for your self-esteem, the feeling of being needed in the world.
It might look like this, for example:
As you can see, achievements can be anything as long as they bring joy to someone or moral satisfaction to you. In just a few months you can amass an impressive collection that will warm your soul on cold evenings.
Write this down in your personal notebook and difficult moments when you can't find the strength in yourself do something difficult task or go up to an after-hours meeting At work, re-read a few pages of your diary.
Your mood is guaranteed to lift, you will remember how much positive emotions Your efforts have brought you and your loved ones, and this is a powerful impetus to overcome all the troubles in the world.
Using these methods to increase self-esteem requires regularity And attentiveness. Carefully monitor your state and thoughts, try to highlight the most successful ones, and observe how you change.
This will help you get to know yourself better, learn to communicate with your inner self, and control your life.
7. Self-confidence training - overcoming the opinions of society
The society that surrounds us, as we have already understood, seriously affects our self-esteem. If you give it too much great importance, then this is quite capable of destroying a person.
Of course, criticism is important. Our loved ones point out to us our mistakes, show us the moments in which, in their opinion, we did wrong and this is good. It is called healthy relationships .
However, letting it completely define your personality Badly. Each person must independently decide what is good in his life and what is not, and how he will ultimately act in a given situation.
Don't worry about what others will say about you first. First, decide what you think about it, and try to perceive the rest of the information as background, secondary.
Try to make society’s opinion depend on yours, and not vice versa. There are several interesting exercises for this.
A little circus. This simple physical exercise will require serious psychological strength from you. Look in your closet for something ridiculous - an old long tie, funny pants, anything that seems funny to you. Now put this on and feel free to hit the streets. Go shopping, go to the cinema and so on. You shouldn't do that at work- may be misunderstood, otherwise - complete freedom. However, do not overdo it, first take less provocative things and over time put on something more fun, so as not to immediately injure your psyche.
This exercise works like this:. Your subconscious retains a lot of complexes that are associated with its appearance. The more you leave your comfort zone, that is, dress differently, the more your subconscious will independently destroy established complexes and make your consciousness, and therefore your life, freer.
More public. This exercise is simple. The more you speak in public, the more honed this skill will become. Speaking in front of a large number of people requires concentration, quality preparation, and willpower.
This will help you learn to concentrate and complete a task quickly, while being responsible for the result. In addition, this will raise you in the eyes of your superiors and will give you a great reputation among a large audience.
Do these two exercises and be firm in your opinions.
8. How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem
Much has already been said about self-esteem. It may be difficult for you to immediately perceive and implement the entire situation received.
For this there is 5 golden rules, which are worth printing out and hanging on the refrigerator. Constantly reminding and reading them will do the work for you. On a subconscious level, your brain will perceive them as instructions for action and will facilitate the period of transformation into a successful personality.
Everyone unique And worthy happiness. It is imperative to unlock your unlimited potential to get everything out of life.
This requires constant work on yourself and a mandatory increase in self-esteem. But the results will not be long in coming, which will benefit both you and your surroundings.
9. Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today
The first practical task on the path to increasing self-esteem is determining its level. To do this, there is a very simple self-esteem test of ten questions.
It’s very easy to complete – read each point and answer “ Yes" or " No". Every time you answer " Yes"- remember.
Now you need to remember how many “Yes” you said. If less three– your self-esteem is at a normal level. If more three– you need to work on it.
Watch the video - How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman
Having a sincere desire to change and change your life can achieve a lot. Raising and normalizing self-esteem is one of the first, fairly simple steps that ultimately allows you to achieve success, happiness And money.
Spare no effort, do not take care of yourself until better times. Develop now, gain invaluable experience and build your future at a new level!